Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Bachelor Ben Episode 4 - Winning! I Got a Rose!

We find Prince Pinot of Bachelorville in...Utah! Where he sets his sights on some real beauty. But enough about the scenery! Let's get to the train wreck that is the ladies of Bachelorville...

Welcome to Utah where you can:

Brood over your women folk! Yessindeedee!

Ride a horse like a real man!

But maybe not like this...

THE ANNOYING LIST

Kacie: "If I don't get a date this week I'm going to be hurt." "I no joke sat there and wanted to throw up." "I want that to be meeeee. I just want time with him." "I don't want you having so much fun with Ben!" "I need to get on this date card!" Blah. Blah. Blah.

Courtney's constant hair playing and twirling!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT

Scarves! It was a 5/$10.00 sale at the Scarf Barn!

The side ponytail.

THINGS THAT WERE NOT HOT

Yellow. Nails. No thanks!

This dress is all sorts of wrong!

WINE TASTINGLY CHEESY FUN FACTS

The outdoors are a big part of Ben's life!

When Courtney's around Ben, she blossoms.

Ben's got a rougher more country side. Okay...

Samantha's terrified of horses.

Courtney's never fished before. Ever!

Courtney likes her evening nip!

Jennifer is a little rusty when it comes to dating. Riiiight...

Courtney's always had a boyfriend.

Blakely's the stomp down throw down queen!

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"Don't sit around and talk about the WEATHER!" -HARRISONCREST

"They hate me now!" -RACHEL

"Courtney is condescending and self-centered." -EMILY

"GOSH! My heart kinda melted when Ben rode up on a horse!" -LINDZI

"Catching fish probably isn't that much harder than catching a man..." -COURTNEY

"Winning! Winning! WINNING!" -COURTNEY

"I don't like seeing him fooled by a vegan rod doe-eyed model who doesn't really know which way is up!" -EMILY

"I feel like I'm waiting for a bomb to go off." -COURTNEY

"Courtney is like a statue made of marble. It's really beautiful, but it's cold and it's hard on the inside." -EMILY

"I'm a nice person. Don't $#@% with me!" -COURTNEY

"I almost just want to rip her head off and verbally assault her. Or shave her eyebrows off in the middle of the night." -COURTNEY

"I feel like I'm in a sorority right now." -COURTNEY

"Winning! I got a rose and you don't!" -COURTNEY TO EMILY

"I'm not used to people being rude to me and being aggressive to me." -EMILY

"Ladies. Ben. This is the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LET'S LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE

Rachel and Ben

Memorable Moments:

A helicopter ride! How cliche! And amazing!

Canoeing The Notebook Style! Except that it's Ben and Rachel...

And a swarm of bugs attacked! Ewe!

Storm Horse works his magic with the champagne bottle!

Winking and squinting. Fun times!

Storm Horse spots a BEAVER damn! For reals!

Rachel's a tough one to crack! Uh oh...

Oh lookee! Smores!

LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE A GREAT CATCH

Jamie, Casey, Blakely, Lindzi, Samantha, Kacie, Courtney and Ben

Memorable Moments:

Here comes the Marlboro Man...er...Ben!

Captain Obvious Courtney tells everyone to watch out for...poo! Ewe!

Horseback riding. With Prince Pino. Nicki is a goner! We're bored!

Fly Fishing! They were as excited as if they'd seen a sale at Macys! Really?!

Courtney says it's more about catching Ben, not those stinky trout!

Some fishie gets totally traumatized when Storm Horse and Courtney's potty mouth kisses it. Eweeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Courtney thinks Lindzi would have caught that fish with her bare teeth if she could've.

WINNING! I got a fish!

Nicki is terrified of how much she feels for Ben. So are we, she's barely spent much time with the guy and hasn't even had a 1-on-1 date yet! Cocoa puffs anyone?

Samantha whines about being on 3 group dates and so Ben sends Lady Gaga to the curb!

Courtney pouts and gets that rose from a very scared Benny Boo!

LET'S PICK OUR LOVE SONG...

Jennifer and Ben

Memorable Moments:

Where's my darn hiking shoes!?

Trespassing. What trespassing?!

Dropping down into the water from a crater. Naturally, she's afraid of heights. Shocker!

Jennifer, don't talk with your mouth full! Sheesh!

It rains on their parade.

A Clay Walker concert just for them! Awe!

Oh and joining them is a bunch of Bachette fans! And this blond stalker! Yeehaw!

GETTING ROSED

Rachel, Courtney, Jennifer, Lindzi, Jamie, Nicki, Kacie, Elyse, Blakely, Casey, and Emily.

LEAVING BROKEN HEARTED +
A FEW LOVELY PARTING SHOTS

Samantha-GaGa - He didn't buy my pok-pok-poker face! Whaaaaaa!

Utah Monica - Sweet! I got dumped 2 blocks from my house. I'll just walk home, thanks...

THINGS WE LEARNED
FROM BACHELOR BEN
EPISODE 4

When you want to see if your women can hang in the outdoors, take them to Park City, Utah! (BEN & THOSE PESKY PRODUCERS)

When the conversation is boring, there's always kissing! (BEN & RACHEL)

When on a date, talking to your man is a sign you're more than just a pretty rack! (RACHEL)

When you take charge, you can catch a man. Or a fish! (COURTNEY)

It's hard to kiss another girl when the rest are glaring at you! (BEN)

When he thinks you're hot, you can pout a rose out of him any time! (COURTNEY)

A little baby voice and a little tug of the hair will catch a sucker every time! A bikini doesn't hurt either! (COURTNEY)

Whenever you leave the room, those other witches will bitch about you behind your back! (COURTNEY)

A crater is just a different kind of world. Or something deep like that... (JENNIFER)

You talk smack about his woman, it'll be your own demise! (EMILY)

Never confide in your nemesis's toady. She'll totally rat your @ss out! (EMILY)

Jenn:)

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