Bachelor Girl Fan

This week's Bachelor Prize Giveaway

2012-01-18T08:58:00.000-08:00

UPDATE - WINNER: Only one entry this week was Elaine - winning either a tote or a mug! Send me your address and preference for a tote or a mug to: jennnancy@yahoo.com. Enter next week's contest with my next Blog entry posted on Wed!

---------------------------

This week's prizes include mini 1" buttons as 3rd/4th+ prizes with "I Love the Bachelor" and "Amazing" plus a tote featuring our "5 Signs You May Be Addicted to the Bachelor" and a Bachelor Drinking Game Mug. All these items and many more with lots of image themes can be found in our Cafe Press Bachelor Fan Shop.

To enter, leave a comment on this week's episode Blog with your name. Comments are on moderation to weed out spammers, so they will be approved as I see them, be patient :) Prize winners will be drawn from names submitted and announced next Monday, January 23 after I live Twitter during The Bachelor! Check back to see if you're a winner. Winners will e-mail me their shipping info and I'll send off the prizes.

Cafe Press has an agreement with Warner Bros Entertainment Inc. to allow merchandise for sale among shop owners within confines of The Bachelor Fan Portal Merchandise Rules between Cafe Press & Warner Bros Entertainment, Inc.

Jenn:)

Bachelor Ben Episode 3 - WHO IS SHE?! She's Whatsherbutt!

2012-01-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

WEEK 2 PRIZE GIVEAWAY: Don't forget to enter this week's prize giveaway! Comment on this posting and include your name and you'll be entered to win some goodies from the Bachelor Fan Cafe Press Shop! Totes and mugs plus buttons this week!

Episode 3 of Prince Pino Benny Boo finds everyone in San Francisco, another of Ben's hometowns when he's not stomping grapes in Sonoma or Storm Horsing around West Hollywood filming Cream Dream vids... In honor of his hometown and while some interns run off to find a piano store he can break into later, he decides it's time to shave! His face anyhow. That's a start I suppose...

With his handy Leap List in his pocket, he prepares to eat a slice of crazy pie or two. That is, if there's any left after these ladies snarfed most of it down. Jeez, could this bunch have been any cattier or bitchier this episode? Oh my, could it have been the most dramatic rose ceremony ever?! You be the judge...

THE ANNOYING LIST

Courtney. For any number of reasons. But these pouty/bitchy/?? faces are right up there:

THINGS THAT WERE HOT

Ski Bikinis!

Nude Shoes! It was a 5/10 sale down at the Nude Shoes Barn...

Old School Pearls.

Chunky Necklaces.

THINGS THAT WERE NOT HOT

This hot mess hairdo. Not growing on me!

Nose rings!

Jealous bitches!

The crybaby face!

WINE TASTINGLY CHEESY FUN FACTS

Telescopes! Courtney let's us in the secret that you can look through this thingie!

Courtney's not too big on book smarts--earning us the Smart Dumb Girl Word of the Show: Whatsherbutt - that bitch whose name I don't care to mention...

Emily and her bro were matched at an online dating sight. Gag!

Blakely's just not one of the club.

Lindzi's a fan of ice cream.

Did you know Ben can play the piano!?

Jennifer is the best kisser of the bunch!

Courtney has a really hard time trusting men.

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"She's super mellow and drama free." -BEN ON COURTNEY (HA!)

"Book smart can be a little boring." -COURTNEY

"I hate heights!" -EMILY

"They all hate me. They're very spiteful and jealous." -BLAKELY

"I don't normally kiss boys on a first date." -LINDZI

"You know Ben, riiight?" -HARRISONCREST TO SHAWNTEL

"It's really hard dealing with these girls. Most of these girls aren't even girls I'd be friends with. They're very naive and very juvenile." -COURTNEY

"Nicki. Bless her heart she's really sweet but you look like an idiot!" -COURTNEY

"Blakely. She's the kind of girl that your boyfriend cheats on you with." -COURTNEY

"Courtney has social problems and a personality disorder and I think she should get diagnosed." -EMILY

She's not a compassionate nice human being." -EMILY ON COURTNEY

"I think we'll make cute babies." -COURTNEY TO BENNY BOO

"I'm speechless. I'm stumbling. I'm fumbling for words!" -BEN

"I saw you talking to Whatsherbutt!" -COURTNEY

"Ladies. Ben. This is the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

"It's a frickin' 3-ring circus!" -KACIE

"SEE YA! HA HA HA! Sayonara!" -COURTNEY TO SHAWNTEL

LOVE LIFTS US UP

Emily and Ben

Memorable Moments:

Random things are running through Emily's mind like what to wear and strangely, will she pee her pants? For reals?!

We're climbing to the top of the Bay Bridge. WHAT THE *#%^!?

BEN: "Talk to me! Talk to me Goose!" Loving this Top Gun reference!

These Creepers figured out how to use the telescope me thinks!

They kiss and then decide to scream. Okay!

"Cheers to conquering our fears." And rhyming!

Emily caught the rose staring at her most of the night. How rude!

Fireworks. How apropos. I think?

LET'S CROSS SOMETHING OFF OUR LEAP LIST

Blakely, Jaclyn, Kacie, Erika, Samantha, Jamie, Monica, Rachel, Nicki, Elyse, Casey and Ben

Memorable Moments:

The ladies faces in Hondas. Strange indeed!

Instead of paying attention to traffic, Ben's so busy messing with the spiffy WALLPAPER controls in a CAR, that he drives off a cliff. Or something like that...

Does anyone think Ben really has what he normally calls a "leap list" ? And skiing down a San Francisco street just happens to be on it? Hmmmm...

Ben plays ski patrol while the ladies plant their faces. Good times!

Butt skiing backwards is on Ben's Leap List! Totally!

Kacie wonders why she watches him date other girls. We do too--stop creepin'!

Brittney crashes the party to say Sayonara. I don't think Ben was too broken hearted even though he waxed nostalgic by some tiki garden for a few moments of silence...

YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION WAS
A LASTING ONE. LET ME SHOW YOU
SAN FRANCISCO AT NIGHT.

Lindzi and Ben

Memorable Moments:

Trolly rides. Ice cream. Snooze!

She wonders where they are? Chinatown! Apparently the Chinese characters and all the Oriental decor wasn't a big clue here...

They break into city hall with a key!

LINDZI: "I don't know who this guy is, but he's kind of amazing!" You can thank Bob the production assistant for handing over the key. It was nothing, really...

Matt Nathansen playing just for them! And a few smackers too...

Bourbon & Branch - a speakeasy! The password is: STORM HORSE!

He piano sweeps her off her feet! Awe!

SHAWNTEL AND THOSE OTHER BITCHES
FIGHT OVER BEN

Courtney toasts to a drama free night and then bangs her pinky on her glass. You knock on wood you smart dumb girl! Wood!

SHAWNTEL: "These girls are going to hate me!"

10 Potty Mouth Thoughts on Shawntel:

"She tried to own it. She could have done a better job." -LINDZI

"Shut the F--- up!" -RACHEL

"Who IIIISSSSS SHE?!!?? -SNOOKELYSE

"I don't like the bitch!" -RACHEL

"She's uglier in person. She's got thicker thighs than I do." -ERIKA

"Brad rejected you. Get over your life. MOVE ON! You F&^^%$$ LOSER!" -SNOOKEYLSE

"You're a creeper and you drain people's blood for a living." -RACHEL

"We don't reuse like Brad's dumpster trash!" -JACLYN

"Shawntel rides in on her high hearse..." -NICKI

"That bitch Shawntel better not get a rose tonight!" -RACHEL

GETTING ROSED

Emily, Rachel, Lindzi, Courtney, Kacie, Elyse, Jamie, Jennifer, Casey, Blakely, Monica, Nicki, Samantha.

LEAVING BROKEN HEARTED +
A FEW LOVELY PARTING SHOTS

JACLYN: "I am such an emotional wreck! Whaaaaa!"

SHAWNTEL: "I'm really confused. He wasn't man enough to accept our connection! He cracked under pressure apparently...I just feel sooo dumb!"

THINGS WE LEARNED
FROM BACHELOR BEN
EPISODE 3

A leap of faith can make a relationship stronger. But falling off the Bay Bridge can end a relationship. (BEN & EMILY)

Conquering your fears will get you rosed. (EMILY)

Sometimes when you kiss and there's fireworks, there's literally fireworks! (EMILY & BEN)

Everyone should have a "Leap List" - whatever the hell that is!? (EVERYONE)

When you don't know how to do something well, giving it the old college try will earn you points! (KACIE)

When you're torn and confused, he's probably not the guy for you! (BRITTNEY)

If the hardest decision of your life is to walk away from Ben Flajnik after having a few minutes of random conversations with him, then you're doing pretty good chicky! (BRITTNEY)

Nothing says romance like dancing in CITY HALL! (LINZDI & BEN)

When you toast to a drama free night, there's gonna be drama! (COURTNEY)

It's hard to keep a kiss secret when you do it in front of people! (JENNIFER & BEN)

Playing silly little games can be a good ice breaker! (NICKI & BEN)

When he wants to take you to a secret place where JFK took his mistress, is that really a good thing?! (COURTNEY)

Walk like you own it! (SHAWNTEL)

Being interrupted is like soooo annoying! (ELYSE)

Listen Snooki, that little 3 minute chat wasn't a date you were on, that was camera filler until Shawntel showed up! (ELYSE)

If you call a girl out for being "dumpster trash" and then you get dumped, you're kind of like dumpster trash too right?! Snap!" (JACLYN)

Ladies with such potty mouths are the last people who should be calling someone else a loser! (BACHETTES)

Crying isn't going to make you any prettier in his eyes! (JACLYN)

Pretending to faint in a rose ceremony isn't going to get you that rose. Maybe some water and some breathing room. But definitely not a rose! (ERIKA)

Nothing says keeping it clean and classy like a mouth tat! (ERIKA)

Jenn:)

This week's Bachelor Prize Giveaway

2012-01-11T19:56:00.000-08:00

UPDATE - WINNERS: LibraLady & Pamela - winning I Love The Bachelor Tees! Send me your address and sizes to: jennnancy@yahoo.com. Enter next week's contest with my next Blog entry posted on Wed!

---------------------------

This week's prizes include mini 1" buttons and a unisex tee with "I Love The Bachelor" slogan. 2 tees will be given away and some buttons. Tees in our Cafe Press Bachelor Fan Shop come in sizes small to 4xl.

To enter, leave a comment on this week's episode Blog with your name. Comments are on moderation to weed out spammers, so they will be approved as I see them, be patient :) Prize winners will be drawn from names submitted and announced next Monday, January 16 after I live Twitter during The Bachelor! Check back to see if you're a winner. Winners will e-mail their shipping info and I'll send off the prizes.

Jenn:)

Bachelor Ben Episode 2: Scotch For Next Bachelor!

