Sunday, August 29, 2010

Bachelor Pad Episode #3 - I'd Make Out With Everyone For Like $20

Dumb Smart Girl
Adjective of the Day

Gross - Kissing Weatherman is like soooo Gross!

Welcome to another episode of Bachelor Pad--full of kisses, spitting, snark, and back stabbing. Wouldn't. Want. To. Miss. It! The kissing contest was so cheesy and yet mesmerizing. Elizabeth was excited to kiss them all--that is except for Weatherman. Poor Weatherman needed at least 1 cold shower after kissing Natalie. How about a germ bath!? Poor sweet little Tenley felt rejection from sweaty forehead Kiptyn. What's with the sweating!?

The brilliant strategy we learned from this episode? Couples aren't going to vote out couples, so let's vote off the singles! Yeah! Huh?! Brilliant strategists they are not ;)

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

NOT - From purple clown checks/polka dots to bright pink. That's hawt! Or, nawt!

YES - Loved Nikki's white dress paired with the gorgeous turqouise necklace.

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Wes knows pure science! And that don't come eaaaaasy!

Natalie knows some of these guys are pretty good kissers--from previous EXPERIENCE. Uh huh!

Wes is a total germaphobe!

Kissing boys is so funny to Tenley who's like 12!

Wes dreams about Gia every night.

David has a big mouth. Literally!

When he's not signing autographs for his fans down in Chihuahua Mexico, Wes doubles as a masseuse in his spare time.

Weatherman has a case of the Bachelor Pad Blues.

CRY FEST COUNT:

Nikki
Gia
Elizabeth

LOVE FEST:

Wes and Gia
Elizabeth and Kovacs
Tenley and Kiptyn
Peyton and Jesse B.
David and Natalie

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"Don't come on the show when you know there's going to be romantic challenges if you have boyfriend and then cry about something that you think is unfair." -Natalie

"I get to kiss them? Aaaand they're blindfolded?? I loooove the Bachelor pad!" -Weatherman

"It doesn't bother me at all to watch the other guys kiss Elizabeth. I know it's part of the game. I'm going to do the same thing." -Kovacs

"I just realized how gross this is." -Elizabeth on kissing the guys

"Big deal. We all did it in 6th grade." -Kovacs

"I would make out with everyone in the house for like 20 bucks." -Natalie

"I didn't think that everyone was going to turn into porn stars here!" -Gia

"I'm freakin' stoked for this! Whew!!!" -Weatherman

I'm a passionate person. I'm a passionate kisser. I'm a passionate lover." -David

"Elizabeth has ruined everything for me!" -Kovacs

"He's like the modern day Shakespeare. But better and cuter!" -Gia on Wes

"I don't think he's funny. I don't think he's cute. I don't like the guy." -Elizabeth on Weatherman


KISSING CONTEST

Worst Kisser: Weatherman

Weatherman's technique? "Such a bad kisser! He wouldn't stop kissing me. Uhhhhhaahhh" -Elizabeth

The guys' reaction to Weatherman:

Getting Rosed/Best Kissers: David and Peyton

WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGAS, STAYS IN VEGAS

Nikki, Krisily, Natalie and David

Memorable Moments:


Natalie has a wild streak and she's headed to Vegas!

Going to Vegas with Nikki is like going to Vegas with your grandma!

Krisily's like 12 around David.

Natalie bounces on all the pool furniture like she's 3!

Natalie will do anything to get the rose, including taking her top off. She's THAT girl!

Group hug. Boobs and all. Oh boy...

Nikki laments, maybe she and Krisily should have gone topless and flashed him! Okaaay...

David and Natalie crossed that line! But what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!

Getting Rosed: Topless Natalie
Dumped: Krisily and Nikki

GENTLEMEN, START YOUR ENGINES!

Kovacs, Kiptyn, Jesse B. and Peyton

Memorable Moments:

They burn some rubber! Tire rubber that is!

Kiptyn lies about how he feels about Tenley to get a rose from Peyton! Aaand it didn't work!

