Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Women Tell All...Or Nothing At All!

It's that time again--the Women Tell All...Or Nothing At All!!! And I think it was probably nothing at all from the looks of it!

Back with us to dish the dirt were: Kathryn, Emily, Channy, Ella, Ashley, Valishia, Ashleigh, Corrie, Christina, Jessie, Elizabeth, Michelle, Ali, and Gia--oh and Roz who they had stashed in some closet with a big burly guy for most of the show!

25 FUN FACTS & MEMORIES
FROM THE WTA:


1. There have been nearly 500 bachelor/ettes on this show since season 1!

2. This guy Jessie has got to be a fame whore if there ever was one:

3. Jake showering makes Ashley blush.

4. Ashleigh faked that fall--totally!

5. Michelle scared the living bejeezus out of everyone!

6. Jessie thinks Tenley fell out of a Disney movie.

7. Gia thinks Tenley S#!%$ rainbows!

8. Vienna suspects Tenley dreams in cartoons. For reals!

9. Ashleigh kinda feels bad she called Vienna a "White trash trailer f'n hoar." Kinda...

10. Elizabeth's strategy was no kissing which was kinda stupid when she viewed it. Hindsight...

11. Roz is a 10,000 lb elephant!

12. Roz vs. Harrisoncrest, cage match at 2pm after school at the flagpole. Be there!

13. Harrisoncrest, Ella, Jessie, Christina, Ashleigh--all liars! Totally!

14. That's Roz's story, and she's sticking to it! Unlike some others...

15. People on this show like to make out with other people on this show. Awe.

16. Michelle shed more tears per minute than anyone in the history of this show! Classic!

17. Valishia thinks maybe Michelle's a little unstable...

18. Michelle was embarrassed that Jake didn't want to kiss her...

19. Ali gives a shout out to that wench Vienna and tells her to stay strong! Peace out!

20. On my child's life that never happened! On my dog's life I'm not lying. Whaaa!


21. Fried uterus?! What massage!? Hitting on someone's wife in New Zealand?! Details!!!

22. Ali would bet her job that there are no hidden cameras in the Bachelor house!

23. Jake regrets not keeping Christina longer--she's sooooo darn funny that gal!!!

24. Jake wants to know Harrisoncrest's secret for pearly white teeth!

25. Jake's totally happy. Awe!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Let's Lick Faces & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Going to St. Lucia? A spiffy shell necklace is totally a requirement for a dude! 3 overnight dates, 3 Harrisoncrest cards, 1 sad sack going home. Gotta love it! Or not...

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS:

Ali likes to sit around hotel rooms with a few 8 x 10 glossies of Mavdork. Fun times!

Tenley doesn't have picnics with boys often!

ST. LUCIA PART 1

Gia and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Jake wonders, really, this girl likes ME!?!? We wonder that too!

Daisy Duke Gia sneaks up on a very unsuspecting Mavdork!

Gia thinks they're in the Bermuda triangle. Okaaaay...

Mavdork does his best trying to get jiggy wit it. OMG!

Jake buys Gia a necklace with a heart--and she isn't ever going to take it off her...WRIST! Awe.

They took a leap of faith--off a dock so darn big it was just that tiny!

Gee Gia, you're so gorgeous but yet you have some real depth to you!

Chris Harrisoncrest's Note to Gia and Jake: "Gia, it's Chris here. Welcome to St. Lucia. No, we're in no danger of you taking us to the Bermuda Triangle of love--you'll learn that in due time....While you're enjoying your stay and that brightly striped table cloth, here's a chance to get to know Jake better. Be sure to charge the snacks to Fleiss, he's the Big Kahuna!"

ST. LUCIA PART 2

Tenley and Jake

Memorable Moments:

A picnic at a plantation! Sweet says the little blue birdies!

Man these carrot sticks are good!

Jake's a naughty boy! Animals and birdies cover your eyes while Momma Tenley kisses Jake like forever!

They dance, they twirl, they dip! Awe.