2012-01-11T00:14:00.000-08:00

Scotch for next Bachelor! Any takers!? You can apply at the Sonoma Petsmart. Tryouts are being held next Saturday. Wear your favorite dog collar and bring a chew toy in case you get bored competing with all those other bitches.

Episode 2 of Prince Pinot of Bachelorville did not disappoint! And with three "Too Good to be Trues" what in the world do we have in story for us on this little Benny Boo Fairy Tale?!

Last but not least, somewhere a lonely little Weatherman is wondering whether a stage 5 clinger is anything like a category 6 a-hole. Just sayin'!

Check out my Bachelor Giveaways at the bottom of this recap...

THE ANNOYING LIST

Blakely vs. Courtney. Take your pick!

"WINNING!" Gag!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT

The boots and tiny shorts look must be in. Okay...

Apparently it was a 5/10.00 sale on striped shirts down at the local STRIPES R US BARN!

And a 10/20.00 sale on tank tops at Old Navy!

THINGS THAT WERE NOT HOT

Boob Bustin' Rompers. My eyes!

The 80s style iron-on-shirt. Not so much!

This blond wig. Burn it please!

Earring Garlands.

WINE TASTINGLY CHEESY FUN FACTS

Ben is from Sonoma. Sonoma!

Kacie twirled a baton as a kid.

Blakely's tatas are her "Blessings."

Courtney knows two phrases. "I'm a model" and "Winning!"

Courtney's a deflater.

Blakely's a Scorpio.

Scotch is Ben's son. Who knew!?

Lindzi wears dirt for make-up. So not sexy!

Life is a constant battle for nervous wreck Jenna!

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"She's kind of annoying." -COURTNEY ON KACIE

"I'm not here to go on a date with 11 other girls." -BLAKELY

"We got lots of jugs!" -JACLYN

"Ben gave the first impression rose to the one person I had the worst first impression of." -COURTNEY

"I think the horse got the first impression rose." -COURTNEY

"What do you get when you cross a Gingerbread Man with a Hooker? Blakely!" -SAMANTHA

"Ben is the best looking sheep I've ever seen!" -JENNIFER

"I want that rose!" -BLAKELY

"I usually win. Winning! Winnnnning!" -COURTNEY

"He wants to kiiiissss me!" -COURTNEY

"How'd that taste coming out of your mouth?" -COURTNEY

"Blakely is super fakely!" -JACLYN

"Is this too good to be true?" -BEN

"I'm not that kind of girl." -SAMANTHA

"It's like a war out there!" -COURTNEY

"She's a stage five clinger." -JACLYN

"Uuuuh, let's not put that on the candle!" -FIRE MARSHALL BEN

"I'm not like a girl if that makes any sense." -JENNA (No. No it doesn't...)

"Motorboat!" -JACLYN

"Blakely's friggin' toxic." -KACIE

"I don't want a horse face in my face." -JACLYN

"Ladies. Ben. This is the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LET'S EXPLORE SONOMA

Kacie and Ben

Memorable Moments:

A piano duet between Ben-toven and Kacie. Eh...

Lots of HA HA HAs!

It takes 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop! HA HA HA!

A shopping trip in a candy store. Yum!

She teaches him how to stir the pot. Or something like that...

A baton twirling parade of two.

Watching home movies of themselves as kids. Awe!

COME PLAY WITH ME

Brittney, Rachel, Jennifer, Blakely, Emily, Jenna, Shawn, Monica, Samantha, Jamie, Nicki, Jaclyn, Lucy and the Charlie Brown Gang, and Ben

Memorable Moments:

It's a play! Written by the BEST playwrights in the land! And they're kids. Ha Ha.

Lucy and the Charlie Brown gang audition the girls.

Did little Lucy just ask Nicki for a SEXY dance!? Um...okay...

Did little Linus just ask "Jugs" Blakely to jog in slow motion!? WTH? Where did they get these kids!?

Goofy Jenna wanted Ben to see her in a new light. What brilliant stra-tee-gery!

A gingerbread man with jugs? For reals!

Prince Pinot of Bachelorville sounds just like a kids play. Totally!

What happens when a Prince kisses an ASS? What happens?! I must have missed it...

Monica Dragon got to blow Ben's wool off with a kazoo. Or something like that...

Ben dropped his sheep clothes and then slayed the dragon. And all was well that ended well. I think that's how it happened...

Samantha hides out in a toilet. Blakely bawls with the luggage set. Jenna gets her snot all over a bed. Fun times!

LET'S SPIN THE BOTTLE...

Courtney, Scotch, and Ben

Memorable Moments:

BEN: "She's a model. Me likey!"

Was anyone else hoping Scotch might whiz on Courtney!? Because that would be Totally Winning!

Howling in the woods. Classic!

Bundling the little man. So cuuuute!

She just likes driving around with him. He wonders if she's too good to be true...

Scotch interrupts their kissing. Love it!

A woodland feast for Prince Pino & Winning Courtney! AHA!

COURTNEY: "You have a WINNING personality."

GETTING ROSED

Kacie, Blakely, Courtney, Jennifer, Emily, Elyse, Jaclyn, Erika, Rachel, Lindzi, Nicki, Casey, Samantha, Monica, Jamie, and Brittney

LEAVING BROKEN HEARTED +
A FEW LOVELY PARTING SHOTS

Jenna and Shawn

JENNA: Shocked. Sick! These girls are good distracters! I will now put a spell on you all with my wicked wizard wand! Bwahahahahaha!

THINGS WE LEARNED
FROM BACHELOR BEN
EPISODE 2

It takes 3 licks to get to the middle of a giant Tootsie Pop. So says Ben! (BEN)

Nothing says romance like a Kermit the Frog lunchbox! (KACIE)

Candy stores always have batons handy in case you need to twirl something! (KACIE)

A two person parade is a whole lot more fun with a baton. Or while drunk. Or both! (KACIE AND BEN)

Hopeless romantics need not apply to the hot mess that is The Bachelor. (KACIE)

There's nothing more embarrassing than home movies of bare butts on a first date! (KACIE AND BEN)

Kids make the cheesiest playwrights! (LUCY & THE CHARLIE BROWN GANG)

Sometimes kids are the best judges of character. Like that Gingerbread Hooker Blakely! (LUCY & THE CHARLIE BROWN GANG)

There's a Chippendale in every sheep's clothing! Not a wolf. A Chippendale! WHO knew!? (BEN)

A kiss on the cheek means he's just not that into you. (RACHEL)

When people hide in dirty toilet stalls to avoid you, you just might be a Bachelor Villain! (BLAKELY)

Women are jealous witches! (SAMANTHA)

There's nothing that sparks a date rose faster than a big set of tatas! (BLAKELY)

Admitting you wear dirt for make up and drive a Diesel truck is strangely ballsy. (LINDZI)

When you say you're not that kind of girl. You are that kind of girl! (SAMANTHA)

If you're throwing flammable blankies on candles, you might just be Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! (JENNA)

When he gives you a second chance and you can't put together a coherent sentence after showing off your pyromaniac side, you are soooo not getting rosed my dear! (JENNA)

Hold the phone! Should Alf's Nose really be calling out someone for being a horse face!? Just sayin'... (JACLYN)

When you need to have a good cry, the luggage room is the bomb! (BLAKELY)

Cobblestone isn't easy to navigate in 5" sexy heels ladies! (THE LADIES)

BACHELOR SWAG GIVEAWAY!

I'm giving away some Bachelor theme swag here at the Blog for the next several weeks :) Items from the Cafe Press shop like buttons, necklaces, totes and shirts! To be entered into this week's contest, you must leave a comment on the Blog with your name and I'll announce a winner next Monday night on show night following my live twittering. Tell me what you think of this season of The Bachelor :)

Jenn:)

Bachelor Fan Merchandise at Cafe Press

2012-01-05T22:12:00.000-08:00

Bachelor Fans!

Cafe Press has an agreement with Warner Bros Entertainment Inc. to allow merchandise for sale among shop owners within confines of The Bachelor Fan Portal Merchandise Rules between Cafe Press & Warner Bros Entertainment, Inc.

I decided to create some fun items in the Bachelor Fan Shop that you can purchase to show your Bachelor Spirit! Whether you are on Team Ben or just find the Journey to be Amazing, fans of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, & Bachelor Pad will enjoy the selection of Bachelor theme items featuring slogans, phrases and catchy lingo from our favorite reality series! Check out 5 Signs You May Be Addicted to The Bachelor - we're here to help!

Whether "I Love The Bachelor" or "Here For the Wrong Reasons" suits your style, you'll be sure to look AMAZING :-) There are 17 different images you can get on a wide variety of products.

Take a JOURNEY through the various categories in the shop to find tees, hoodies, and other apparel plus jewelry, mugs, totes, bags of various kinds, buttons, magnets, drinkware, and lots of other goodies. They may just be the MOST DRAMATIC purchase you've ever made!

Perfect for quirky gifts and viewing parties.

See some samples below and as the season progresses, I'm sure they'll be a few zingers to add to the mix:

Jenn:)

Bachelor Ben Begins: Let's Share a Tampon...Or NOT!

2012-01-03T23:26:00.000-08:00

Do you have what it takes to be the next Bachelor?

Can you be a salt-of-the-earth kinda guy?!

Drive a manly tractor?!

Haul wood one-handed!?

Kayak shirtless?

Show off your artsy fartsy side?

Brood over railings!?

If so, you too can be our next Bachelor!

Oh boy, it’s that time again! Monday night cat fights a la The Bachelor. Will there be scandals and drama??? It's the 10th anniversary of the Bachelor and I remember watching the first one back in 2002 with that dorky Bachelor Alex. Been hooked ever since on this crazy adventure. I mean, when you put 25 women in a house with flowing alcohol and a hot bachelor to fight over, there's just gonna be a lot of whiny witches! Could this be the most dramatic season of the bachelor ever? It's on!

Since our little Benny Boo is once again ready to find love, we were introduced to these AMAZING or BEAUTIFUL (depending on which drinking game you're playing) women: Mediator Rachel, Who? Erika, Baconater Amber B., Who? Elyse, Little Neurotic Carrie Bradshaw Jenna, I'm a Model Courtney, Disease Sleuth Emily, I'm More Than Just A Pageant Girl Samantha, Who? Casey S., Cow Balls Amber T., Derby Hat Holly, Dramaless Jamie, Who? Shira, Monica's Honey Blakely, Grandma's Little Girl Brittney, Texas Nicki, Don't Forget Your Lines Dianna, Who? Jennifer, I'm A Dork Lyndsie, Miss Thang Anna, HA HA HA Monica, Who? Jaclyn, Soccer Mom Shawn, Perky Kacie B., and War Horse/Dark Horse Lindzi.

THE HANDY BACHELOR
DATING GUIDE:

HOW TO IMPRESS HIM:

Tell him he's guilty! Of being SEXY! Holla!

Tell him you're going to make him sweat a little bit...

Call him Cutie Pie and play with his hair.

Admitting you're a dork is always the first step...