Rosed: Jesse B.
Dumped: Kovas and Kiptyn

15 DOWN TO 13:

Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, Tattoo Jesse B., I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, Who? Gwen, Benedict Nikki, Cheatin' Wes, Bitchy Krisily, Dumb Smart Girl Elizabeth, "Kovacs" Jesse K., Abs Kiptyn, Perky Ashley, and Air Craft Carrier Peyton.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Weatherman: Stupidity is rampant in this friggin' world. O yeah ;)

Gia: I'm an emotional wreck right now! Whaa!

NEXT WEEK...

The forecast calls for lots of crying and whining. Hopefully Harrisoncrest had a whambulance on standby. Make sure your mute button is working STAT!

Jenn:)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Bachelor Pad Episode #2 Dumb Smart Girl Loves Dumb Sack of Nails

DUMB SMART GIRL
WORD OF THE DAY

Behooves - To be appropriate or necessary.

Episode two and we're already back stabbing and bitching away! Gotta love it. To sum up, Natalie and Jesse B. went bust, Dumb and Dumber had a shower together, and Gia lost her marbles! Craig's got wonder hair, Nikki is turncoat Benedict Nikki, and Natalie likes to befriend all the dudes. Classy!

In case you need a chart to figure out all the cliques amongst these high schoolers:

INSIDERS VS. OUTSIDERS:

Insiders:

Elizabeth, Tenley, Natalie, Ashley

Kovacs, David, Kiptyn, Wes

Outsiders:

Peyton, Krisily, Gwen, Gia, Jessie

Craig M., Weatherman, Jesse B.

The Benedicts:

Nikki

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

NOT: Sonny Crockett is calling McDangerous and he wants his white jacket back. Or he'll go all Miami Vice on your A$!

MAYBE: The Lavender Sisters. What was with Kovacs, Jesse B., and Kiptyn all wearing shades of lavender? They were so drooling over Harrisoncrest's purple polkadot tie! OK, no they weren't....

NOT! Oh good grief, not agaaaaain!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES - That's the spirit, checks/gingham look for a pie eating contest!

NOT! Checks and polkadots for a rose ceremony - Harrisoncrest, a purple clown is calling and he wants his checks and polkadots back!

NOT! Wes blinds us with his neon green shimmy shirt.

NOT! Taking hat advice from McDangerous? It's like sooo dangerous!

NOT! Bjork's calling Natalie. She wants her tutu back like yesterday!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Natalie's not too sharp with math.

Jesse thinks stuff is like RAD ya know!

Pie is NOT Elizabeth's idea of breakfast.

Krisily doesn't have a gallbladder.

David eats six meals a day.

McDangerous's hair is a multi purpose tool. For reals!

Gia always roots for the underdog. Like McDangerous???

Strategizing gives Krisily goosebumps.

The insider dudes make fun of Weatherman.

Gia has a lot of scars.

Nikki thinks being in the middle is really hard!

Kovacs says he's dumber than a bag of nails! Okaay...

LOVE FEST:

Natalie & Jesse B.

Dumb Smart Girl loves Dumb Sack of Nails

David & Jessie

CRY FEST COUNT:


Come on ladies! Man up!

Tenley
Natalie
Jessie
Nikki

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"Jesse Beck. WOOOH! Yeah, he's cute!" -Natalie

"I don't want to cry because I'm so NOT that girl!" -Krisily

"I sure didn't want to be seein' the girls throw up!" -David

"I'm pretty sure Tenley vomited into the pie and continued to eat. That's pretty gross." -Kovacs

"My hair is a multi-purpose tool. It looks good. The ladies love it. And it can soak up some pie." -McDangerous

"I think Weatherman is more of a threat than I initially thought." -Kovacs

"I want to see an outsider win." -Krisily

^%$#! &^%$! Weatherman! *&^%$! -Gia tells off Weatherman!

"When I give someone my word. It's done!" -Gia with her fingers crossed behind her back!

