Wednesday, March 17, 2010

20/20 Bachelor Special - Project Lemonade!

No Project Lemonade isn't something Jakey Boy and his Nice Guys Brigade came up with to make money in their spare time when they're not out there fighting evil so that nice guys can finish first! Gag... No, that would be the creation of this guy - The Lemonator:

If you tuned in to see 20/20's special on the Bachelor, you saw a parade of previous bachelor/ettes chatting about those fun old days in the Bachelor house, bitch fests with the other ladies, hanging out at the margarita machine, blah blah blah.

Here's 30 Interesting Things We Learned From this Special:

1. You can take lemons and make DELICIOUS lemonade out of them. Seriously.

2. Those were some snarky fans! You go fans!

3. YO Vienna and Jake - PLEASE STOP WITH THE FACE LICKING. Yuuuuck!

4. There's a master bathroom in the Bachelor mansion where you can tell secrets. Hmmmm...

5. Psychoanalysts would say we like this show because we grow up dreaming of prince charming, the white horse, the fairytale. But what we end up with is Sir Ruckamuck on his Donkey sleeping with like 5 and a HALF other women on the show! Yeah Bob. I'm talking to you!

6. OMG the memories (and the horror) - it was Fleiss that brought us Darva Conger and that dork nerd she married!

7. America's Favorite Catch Phrase? This is the final rose tonight...

8. Ryan and Trista were paid 1 million for their wedding which cost whopping 4 million! That's a lot of pink stuff!

9. Charlie is an alcoholic.

10. Bob is THE MAN to Lemonator Fleiss! Oh yeah...

11. Estella says she didn't sleep with Bob. Neither did Meredith. So who the hell were the other 5 and the half-A who couldn't quite make it to six?

12. Sarah and Charlie - Will they or won't they get engaged?! It's a mystery!

13. Melissa had NO idea Jason was going to get back with Molly. AND she would never date Jason if she saw him on the street--like yuck! Hmmm...

14. The Worst of the Worst: Toe Jam Tanner, Rotty Eggs Alli, Panic Attack Ronda, Selling Records Wes? You be the judge...

15. Making an ass of yourself while drunk on like 10 bottles of champagne can be a wake up call...or not!

16. They cast roles! The shy one. The den mother. The drama queen. The weeper. The whisperer. The wild one. The Career Opportunist. Shocker!

17. Women like to see other women in misery according to the Lemonator!

18. WHAT THE HELL happened to this guy Byron?!?

19. One of Bob's 5 1/2 (I'd bet on it!) Mary is still in love with Byron, who she gave up her life to be his little fishy sidekick. And back up his boat into the water, sleep in ratty motels, and catch stinky fish. All for two birthday drunken fight fest arrests and one nose job. Was it worth it?

20. Only half of the girls (or guys) need to be there for the right reason. Riiight...

21. Matt Grant had $20,000.00 worth of dental work in order to bag a Monkey.

22. "The hot tub is MAJOR baby!" --Lemonator Fleiss

23. Brad has developed social anxiety from doing this show. Thanks America!

24. DeAnna flew all the way to Austin to make amends with Brad. Awe.

25. Firestone is totally happy. And not a question asked about Jen Schefft! Hmmmm...

26. The staff of The Bachelor could use a shave. Big time!

27. Jehan's dating life sucks after doing The Bachelor.

28. Red Van Reidster's dating life is off the charts! Gotta be the glasses...

29. The average guy/girl on this show has sex with 3 people.

30. The Lemonator's dream ending?! Justice of the peace wedding at the final rose ceremony. Classy!


***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Sunday, March 14, 2010

The 1st Bachelor To Get Married: Jason & Molly

We've had a Bachelorette wedding. Finally, after all these seasons, a Bachelor Wedding! Jason and Molly. Congrats! If you tuned in, you discovered lots of fun things Molly got for her wedding--like the 40,000.00 dress which was lovely, the gorgeous shoes, the diamonds, and all that green to decorate to her heart's desire.

And of course, we got to see some of the goofy crew that is former members of this show--gee, you don't think some of them might be on the upcoming Bachelor Pad, hmmm.....:

Here's My Top 30 Jason & Molly's Wedding Moments:

