Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Mr. Dateless Shaves On A Barrel & Other Thoughts To Ponder

Guess what ladies?! You get to ride around in an RV! And you've only got one hour to pack! Yes, Gia, there is a shower! Woohoo. Or not.

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS:

Ella thinks the RVs are so "dang excitin'!"

They're all carrying their dead dried roses along with them. Awe.

Ali and Vienna are like Tyson and Holyfield according to Gia.

Tenley thinks flannel makes a boy (Mavdork) a man--so rugged!

Camping is a huge part of Jake's life. Seriously...

Tenley can howl like a wolf with the best of 'em!

Jake's the best one-handed smores cooker Gia knows!

Ali likes to vomit in her mouth when Vienna gets a rose. Just for kicks!

Jake likes his girls dirty! And he likes to say the word dirty--like at least 50 times!

Ashleigh thinks Tenley may be psychotic because she's bubbly 24-7!

There's nothing better than a sexy lumberjack (Mavdork) according to Ali!

She's not a gossiper, but Jessie's totally a gossiper!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I'd rather ride in a bike behind the RV than be with Ali and Tenley." --Vienna Motel 6

"I am ready to get my relationship with Jake rolling down the highway of love." --Ella

"We are probably going to be the most disfunctional family that has ever driving down the California coast." --Corrie

"Have your fun with him cause I'm gonna marry him!" --Vienna Motel 6

"I love dirty girls!" --Mavdork

"I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Vienna needs to go home!" --Ali

Tonight's cheesy moment brought to you by Whiskey Barrels and Flannel--so AMAZINGLY rugged! Jake shaving on top of a whiskey barrel at a winery. Okaaaay...

LET'S GO OVER THE MOON AND BE UNDER THE STARS

Gia and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Gia wears stillettos to a picnic.

They play hide-and-seek in the winery. Classic!

Gia wonders if Jake's out of breath after playing hide-and-seek for like 2 minutes.

Gia used to have her shoes stolen and Jake was Mr. Dateless in high school. Hmmm.....

They play spin the wine bottle for two--lots of giggles and kisses. Gag!

Gia says that was the BEST kiss of her life. Uh yeah...

Jake seriously wanted to see how Gia would handle camping and eating hot dogs. Because you know in NYC, they don't have hot dogs. Not on stands on street corners. Nada! No siree!

Mavdork can start a fire!

Gia wants to pull a Jolie and adopt a kid from another country--China! Then she throws a pot belly pig in there for good measure--just to help seal the deal. Oh yeah!

NEXT STOP--FALLING INN LOVE

Jessie, Ashleigh, Tenley, Ali, Vienna, Corrie and Jake

Memorable Moments:

This date is so dirrrrty!

Lots of squealing! Make it stop!!!

Jessie gets her dune buggy stuck in the sand.

They go sand surfing and face plant in the sand!

Jake and Corrie go rolling together in the sand. And Tenley's little blue birds and animal friends follow them all the way down singing and chirping a la Disney! Awe!

Corrie in a very un-Disney-like moment slaps Jake's ass!

Ashleigh practically lays on Jake trying to get a kiss and he's as stiff as board! And we were bored!

Vienna wants to talk to Jake last! Prompting America's "sweetheard" Ali to rant, "What the F%@& is WRONG with that girl!? Seriously!!?"

Tenley practically lays her boob on Mavdork's face. He seems oblivious. Hmmm....

Mavdork lectures Vienna that she eggs on all her troubles!

2 GIRLS. 1 ROSE. 1 STAYS. 1 GOES. YO HO HO! --Chris Harrisoncrest

Kathryn, Ella and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Jake lights their way with an old-timey lantern!

Jake and Ella drink red wine. Kathryn has to be different and demands white!

Kathryn's just a sad sack third wheel!

Jake is so lost in Kathryn's beauty and those eyes! So he sends her packing and then burns the rose into oblivion! OH HAPPY DATE!

I'm totally praying that you'll decide not to give out of one your roses!!! This is sooooo going to make for TV Drama!!! Yeehaw! --Chris Harrisoncrest

Vienna gets a rose. Ali has a meltdown and it goes something like this: "Why IS SHE HERE!?? How could he possibly KEEP HER HERE!??? If that's what HE WANTS, I AM NOT WHAT HE WANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can he look at her and think she could be his wife??!? How the F#@& could he look at her and think that!?!?" WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

So does Ashleigh: "Vienna! Over ME!!!?? Are you F#@&!%& kidding me?!!? I PITY HIM! PLEASE, SPARE ME!" Whatever!

THOUGHTS TO PONDER:


Do you think Ali likes yellow or is that all they had on sale at Dress Barn?!??

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #4:
GIA'S SPIN THE BOTTLE GAME RULES

1. First kiss=cheek
2. Second kiss=lips
3. Third kiss=all the way!

And don't forget Gia's magic spin! Follow these rules and you might just have THE BEST kiss of your entire life!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I Came Here To Find Love With Mavdork & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

I'm baaaaack! The season's nearly over and I'm a few snarky comments short of a full Blog season! Finally getting caught up. So where to begin--taking us back to episode 3 when Jake and Vienna Motel 6 took that "leap of faith." Awe. Gag! Let's go down memory lane, shall we...