Chris Harrisoncrest's Note to Tenley and Jake: "Tenley, Chris here. It's time to kiss another boy--in private! You play your cards right and Jake might just fly you to the Cayman Islands one day. I'm sure he will...Go on now, before you miss your first sunrise as a couple in the fantasy suite! Sorry, the birdies and animals have to stay behind with the production crew. Fantasy suite rules. Peace out!"

ST. LUCIA PART 3

Vienna and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Arrrrrgh! Me Pirate Mavdorky, Me wear an eye patch and squint my other eye!! Arrrr!

Let's lick faces wench! Fun times!


Shooting canons and squealing. Lots of squealing. Make it stop!!!

Arrrr, me pretty, climb this rope and kiss yer pirate cap'n. Oh wait, we're supposed to be afraid of heights. Ooops!

Jake. A bandana. A fake kiddie sword. And some sword-Ass slapping. Classic!

It wouldn't be a pirate ship without someone getting pushed off the plank! Heave ho! ;)

I see we're continuing the pirate theme with the very bright parrot table cloth!!

Chris Harrisoncrest's Note to Vienna and Jake: "Shiver Me Timbers Vienna! If you thought all this dorky pirate stuff from today went to Davy Jone's Locker, just wait until you get to the fantasy suite with Jake! He's likes him some booty, you can bet on it! But remember, dead men tell no tales! Arrrr!!"

Oh boy, a phone call from...Ali! She's sad, sniffling, rolling around a hotel suite kitchen floor. Puttering around in robe. Drooling over glossy 8 x 10s of you. Pathetic!

THINGS TO PONDER:

What's with the giant rhinestone BOW?!

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #7
CAP'N MAVDORK'S PIRATE LINGO GUIDE

Ahoy -- "Hello!"

Blimey! -- An exclamation of surprise.

Booty -- Loot.

Davy Jones' locker -- The bottom of the sea.

Maroon -- A fairly common punishment --the victim was left on a deserted island.

Me hearties -- Typical way for a pirate leader to address his crew.

Shiver me timbers! -- An expression of surprise or strong emotion.

Walk the plank -- A piratical execution.

Wench -- An individual of the female persuasion. "Saucy" is a good adjective to add to this.

Yo-ho-ho -- A very piratical thing to say, whether it actually means anything or not.

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Jake's A Big Baby & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

4 AMAZING WOMEN! 4 Cheesey home town dates! And we wouldn't have it any other way ;)

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS:

Jake will not let the sun go down if there's a problem to be worked out!! No siree!

Gina's favorite thing to do in NYC is to...sit on her stoop and watch the taxis go by! Oh boy...

Ali has a heart of gold.

Mom's intuition sucks on this show! Totally!

Jake's a team player!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I have fallen for 4 women." --Mavdork

"I'm not a jealous guy." --Mavdork

"I'm a big baby." --Mavdork

"We'll be a WE!" --Tenley

GIA'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

NYC is her city!

Jake was lost looking for the Empire State Building until Gia pointed it out! Totally!

Kissing picture!!!

Gia: Like, Like, Like, Like, you know...Uggghhh!

Gia's brother will hunt down and break Jake's legs! For reals!

They sit on her stoop and smooch!

ALI'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

Wow another chat on a bench! Totally not overused for this show. Not at all!

They catch leaves and make wishes. Awe.

Lots of squealing!! Make it stop!!!

Ali's family has researched Jake online.

TENLEY'S HOMETOWN:

Memorable Moments:

A run, hug, and a twirl with Tenley and her animal friends while they walk in the woods and share cocoa and good times. Awe.

Tenley dances her little heart out for Jakeypoo with her hair plastered all over the front of her face. And she didn't trip at all...

Tenley's parents turned her room into a den when she left home! Ha.

LOTS of crying! Make it stop!!!

VIENNA'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

A swamp. An alligator. A white T-shirt. Holla!

Good luck with her dad, Jake!

Her dad claimed he cried because she hugged her dog first. Hmmm....

You treat Vienna like a princess and she'll keep your house clean as a whistle!

Vinnie walks in on Jake and Vienna smooching. Awk-ward!

2+ hours of Ali crying, snorting, sniffling, mussing up her crazy hair, boobs falling out of her dress, legs all over Mr. Roboto. Pathetic!