Call him Benjamin.

HOW NOT TO IMPRESS HIM &/OR APPEAR STALKERISH:

Don't flub your lines. You know like his famous line from Bachette Ashley: Good Things End Badly, er you mean, Good Things Don't End Unless They End Badly. Or whatever Dude! Like Duh!

Tell him you know everything about wine and then confess you're clueless! And he can be your teacher! Because he really doesn't have anything else to do or anything...

HOW TO CONFUSE HIM:

Talk about being a student of epidemiology - the study of diseases. Um, what!?

Talk accounting numbers. 1190 what!? Huh!?

STUNTS THAT GRAB HIS ATTENTION:

Letting him meet Grandma Sheryl. Awe!

Reciting a poem with a British accent.

Slugging him in the arm like a linebacker. Ouch!

Riding in on War Horse! There wasn't a dry eye in the room...

Make him BEN-d it like Beckham with a little driveway soccer match!

STUNTS THAT JUST PLAIN STINK:

Hand sanitizer and Binaca before a kiss. Where's the flu shot and the drug test kit while you're at it lady?!

Forgetting your spiffy pick up line and laughing nervously instead. Boring!

Doing a meet & greet flyby. Um. Okay...

Blindfolding him and making him eat sour candy!

Gangsta rappin' about infectious disease yo! On no, please not ever again!

It's called The Bachelor for a reason. Lipstick Lesbians need not apply...

CHEESY FUN FACTS:

Horses are Lindzi's ZEN.

Lindzi still carries around break up texts on her iPhone.

Amber loves her some cow balls! Blech!!!!

If it's not at least 2 carats, you can kiss Courtney good bye!

The Overanalyst Blogger Jenna is literally an over analyst! And not in a good way!

Rachel's middle name is Rose. So she expects a damn rose Benny Boo!

Amber B. is the Baconater and she tastes like Canadian Bacon. Okay!

Ben loves grandmas!

Ben really knows his hot tamales and sour patch kids!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT:

Little black dresses

Christian Louboutin Heels

Shiny green dresses minus the tatas hanging out!

Sparkly dresses.

Sparkly Heels.

Sparkles Sparkles Sparkles everywhere! It was a 10/$20 deal down at the local Sparkle Barn!

THINGS THAT WERE NOT HOT:

Having him taste your bacon. Gag!

Pageant Sashes. Gag me!

Um, where's the rest of your dress girlie?!

WOW, that's quite a rack...er...hat!

This Creamsicle Dress? Not so much!

HUGE tattoos. :-(

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"That's a Pretty Girrrrl" -BEN ON COURTNEY

"I'm lovin' the brunettes!" -BEN

"I'm a dork!" -LYNDSIE

"I like the slug on the arm." -BEN

"Screw you and the horse you rode in on." -COURTNEY

"I wish I was 30 years younger!" -GRANDMA SHERYL

"There's a gangsta side to me." -EMILY

"HA HA HA!" - MONICA

"How do you maintain sanity?!" -JENNA

"If this girl punches me in the face I'm gonna F--- her uuuuup! HA HA HA!" -MONICA

"Jenna! You're craaaazy! HA HA HA HA!" -MONICA

"Maybe we can share a tampon sometime..." -JENNA

"HA HA HA HA!" -MONICA

"Clink Clink Clink." -HARRISONCREST

"Ladies. Ben. This is the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

GETTING ROSED:

Lindzi, Jamie, Rachel, Blakely, Emily, Kacie B., Casey S., Brittney, Erika, Shawn, Nicki, Jennifer, Elyse, Samantha, Courtney, Jaclyn, Monica, and Jenna.

LEAVING BROKEN HEARTED + A FEW PARTING SHOTS:

Anna, Dianna, Amber B., Lyndsie, Amber T., Holly, and Shira.

BACONATER: I'm going to find a guy who doesn't like needy whiny cry baby girls...

LYNDSIE: I feel like such a loser. SUCH a loser!

AMBER T.: Sooo embarrassing!

THINGS WE'VE LEARNED
FROM BACHELOR BEN
EPISODE 1:

Calling a guy sexy gets you anywhere you wanna go! (ELYSE)

Flubbing your lines is not endearing, especially when he has to correct you! (JENNA)

Sanitizing him before you kiss him...is probably a REALLY good idea on this show! (EMILY)

In case he doesn't believe in love at first sight, give him a second chance! (AMBER T.)

He'll totally never get that you're from Kentucky unless you show up in a large oversize Derby hat! Sooo genius! (HOLLY)

Sometimes a girl needs a little extra ammunition like bringing sweet Grandma along for the ride! (BRITTNEY)

When you lose your train of thought, he's already forgotten you like yesterday's lunch sweetie! (DIANNA)

Telling him you've never been arrested is probably a GOOD thing on this show! (JENNIFER)

Reciting a poem at nervous lightening speed isn't a good idea if he doesn't speak British! (LYNDSIE)

Doing a meet & greet flyby won't get you anywhere Miss Thang! (ANNA)

A girl who can slug you in the arm like a linebacker can certainly hold her own! (SHAWN)

A horse totally trumps Binaca any day! Totally! (LINDZI)

Never quit your job to go on The Bachelor. It's a total jinx! Booooo! (RACHEL)

You can't make wine with store bought grapes. Silly girl! (LINDZI)

A huge tattoo can really cheapen a fancy dress. (BLAKELY)

Telling him you're the cure for his heartbreak is kinda cute. Kinda. (EMILY)

Is hitting? on another girl really a good way to open yourself up to THE BACHELOR???? (MONICA)

Hey Little Miss Carrie Bradshaw Wannabe! Who gives a crap whether some wacko chick likes you or not!? (JENNA)

Offering to share a tampon is like soooo not classy! (JENNA)

If you don't want him to think you're like a hot mess, does spending the evening crying in the bathroom really accomplish that goal?! Didn't think so... (JENNA)

Karma's a bitch! (MONICA)

It's pretty pathetic when no one realizes you've been missing for several hours... (JENNA)

Jenn:)

Bachelor Ben: Let The Games Begin!

2012-01-02T17:01:00.000-08:00

Tonight's the night! The bitchfest we have come to know as The Bachelor is back! And little Benny Boo is ready to fall in love ;-)

Here's an old Top Ten list of mine to revisit in the meantime. Recap & Highlights up tomorrow.

You Know You're A Bachelor/ette Fan When...

10. When your man gives you a red rose, he must first ask you, "Will you accept this rose?"

9. You describe everything in terms of how AMAZING it is!

8. You refer to your dates as "Special Quality Time."

7. You expect to be asked out with a spiffy date box!

6. You know every inch of every screencap released in the history of the Bachelor/ette like the back of your hand!

5. You feel you must impress your date with special tricks like duck calling, howling, arm wrestling, and reciting poetry!

4. You get your daily news from FORT, Jokers, and Reality Steve!

3. Every time he sings your praises and then says "BUT" you panic!

2. You expect dates to revolve around limos, plane rides, fancy dinners, and trips to the Bahamas.

1. You name your kids Fleiss, Chris, Harrison, and Firestone.

Jenn:)

Bachelor Pad Finale - 30 Things We Learned

2011-09-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

TOP 30 THINGS WE GOT OUT
OF THE BACHELOR PAD FINALE:

1. Jackie and Ames are broken up. She's clueless as to why. Could it be the red pants?!

2. She couldn't get out of bed for a week after he broke up with her. He says they're two different people. Seems fishy....

3. Kasey's biggest goal coming in was to be there longer than MAVDORK Jake.

4. Vienna claims closure with Jake but no one's buying it.

5. Everyone in the house thinks Vienna was nasty to Jake during the filming.

6. Jake was one of America's favorite bachelors!? News to me...

7. We get to relieve the Jake hate from Vienna Motel 6 & Kasey Kermit in a lovely video montage.

8. Gia's got bangs!

9. Erica's still sporting her crystal disco stick! And she's apparently a judge of some sort...

10. Jake is still spinning the yarn about coming on Bachelor Pad to make things right with Vienna. That's his story and he's sticking to it!

11. Kasey apologizes to Mavdork for saying the stupid things he said. Then they have a bro-hug. Awe!

12. We get to relive Kasey as the ringleader making an ass of himself and Vienna numerous times in a lovely video montage.

13. Kasey admits to having a speech impediment. Which would explain why the boy needed subtitles to be understood during filming.

14. The game turned Kasey into something he wasn't. Or something like that...

15. That house is evil--it's broken Kasey!

16. Bottom line to Kasey, "She's Vienna!"

17. We get to relive a very smarmy Blake vs. Melissa vs. Holly video montage!

18. Blake reveals he brushes his teeth for...2 minutes! For reals!

19. We wax nostalgic about the semantics of "serendipitous" - Awe!

20. Blake speaks in military terms when talking about Melissa taking "classified files to the enemy" and "rallying the troops" against him. Okay...

21. Melissa: "Clearly I do not do well on reality TV!" Doh!

22. There's just something about Holly!

23. Everyone gets a bombshell with Holly and Blake's proposal!

24. Holly drops a bomb on Michael who requests a water or a commercial break. Whichever!

25. Graham is rockin' the Orville Redenbacher look...

26. Graham is not a huge fan of Blake!

27. Michael throws out a "love you Blake" when his vote goes to him and Holly!

28. Some of the girls and dudes think Michael should screw Holly out of her half by choosing KEEP and they wouldn't blame him for doing it!

29. Can Michael trust Holly? Michael notes that weddings are expensive last time he checked...

30. Michael and Holly both choose Share and split the $250,000.00. Totally anticlimactic...

How the votes went down:

Jake - H/M, Vienna - M/G, Kasey - M/G, Blake - H/M, Erica - H/M, Melissa - M/G, William - M/G, Jackie - H/M, Ames - H/M, Justin - H/M, Ella - H/M, Gia - H/M.

PS: Vienna got a nose job. Ella got a face transplant apparently. Good grief!

Jenn:)

Bachelor Pad Episode 6 - Bob Bummer & Debbie Downer Kick Rocks!

