Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Bentley's Leaving? Call a Whambulance Stat!

Week 3 and it's time to call a WHAMBULANCE stat!

In an Amazing Nutshell: Ben C. gets flash mobbed by some far east movement. Sounds a G6! Ben C. speed talks about his love manifesto. Creeper's mask comes off and he's flash mobbed by squirrels and falcons. We laugh! Some genius decides the dudes should roast Ashley. She cries. WillIAm runs like a girl. Bent-ley's a skeezer and ...'s out of Ashley's life. J.P. digs her sweats. A confused Ames either thinks he's being drafted or that he's attending a Boy Scout Troops Meeting at the Rose Ceremony. The mask goes up in flames. Creeper goes down in flames. Good times!


THE ANNOYING LIST

Bent-ley Bent-ley Bent-ley...

WillIAm not funny...

Ashley's constant hand action on her bangs. Enough already! We get it. You have bangs. Actually, why do you now have bangs!?

Ashley's constant apologies to the guys! Stop it already!

CHEESY CLICHES AND CATCH PHRASES

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Here for the right reasons

Playing the daughter card

THAT'S HOT

Color coordinating your shirt with your coffee mug!

Skinny white pants

Chunky Necklaces and Short Minis

THAT'S SOOOO NOT HOT

It was a 2 for one sale on Shoulder Loop Shirts. Not liking them so much...


Rockin' the Backstreet Boys Look. Been there, done that!

Gray V-Neck tees. Boring!

A bow tie. A striped bow tie!

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Wanna create the perfect flash mob experience for your first date? You gotta work with Flash Mob America!

Ben C. is a hopeless romantic. Does he know what show he's on!??!?

WillIAm's goal in life is to make someone laugh. Or cry...

The creeper is Zorro's unemployed brother. Who knew!?

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"I can't believe all these guys want to date ME." -ASHLEY (We can't either. Kidding!)

"I want to live in a bubble with somebody. I want to live in some unrealistic idealistic bubble where we're convinced that we are like more in love than couple that ever lived." -BEN C.

"Ashley's diggin' what I'm puttin' out and I'm going to go in for the kill." -BENT-LEY

"I think it's finally time to take this mask off." -CREEPER JEFF

"Hi, I'm Jeff." -GEEZER JEFF

"Behind that mask is some...gutsy humor!" -GEEZER JEFF

"I love a man that can make me laugh." -ASHLEY

"If you can make a woman laugh, you can do anything." -JEFFREY ROSS

"I know I have small boobs." -ASHLEY

'If you get up there and you're soft, you're a douchebag. It's a #%@#!%& roast!" -WillIAm

"This was a roast. It wasn't Compliment Ashley Night!" -WillIAm

"WillAm dug his own grave." -LUCAS

"I'm an idiot." -WillIAm

"I don't want to stay here anymore. Heh Heh Heh." -BENT-LEY

"These tools. These friggin' idiots. They believe me." -BENT-LEY

"Ashley. Gentlemen. It's the final rose tonight. When you're ready." -HARRISONCREST

LOVE STRIKES IN A FLASH

Ben C., like 200 flash mobbers, and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

Ben C. thinks he's on Dancing with the Stars all of a sudden at the dance studio. Wait, didn't I sign up for the Bachelorette?

Ben C. manhandles Ashley's tiny little hand during a high five gone totally awry!

Ben C. freaks at doing their little dance in a public place until he gets robbed! I mean mobbed! By Flash Gordon! Or something like that...

Ben C.: "That is the most ridiculous first date I've ever been on!"

Far East Movement says KISS KISS KISS KISS KISS!

Treating us to a little love smackdown auctioneer-style at a whopping gazillion miles a minute, Ben C. recites his love manifesto which he came up with when he was just not that old. It involves living in a bubble, fantasy, and being more in love than anyone else in the world. Enter KA-RAZY Kasey's Unicorn Love... Gag!

Ben C. blows Ashley's mind. And not in a good way we don't think...

At the end of the date, Ben C. perfects his patented bear hug suck face maneuver. Sexy!

MAKE ME LAUGH

Ames, Ben F., Blake, Chris, Creeper Jeff, Lucas, Nick, Ryan, WillIAm, Bentley and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

The creeper reveals himself to Ashley. Ben F. screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Then the Creeper is attacked by angry falcons and squirrels wielding crackers! Or something like that...


