Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Bachelorette Amazing Race: Ashley Finally Got Her Period...

Oh be still my beatin' heart, BENT-LEY's in this hotel right now? SHUT UP! Gag!

In an Amazing Nutshell: SHUT UP! Bent-ley's here? $#@% you Bent-ley! Huh!? Lucas and Ashley in a pirate ship. Got any cheeseburgers?! Dragon boat racing with the dudes. PUSH! Ames and his teeth give Ashley an elevator kiss. Captain Sunshine gets the date rose. The dudes threaten mutiny and then wimp out. Ashley confesses to J.P. about that d-bag Bent-ley. Then they make out A LOT! Ashley spills the beans to the 2nd fiddle dudes. The dudes threaten mutiny and then wimp out. Except for Mickey Dog who jumps ship! Blake feels belittled. Buh bye Blakey!

THE ANNOYING LIST

Ashley, stop chewing your lips!

CHEESY CLICHES AND CATCH PHRASES


A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Journey

Dot Dot Dot

THAT'S HOT

Animal Print.

I see plaid is still rad with the dudes!

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT


See through shirts? Not so much...

Letting the girls hang free? Not so much...

Mr. Rogers called. He wants his sweater back STAT!

The gray brigade lives on in Ben's pants!

Ames is to his white pants as Linus is to his blue blankie. Or something like that...

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Ashley believes in fate.

Lucas is known among the guys as "Big Tex."

Lucas has never been to NYC.

Lucas is a real dude!

Ben's a skeptic.

If Mickey says it, then that makes it so. Shut your mouth Mickey!

Ashley can use chopsticks.

Constantine likes cheese.

J.P. stands for Jordan Paul. Not Justa Playa?

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"SHUT UP!" -ASHLEY

"What did I miss?!" -BENT-LEY

"I still can't let it go..." -ASHLEY

"So, this is a period!?" -ASHLEY

"Mission a-F-----ng accomplished!" -ASHLEY

"Maybe we should call it a period." -BENT-LEY

"Just wanted a vacay?" -ASHLEY

"I cannot believe I wasted so much time on Bent-ley." -ASHLEY (We can't either...)

"Bent-ley, if you're watching this. &#@% you. I'm done with you." -ASHLEY

"She'd have a great connection with me if I could get some time... Heh Heh Heh!" -BLAKE

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"Lucas makes me feel like a woman." -ASHLEY

"If Ryan got the rose I'm jumping off the frickin' 61st story..." -J.P. Oops, Ryan got the rose, don't jump man!

"I'm on the path to love. Whooo would have thunk it?!" -BEN

"Everything I say happens. I just need to shut my mouth!" -MICKEY

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"Whatever. You don't want to be here? Then go home. I want to be here." -RYAN

"My biggest pet peeve is waaaasting my time!" -LUCAS

"I suppose that we would all prefer our fairy tales to be simple. But they're not." -AMES

"If you feel so strongly that you want to leave then I want you to take the initiative and leave." -ASHLEY

"Bent-ley..." -ASHLEY

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LET'S FIND OUR GOOD FORTUNE ON THE STREETS OF HONG KONG

Lucas and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Neon. Everywhere!

Lucas is warned he has to be nice to Ashley since there's a rose on this date! HA HA HA HA!

Lucas looks like a deer in the headlights when some Dragons entertain them!

Spicy, Chewy! Pig intestines! Sexy!

LUCAS: "Cheeseburger!" We second that!

Nothing like sailing in Hong Kong on a Pirate ship!

Lucas' top 3:

1. Dance with Ashley

2. Get a smooch.
3. Git that rose!

Wait, was that our first kiss?!?

DO OVER!

LUCAS: "Do you mind?"

LET'S GET OUR HEARTS RACING

Ryan, Mickey, Constantine, Ben, Ames, Blake and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Blake doesn't know a damn thing about dragon boat racing!

Wait, did the channel just change? Is this Bachelorette Amazing Race!?

RACING ARE:

Blake & Captain Sunshine Ryan

BFFs Ben & Constantine

Mickey and Ames

Geniuses Blake and Ryan find a translator named Domino who dabbles as their greatest fan to help them recruit people for their boat.

Ames and Mickey find someone who actually races dragon boats to recruit for their team.