2011-09-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

Things We Learned From
Bachelor Pad - Episode 6 - Finale

When you have trouble choosing between your boy toy and your ex still in love with you, it shouldn't bee too big of a shocker that your ex is mad at you... (HOLLY)

Anyone who rises up out of a stage in fog must be a badass. Just sayin'. (HARRISONCREST)

Never let your fears lose a challenge for you! (VIENNA)

To win, you have to remove emotion from your game play. (HOLLY)

When your boyfriend is obsessed with guarding and protecting hearts, everything is going to be about hearts. Hearts this, hearts that. Blah Blah Blah. (VIENNA)

Try to act positive and strong so you don't freak your partner out! (GRAHAM)

When you find childbirth easier than climbing a wall, better get the heck off that wall! (ELLA)

Never trust a harness! (ELLA)

When you find love on the Bach/ette you too can be a future judge! (TRISTA/JASON/ALI)

Sometimes doing your best is all you can do. (ELLA)

Playing for 2nd is a really good sell! Or not... (VIENNA & KASEY)

Sometimes a muzzle for your boyfriend would be in order! (VIENNA)

Barefoot against a wall with a beer. Is this hitting Bachelor Pad rock bottom?! (KASEY)

It's not about money, Bachelor Pad is about friendship! (GRAHAM)

Too much alcohol & angry feelings=one hot mess. Lay off the sauce! (GRAHAM)

Selfishness and selflessness--it's hard to reconcile these two when $250,000.00 is on the line! (MICHAEL & HOLLY)

Payback's a bitch! (KASEY)

5 COOL THINGS:

1. A spiffy trip to Vegas. Vegas baby!

2. Harrisoncrest's rising up out of the foggy Vegas stage.

3. KA--the challenge!

4. That Michael and Holly chose wisely in the end. Even if they didn't know it...

5. Michelle's nude high heels!

5 LAME THINGS:

1. When the girls screamed when the spikes shot out of that huge levitating wall. Wusses!

2. The girls not conquering their fears! Bye bye $250,000.00!

3. Kasey vs. Vienna a.k.a. Bob Bummer and Debbie Downer and their constant bickering. Gag!

4. Graham acting the fool when drinking it up and spouting off like a 3 year old.

5. Vienna and Kasey's self-serving exit interview.

Jenn:)

Bachelor Pad Episode 5 - Bachelor Pad is a Mansion, NOT a Trailer Park!!!!

2011-09-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

Things We've Learned From Bachelor Pad - Episode 5

Acting kind of bitchy is more of a female trait, no? (GRAHAM)

Smelling your finger is not an attractive quality. (KASEY)

Knowing someone a long time doesn't mean you know jack about them. (KASEY & VIENNA)

A prearranged code for winning a challenge does the trick in a pinch! (GRAHAM & MICHELLE)

Red hot pants and yellow heels? Don't try this at home girls! You too Ames! (MICHELLE)

When you brag about your IQ being 177 and you fail miserably in a quiz, people might think you like to make up crap! (KASEY)

When your partner would like to sleep with someone else, she's probably not that into you! (MICHAEL)

When your name rhymes with snake, you might just be a fake! (BLAKE)

It's sad when no one likes you. Whaa! (BLAKE)

Simmering sexual tension can explode. (ELLA)

"No means No." (VIENNA)

Bachelor Pad is a mansion, not a trailer park! (ERICA)

Being blinded by love can lead to poor game play. (MICHAEL)

Watching a movie in a hot tub is amazing! (GRAHAM)

Nothing says horny like a set of pink lingerie. Or something like that... (ERICA)

When you're stuck with what you've got, make the best of it! (BLAKE)

When you get three sheets to the wind, you do things you regret. (KIRKY)

When in a mission, explore with candles! (BLAKE & ERICA)

An astrologer named Herb is kind of like an Herbalist named Astro... (ERICA)

A romantic connection can strengthen your partnership. Or not... (ERICA & BLAKE)

Sometimes too much bonding is not in your best interest... (BLAKE)

When he's a man and she's persistent, what do you expect? (HOLLY)

Sometimes you should follow your intuition. (ERICA)

If you're having trouble seducing a man, he's probably not that into you! (ERICA)

Getting a rose is OK, but getting a freakin' rose is exciting! (KASEY)

Kissing another guy in front of your ex who is still in love with you is in poor taste! (HOLLY)

Don't violate Man Code! (BLAKE)

It's not about who deserves the money it's about who has earned the right to the money. (MICHELLE)

When she doesn't have your back, why should you have hers? (MICHAEL)

5 COOL THINGS:

1. When Kasey and Vienna failed miserably at the NEARLY-wed game and she ripped him for his supposed 177 IQ. Ha. Ha.

2. Michael saying he wanted to punch Blake in his perfect little dentist teeth. Tee hee!

3. Seeing a movie in a hot tub--fun!

4. Exploring the mission by candlelight was spooky.

5. Blake's exit. Wouldn't it have been funny if Melissa had been waiting in his exit limo! Bwahahahaha!

5 LAME THINGS:

1. Vienna's constant whining.

2. Kasey and Vienna's fight over sex. Grow up!

3. Blake's perfect little dentist teeth/smirk looks.

4. Erica's petty pouty attitude when Blake wouldn't let her seduce him.

5. Vienna's rose victory rap. Uggh!

Jenn:)

Bachelor Pad Episode 4 - Kick Rocks Dude

2011-08-30T01:13:00.000-07:00

Things We Learned From Bachelor Pad - Episode 4:

Lavender and gray are very becoming paired together. (HARRISONCREST)

If kick rocks dude is the only brilliant thing you can muster every other word, you need to meet me at the flag pole after school so I can wipe the playground with your juvenile ass! (KASEY)

It's STRAT-EGIST not STRAT-EEE-GIST. (KASEY)

Bachelor Pad is a great place to apologize to your ex and fake-redeem yourself. (JAKE)

A kissing contest gives you a free pass to lock lips with someone you find attractive. (BLAKE)

Kissing like grandma won't get you $250,000.00! (ALL THOSE DORKS)

Just because he's kissing you in a kissing contest doesn't mean he has feelings for you, you crazy fool! (MELISSA)

It's easy to tell who your boyfriend is in a kissing contest when he has bad breath! (VIENNA)

Kissing is all about a little bit of pressure and then you pull back. And then a little bit of sucking on the lips and then you pull back. And then a little bit of tongue but not too much and they don't ever want it to end. (ELLA)

When you have giant lips, don't be afraid to use them! (ERICA)

Bad breath is no way to win a kissing competition! (KASEY)

If you kiss a person too long you might just suck their face off! (HOLLY)

It's not the end of the world to be going on a date with the best kisser in the house! (KIRKY)

If you could go back and do the kissing contest over, be the biggest manwhore anyone has ever seen! (WillIAm)

Labeling women as raging weather or volcanic activity is a bit condescending isn't it!? (BLAKE)

A massage can relax a dude but it won't necessarily get you $250,000.00... (ERICA)

A hot air balloon is a cramped place to find romance! (ELLA & KIRKY)

It must be fun to watch yourself act like a raving lunatic week after week on a cheesy reality show. (MELISSA)

It must be fun to watch yourself act like a smarmy arrogant ass week after week on a cheesy reality show. (BLAKE)

If he won't even take you on a date with him, he's just not that into you! (MELISSA)

If a girl does her hair and her nails for you, she's probably planning your wedding! (MELISSA)

Does stirring your yogurt to death accomplish anything? It can help everyone else lose their appetite though... (MELISSA)

An electric toothbrush can save you from having to talk to a crazy woman! (BLAKE)

40 seconds is a long time to wait to verbally bitch slap someone! (MELISSA)

If looks could kill, people would be shot y'all! (ELLA)

A fireplace can be a great spot to brood in front of. Very dramatic for the cameras too... (MICHAEL)

If you're torn with wanting to be with a guy or not be with him at all, you probably aren't that into him! (HOLLY)

When someone drains the life out of you, it's best to get the heck away from them! (GRAHAM)

When you think a girl's going to cut your nuts off, it's probably a good idea to lie to her! (KASEY)

5 COOL THINGS:

1. Erica Rose's sneaky massage/manipulation techniques.

2. Hot air balloon rides--something different!

3. Michelle setting an example for her daughter.

4. Erica's hair in a messy side-bun, looked nice on her.

5. Holly's hair accessories.

5 LAME THINGS:

1. The Kasey vs. Jake Cliffhanger. Like we didn't know Mavdork was leaving! And with a robotic cheesy smile on his face. Classic!

2. "Kick Rocks Dude" - Sooo lame...

3. Holly not taking the high road between Michael and Blake.

4. Hurricane Melissa/Mount Saint Helens Melissa. Do not go on this show ever again!

5. Blake's manipulation of Melissa.

Jenn:)

Bachelor Pad Episode 3 - Who Doesn't Like Synchronized Swimming?

2011-08-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

Things We Learned from Bachelor Pad - Week 3

Having a partner that is slightly crazy can get you in trouble! (BLAKE)

It makes no sense to create an enemy out of a loose cannon. (BLAKE)

When your partner goes apes%$#, it can put a huge target on your back... (BLAKE)

Who doesn't love synchronized swimming!? (HARRISONCREST)

You can let a guy know you're in his corner by rubbing your foot all over him. Or something like that... (ERICA)

Smiling at your ex-boyfriend can piss off your new boyfriend. (VIENNA)

A winery is a great place to clear the air! (BLAKE)

Finding common ground is like soooo amazing! (MICHELLE)

No one likes a Debbie Downer! (VIENNA)

To keep a woman level headed you gotta give her what she wants! (GIGOLO BLAKE)

Don't go down without a fight! (JAKE)

Lip injections every six months can enhance your kissing abilities. Hmmm.... (ERICA)

Being serenaded with Every Rose Has Its Thorn can make a couple stronger. Or not... (HOLLY & MICHAEL)

Being ungrateful about a gift can really be a buzz kill! (VIENNA)

Serenading a girl can be romantic. It can also be incredibly awkward and cheesy! (KASEY)

Playing Nancy Drew can backfire on you really quick! (ERICA)

A tiara and a crystal wand can make you look like a princess. Or totally delusional! (ERICA)

In a pinch, undergarments make a great hankie! (MELISSA)

Everybody's been in love and everybody's gotten a broken heart. (JAKE)

A girl needs a guy who's older and more mature and not a boy! (ERICA)

Banging your crystal disco stick doesn't necessarily make your wishes come true! (ERICA)

Who can you really trust?! (HARRISONCREST)

Letting trailer park trash and a tattooed guy run your life is like sooo pathetic! (ERICA)

5 COOL THINGS:

1. Synchronized swimming flowered bikinis and swim hats. So vintage and cute!

2. Brett Michaels singing Every Rose Has It's Thorn.

3. Michelle and Graham - cute together!

4. Erica's crystal scepter. Cheesy yes, but entertaining nonetheless!

5. Erica playing Nancy Drew and her over-the-top sneaking and spying around. Priceless!

5 LAME THINGS:

1. Erica and Jake making out. Blech!

2. Vienna's constant whining and complaining. Debbie Downer much!?

3. Vienna and Kasey's constant fighting. Please pack your bags and kick rocks!

4. No one having the balls to break up the power couples. Yes I'm talking about you Kirky!

5. Melissa's constant drama. Enough already!

Jenn:)

Bacehlor Pad Episode 2 - There's a Front Door & A Back Door Bitch!