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS!

Golly gee wilikers! Mavdork likes adventure dates!

Vienna is scared of heights. So is Mavdork. Shocker!

Michelle has a back tat.

Vienna is a bit of a feather-ruffler...and she's nurturing! Okay...

Vienna doesn't like to kiss and tell. Ali is so over that! She'd rather watch paint dry...

Elizabeth has trouble with knock-knock jokes.

Elizabeth is many colors of a rainbow. She's no vanilla!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I'm very attractive. Vienna is the opposite of me." --Ca-razy Michelle

"I'm really fun." --Vienna Motel 6

"She's the life of the party." --Mavdork on Vienna Motel 6

"I can't be strong 100% of the time." --Mavdork

"I'm on cloud Jake right now!" --Vienna Motel 6

"Settle down, I'm not the Bachelor!' --Jon Lovitz

"When I finally kiss Jake it will definitely be long and passionate, soft, crazy tongue-in-your mouth, goin' crazy, pulling hair, ripping the clothes off!" --Totally CA-RAZY Michelle

"I really think she doesn't need a husband, she needs a therapist first." --Elizabeth on Michelle

"I'm trying to make all of these women happy. I'm not a serial dater." --Mavdork

"You gotta give me something more than that. Are you kidding???! That was NOTHING!" --Ca-Razy Michelle on Mavdork's Kiss

LET'S FALL HEAD OVER HEEL'S TOGETHER

Vienna and Jake

Memorable Moments:

The two people who are afraid of heights go on a...bungee jumping date! Never saw that one coming...

Little does she know, those witches back at the house wish Vienna would jump out of that helicopter!

Vienna thinks Mavdork is out of his mind!

Jake has a semi-meltdown Mavdork-style and it went something like this: "I can't be....strong...100% of the time! Maybe like 99% or I can give you 10% but I....OH MY GOD...oh my God...OMG!!! That's reaaaaallly high. Really high and I don't think I can do this! Ohhh, Ohhh Mahahaha God, S#!%, shake, shake, shake, sooo dizzy...."

3 butt squats and they jumped off that bridge thingy! Weeeeeee!

They shared their first kiss. Upside down. Awe.

Jake thought that high-pitched girlie scream was his own. HA HA!

They drank out of glasses that were like 20 feet tall!

LOVE IS NO LAUGHING MATTER OR IS IT?

Corrie, Elizabeth, Ali, Tenley, Ashleigh, Jessie, Kathryn, Michelle and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Michelle nearly runs Jakeypoo over!

Ashleigh has a rather lame meltdown. It goes something like this: I'm pretty emotional! I put on a good front! I've got a great poker face. Ma ma ma poker face! Something came over me--now I'm a nervous girl with a big red nose. Whaaaaa! Clearly--I'm not happy right now! I'm on another planet. Whaaa. Sniffle." Whatever!

Ali's joke involved Tigger, Toliets, and Pooh. Uh. Okaaaaay...

Jessie insulted Greeks. And she didn't break any plates doing it. Da da dun!

Tenley can form herself into a pretzel minus the cheese dipping sauce.

Elizabeth has a POTTY MOUTH! Nobody wants to kiss that thing Miss f-thang!

Kathryn fakes Jake out for a kiss. He's still confused today about what just happened...

Hey Michelle, Jon Lovitz called. He wants his coconuts back! And quit trying to get a hole in one on his green! Or something like that...

The producers made Corrie insult Vienna Motel 6's hair extensions and her trash talking ways.

Sloshed Asleigh told some blond jokes...about herself!

The girls try to make a pact. Didn't involve any blood sisters or anything.

Ali and Michelle banter back and forth. I..CAME..HERE..TO..FIND..LOVE! and YOU'RE BEING MEAN TO ME RIGHT NOW...Whaa!

AAAAND then she crashed and burned! Sorry Mom, no grandkids just yet...

Michelle demands a kiss from Jakeypoo and inhales his lips. And that's all she got! He sends her packing off to her therapist! Well, the ABC therapist anyhow...

Vienna and Gia have a brief tiff. Gia calls Vienna out on being a drama queen. Vienna says all the girls are as fake as her hair extensions! Holla!


LET'S LIFT OFF TO ANOTHER WORLD

Ella and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Welcome Jake and Ella to Sea World where we serve...champagne!

Jake shows us he'd be a good dad by helping Ethan with his zipper. Then he helps rescue Ethan's fake plane.

Snooooooze!

THINGS TO PONDER:

What's with the off the shoulder tops!??!

Does anyone think Michelle is totally normal in her regular life and that was just a bad edit?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #3
JAKE'S TIPS FOR KNOWING
WHEN YOU--YES--YOU ARE THE BACHELOR!


In case the camera crew, limos, and cheesy dates didn't tip you off...

When every girl you ask on a date says...yes!

You spend more time in a hot tub than anywhere else...

When the only other man you see and winks is Chris Harrison

When you're biggest dream of finding true love is about to come true.