CONSTANTINE: "Let's go out lookin' like Gs!" More like lamers...

Buddies Ben and Constantine figure out it! Buy a red robe, get some dragon boat racers!

Dragon Boat Style:

Consantine and Ben get smoked. Like salmon! Then they unwittingly chant in Chinese that they're idiots the whole way. Singing, Merrily Merrily Merrily, life is but a dream. Idiots!

Ames and Mickey row hard. Mickey screams PUSH the whole way to the win.

Blake and Captain Sunshine Ryan try to keep up. Captain Sunshine pulls a Richard Simmons and tells them they can do this, it's going to be great! Woohoo!

Ames and Mickey for the win! Prize: Dragon statue. But not the girl...

A couple gets engaged in front of them. Awe!

A possibly drunken Ames makes a bold move in the elevator! Wow!

Ashley makes out with Ames and his teeth all the way up to floor 48...

The men sit around and bitch like women about Ryan. Then he gets the rose. Sucks to be them!

Lookee, there's a pool table. Screw time with Ashley! Let's play some pool...

How badly can the guys not stand Ryan? So badly that if Mickey had been Blake paired with Ryan during the dragon boat race, he would have taken his paddle and knocked himself out and then drowned. WOW!

LET'S TAKE A PEAK INTO OUR FUTURE

J.P. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Catch me!

Cheers to them. Awe.

ASHLEY: "When's the last time you cried?" Huh!?

J.P.? He's the most gorgeous guy Ashley has seen in her life.

ASHLEY: "I have something to tell you...I saw Bent-ley two days ago here in Hong Kong."

His reponse? Meh!

But he was a bit scared he was gonna pop out of the bushes!

When J.P. gets rosed a gong goes off... Then they embark on a love tram.

GETTING ROSED
8 DOWN TO 6:


Lucas, Ryan, J.P., Ben, Constantine, and Ames.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

MICKEY: "That somebody isn't me."

BLAKE: "I just want a friend."

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:


Are Constantine and Ben twins!? Separated at birth? Just good...buddies? Hmmm.....

BACHELORETTE FUN #6
HOW TO STAY
AND NOT TO STAY...


5 ways to get that rose:


1. Kiss Ass (Ryan)
2. Make bold moves (Elevator Kiss Ames)
3. Wear a sexy kimono (Constantine and Ben)
4. Choke down spicy pig intestines with her (Lucas)
5. Bent-ley Who?! (J.P.)

2 ways to not get that rose:

1. Act bitchy! (Blake)
2. Tell her to send you home. (Mickey)

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...


Ashley goes all Kung Fu Panda on Captain Sunshine's heart!

Jenn:)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Let's Call it a Wash and Dot Dot Dot to the Finale...

Harrisoncrest takes a break from meditating to welcome us all to Chiang Mai--the most romantic city in Thailand. It's sooo romantic, that our little love saboteur Ashley's afraid she'll be all alone in the end. She's also apparently being stalked by some lamer named Dot Dot Dot...

In an Amazing Nutshell: If you can't fall in love in Chiang Mai, you suck! Sage Ames knows what color Saffron is. Ben F. and Ashley mentally kiss while we napped. The dudes get their butts kicked in Muay Thai Boxing. Ames looks about the same when dazed and confused as he normally does. Strange... WillIAm sabotages Ben C. Then he gets his butt kicked to the limo of shame. The mirror is not his friend. Good times! Nick heads home to find a hottie at the gym...

THE ANNOYING LIST

Stop playing with your bangs Ashley!!!!

BENT-LEY, BENT-LEY, BENT-LEY!

Dot Dot Dot... Don't ever want to hear that phrase again!

CHEESY CLICHES AND CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Dot Dot Dot... (Triple Gag!)

THAT'S HOT

Where's the rest of your dress girlie!?

Legs draped over your guy.

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

Disturbingly large glasses!

This Outfit...

The sweaty and/or rain drippy look. Not so much!

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Lucas claims he's been in some street fights. What, Sesame Street?!

Ames has never been a fight in his life. Really?!??

WillIAm has TWO thumbs and likes to refer to himself as "This Guy." Gag!

Blake walks with a little spring in his step.

Lucas is a golfer. Not a boxer. Maybe a street fighter...

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"No no kissing!" -BEN F.