2011-08-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

Things We Learned From Bachelor Pad - Week 2:

If you've got the hottest girl in the house then you can't possibly be unattractive. Right!? (KASEY)

If you only read the tabloids then you'll never learn the real truth. Or something like that... (JAKE)

Knowing people are not attracted to you is sooo hurtful. (GIA)

When people throw a lot of eggs at you, you're probably not their favorite person. (JAKE)

If you're T-Shirt proclaims you to be the Mayor, does that really make it so? (MICHAEL)

A jenius before his time. Or is it...genius? Apparently only a Jenius would know! (KASEY)

Never underestimate the power of a bromance! (KASEY & MICHAEL)

Going on a date with a guy and his ex-fiance is a little awkward... (MICHELLE)

When exploring spooky places you gotta buck up bitches! (MICHAEL)

You can make a ghost hunt even more exciting by holding a seance! Because there's nothing the spirit world wants to do more than talk to contestants on the Bachelor Pad! Totally! (MICHAEL AND ERICA)

Tinfoil earrings can be fun and exciting. Can't they!? (MICHELLE)

When in danger, you should ask your nemesis for help. ??!? (JAKE)

The best thing to do to your nemesis is be a gentleman and let her sink herself. (JAKE)

When you tell everyone the same thing, it devalues your credibility. (BLAKE)

You can tell a lot about a person by the way they kiss. (BLAKE)

Kissing a woman can pacify her. (BLAKE)

Sometimes you have to whore yourself out to keep a girl happy. Or something like that... (BLAKE)

It's pretty easy to kiss a girl when you've had a few drinks! (BLAKE)

Is he making out with you because he's into you, or is he just into the $250,000.00? Hmmm... (MELISSA)

The most underused strategy in Bachelor Pad? Breaking up the power couples. (GIA)

Whenever you tell someone not to tell anyone else what you just talked about, they're going to tell everyone else what you just talked about. Sucker! (GIA)

You can impress a dentist by confessing that you...floss! (HOLLY)

When you don't think you can trust someone, listen to your gut! (MELISSA)

Annoyance is an emotion! (BLAKE)

The phrase "kick rocks dude" is understated. For sure! (KASEY)

If you're not part of a couple, then you're out! (ELLA)

Whenever you're unhappy, Harrisoncrest will always be there for you. He's got a good cab company on speed dial! (HARRISONCREST)

Never trust anyone on Bachelor Pad (KASEY)

If you don't want to give anyone the satisfaction of voting you out, then walk out on your own. (GIA)

Bachelor Pad can make you or break you. (AMES)

Flirting with another girl in front of your face is hurtful! Hurtful! (MELISSA)

Nothing says romance like a knight in shining red pants! (AMES)

5 COOL THINGS:

1. Don't Be Afraid of the Dark Date - I love spooky stuff and mysteries and this was right up my alley. Not the most romantic of course, but do we really expect a lot of romance on this show or is it more like showmance!?

2. Gia's yellow legal pad strategy. Not that anyone paid attention to it though...

3. Fake Pavelka getting called out.

4. Harrisoncrest tells Vienna that the front and back door work just fine and she can kick rocks anytime ;-)

5. Ames running off into the night with Jackie. A little cheesy but kinda romantic too!

5 LAME THINGS:

1. Mean contests - Throwing eggs at the least attractive person or the one you want to go home seems so grade-school. Takes you back to the days of gym when you feared getting picked last.

2. Vienna being afraid to talk to Jake unless Kasey's around. Woman up lady!

3. Smarmy Blake Fake Romancing Melissa - What goes around comes around dude!

4. Kasey Making His Tattoo Heart Beat - Beyond lame and cheesy. Please don't ever do that again! Gag!

5. Drama with a capital MELISSA.

Jenn:)

Bachelor Pad Episode 1 - The Vienna & Kasey Show!

2011-08-09T20:57:00.000-07:00

Back again is that summer bitchest known as Bachelor Pad! To entertain us, Harrisoncrest rolls out a bevy of lads and lassies known to us as: Rated Really Lame Justin, Judge Jackie, Michelle Money, Model Gia, Vienna Motel 6, KA-RAZY Kasey, Mavdork Jake, Princess Erica, I Don't Want DeAnna Graham, Momma Ella, Holly Day, Stagliano Michael, Dentist Blake, Cheerio Ames, Alli Bootie, KA-RAZY Melissa, Kirk-y, and WillIAm.

It's Kasey vs. Jake. 2pm at the flagpole after school. Be there! So what do these 2 "bad" boys talk about when they finally meet up?! The weather! THE WEATHER! Sooo lame!

ENEMIES:

Gia vs. Vienna
Vienna vs. Jake
Michelle vs. Jackie
Kasey vs. Justin

THE ANNOYING LIST:

These Two!

All this guard and protect your heart crappola. Gag!

THAT'S HOT:

Really short dresses and skirts apparently!

Chunky Necklaces

THAT'S SOOO NOT HOT:

The off-the-shoulder 80s look. Not so much!

The Sparkly Showgirl Stripper Look. Blech!

CHEESY FUN FACTS:

Holly finds like really big words like attractive or something!

Vienna is terrified of Jake.

Kermit the Frog lives in Kasey's Throat.

Vienna was a gymnast.

Kasey loves Vienna more than Grandma Peanut Butter Cookies.

In the real world playing both sides comes easy to Justin.

LOVE FEST:

"I love you. You are my everything. I'm serious. I'm gonna marry you. And I'm gonna have your babies." -VIENNA MOTEL 6 (Yeah right...)

MAVDORK: "How did the Trojans beat the Greeks?"
GIA: "The showed up in a big elephant." Dah dah dum!

Um...seriously!? The control freak dentist and the crazy one?! This doesn't bode well me thinks...

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"I'm going to take a Jake and wipe my Pavelka." -K-FROG KASEY

"I'm here to win $250,000 dollars. And maybe a few hearts along the way." -BLAKE

"Vienna's definitely been around the Bachelor Block." -ERICA

"Couples should be broken up because they won't vote each other off." -GIA

"I feel like I'm moving into a dysfunctional household." -BLAKE

"I don't think it's normal for a couple to break up and then have to move in together." -HOLLY

"I'm not going to make any girls cry. That's so rude." -WillIAm

"If Kasey has a chance he'd probably kick Jake's ass." -VIENNA MOTEL 6

"Mentally beating the crap out of him (Jake) feels frickin' awesome!" -K-FROG KASEY

"I think Melissa might be into me a little bit." -BLAKE

"You know what happens when you maybe have one too many? Erica becomes your partner." -KIRKY

"I would rather be drinking!" -HOLLY

"JAKE! The Bachelor is BACK!" -MAVDORK

"This is my game." -K-FROG KASEY

"Kick Rocks Dude. You're out!" -K-FROG KASEY

"It feels so good to finally have closure with Vienna." -MAVDORK

"Jake Pavelka. I think he's a phony robot. He has no real feelings. He's a complete monster." -VIENNA MOTEL 6

"I'm a Jedi Genius Master." -K-FROG KASEY

HOOK UP CONTEST

Couples:

Kasey & Vienna

Graham and Alli

Melissa and Blake

Michelle and Ames

Jackie and Jake

Erica and Kirk

Michael and Holly

WillIAm and Gia

Justin and Ella

Rosed: Jake and Jackie

IT'S TIME FOR DINNER ABOVE THE STARS

Jake and Jackie

Memorable Moments:

Mavdork has a least one fan! Take that Vienna Motel 6!

This poor girl cried at the sight of Mavdork!

Mavdork unloads his side about Vienna Motel 6.

Let's give the rose to...Vienna! Um...okay?

18 DOWN TO 16:

Jackie, Jake, Vienna, Ames, Erica, Blake, Holly, WillIAm, Michelle, Kirk, Ella, Michael, Melissa, Graham, Kasey, and Gia.

SOME LOVELY PARTY SHOTS:

JUSTIN: "That was Rated Ridiculous! A 24-year-old with fake hooters screwed me!"

ALLI: "I feel a little bit blindsided."

NEXT WEEK...

Blake steps in a slice of crazy pie!

Jenn:)

J.P. is Per-Faaact!

2011-08-02T20:33:00.000-07:00

Finally, the dramatic conclusion to the last chapter of Ashley's per-fact love story. Will she pick a cupcake or a wino!? Let's tune in..

THE MOST PER-FAACT FINALE EVER!

FIJI MEET THE PARENTS

Ashley's Family and J.P.

Memorable Moments:

J.P.'s sooo clean cut right now!

Everyone's mopping themselves with towels!

A toast to J.P.!

KAT FONDU: " I don't think he's the one! You're too much for him. He's a little bit older..."

Cue the water works! Big sis makes Ashley feel like $#!%!

Kat Fondu vs. J.P. 2pm after school at the flagpole. Be there!

J.P. declares his love for Ashley to Big Sis. She's skeptical. He thinks it's bull$#!%! We agree!

Aaaaand she totally leaves worry wart J.P. hanging...

SISTERS BITCHFEST

ASHLEY: "You just come across like you're being such a bitch!"

FIJI MEET THE PARENTS

Ashley's Family and Ben

Memorable Moments:

Ashley jumps up and does a let's party dance to Ben's confusion...

Ashley makes Ben talk in his dog voice. She screeches in her dog voice. We cover our ears. Everyone HA HAs. Good times!

Kat Fondu chats with Benny Boo and doesn't appear to be so skeptical! Hmmm...

BEN: "Your sister grilled me a little bit..."

WHO DOES THE FAMILY LIKE BETTER?

???

LAST CHANCE BEN

Memorable Moments:

Oh boy! A helicopter!

ASHLEY: "Are you ready to strip?!"

BENNY BOO: "Yeessss Maaaaaam!"

Healing mud. Rubbing it all over each other. Sexy!

Apparently these healing waters aren't enough to make her fall IN love with Benny Boo...

He tells her he loves her. She kisses him back. He could kiss her for the rest of his life. Awe!

LAST CHANCE J.P.

Memorable Moments:

They hash out their relationship and he tells her he loves her. Awe! Take that Big Sis!

J.P.: "Try not to break my heart."

Aaaand once again they just can't take their hands off each other. Get a room people!

He gives her an album with a cute picture of themselves. And a spiffy basket bag to cart it away in!

Their favorite picture. And he took his shirt off!

SOME LOVELY PARTING THOUGHTS
FROM ANGRY BENNY BOO:

BEN: Utter shock. Good things don't end unless they end badly.

Flew in on a plane, leaving on a dinghy. Good times!

AND THE PER-FAACT GUY IS...

J.P.!

She says YES!

BEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT:

16,000.00 Dress. IN the ocean. Priceless! Love it :)

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE:
ASHLEY & J.P. PLUS BEN

TOP TEN THINGS WE GOT
OUT OF THE ATFR:

1. Harrisoncrest says it's like being on a construction site with all the catcalls for Benny Boo!

2. Hey! What say we have a little fun reliving you crash and burn!!?

3. Ben went from dumped in Fiji to his best friend's wedding! Doh!

4. BEN: "Nice ring!"

5. They'll always have that friendship thing. Awe!

6. Their kiss was a stick up and Harrisoncrest was surrendering! Or something like that...

7. J.P.: "People are really really mean!"

8. He completes her! Awe!

9. Sister Chrystie (a.k.a. Kat Fondu) apologizes with a resounding "TEAM CUPCAKE!!!!" We heart her for that :)

10. They're going back to Fiji! Per-faact!

NEXT WEEK...