Hi I'm Old...er...I mean Jeff!

Ashley's reaction to Creeper Jeff's face? "Dude, you're like Brad-Womack-Old!"

Ours: We give it 3 geezers!

Some joker asks if his super powers have now been diminished. Good times!

OMG it's roastmaster general Jeffrey Ross! WillIAm gets a little too excited...

Roasting comes from a place of love and affection. Or in these dude's case, being screwed out of Emily or Chantal...

Ashley got her picture on a nifty sign! Think it's now hanging in her bathroom?!


Ames tickles us with his cute mask impersonation.

Ryan shows he's better off sticking to solar panels and skipping to the lou than comedy. We think so too!

WillIAm goes gloves off and sets out to prove he has the biggest balls to roast Ashley and ends up roasting his own balls to a crisp. Then he runs like a girl. Classic!

WillIAm runs away from the party and hangs on the boulevard and then kicks the creeper out of the stairwell so he can pout for awhile...

Ashley cries and Bentley takes the opportunity to mess with her head. He tells her that out of 25 guys at least 24 were excited it was her. He's the 1 that wasn't!

TOP 8 CRINGE-WORTHY ROAST COMMENTS:

"Ames, when is your forehead going to give birth?" -LUCAS

"William your jokes around the house are starting to fall flat. Almost as flat as Ashley." -NICK

"I'm just curious if they're going to change the title of this season from Bachelorette Season 7 to Brad Womack's Leftovers." -CHRIS

When you take away Nick's muscle you get Bent-ley. If you take away Bent-ley's good looks, you're left with Ames. If you take away Ames' intelligence and you get Ben F. Without Ben F.'s suave, you end up with Chris. And if you take away Chris' height, you get WillIAm. And if you talk away all those things, all you end up with is some old guy with no personality. -BLAKE

"60% of the guys are not here for the right reasons...Because 60% of guys in America are boob guys." -BENT-LEY

"They say one man's trash is another man's treasure." -WillIAm

"I mean, I thought I was signing up to be with Emily or Chantal and then Ashley's here." -WillIAm

"Get out your cell phones and donate to the Ashley Boob Fund." -WillIAm

THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME

J.P. and Ashley

Memorable Moments:

He brought her flowers. Awe!

Enough of this cozy fire and wine, let's put on...sweatpants! Sexy!

SLUMBER PARTY time! Woohoo!

ASHLEY: "Thanks for letting me look like this in front of you on our date."

He tells her to STOP apologizing. Thank goodness!

J.P. over Bent-ley in the kiss department.

GETTING ROSED
15 DOWN TO 12:

Ben C., Ryan, J.P., Constantine, West, Mickey, Ben F., Blake, Nick, Ames, Lucas, WillIAm

THE BROKEN HEARTED:

BENT-LEY:

"It's annoying to hold a girl that's just crying. And crying. And crying." -BENT-LEY

"A ... is better than just a ." -BENT-LEY

"Ashley's the type of girl that I would hook up with now and then." -BENT-LEY

"Things could have turned out differently if the bachelorette had been Emily." -BENT-LEY

CHRIS: William's a complete @!#$! Stunned!

JEFF: Damn you mask!

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:

With 25 guys to choose out of tons of applicants, can't they start casting people with different names so we can stop with the extra initials like the Ben C. and the Ben F. crap!?

Anyone think Jeff should have kept the mask on!?

With Jeff gone will we get to see his Falcon and Squirrel pals again!?

Where was the slumber party pillow fight!?

Did Ames think he was at a costume party instead of a rose ceremony? Being drafted? Hanging with the Boy Scouts!? I don't get it...

Did Ben F. roll Professor Plum for his bow tie on the way to the rose ceremony!?


BACHELORETTE FUN #3
HOW TO "..." LEAVE A GIRL
BY BENT-LEY D-BAG





COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

Phuket! Let's go to Thailand...

Jenn:)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Great blog!

If anyone sees this in the Chicago area, there is a casting call for the next bachelor tonight at Rockit Wrigley! I found out this morning on Windy City Live. here's a link for more information: http://bit.ly/lH411E

could be interesting!