OH YES! Here it is the moment you've been waiting for. Another Mesnick on a stair railing! OH HAPPY DAY!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Egads, did Gia style her bro's hair???!

Does Ali wear a lot of golden yellow because she has a heart of gold???

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #6
ALI'S MAKE A WISH ON A LEAF!

1. If you spot a falling leaf, catch it and you can make a wish. Will it come true? Probably not--at least not on the show...

2. If you have no falling leaves, have some Mavdork shake a tree branch for you!

3. Picking a leaf that falls on another person does not count!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Hallmark's Calling Jake & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Oh wow, it's the San Francisco Treat, San Francisco--famous for it's Rice-a-Roni and it's newest Bachelorette Ali! You don't think the budget buster Fliess wanted to go to San Francisco in order to do some footage for Ali's Bachette show and kill two birds with one stone do ya!? Hmmm...

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS:

When Tenley gets a date, she bounces off the walls and couches and everything else in sight--literally!

The girls have made a slave of Vienna-she must fan them with her pillows!

Oh those cheesey lines! Jake must work for a greeting card company. Just sayin'

Corrie likes to rile up Ali!

Ali's favorite flowers are daisies.

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"You suck at life!" --Ali to April Foolster Corrie

"A marriage isn't going to be perfect. But the love can be." --Mavdork

"Cheating is a choice!" --Mavdork

"I'm my dad's princess and now I'm Jake's Queen and he's my prince charming!" --Vienna Motel 6

"She is...Vienna!" --Gia

"You can eat my salmon." --Gia to Vienna Motel 6

'It's OK to fall." --Mavdork

"I assure you, I had dirty thoughts!" --Mavdork on Vienna Motel 6

"It's not about sex appeal. It's about heart appeal." --Mavdork

LET'S GET OUR LOVE ON TRACK IN SAN FRANCISCO

Tenley and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Jake thinks Chinatown is a foreign country! Or something like that...

Funny Hat moments!

There just happened to be a guy in an alley playing an instrument and he wasn't a homeless person!

After climbing Coit Tower they were doing some serious huffing and puffing!

Their fortunes both said "Kiss me!" Awe.

They share a magical kiss and then Tenley's little blue birds and animal friends joined them in song! Aa Ah Ah Ah Ah. Tweet Tweet!!!

COME BE THE QUEEN OF MY CASTLE

Gia, Vienna and Jake

Memorable Moments:

They got a trunk full of clothes and scarves fit for a queen! Or a bachelor contestant...

Gia's the sad sack third wheel when she's not making out with Mavdork in the castle!

Oh boy! They brought their toothbrushes--so they can stay the night!

Vienna pretends Gia isn't there and whines about Ali.

Vienna goes in search of Gia and Jake with her old-timey lantern. She gets really scared! She can't see the cameraman behind her, she fears she's lost and might never be found!! Lots of squealing and crying. Make it stop!!!

Vienna sneaks into Jake's room and finds him shirtless! She must leave at once (after they share some wine) before she see's his secret underwear!!!

LOVE IS A WALK IN THE PARK

Corrie and Jake

Memorable Moments:

A bridge. A canoe. Birds. Awkward laughs.

Corrie is 90/10 on the kissing thing. Jake's more like 80/20. Ooops!

The California Academy of Sciences--Sexy!

I WANT TO LEAVE MY HEART IN SAN
FRANCISCO--SHOW ME YOUR CITY


Ali and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Jake buys Ali flowers.

Lots of squealing. Make it stop!!!

Mavdork plays the coffee mustache game. Lame!

Massages and straddling in a public park!

A seagull scores a crab. Hmmm...

They run fully clothed into the water and there go Ali's $400 boots! But hey, it's for love right?! It's not like she's going home anytime soon or anything...

THINGS TO PONDER:

Anyone else notice the furry blankets that keep reappearing!?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #5
5 OTHER THINGS TENLEY AND
JAKE
WROTE IN THEIR FORTUNE COOKIES?

1. Let's Sing With The Blue Birds!

2. Let's Dance!

3. Let's Play Twister!

4. Let's Talk About My Ex Some More!

5. Let's Trash Vienna!'

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***