It's Gonna Be a Bitchin' Bachelor Pad!

Jenn:)

The Men Tell All Or NOTHING At All...

2011-08-01T22:48:00.001-07:00

And once again it's the Men Tall All...OR Nothing at All! They didn't give us a clue about what happens tomorrow, but we've all kind been spoiled to the ending anyhow ;) We'll see...

25 seemingly normal guys, a gorgeous Bachelorette, and everybody tends to lose their mind!

Back joining us were only 16 of the 25!

Gym Rat Nick, Mickey Dog, Go West, Who? Chris D., Oilman Lucas, Teetotaler Tim, The Mask Jeff, Hair Man Stephen, Scrapbooker Ryan M., Momma's Boy Matt, Dentist Blake, WillIAm, Cheerio Ames, Greek Constantine, E-Harmony Ben C., and Captain Sunshine Ryan P.

25 WICKED FUN FACTS ABOUT
THE MEN TELL ALL...
OR NOTHING AT ALL:

1. The Mask was quite the domestic!

2. Bent-ley? She never saw that side to him. Negativity hurts her.

3. J.P. broke the entertainment center on their first date. And didn't know how to use the remotes either...

4. Ashley loves to coat...her face..with Vaseline before bed!

5. Ames had a crush on Ashley before he even came on the show!

6. Ben C. vs. WillIAm. 2pm after school at the flagpole. Be there!

7. The guys rip on WillIAm for growing his hair out and spiking it. Cause that's so not cool! Or something like that...

8. Ryan's like a camp counselor! On Fire Island maybe!?

9. Teetotaller Tim gets freaked when he sees masks since he was egged as a kid at Halloween. Okay...

10. WillIAm has to plug up his ears when watching himself Roast Ashley to a crisp!

11. NICK: "Why are we here?"

WILLIAM: "Cause none of us can find a girl to date. Cause we're all siiingle..."

12. Who appointed Nick everyone's judge and jury!? He's like this year's Jackie. Just a heck of a lot cuter! :0)

13. CAPTAIN SUNSHINE: "Who wouldn't tune out, I'm talking about water heaters for God's sakes!"

14. Rest Assured Everyone! BEFORE Captain Sunshine entered the Bachelorette Nation, he read 3 books! Questions to ask before you get engaged. Questions to ask before you get married. Book of Fabulous Questions. Yes you heard that right, he's been checking books in Al Gore's library folks! Not a good idea me thinks...

15. He read them cover to cover and made TONS OF NOTES! And kept a Dear Captain Sunshine's Diary Journal. Even Ames isn't all over that one!

16. Ames practically has the women in the audience throwing their panties on stage! Woot Woot!

17. HARRISONCREST: "Ames you can put them on and take one free shot at Ryan." Ha!

18. As to Bent-ley? BLAKE: "He's a narcissist, a coward, and a liar!"

19. MICHELLE: "We want what we can't have!"

20. Hardest part for Ashley? Feeling like a fool.

21. Teetotaller Tim is rooting for his NYC homeboy J.P.!

22. The Bachelor Family is Back! Pep talk time!

23. ALI: "That Rated R guy on my season SUCKED!"

24. Is Harrisoncrest checking his watch during Jason's roller coaster of love pep talk!?

25. The Mask's mask was auctioned off to a very brave woman for $2000.00 to benefit the orphanage!

BLOOPERS!

From bugs, to toads, to conversational flubs, here's some funny things you didn't get to see...

WTH?!

What was he drinking!?

Goofy Ben

WHO is that!?

The Creeper Strikes Again!

Jenn:)

Fantasy Suites, Enviro-Dork Ryan Returns, & Other Good Times...

2011-07-26T13:35:00.000-07:00

Ah it's fantasy suite time! Woohoo! Subtle Fantasy Suite Cards from Harrisoncrest, awkward kissing, steamy scenes. Ooh la la! We begin with a look back at our final 3 dudes, reliving all the cheesy moments, closed-mouth pecks, and then Ashley takes a moment to reflect on her A-M-A-Z-I-N-G journey...

Dear Diary,

Hi, It's me Ashley. I know I haven't written to you since like 3rd grade and stuff when my annoying brother found my diary and read it to his friends so I cried and drowned my sorrows in some poutine. But, I've been really busy going to dental school and now I'm the Bachelorette and they're making me write to you and stuff. See, I'm on this per-fact journey of love right now. I started out with like 25 guys who all wanted ME! Except for this &^%$#@ Bent-ley who I wanted but he just wanted a vacay and so I had to start over with those other dorks. But I'm perky and I'm a trooper! I pulled myself up by the straps of my stilettos and hemmed all my skirts up 6 inches higher and I've been rockin' it all over Asia. Now I'm down to 3 hotties and what's a girl to do!? Harrisoncrest is sending me on these fantasy dates with these guys I've known just a few weeks, but I just know one of those guys is my husband!

Knock Knock! Knock Knock!

Wait a minute Mr. Diary there's someone at the door...OMG it's that enviro-dork Ryan back to sell me some tankless water heaters! Dammit! I'm sneaking out the back window...If I don't write again soon, send some producers out to the jungle with some rations because I may be deep in the bush on the run for awhile... Love, Ashley"

ASHLEY: Like OMG, what are you doing here!?

RYAN: Well, I was in the neighborhood selling some tankless water heaters and I thought to myself, "Jeepers creepers, why don't I sidle over to Ashley's place and freak her out a little bit?!"

ASHLEY: Like OMG, WHAT are you doing here!?

RYAN: Here's my room number. See you in a few babe! Don't forget to turn out the lights when you go on your date with Constantine and be sure to hang up your towels to dry. Wouldn't want to wound the soul of mother earth by washing your stink off of them, now would we!?

ASHLEY: Um...Like...Okay?

Aaaand we ended with a half-@ssed Mesnick!

In an Amazing Nutshell: Captain Sunshine pops up out of the bushes and freaks us all out! He pleads with Ashley to give him another chance. We say thumbs down! Ben and Ashley get a little freaky on a boat with the suntan lotion and then do some snorkeling. Fun times! Constantine takes a hike--right on out of Ashley's life! Ryan gets dumped again. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! J.P. and Ashley get a private island and can't keep their hands off each other. It's clearly game over!

CHEESY CLICHES & CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Journey

Leap of faith

THAT'S HOT

Tangerine Dresses!

Chunky turquoise bracelets

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

She's got a great body, but I'm just not caring for the barely there outfits!

It's baaaaack - the racer back style dress!

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Ashley loves being on the water.

Constantine's never been in a helicopter before.

Constantine looked at 108 houses before he found the right one. Uh oh! There's only 1 Ashley...

Ashley loves surprises.

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"I'm available." -BEN

"Houses and women are not the same!" -CONSTANTINE

"What if I end up all alone and this was for nothing!?" -ASHLEY

"I know I'm in love with her." -J.P.

FIJI FANTASY #1

Ben and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Sailing on a yacht! So shishi!

BEN: "That's a really nice boat."

Flower in her hair. Pineapple Passion Drink! Cute Boy. Life is per-fact!

Suntan Lotion time! Ashley takes her job very very seriously!

Snorkel time. Blue fish, yellow fish, neon fish. That's a lotta fish Ashley!

Honey! You cooked!

BEN: "Perfect!"
ASHLEY: "Per-faaaact!"

"Ashley and Ben. Harrisoncrest here. Welcome to the islands of Fiji! Damn it's humid! We can see your black man-bra through your shirt dude! Oh, that's a mic-pack? Whatever. So here's a key to stay in the fantasy suite with Ashley. Don't make me beg. It's got a big pool! I'll be hanging out in the hot tub if you need me. Peace out!"

Hubba Hubba!

FIJI FANTASY #2

Constantine, some toads, and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

ASHLEY: "How do you like my tiny shirt!?"

CONSTANTINE: "Man, I need a haircut!"

Constantine's like a Greek God! For reals!

Jumping off the falls. It's a leap of faith! Or not!

Yum. Fresh coconut!

Cheers to more time! Aaaand, buh bye!

It's the end of the road for big C! Don't let the coconuts hit you on the way out!

"Ashley, it's Harrisoncrest. Constantine's probably gone by now and you're all by your lonesome...don't cry, please! It's not like he's Bent-ly or anything! You might as well head on over to the fantasy suite and order up some hohos and Ben & Jerry's cause it's probably going to be a long night! Be sure to charge the bill to Fleiss. He's the Big Kahuna! 'Till the cheesiest rose ceremony ever, I bid you adieu mon petite flower..."

FIJI FANTASY #3

J.P. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Sign #1 it's J.P.: They're all over each other!

Their own private island! Sexy!

What's with the shirt J.P.!?

Sign #2 it's J.P.: Man they are still all over each other. Should we be turning away?

ASHLEY: "I said goodbye to 2 guys this week."

J.P.: "I want you."

"Ashley and J.P. my man! Harrisoncrest here. No, I'm not hiding in the bushes. Hangin' poolside with some muy bueno mojitos! We get it, you guys are really into each other. Get Ashley back to the suite before we have to give this episode an XXX rating! Geez you two! Cameraman Bob is blushing and it takes a lot to make that guy blush!"

Like my see-thru shirt?! I borrowed it from Ben, he left it behind in our fantasy suite!

Hello!

GETTING ROSED:

Ben and J.P.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

Constantine: Not feeling it!

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

Please, no enviro-dork Ryan for the next Bachelor! Am I right people?!

BACHELORETTE FUN #9
3 FINAL 1 CLUES...

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

ASHLEY: You're being such a bitch! Whaaa!

Jenn:)

Ben Got a Haircut & Other Good Times...

2011-07-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

Oh goody, it's time for home town dates! Where were the strange families!? It was like the Stepford Hometown Dates...

In an Amazing Nutshell: In Cumming, Ashley made pizza and danced for some dollar bills! Woohoo! Ames spoke some Italian and talked about some stuff we didn't quite understand... Ben had a therapy session with Cameraman Bob. J.P. and Ashley beamed themselves back to 7th grade cause they couldn't fight that feeling any longer at the rollerskate rink! Ben got a hair cut. Momma will be proud! Ames was sent packing back to momma sporting a big grin on his face and a wink wink or two! Perhaps there was some confusion or he had concussion flashbacks. Strange...

THE ANNOYING LIST

Grow your bangs out Ashley so you can't play with them anymore!

CHEESY CLICHES & CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Journey

THAT'S HOT

Chunky Turquoise Rings

Ben's haircut!

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

These Grey Brigade Pants! Definitely not!

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Ashley likes to organize her salads.

Ames is a unique person.

Ashley can rollerblade and figure skate.

