Thursday, February 9, 2012

Bachelor Ben Episode 6 - Be One With Nature...Cover Your Tailpipe Please!

Harrisoncrest walks in in a Ben Flajnik mask sporting a fine "Welcome to Panama City" shirt in an effort to one-up last week's shirt. The ladies take him down and try to unmask him a la Scooby Doo and then realize, it really is Bachelor Benny Boo! We thought that was a total let down! Where's Harrisoncrest!? Should we send out a search party to the local cantina!? To the Plaid Shirt Barn!?

What do you get when you cross a Half-Mesnick...

With some cry baby bawling? Another dramatic episode of The Bachelor! Let's tune in...

THE ANNOYING LIST


Lindzi's hair is a hot mess--always in her face!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT

Beaded Bracelets

The Shoulder Poof. Dramatic flair!

THINGS THAT WERE NOT HOT

Barefoot in an ill-fitting romper. Blech!

Not a fan of this neck/chest detail on Nicki's dress. It looks like someone bedazzled mini-me's toilet seat and hung it around her neck...

WINE TASTINGLY CHEESY FUN FACTS

Kacie likes to go to the grocery store.

Courtney has been consistently disappointed by men. Shocker!

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"Maybe we can go skinny dipping this week..." -COURTNEY

"She's kind of annoying." -COURTNEY ON KACIE

"I don't want to make stupid small talk!" -BEN

"Hey girls! Like my boat?!" -STORM HORSE

"These girls they are all soooo prude!" -COURTNEY

"Go bikini-less!" -COURTNEY

"I don't do anything half-assed!" -COURTNEY

"I'm being stolen! Call the authorities. He's taking me away." -COURTNEY

"I had lost all respect for you, I'm not going to lie...We won't be friends. I don't forgive and forget...Nobody treats me like that. Period...Should I bend over and take it up the tailpipe?!" -COURTNEY TO EMILY

"SHUT the front door!" -BLAKELY

"Salsa is sweaty and sexual." -STORM HORSE

"Nobody wants to be a third wheel." -RACHEL

"It's never good when he shows up..." -KACIE ON HARRISONCREST

"Like it wasn't Ben and now I have to find somebody else! WHAAAA!" -CASEY

"I'm feeling like I might be going home! I'm just kidding! HA HA HA HA HA!" -COURTNEY

"Damn--I'm really prude!" -JAMIE

"Ladies. Ben. This is the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

WILL OUR LOVE SURVIVE?
PACK THREE THINGS.


Kacie & Ben

Memorable Moments:

It's a bird, it's a plane?! It's another helicopter!

Oh no, we're stranded! Wait until Jeff Probst pops up out of the bushes...

Kacie's 3 things? A stuffed monkey. WTH?! A Multi Tool of some sort for Storm MacGruber to use. And a bag of candy. Sweet!

Ben's 3 things? A machete. Fishing Net. And Jeff Probst...er...some matches!

Ben freaks her out with his machete. But enough about why he's known as Storm Horse...

Whacking coconuts. Classic!

They caught a fish! Please don't kiss it...

Ben wants to dive in deep tonight and then he realizes Courtney isn't there. Ooops!

LET'S GET LOST

Courtney and Ben
(Plus those other witches--Emily, Nicki, Lindzi, Casey, and Jamie...)


Memorable Moments:

Ben sails in on a seriously long and skinny boat. Is this a metaphor?

The natives capture the ladies and plan to shrink Courtney's head. Or something like that...

It's dress up time! Courtney decides to be one with nature and shake her tatas all around while doing the hokey pokey.

Ben hobbles around in a loin cloth like he's some kind of chief with arthritis. Should have packed some Bengay!

Courtney marks her territory by painting a "Ben is mine so hands off bitches!" tattoo on Benny Boo's back!

The chief dances with his concubine...

Courtney invites Ben to return some sort of favor in room 1611. I give up. Is it a party favor!?

Courtney frolicks around in the background of Ben and Jamie's one-on-one time in her tiny bikini. We laugh at the cheesiness of it all. Ben is such a sucker!

Emily apologizes to Courtney. Courtney swallows that apology little it's a bitter pill and with this face of sheer anger and concentration rams it through her tailpipe. Or something like that...

SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR ME
2 GIRLS. 1 ROSE. 1 STAYS. 1 GOES. YO HO HO!


Blakely, Rachel and Ben

Memorable Moments:

Salsa! Shake it. One. Two...Three...

Ben shows us he has as much rhythm as SpongeBob Square Pants.

Wait, is this a stripper dance class or a salsa class!?

Cocoa Puffs breaks out the tears and a scrapbook she's schlepped together with cutout letters...

BEN: "Um...thanks for the scrapbook and the kisses but I'm giving the rose to Rachel. Buh Bye!"

Ben chases Blakely out of the cafe repeatedly asking her to slow down for a sec. Then they commence the longest goodbye hug in Bachelor history. Rumor has it they're still down there in Panama hugging it out...

GETTING ROSED

Kacie, Lindzi, Rachel, Nicki, Courtney and Emily.

LEAVING BROKEN HEARTED +
A FEW LOVELY PARTING SHOTS


BLAKELY: "Dammit! I made him a scrapbook too!"

CASEY: "Whaaaaaaaaaa..."

JAMIE: "I thought the lap dance was the bomb. What happened?!"

THINGS WE LEARNED
FROM BACHELOR BEN
EPISODE 6

If you get a one-on-one date, watch out for those other jealous witches cause you're going down! (KACIE)

A deserted island can put a relationship to the test! (BEN & KACIE)

There's nothing sexier than a man whacking a coconut. Cause it's just so manly?! (BEN)

There's nothing worse to a girl than stupid small talk! (BEN)

If you come across some natives in loin cloths playing soccer, you should investigate! (THE LADIES & BENNY BOO)

When in Panama--shake your tatas! (COURTNEY)

Nothing says sexy like hobbling around in a loin cloth! (BEN)

When you want him to keep his eye on the prize, frolic around in the background in a tiny bikini. Works every time! (COURTNEY)

Apologizing to Dr. Jekyll can really bring out Mr. Hyde. Don't go there! (EMILY)

Offering him a visit to your hotel room is assertive but waiting for him to show up can be a slow burn indeed! (COURTNEY)

You can flaunt your body to a guy and still be sent home! (BLAKELY)

If you keep talking about being a third wheel, then you're probably the third wheel! (RACHEL)

When Harrisoncrest shows up unexpectedly, be prepared to pack your bags!" (CASEY)

When you admit to being prude and then you straddle a guy and give him a lesson on kissing, you're totally not prude! (JAMIE)

Don't confuse Storm Horse with teachable lessons! All that hair works like a force field... (JAMIE)

Jenn:)

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