"Why am I so dumb? You know what I am. I'm a dumb smart girl." -Elizabeth

"I got no strategy." -Wes

"Gia is more girlfriend material than Natalie." -Jesse B.

"These girls are going to stab each other in the back at breakfast tomorrow." -David

PIE HOLE CHALLENGE:

Getting Rosed: Gia & Weatherman

Whaaa!

Forecast is good for this cherry pie!

Um..WTH?!

Forecast calls for rain! Okaay...

REVEAL YOUR TRUE SELVES. NO BRUSHES ALLOWED

Gwen, Peyton, Ashley and Weatherman

Memorable Moments:


That date--was all business! Sorry Weatherman...

Bikini body painting. He was stoked. They were not so stoked...

Are you ready for SPEEDO: THE SEQUEL??! No, no, we're not. Never. Ever...

:-(

HA. HA. HA!

Peyton's like a human merry-go-round. Who wants a ride!?

It was mission accomplished for the puppet master.

Weatherman's pick to date? Gwen.
Gwen's reaction? Not in a MILLION YEARS!

Rosed: Gwen
Dumped: Peyton and Ashley

LOVE IS INTENSE

Wes, Craig, Jesse B., and Gia
Memorable Moments:

She drew from a bowl full of Jesse Becks. Awesome!

Gia promises Craig the rose. Not so fast!

Henna heart tattoos. Awe!

Wes and Gia and a Moroccan massage. Bye Bye McDangerous!

She has the power to change the game. Head says Craig. Heart says Wes. Aaaaand, she blew it!

Rosed: Wes
Dumped: Craig M. and Jesse B.

17 DOWN TO 15:

Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, Tattoo Jesse B., I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, Who? Gwen, WEATHERMAN Jonathan, Sideburns Nikki, Cheatin' Wes, Bitchy Krisily, Dumb Smart Girl Elizabeth, "Kovacs" Jesse K., Abs Kiptyn, Perky Ashley, Air Craft Carrier Peyton, and Model Gia.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

McDangerous: Tough when you're an outsider. Gia lied!

Jessie: My whole plan backfired!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Just what is a dumb smart girl?

What is it about Wes that turns girls into stupes?

NEXT WEEK...

The witch hunt begins!

Jenn:)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Bachelor Pad Episode #1 - Let the Bitch Fest Begin!

Bachelor Pad - for the dumped, the broken hearted, the crazies. Woohoo! If you love Big Brother, Survivor, and the Bachelor/ette, then this show is for you. Bachelor Reunions - they're AMAZING! Unless of course, you're Nikki or Juan. Then not so much...

Back to AMAZE us were: Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, Tattoo Jesse B., I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, Who? Gwen, Snitch Jessie, WEATHERMAN Jonathan, Sideburns Nikki, Juan-ita, Cheatin' Wes, Bitchy Krisily, Tease Elizabeth, "Kovacs" Jesse K., Abs Kiptyn, Perky Ashley, Air Craft Carrier Peyton, KA-RAZY Michelle, Model Gia, and McDangerous Craig M.

Welcome to the love fest, hate fest, cry fest, and bitch fest we'll all soon come to love, Bachelor Pad!

GOSSIP FEST:


Before Entering The House...

Juan wanted a free place to stay in Chicago so he slept with Nikki to get it. Then he dumped her. Oooooh!

Elizabeth & Kovacs have been hooking up...A LOT!

Rumors In The House...

Michelle tried to get it on with Craig M. to get date! Or so Tenley says...

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Harrisoncrest is Wes's amigo! For reals!

Wes is single, he swears to God!

Krisily likes tall dudes.

David likes to wear a red silk eye mask to sleep in. Okaaay...

Juanita will take the money and run over love any day!

Elizbeth calls dibbs on Kovacs!

Juanita snores like a chainsaw!

LOVE FEST:

Natalie and Jesse B.

HATE FEST:

Nikki vs. Juanita

"I don't want to see Juan in the house." -Nikki

"I'm seeing like daggers!" -Juanita

"I'm sorry for being kind of a #@!$" -Juanita

Weatherman vs. McDangerous

Our Little Neurotic Weatherman is at it again!