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"I'm ready to find my husband." -ASHLEY

"I use my gut a lot to make decisions." -ASHLEY

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

CONSTANTINE'S FAMILY
CUMMING, GA

Constantine, lotsa Greeks!, and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Ashley makes pizzas at Constantine's restaurant Giorgio's. Where's the hair net!?

Ashley tries to use Constantine as an ingredient. He's confused. She HA HAs. Good times!

ASHLEY: "He's such a stud!"

"Are they going to kiss?!?" The staff spies on Ashley and Constantine kissing. Awe!

If Constantine wins, there's going to be a big fat Greek party! Yassou!

Oh and she'll be the one moving...to Cumming! Woohoo!

ASHLEY: "I love your family! I'm moving in!" Riiiiighhht...

What else!? Greeks like to dance!

It begins raining money money money! Opa!

AMES' FAMILY
CHADD'S FORD, PA

Ames and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Ashley confesses to Ames' sis that things are moving a bit S-L-O-W-L-Y...

Ames is like an onion, you have to keep peeling away at the layers. Okay!

Mom thinks slow is good! Not on this show's time table...

Sis begs Ames to show Ashley THE FULL AMES. Eeeew!

SIS: "Let there be a little FIYARE"

Ames can't think of anything more romantic in the world than a picnic under his favorite magnolia tree. Really!?

Ashley brings up Ames' traumatic days at boarding school when he was a big nerd. Oooops!

Ashley's never met another guy like Ames. Neither have we!

A carriage ride along the Brandywine river. Awesome!

BEN'S HOMETOWN
SONOMA, CA

Ben and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

ASHLEY: "Everything about him screams sexiness to me!"

Tasting Sonoma Ben's wines. Yum!

Say hello to Emotional Ben!

SISTER: "His hair is his thing!"

Mom shares pics of Ben when he had short hair and she still had power over him. Ha Ha!

J.P.'S HOMETOWN
ROSLYN, NY

J.P. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Disco Ball Skating - sooo 7th grade! We like!

REO Speedwagon. Awesome!

ASHLEY: "Who do you think's going to fall first?"

This carpeted tiny table is sooo us! So's the wine in paper cups. Okay...

Move over roses, give me some of that lasagna!

MOM: "Are you in love with her?"

J.P.: "There are a lot of signs that point towards it."

Mom wants to guard and protect J.P.'s heart. KA-Razy Kasey is sooo jealous! That's his schtick!

Ashley's a smitten kitten! Meow!

Embarrass the kids time! J.P.'s Bar Mitzvah pic reveals his Kirk Cameron/Doogie Howser Phase.

ASHLEY: "That's a sweeeet mullet!"

GETTING ROSED
4 DOWN TO 3:

Ben, J.P., and Constantine.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

AMES: More beautiful and poetic than I would have ever imagined. Just numb. Back to sharing a lifetime of adventures with...myself! Which is...less enticing...

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

Were Ashley and Constantine's mother chatting on the edge of a bathtub?

I'm going to Constantine's place next weekend, it rains money there! Opa!

Is The Full Ames anything like The Full Monty!?

BACHELORETTE FUN #8
ASHLEY PAPER DOLLS

Check out this Bachelorette Ashley paper doll posted at TV.com - click here to see the paper dolls for Constantine, J.P., and Ben. Too funny!

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

Smoking Gun?

Jenn:)

Captain Sunshine Gets Dumped Like a Plastic Bottle & Other Good Times...

2011-07-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

Here we are in Taiwan on our last stop on Ashley's tour of Asia with her Dim Sum Dudes. Fun times!

In an Amazing Nutshell: Ashley reveals in the most dramatic moment ever why Taiwan is the hidden jewel of Asia! We're clueless... Constantine and Ashley's love wishes get peed on. Awesome! Ben and Ashley spend the night together. J.P. gets pissy. Ames is a true fashion diva! Lucas wears a dress...er...long shirt. J.P. whines that date rose out of Ashley. Captain Sunshine lectures Ashley on tankless water heaters. He gets dumped like a plastic bottle and then experiences sadness for the first time. Too bad he doesn't have tankless tear ducts ;-) Lucas gets sent back to Odessa, no regrets!

THE ANNOYING LIST

Where's the rest of your clothes Ashley!?

Quit chewing your lips for the love of God Ashley!!!!

CHEESY CLICHES AND CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

THAT'S HOT

Ashley's now an official member of the dude's Gray Brigade! Rock on girl!

Slinky green dresses.

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

It was a 5 for 1 sale on backless outfits at Backless Dress Barn! You go girl! Or not...

When Ryan gets excited, he forcibly bangs his elbow into his hands over and over. Please don't do that e-v-e-r again!

Are my eyes bleeding or are those red pants?! Oh damn, they're red pants. WTFudge Ames!?

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Ashley says Taiwan is the hidden jewel of Asia because "not a lot of people know about it." Okay!

Ames can spell! Gorges. G-O-R-G-E-S. Gorges.

Constantine has a big fat Greek family!

Ashley thinks all wine tastes alike! And that it tastes like Ben's!

Ames' parents are Elton John and an Ostrich. Who knew!?

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"I just want it to be me and her." -J.P.

"We're going places. We're going places!" -BEN

"There's a whole bunch of energy running through me and I'm just not able to turn it off!!!!" -RYAN

"It's a total Mind-#%@&!" -J.P.

"Group dates suck!" -LUCAS

"There's only 5 of us and this is a small group." -CAPTAIN OBVIOUS AMES

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

"Maybe I wasn't cut out for this...you know?" -ASHLEY

LET YOUR LOVE LIGHT SHINE

Constantine and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

The Plaid Brigade lives on!

Kiddos, hop on the steam train ride to an adorable little village!

Such a gentleman! A piggy back ride soothes the feet from those totally apropos spiked walking heels!

Love wishes on a lantern. Setting them free. Awe!

He remembers everything she says. Can we bottle that skill for other men please?!

IF I fall in love... Uh oh, red flag!

Love wishes floating in the sky. Kissing for an eternity without moving their lips. Purrr-fact!

LET'S SPEND A "GORGES" DAY IN TAIWAN

Ben and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Harry and Lloyd...er...Ben and Ashley ride off into the sunset on their moped!

He toots the horn. She HA HA HA HAs! Good times!

BEN: "Hell of a second date kiddo!"

He's such a sweet talker!

She's got him where she wants him. Awe!

No L-Bombs from him tonight!

I'M GROOMING YOU FOR THE BIG DAY

Lucas, Ames, J.P. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Wedding photos! That's soooo...er...Amazing! Not!

Lucas is decked out in a long shirt. Ames notes it's very "slimming." Okay...

Somewhere a dude from the 70s is calling and wants his prom outfit back stat...

The Traditional Couple!

The Let's Tiptoe Through the Tulips Couple!

Ames is waay into that foliage! He'll be ready to tiptoe through the tulips next...

The Forever Couple?

LUCAS: "I haaad funnn."

ASHLEY: "It's not a dress. It's a long shirt..."

Ames shares a deep dark secret with Ashley--he used to be a dork. "Here's the handy proof I carry around in my wallet on trips around the world! Pinky swear you won't tell! Pip Pip! Cheerio!"

Is it me or is Ames pulling a Klinger and trying to not get a rose with these feminine red pants?!

J.P. confesses he's been a jealous snit with the other guys and whines his way into a rose!

LET'S GET A TASTE OF TAIPEI

Captain Sunshine Ryan and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

All the waiting, the anticipation, and the sleepless nights have paid off! He's a goner!

This woman is afraid that Ryan's extreme perky happiness might rub off on her and be catching!

They throw bricks to the Matchmaker God and they land on the same sides. Bummer!

Ryan is sooo...tai chi!

Captain Sunshine wills the sun to appear...and it does. Life is good. Until he gets dumped...

Ryan grills Ashley on her views on the environment. She likes to throw plastic bottles away. He grits his teeth momentarily. And then he lectures her on tankless water heaters. Somewhere in a gas guzzling lear jet, his mentor Al Gore was smiling ;-)

ASHLEY: "In my head you're my perfect guy. But I'm not feeling it..."

Captain Sunshine gets sent home and is shell shocked. What is this strange emotion I'm feeling!? It's sadness dude!

GETTING ROSED
6 DOWN TO 4:

J.P., Constantine, Ben, and Ames.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

RYAN: "Are you kidding me!? Geez man! $#@!!"

LUCAS: No regrets. But now who'll cook my breakfast!?

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

I wonder if Ashley visited a foot massage parlor after her whirlwind tour in spiked heels...

Anyone else suspect Ryan was hit by lightening at some time in his past. It could explain why he's sooo loaded with energy that he doesn't know when to turn off the light switch...

BACHELORETTE FUN #7
REVENGE IS SWEET!

Before Blake got out of dodge last week, he apparently took some dental drills and picks to Ashley's clothes and made them backless! Yeah that'll fix her!

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

Money Money Money! OPA!

Jenn:)

Another Couple Bites the Dust: Brad & Emily Over...

2011-07-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

HARRISONCREST: "It seemed like they were meant to be..."

EMILY: You know...The dot dot dot is now over.

Now the paparazzi can quit hiding in her bushes and people can let them be normal again.

Jenn:)

Sweet Home Alabama: The Bachelorette with a Southern Twist

2011-07-12T15:17:00.000-07:00

Fans of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette should enjoy the new show from CMT, Sweet Home Alabama, where 10 city boys and 10 country boys compete for the love of Devin, an Alabama girl.

Check out this trailer for details on the show--it airs July 14 on CMT at 9/8c:

Jenn:)

Bachelorette Amazing Race: Ashley Finally Got Her Period...

2011-06-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

Oh be still my beatin' heart, BENT-LEY's in this hotel right now? SHUT UP! Gag!

In an Amazing Nutshell: SHUT UP! Bent-ley's here? $#@% you Bent-ley! Huh!? Lucas and Ashley in a pirate ship. Got any cheeseburgers?! Dragon boat racing with the dudes. PUSH! Ames and his teeth give Ashley an elevator kiss. Captain Sunshine gets the date rose. The dudes threaten mutiny and then wimp out. Ashley confesses to J.P. about that d-bag Bent-ley. Then they make out A LOT! Ashley spills the beans to the 2nd fiddle dudes. The dudes threaten mutiny and then wimp out. Except for Mickey Dog who jumps ship! Blake feels belittled. Buh bye Blakey!

THE ANNOYING LIST

Ashley, stop chewing your lips!

CHEESY CLICHES AND CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Journey

Dot Dot Dot

THAT'S HOT

Animal Print.

I see plaid is still rad with the dudes!

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

See through shirts? Not so much...

Letting the girls hang free? Not so much...

Mr. Rogers called. He wants his sweater back STAT!

The gray brigade lives on in Ben's pants!

Ames is to his white pants as Linus is to his blue blankie. Or something like that...

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Ashley believes in fate.

Lucas is known among the guys as "Big Tex."

Lucas has never been to NYC.

Lucas is a real dude!

Ben's a skeptic.

If Mickey says it, then that makes it so. Shut your mouth Mickey!

