Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It's Bachelor Brad: Lion King & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Brad looks longingly out the window of the plane, he really does, wondering what to do. He has no clue. He tries to think of something about each babe. Chantal is a bit emotional. A roller coaster. Ashley's comfortable like an old pair of slippers. Emily's one in a million. Well there you go, case closed!

Oh Good Grief! Brad has to get all Mesnicky on us in Africa. Where there's a railing, there be The Bachelor! Gag!

THE ANNOYING LIST

Ashley's squealing! Make it stop!!!!

Brad's incessant nervous ticks and fidgeting. Make it stop!!!!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT


The Indiana Jones/Outback Look!

Turquoise

THINGS THAT WERE NOT HOT


Ashley chewing her lips repeatedly. Gross!

Daisy Duke Shorts? Not so much...

CHEESY FUN FACTS

Brad has trust issues. He really does!

Ashley's fault is needing to achieve, achieve, achieve!

HE SAID/SHE SAID

"I have NO CLUE what I'm doing right now..." -Brad

"I want what's best for him. It's ME dammit!" -Chantal

"What happens in the fantasy suite stays in the fantasy suite." -Chantal

"I'm making no sense!" -Brad

"What do you think of the mosquito nets?" -Ashley to Brad

"They work!" -Brad to Ashley

"Chris didn't have to tell me that was the last rose tonight." -Brad to a chorus of Ha. Has.

SOUTH AFRICA PART 1 - SABI SANDS

Chantal and Brad

Memorable Moments

Nice hat Brad!

OMG Lions! SHUT UP!

An African Safari--AMAZING!

Brad has lunch with a hippo and Chantal.

Brad tricks Chantal into eating a worm and then he won't. Wuss!

Chantal talks about getting hitched right there and Brad begins to nervously knead his hands together repeatedly into some kind of African flat bread... Okay!

"Brad and Chantal. Welcome to the beautiful country of South Africa. If you should choose to forgo your individual rooms, please use this key to stay as a couple in the fantasy suite...er...tree house. Brad and Chantal sitting in a tree...house...K-I-S-S-I-N-G! Get it?! Be sure to stay inside the netting, there's going to be a lot of HUGE bugs. Don't open your mouth for anything. Oh, and you get to pee in a pot! Have fun you crazy kids! Love ya both, --Harrisoncrest"

It's like an adventure tale fairy tale love story--fear factor style! I think a tree house without plumbing sucks for a fantasy suite!

SOUTH AFRICA PART 2 - SABI SANDS

Emily and Brad

Memorable Moments

OMG! Elephants! SHUT UP!

Emily: "Brad left me alone in the wild...and he had all dag gone day to get ready for this date! What did he forget!? It's possible a lion could come eat me!"

A ride on Tembo the elephant? AMAZING!

Oh My Gosh! Oh My Goodness! Like 100 times! Make it stop!!!!

It's like the Lion King, but better!

They kiss. The elephants kiss. Awe!

Brad's like a prepubescent teenager around Em. For reals!

"Brad and Emily. Welcome to the amazing country of South Africa. Let's cut to the chase. Yeah you're a mom, but Brad's like a nervous schoolboy around you, so help a brother out! We've got some elephants back at the suite and some worms that Chantal wouldn't eat. Good stuff! Be sure to charge the bill to Fleiss. He's the Big Kahuna! Peace out, --Harrisoncrest."

SOUTH AFRICA PART 3, SABI SANDS

Ashley and Brad

Memorable Moments

From Madawaska to South Africa, you've come a long way babe!

All she can think about is whether or not there's another carnival! Since they're like in the middle of nowhere! Or something like that...

OMG! A helicopter! WHAAAAA!

Ashley freaks at that little helicopter and runs away! She's like 3!

God's Window. AMAZING!

Brad toasts to her family and whatever they're doing back home. Like sitting on their one couch eatin' Poutine! Woohoo!

Ashely reminds Grandpa Brad of himself in his 20s. Red Flag!

Brad asks her some tough questions and it's so hard. To think! So many wheels spinning! Like totally!

Brad's got a lot of questions for Ashley. First up, "What's with the crazy hands!? No comprende Crazy Hands!"

She could totally live in Austin--if they have poutine!

"Brad and Ashley. Welcome to the amazing country of South Africa. Brad's confused. You're chewing your lips like a rabid hyena. Why don't you head over to the fantasy suite and make awkward small talk about mosquito nets. You're totally going home tomorrow! Fun times! --Harrisoncrest"

GETTING ROSED

Emily and Chantal

GETTING BROKEN HEARTED +
A FEW LOVELY PARTING SHOTS


Ashley: Saying goodbye is hard!

THINGS TO PONDER

Is Brad really ready for a five-year old?!

Brad said Emily was one-in-a-million. Then he said Ashley was! Fuzzy math!?

BACHELOR FUN #9
LOST IN TRANSLATION:
CRAZY HANDS

WITH ASHLEY

See if you can guess what these hand gestures mean...

a) Man I could really go for some poutine right now!

b) You know this isn't my real hair color, right?

c) You've got some spinach in your teeth...

a) Where was I?!

b) I'm a whiz at small talk!

c) Whoa, back off with the tough questions Dude!

a) I heart you!

b) Which hand is holding the fantasy suite key!? Guess right and we're in for some awkward small talk...

c) Austin?! Who said anything about moving to Austin!?

Jenn:)

Answers: a, c, c

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