"I really hope Craig is not here!" -Weatherman

"If his hair shows up without him, great!, but otherwise who needs that." -Weatherman

"He's a category-6 A-hole!" -Weathermam

"The guy's an alcoholic and he's probably completely out of shape." -Weatherman

"Greaaaat, ^%$#Face is here!" -Weatherman

"When Craig won the competition, I pretty much knew there was no God." -Weatherman

CRY FEST COUNT:

Elizabeth (Sheesh! multiple times!)
Tenley
Nikki

THE SCREAMER!!!

Good lord, caught on camera were at least 8 long and loud squeals and shrieks from Tenley! Not to mention some dancing, twirling, and head banging! Make it stop!!!!!

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"Cheers to ME!" -Tenley

"Let the games begin!" -David

"The Weathermaaaaaaaaaaaan!!!" -Natalie

"I feel bad for Nikki because she's so naive." -Natalie

"Poor little Weatherman. He just seems like a guy who needs...a hug!" -Tenley

"Love don't come easy huh!" -Wes

"Who the hell is Krisily? I don't know who the hell Krisily is..." -Weatherman

"I totally can be a bitch!" -Krisily

"I definitely think blondes have more fun." -Elizabeth

"I'm all twitterpated." -Elizabeth

"This is a revolving door of hot chicks!" -Kovacs

"She is all kinds of drama that girl. She is insane." -Elizabeth on KA-RAZY Michelle

"There's some freakin' hot chicks here man. Good looking girls!" -David

"If you hook up with her you probably gotta worry about her chopping your thing off in the night." -Wes on KA-RAZY Michelle

"I think the Weatherman should hide!" -Tenley, when Craig M. arrives

"If I start hooking up with this girl or that girl..." -Weatherman (Let me stop you there Weatherman! Hooking up is NOT in your forecast...)

"My brain just like ate itself." -Weatherman

"On a scale of 1 to smokin' hot, Jessie is definitely smokin' hot." -Kovacs

"I'm running the show." -Craig M.

"I swear Craig M. and Michelle hooked up last night." -Tenley

"I'll do whatever I need to do in order to get the rose." -Elizabeth

"I'm just looking for love guys!" -David

"Lying and deceiving, that's my middle name!" -Kovacs

"I'm in love with Jesse. He doesn't feel the same way back for me." -Elizabeth

"There just weren't enough roses for all of Michelle's personalities. Besides, it's hard to put a rose on a straight jacket." -Weatherman

SOOOO CLASSY!

The Kissing Bandit is off and running!

David LOVES Twister!

Natalie forgets her underwear!

No comment...

The Lady Killer Spritzing Himself!

TWISTED TWISTER CHALLENGE:

Getting Rosed: Craig M.

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO GET A LITTLE COLD TO FEEL THE HEAT

Gwen, Elizabeth, Jessie and Craig M.

Memorable Moments:

Jessie didn't just grab the WHOLE table and bring it in along with the date card on top did she!? Okaaaaay...

Elizabeth wouldn't kiss Jake, Craig M. was mean to Weatherman, two peas in a pod!

Rosed: Jessie
Dumped: Gwen and Elizabeth

Dancing to the Alex Band, um...AMAZING???

19 Down TO 17:

Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, Tattoo Jesse B., I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, Who? Gwen, Snitch Jessie, WEATHERMAN Jonathan, Sideburns Nikki, Cheatin' Wes, Bitchy Krisily, Tease Elizabeth, "Kovacs" Jesse K., Abs Kiptyn, Perky Ashley, Air Craft Carrier Peyton, Model Gia, and McDangerous Craig M.


SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Juan: Disappointed, shocked. This was at the hands of Nikki. She gets the last laugh. Ha. Ha.

Michelle: I don't deserve to be treated this way at all. Tenley turned all the guys against me. Whaa!

NEXT WEEK...

We'll explore this fashion tear down:

Jenn:)