Wednesday, May 30, 2012

True Love Finds A Waaaaaay!

 
Let's write a love song! It goes something like this...

I confess I dated your producer
but I hope you give me a shooooot.

Cause I'm Race Car Driver Arie
and the chicks think I'm soooo hotttt!

NOT!

5 RANDOM THOUGHTS:


The wall climbing dates are getting a bit cliche, no?!



Are these ladies really Emily's BFFs?


Wendy pictures Sean in a cape and spandex and then rides his pushups. Desperate Housewives much!? ;-)


Is a roller coaster a metaphor for this romance?! Hmm...

THAT'S HOT:


A Football!


Holla!


Did Someone Say Martinis!?!


Apparently the Daisy Dukes are the rage! Emily got a 5-1 deal down at the Daisy Duke Barn!

THAT'S SOO NOT HOT:


Asking her if you can give her a kiss! Are you a man or a muppet?! Be a man and just plant one on her buddy!


The disturbingly large black glasses look. Not so much!

Condescension! 


That Shelly Person! She's all cracked up!

5 AMAZING MOMENTS:


"There ain't no elevators honey!" Psyche!


Can you make her speakers go Boom Boom? I bet Luke Bryan can!


Dolly Parton. Writing You a Love Song. Yeehaw!


Carousel Kisses


Smashing the crap out of that lame @ss Shelly! Woohoo!!!!

5 LAME MOMENTS:


Chris giving Emily a high five instead of a kiss!


Doing the worm to prove you're husband material. WTH?!


The Desperate Housewives Brigade eggs on Stupid Human Tricks!


Attack of the screaming kids!!!! Run for your lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dude was totally lost in translation. Bummer! Hasta La Vista!

THINGS WE LEARNED FROM 
BACHELORETTE EMILY
EPISODE 3

Love is a steady climb...Whatever it is... -CHRIS

When you want to kiss the girl and you give her a high five instead, you're sooo going to be in the friend zone buddy! -CHRIS

Age can be a red flag if you have a young daughter! -EMILY

Nothing says father material like handling a barrage of screaming kids! Aaaack! -THE DUDES

Never tell a girl that if she gets fat you'd still love her but NOT ON HER as much. Boooo!!!!! -RYAN


Having a meltdown will get you sent home... -TONY

Nothing says romance like Dollywood! -EMILY & ARIE


"Don't let love blind you, just let love find you!" -DOLLY PARTON

Pretending not to give him the rose can reveal whether he really likes your or not... -ARIE

Don't take it personally when you don't get a date! Unless your Kalon... -KALON

Never tell a girl that you love it when she talks but she should let you finish! -KALON

A girl never likes tall, skinny, and condescending! -KALON

If you're more of a physical guy, could she really love a dainty man? -RYAN


16 DOWN TO 13:

Chris, Sean, Arie, Jef, Charlie, Doug, Michael, Travis, Alejandro, Ryan, John, Kalon, and Nate.

LEAVING WITH THEIR EGOS SHATTERED:

Tony, Alessandro, Stevie.

Alessandro: "COMPROMISE! Right? Is that what I mean? Si, COMPROMISE!"

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...


Someone literally gives Emily the finger!

Jenn:)

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Let's Find the Rainbow Connection!


Someday we'll find it! The rainbow connection! The loooovers, the dreaaamers aaaaand meeeeeee! HIYA!

8 RANDOM THOUGHTS:

Cookie baking. Soccer practice. BOOOORING!

She thinks Ryan is too perfect and he reminds her of Brad. He's a gonner!

That Kermit the Frog! He's soooo funny!


Miss Piggy for next Bachelorette!


Separated at birth!? HA HA HA! But seriously, I think Harrisoncrest may have a new calling if he ever decides to leave the Bach/ette!


I don't think I've ever heard so many guys incessantly call The Bachelorette beautiful and hot 24/7! Is Emily the hottest most beautiful Bachette yet? Vote in the poll top right...

Joe's been kicked to the curb! Let's celebrate!


Was Tony locked in the room with Ryan and Emily? Is there some rule that once you start to steal someone you can't leave? Was he handcuffed to the door? How long does it take to read a 7 page letter out loud? I give that train wreck 2 fruit loops and a box of Cocoa Puffs!

THAT'S HOT:

The Man-pron!


Sparkly shoes!


The one-sleeve mini. Cute!


Grey suit with black shirt and the black pocket square. Yum!


THAT'S SOOO NOT HOT:

This hair style. Not doing a thing for me...


This tank with this sparkly skirt. Not so much!


The Mr. Rogers! Is Ames styling this guy!?


Nothing screams PINK PLAID like this shirt! And it's an angry scream!


5 AMAZING MOMENTS:

Chocolate chip cookie dough--yum!

Emily says she's tired of the being the boss and she wants someone to take charge. Then she reveals she'll be the real boss but she'll let them think they're the boss. HA HA!

Dancing to Gloriana. In front of hundreds of people!


The MUPPETS! Love the Muppets!


Harrisoncrest doing our counting for us! Calculators are sooo yesterday!

5 LAME MOMENTS:

Charlie's comedy meltdown.


Jef having to propose to Miss Piggy.


When the Hardly Boys eavesdrop on Emily and MC Cheesy!


The Love Clock?! Really? Cheesy!

Ryan's 7 page love letter vs. Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs Tony in the corner eavesdropping...