"HA HA HA HA!" -ASHLEY

"Muay Thai Boxing. The craziest workout I've ever had in my life." -LUCAS

"I might have to come out of my shell and kick some ass." -AMES

"I'm more than just a dentist. I'm a Backstreet Boy!" -BLAKE

"There's no crying in Muay Thai." -J.P.

"I'm totally useful...er...useless in conversation tonight. I'm sooo embarrassed!" -AMES

"2 Men. 1 Rose. 1 Stays. 1 Goes. Yo ho ho!" -HARRISONCREST

"Do I stick out my butt?" -ASHLEY

"It's two dudes. One girl. That's awkward!" -WillIAm

"I'm looking for a MAN!" -ASHLEY

"I leave here, I go back to nothing!" -WillIAm

"I know people are going to think I'm crazy for holding on to someone who left me." -ASHLEY

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LET'S FALL IN LOVE IN CHIANG MAI

Ben F. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

There's a 100% chance Ashley's getting kissed on this date!

ASHLEY: "I wanna buy a dress!"

BEN F.: "Oooh Maaan! Streeeeet Fooood!"

They flash mob some street musicians and take over their instruments. Very poorly I might add!

From painting orphanages to painting parasols. A smiley face. Classic!

No kissing on sacred ground you crazy Americans!!!

Mind kisses are sooo hot! Not!

ASHLEY: "I just want to jump on him! Reeer!" Okay...

He'll throw her wine parties, wink wink!

LET'S BEAT THE $#!% OUT OF EACH OTHER

Constantine, Ames, Nick, Blake, Lucas, Ryan, J.P., Mickey and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Muay Thai Boxing. Finally we're awake!

AMES: "Hands. Fists. Legs. Anything goes.Really, it's pretty wild. Cheerio!"

Ashley feels bad but not really because seeing the guys bust a move is kind of hot!

Captain Sunshine isn't feeling so sunny now is he!?

Ames doesn't kick any ass. But I think he wiped the floor with his...

Suddenly it dawns on Ashley that these guys are like punching each other. For reals! She fears there could be danger! Sooo scary!

Blake kicks Lucas's butt. J.P.: "The Jew from Long Island kicked the Irishman's ass from Cleveland." Ryan kicks Ame's clock. Constantine kicks Nick's butt. Really?

Pinky Ames Goes Down in Flames...

POW!

BOOM!

BAM!

Even after getting his bell rung, Ames is still smiling! Gotta love it!

Ames is so disoriented he shows up dressed for the rose ceremony at the after party...

Ames was diagnosed with being totally in love! Oh, and he's got a mild concussion too...

Ashley and Lucas fake golf. And she sticks out her butt. FORE! Or something like that...

GUIDE ME TO LOVE

Ben C., WillIAm and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

ASHLEY: "It's like out of a movie. Two men are like guiding me down the river!"

WillIAm isn't throwing Ben C. under the bus...but then he totally slams him under the bus!

Riding Elephants? That's soooo Brad and Emily...

These two couldn't have clashed more if they tried blindfolded!

WillIAm: "I'm not fully ready to grow up!"

Aaaaand we're done! Karma's a bitch saboteur WillIAm! HA HA HA HA!

GETTING ROSED
11 DOWN TO 8:


Ben F., Blake, Constantine, Lucas, J.P., Ames, Mickey, and Ryan.

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

BEN C.: So shocked... Watch out Match.com, cause daddy's coming home! Woot Woot!

WillIAm: "Loser. Jackass. Mirror isn't my friend. That's my life. %$#@!"

NICK: "Devastated. Hurts. I think there's someone perfect out there for me. I dont' know when I'll meet her." You'll meet her at the gym!

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:


Anyone else sick of Bent-ley!?

Does anyone really run around using the phrase, "Dot Dot Dot" and "Period" when discussing your relationships!?

After WillIAm's shenanigans, do you think WillIAm and Ben C. were on a plane together back to the states?

BACHELORETTE FUN #5
THE MIND KISS

Ashley and Ben F. demonstrate how to Mind Kiss each other. They think it's hot. I think it's boring!

You kiss almost as good as Bent-ley!

Boy that street food was sooo good!

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...


SHUT UP! Bent-ley D-Bag is baaaaaack!

Jenn:)