1. Couch seating!

2. Rain.

3. Brownie noses!

4. Chris Harrisoncrest popping into the scene from various angles to talk about the rain like 20 times!

5. Vienna's pink sweatpants--sexy!

6. Rain!

7. Jake & Vienna play "Lady and the Tramp". Who's the lady?

8. Ed got a 3-1 deal on plaid shirts at Macys!

9. Sarah's not gonna live with you Charlie until she gets that bling ring dude!

10. Trista and Ryan=snow, babies, pink. That's all I wrote down...

11. OMG! A pot spoon rester!

12. Jason scanning Molly repeatedly with the Macy's Wedding Registry scanner. Slapstick fun, really!

13. Chris Harrisoncrest pestering the wedding planner when she has like oh another million things to do...

14. Grab your ankles, now butt up ladies!

15. A 7 year-old Jason as superdork wearing disturbingly large glasses!

16. Butterflies! Awe.

17. Rain!!!!!

18. Chris Harrisoncrest pesters another lady who has like a gajillion things to do!!!!

19. Umbrella's being blown up all over the place!

20. Shoes on a silver platter!

21. Paparazzi getting the smack down and Jason taking pictures and giggling. Okay...

22. Jillian and Ed on weddings, "IF we do this..."

23. Advice from Jillian, "Don't do his laundry right away!!!"

24. Rain!!!!!!!

25. And the twist, it's not Melissa...

26. A rainbow and singing Over the Rainbow!

27. Getting drenched during their vows.

28. Molly smears cake on Jason's face! Ha!

29. Gavin DeGraw and Jason Castro perform. One played a tiny "guitar."

30. Molly got her fairytale. Awe.


Saturday, March 13, 2010

I'm 100% Sure & Other Thoughts To Ponder

Ahh, the moment we've all been waiting for!The most dramatic finale evvvvver! We tune in to find our hero Mavdork puzzling over what to do! He was in love with 4 women. Now, he's totally in love with 2 women! Forget those other two! But how can he choose. He ponders the moment, hoping the rings will talk to him and guide him...

He dramatically and shirtlessly poses against a rock wall. He prays he'll be able to choose the right girl! And if not, he can always perform the ever-snazzy half-Mesnick after letting one of them go:


Jake's Family & Tenley

Memorable Moments:

Anyone for a dog pile??!

Jake makes Vienna look like the sinner next to saintly Tenley and then moans, "What did I do?!"

Jake apparently likes to tell stupid jokes.

Tenley makes the whole family cry on multiple occasions!

Lots of crying! Make it stop!!!

Jake hasn't told Tenley he likes to play rough!

Let's be spontaneous and run and jump into the pool and make out in front of my family! Okey dokey!

Jake's family loves Tenley and her little birdies and animal friends too!


Jakes' Family and Vienna

Memorable Moments:

"Just be yourself." --Jake (Oh boy...)

The girls all HATED me! Haahahahahahahaha! Ha!" --Vienna, giggling like a school girl.

Aaaaaand cut to these faces:


Can she get along with the the force that is the Sister-in-Laws!?!?

Brutally honest=immature.

"Do I look fat in this outfit?"

Whaaaa! They so judged her and now they feel bad...Okay...


Memorable Moments:

Stinky Sulfer="Lightening Hot" Love!

"I'm excited to get down and dirty with Jake!" --Vienna

Writing "I love you" in stinky mud...

Three cheers to awkwardly pouring champagne!

Wanna come back to my place for cheese and crackers !? ;)

She gives him her promise ring. Awe.


Memorable Moments:

Tenley's near "jaws of life" smack down greeting!

She's going to kiss him and hug him and play with him all day long! And then sing a little with the blue birdies...

Hey Tenley, our physical chemistry isn't so hot...

He hurts Tenley's feelings and laments, "Oh my gosh, what have I done?"

Jake practically trudges slowly up to Tenley's bungalow for a last night cap.

She gives him a huge shadow box filled with their passionate physical chemistry...

She's going to prove their physical chemistry in every single way! Oh boy...


Something doesn't feel right! She gives a speech THANKING HIM. He says little. Why are you saying goodbye?!!?!? And there she goes in the limo bouncing up and down and left and right all the way down that rutted rocky road of life.

"Goodbye St. Lucia Sun!" Aaand cut to a foreboding cloud...


After literally sending Tenley down that rutted road of life, he's 100% sure in his decision. Yes siree! But first he must be dramatic and give Vienna Motel 6 back her ring making her tear up and make this rather scary face:

And cut to the proposal! She said yes. America might have said, HUH!? We'll see in 6 months...



1. His choice came from his...heart!

2. "Bring it on!" --Tenley

3. Tenley thinks Jakes smells soooo good!

4. Mavdork's Search for the Magical Spark

5. Tenley is one of the sweetest, nicest women they've had on the show! And we love her little birdies and animal friends too!

6. "Hurt hurts." --One of Mavork's more profound ponderings

7. Vienna is Jake's BABY!

8. Let's relive all the Mesnicks! Or not...

9. Vienna's face is a lot thinner!

10. Vienna has a secret boyfriend that's soooo secret, she doesn't even know about him! Take that Tabloids!

11. Vienna's moving to Dallas! What about Jake!?!?

12. Jeffrey Osborn sings On the Wings of Love. Mavdork dips Vienna.

13. The next Bachelorette is...ALI!

14. Ali says screw work! It's love all the way baby!

15. Ali wants like 50 guys on her show! Make it happen Fleiss, or else!


***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***