THINGS WE LEARNED FROM 
BACHELORETTE EMILY 
EPISODE 2

You can talk to the date card all you want, but that doesn't mean your name's going to be on it! -CHRIS

If you treat a woman like a queen, she'll treat you like a king. -RYAN'S PASTOR

A gentleman holds the door for a lady. -RYAN

There's nothing sexier than having a man carry in your groceries! -RYAN

If he can pass the cookie test, he's a keeper! -RYAN

When he tells you you're most attractive in the kitchen making cookies, you're going to have to get a big cookie jar to keep him under control! -RYAN

If you've got a good story, you should stick to it! -KERMIT THE FROG

If he's playing hard to get, he may not be that into you! -JEF

If you're a dude and you have Louis Vuitton luggage, then you're a %$#@#$%. Or maybe you just like Louis Vuitton? -WOLFIE

You gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself dude! -KALON


Rule #1: Never piss off the Single Dad Brigade! -KALON vs. DAVID

When she asks you where you see yourself in five years, "HAPPY" is probably not too deep of an answer... -JOE

Writing a seven page novel for a girl you've known for a few days is a bit Fruit Loopy, no?! -RYAN


Never rose a man with disturbingly large black glasses! -AARON



19 DOWN TO 16:

Ryan, Jef, Kalon, Arie, Michael, Nate, Sean, Chris, Doug, Travis, Tony, John, Alessandro, Charlie, Alejandro, and MC Stevie.

LEAVING WITH THEIR EGOS SHATTERED:

Joe, Kyle, Aaron.

AARON: Um...was it the glasses!?

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

That ostrich egg is going down!

Jenn:)

Monday, May 21, 2012

Let the Bobblehead Bachelorette Begin!


Bachelorette Emily has lost and found love and lost it again but she's ready. Totally ready to find love again!

We're introduced to the 25 dudes who'll be vying for her affection and my initial thought is that bach/ette casting must have saved a few bucks on traveling around and just went to Gold's Gym, Joseph A. Banks Big & Tall, and the Bachelorette Gags Comedy Barn. Just sayin'!

FIVE RANDOM THOUGHTS ABOUT EPISODE 1:

I think a Bobblehead Bachelorette season might be even more AMAZING!


Who cast Fabio's neighbor!?


Helicopters are sooo yesterday! Next show, someone should mix it up a bit and arrive by tricycle!

A guy and his ostrich egg will soon be parted when some drunk guy decides to mosh pit with it!


What's giving me chills? Was it the final rose ceremony's dramatic music or was it Chris Harrison reminding us it was the final rose tonight? Hmmmm.....

TOP 2 MOMENTS FROM EPISODE 1:

Jef rides in on a skateboard. And then chucks it into the bushes! Either totally AMAZING or seriously CHEESY. Haven't decided yet...


This note was clever! Good call!



TOP 5 CHEESY MOMENTS FROM EPISODE 1:

When Joe exits his limo screaming "EMILY!" while scampering about like he's just drained the limo bar. So cheesy!


Dancing with a boombox. That's like sooo 80's! And with a name like MC Stevie, this has to be cheesy!


BIG FAIL. Grandma Randy! So CHEESY!


Ostrich Egg Travis. Humpty Dumpty will soon fall...

The arrival of Erica with a Disco Stick via Helicopter. CHEESY!

THINGS WE LEARNED FROM 
BACHELORETTE EMILY - EPISODE 1:

"You gotta just put on your big girl panties and move on with it!" -EMILY

"I have you have 2 thumbs you could possibly marry Emily. Unless you're THIS guy!" -TONY


"Guys I want babies! is probably not a good speech for a first date. Maybe by the third date...or not!" -EMILY

You can impress a single mom with the fact that you're a single dad!" -DOUG

"Life's not measured by the number of breaths you take but by the moments that take your breath away." This cheesy pick-up line takes our breath away and not in a good way! -JACKSON


Nothing says sexy like a pair of disturbingly large poindexter glasses! -AARON


When someone speaks a strange foreign language, sometimes you just have to counter with...um..."Gracias!?" -EMILY

It's always fun and exciting to bring your HAIR to the party! -JEF


If the shoe doesn't fit, you must acquit! Or something like that... -TONY


Carrying around an ostrich egg may get you lots of ribbing from the dudes. Cause it's WEIRD! -TRAVIS


Arriving by helicopter is either really cool or really d-bagyy! -KALON

Scaring her with the titanium plate in your head is maybe not the best call... -CHARLIE

Pictures of your six kids are probably a deal breaker. That's about 5 kids too many to start off a relationship... -BRENT

Heels and cobblestone don't mix. -EMILY

A sweet letter from your son will score you points with a single mom! -DOUG


A young dude's dream come true--a minivan full of babies?! On this show, hell no! -EMILY


25 DOWN TO 19:

Doug, Chris, Ryan, Kalon, Arie, Charlie, Jef, Nate, Sean, Joe, Kyle, Aaron, Alejandro, John, Alessandro, Michael, Stevie, Tony, and Travis.

LEAVING WITH THEIR EGOS SHATTERED!

Jackson, Lerone, Brent, Randy, Jean-Paul, David.

BRENT: My SIX KIDS will be sad I didn't come home with a new momma for them!

JACKSON: Yo-I'm going back to the GYM!

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

Emily will probably kiss Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy will likely snarf down Travis' ostrich egg!

Jenn:)