Ashley can use chopsticks.

Constantine likes cheese.

J.P. stands for Jordan Paul. Not Justa Playa?

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"SHUT UP!" -ASHLEY

"What did I miss?!" -BENT-LEY

"I still can't let it go..." -ASHLEY

"So, this is a period!?" -ASHLEY

"Mission a-F-----ng accomplished!" -ASHLEY

"Maybe we should call it a period." -BENT-LEY

"Just wanted a vacay?" -ASHLEY

"I cannot believe I wasted so much time on Bent-ley." -ASHLEY (We can't either...)

"Bent-ley, if you're watching this. &#@% you. I'm done with you." -ASHLEY

"She'd have a great connection with me if I could get some time... Heh Heh Heh!" -BLAKE

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"Lucas makes me feel like a woman." -ASHLEY

"If Ryan got the rose I'm jumping off the frickin' 61st story..." -J.P. Oops, Ryan got the rose, don't jump man!

"I'm on the path to love. Whooo would have thunk it?!" -BEN

"Everything I say happens. I just need to shut my mouth!" -MICKEY

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"Whatever. You don't want to be here? Then go home. I want to be here." -RYAN

"My biggest pet peeve is waaaasting my time!" -LUCAS

"I suppose that we would all prefer our fairy tales to be simple. But they're not." -AMES

"If you feel so strongly that you want to leave then I want you to take the initiative and leave." -ASHLEY

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LET'S FIND OUR GOOD FORTUNE ON THE STREETS OF HONG KONG

Lucas and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Neon. Everywhere!

Lucas is warned he has to be nice to Ashley since there's a rose on this date! HA HA HA HA!

Lucas looks like a deer in the headlights when some Dragons entertain them!

Spicy, Chewy! Pig intestines! Sexy!

LUCAS: "Cheeseburger!" We second that!

Nothing like sailing in Hong Kong on a Pirate ship!

Lucas' top 3:

1. Dance with Ashley

2. Get a smooch.
3. Git that rose!

Wait, was that our first kiss?!?

DO OVER!

LUCAS: "Do you mind?"

LET'S GET OUR HEARTS RACING

Ryan, Mickey, Constantine, Ben, Ames, Blake and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Blake doesn't know a damn thing about dragon boat racing!

Wait, did the channel just change? Is this Bachelorette Amazing Race!?

RACING ARE:

Blake & Captain Sunshine Ryan

BFFs Ben & Constantine

Mickey and Ames

Geniuses Blake and Ryan find a translator named Domino who dabbles as their greatest fan to help them recruit people for their boat.

Ames and Mickey find someone who actually races dragon boats to recruit for their team.

CONSTANTINE: "Let's go out lookin' like Gs!" More like lamers...

Buddies Ben and Constantine figure out it! Buy a red robe, get some dragon boat racers!

Dragon Boat Style:

Consantine and Ben get smoked. Like salmon! Then they unwittingly chant in Chinese that they're idiots the whole way. Singing, Merrily Merrily Merrily, life is but a dream. Idiots!

Ames and Mickey row hard. Mickey screams PUSH the whole way to the win.

Blake and Captain Sunshine Ryan try to keep up. Captain Sunshine pulls a Richard Simmons and tells them they can do this, it's going to be great! Woohoo!

Ames and Mickey for the win! Prize: Dragon statue. But not the girl...

A couple gets engaged in front of them. Awe!

A possibly drunken Ames makes a bold move in the elevator! Wow!

Ashley makes out with Ames and his teeth all the way up to floor 48...

The men sit around and bitch like women about Ryan. Then he gets the rose. Sucks to be them!

Lookee, there's a pool table. Screw time with Ashley! Let's play some pool...

How badly can the guys not stand Ryan? So badly that if Mickey had been Blake paired with Ryan during the dragon boat race, he would have taken his paddle and knocked himself out and then drowned. WOW!

LET'S TAKE A PEAK INTO OUR FUTURE

J.P. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Catch me!

Cheers to them. Awe.

ASHLEY: "When's the last time you cried?" Huh!?

J.P.? He's the most gorgeous guy Ashley has seen in her life.

ASHLEY: "I have something to tell you...I saw Bent-ley two days ago here in Hong Kong."

His reponse? Meh!

But he was a bit scared he was gonna pop out of the bushes!

When J.P. gets rosed a gong goes off... Then they embark on a love tram.

GETTING ROSED
8 DOWN TO 6:

Lucas, Ryan, J.P., Ben, Constantine, and Ames.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

MICKEY: "That somebody isn't me."

BLAKE: "I just want a friend."

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

Are Constantine and Ben twins!? Separated at birth? Just good...buddies? Hmmm.....

BACHELORETTE FUN #6
HOW TO STAY
AND NOT TO STAY...

5 ways to get that rose:

1. Kiss Ass (Ryan)
2. Make bold moves (Elevator Kiss Ames)
3. Wear a sexy kimono (Constantine and Ben)
4. Choke down spicy pig intestines with her (Lucas)
5. Bent-ley Who?! (J.P.)

2 ways to not get that rose:

1. Act bitchy! (Blake)
2. Tell her to send you home. (Mickey)

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

Ashley goes all Kung Fu Panda on Captain Sunshine's heart!

Jenn:)

Let's Call it a Wash and Dot Dot Dot to the Finale...

2011-06-22T11:26:00.000-07:00

Harrisoncrest takes a break from meditating to welcome us all to Chiang Mai--the most romantic city in Thailand. It's sooo romantic, that our little love saboteur Ashley's afraid she'll be all alone in the end. She's also apparently being stalked by some lamer named Dot Dot Dot...

In an Amazing Nutshell: If you can't fall in love in Chiang Mai, you suck! Sage Ames knows what color Saffron is. Ben F. and Ashley mentally kiss while we napped. The dudes get their butts kicked in Muay Thai Boxing. Ames looks about the same when dazed and confused as he normally does. Strange... WillIAm sabotages Ben C. Then he gets his butt kicked to the limo of shame. The mirror is not his friend. Good times! Nick heads home to find a hottie at the gym...

THE ANNOYING LIST

Stop playing with your bangs Ashley!!!!

BENT-LEY, BENT-LEY, BENT-LEY!

Dot Dot Dot... Don't ever want to hear that phrase again!

CHEESY CLICHES AND CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Dot Dot Dot... (Triple Gag!)

THAT'S HOT

Where's the rest of your dress girlie!?

Legs draped over your guy.

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

Disturbingly large glasses!

This Outfit...

The sweaty and/or rain drippy look. Not so much!

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Lucas claims he's been in some street fights. What, Sesame Street?!

Ames has never been a fight in his life. Really?!??

WillIAm has TWO thumbs and likes to refer to himself as "This Guy." Gag!

Blake walks with a little spring in his step.

Lucas is a golfer. Not a boxer. Maybe a street fighter...

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"No no kissing!" -BEN F.

"HA HA HA HA!" -ASHLEY

"Muay Thai Boxing. The craziest workout I've ever had in my life." -LUCAS

"I might have to come out of my shell and kick some ass." -AMES

"I'm more than just a dentist. I'm a Backstreet Boy!" -BLAKE

"There's no crying in Muay Thai." -J.P.

"I'm totally useful...er...useless in conversation tonight. I'm sooo embarrassed!" -AMES

"2 Men. 1 Rose. 1 Stays. 1 Goes. Yo ho ho!" -HARRISONCREST

"Do I stick out my butt?" -ASHLEY

"It's two dudes. One girl. That's awkward!" -WillIAm

"I'm looking for a MAN!" -ASHLEY

"I leave here, I go back to nothing!" -WillIAm

"I know people are going to think I'm crazy for holding on to someone who left me." -ASHLEY

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LET'S FALL IN LOVE IN CHIANG MAI

Ben F. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

There's a 100% chance Ashley's getting kissed on this date!

ASHLEY: "I wanna buy a dress!"

BEN F.: "Oooh Maaan! Streeeeet Fooood!"

They flash mob some street musicians and take over their instruments. Very poorly I might add!

From painting orphanages to painting parasols. A smiley face. Classic!

No kissing on sacred ground you crazy Americans!!!

Mind kisses are sooo hot! Not!

ASHLEY: "I just want to jump on him! Reeer!" Okay...

He'll throw her wine parties, wink wink!

LET'S BEAT THE $#!% OUT OF EACH OTHER

Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan, J.P., Mickey and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Muay Thai Boxing. Finally we're awake!

AMES: "Hands. Fists. Legs. Anything goes.Really, it's pretty wild. Cheerio!"

Ashley feels bad but not really because seeing the guys bust a move is kind of hot!

Captain Sunshine isn't feeling so sunny now is he!?

Ames doesn't kick any ass. But I think he wiped the floor with his...

Suddenly it dawns on Ashley that these guys are like punching each other. For reals! She fears there could be danger! Sooo scary!

Blake kicks Lucas's butt. J.P.: "The Jew from Long Island kicked the Irishman's ass from Cleveland." Ryan kicks Ame's clock. Constantine kicks Nick's butt. Really?

Pinky Ames Goes Down in Flames...

POW!

BOOM!

BAM!

Even after getting his bell rung, Ames is still smiling! Gotta love it!

Ames is so disoriented he shows up dressed for the rose ceremony at the after party...

Ames was diagnosed with being totally in love! Oh, and he's got a mild concussion too...

Ashley and Lucas fake golf. And she sticks out her butt. FORE! Or something like that...

GUIDE ME TO LOVE

Ben C., WillIAm and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

ASHLEY: "It's like out of a movie. Two men are like guiding me down the river!"

WillIAm isn't throwing Ben C. under the bus...but then he totally slams him under the bus!

Riding Elephants? That's soooo Brad and Emily...

These two couldn't have clashed more if they tried blindfolded!

WillIAm: "I'm not fully ready to grow up!"

Aaaaand we're done! Karma's a bitch saboteur WillIAm! HA HA HA HA!

GETTING ROSED
11 DOWN TO 8:

Ben F., Blake, Constantine, Lucas, J.P., Ames, Mickey, and Ryan.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

BEN C.: So shocked... Watch out Match.com, cause daddy's coming home! Woot Woot!

WillIAm: "Loser. Jackass. Mirror isn't my friend. That's my life. %$#@!"

NICK: "Devastated. Hurts. I think there's someone perfect out there for me. I dont' know when I'll meet her." You'll meet her at the gym!

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

Anyone else sick of Bent-ley!?

Does anyone really run around using the phrase, "Dot Dot Dot" and "Period" when discussing your relationships!?

After WillIAm's shenanigans, do you think WillIAm and Ben C. were on a plane together back to the states?

BACHELORETTE FUN #5
THE MIND KISS

Ashley and Ben F. demonstrate how to Mind Kiss each other. They think it's hot. I think it's boring!

You kiss almost as good as Bent-ley!

Boy that street food was sooo good!

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

SHUT UP! Bent-ley D-Bag is baaaaaack!

Jenn:)