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Where's That Damn Staffer With the Cue Cards & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Sorry ladies, the staffer that provides us with all of our cue cards has been let go...so we'll just have to WING it from here on out, like On the Wings of Love Style Wingin' it!

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS:


Number of times the word Amazing was choked out: 7!

Corrie's fashion "bible" is In Style! Like totally!

There's nothing like a curtain to bring out the playful side of Mavdork!

Jake has a kissing routine. It goes something like this: kiss, smile, laugh lines, kiss, smile, more laugh lines!

Ali's a J girl! Jim! Jason! Jared! Jordan! Aaaaaand Jake! And that's no Joke...

Tip for the Guys! When Michelle feels ignored, she'll totally pack her bags!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"This is going to be the best first date with my future husband." --Not Christina

"I'm officially freaking ouuuuuut. I'd rather be doing a math test." --Christina

"We have a bikini BUSTA!" --Gia

"Diiiiiamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds! Oh mahahahaha goodness. WOW." --Michelle

"I wish she hadn't had quite as much to drink." --Jake...like...so disappointed in Christina

"I'm starting to feel like a lepper!" --Rozlyn

"I hope you're not afraid of daredevil stuff." --Mavdork

"I promise you're in good hands." --Jake to Ali (Oh boy...)

"Jake is my man, he just doesn't know it yet!" --Ashley

"I have been waiting my entire life to meet a guy like Jake." --Vienna Motel 6

"I think the girl's crazy! She's friggin' Debbie Downer every single day all day!" Vienna Motel 6 on Michelle

"Can I get my rose back?? Whaaaa!" --Jake

DELUSIONS WITH "CA-RAZY" MICHELLE!

"WHAAAT are you doing?! You're supposed to be with ME!"

"I'm the woman he's been looking for!"

"I'm not ordinary like the other women."

"I'm the nice girl everybody hates!"

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

Corrie, Gia, Rozlyn, Christina, Valishia, Ashley and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Oh boy it's an SUV limo!!!

Lots of giggles. TOO MANY GIGGLES. Make them stop!

Jake has a pal named Hal.

Christina has a meltdown. It goes something like this: "I'm freeaaaking ouuuuut! A photo shoooooot...not gonna lie...nervous...Roz is like so HOT! Got hives...aaaaa...my hands are disgustingly dripping with sweat like a 5 YEAR OLD GOING TO RECESS WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lemme finish my drinky poo...jump off a cliff...am I at Prom?! What's going on?!??...whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

Rozlyn hikes her leg and shows off her "cha cha."

Ashleigh practices her bikini pageant walk for Mavdork.

Playing chicken in the pool. Another fine Bachelor/ette moment we couldn't live without. Or not...

He totally must have an ABS clause in his contract! That and playing peekaboo with a curtain ;)

Christina gets sauced! BIG TIME. And a conversation with a tipsy Christina goes something like this..."Like...so excited...like...to be here...like you're such an AMAZING guy...like yeah...like CA-RAZY!!! Like da na na na na...na na na na...na NAAAA! I'm the BABY! Like...hmmmmm, ding, ding, ding...like I'm soooo the NORMAL one! My ta tas aren't...like...out to play...like..."

Mavdork demanded Rozlyn freeze on that roof top while he rode up and down the elevator like 10 times before returning with a rose shoved down his butt--thorns and all!

COME FLY WITH ME

Ali and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Ali's the luckiest girl in the world! Because when you're scared of flying, getting to fly is such good luck! Or so the 7th glass of cheap champagne told her.

Totally didn't see this one coming, now did you?! "On the wings of loooooove. Only the two of us. Together flying hiiiiiigh!" Not counting the staffers in the back of the plane of course...

Ali is totally flying high. On wings. Of Love. No sweetie, that's the stinky cheese that's got you all verklempt...

Surprise! Golly Gee! You get to run a mile barefoot across this polo field with your ta tas bouncing out of your strapless gown so we can dance to...CHICAGO!!!!!!!!! Totally your parent's favorite classic band! Woohoo! Sexy!

LOVE HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS

Elizabeth NE, Jessie, Kathryn, Ashley, Vienna and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Mavdork is looking for his best friend! Because best friends like to hang out at amusement parks. And write notes to each other!

Loved the jaws style scary elevator music!

Elizabeth writes Jakey Boy a note! It goes something like this "So sneaky! I am! I've poured my heart and soul into this ratty piece of paper I stole from Rozlyn's staffer friend. I like to write real tiny! Totally not a sign that I've got any issues at all! Nope, not me, so let's play a game! You can't kiss me until you pick me! Ha. Ha. Sucker! PS: Let's have a really cheesy moment later together for laughs!" Like this one:

Being engaged to a Pastor's son while in high school and then running off to marry a man you don't know is either appalling or hilarious according to Vienna. Okay...

Ashley is a few margaritas short of knowing when not to interrupt!

Elizabeth, the TYPE-A NOTE TASK MASTER, lectures Vienna on using her time with Mavdork wisely! Like duh Vienna!

Ashley and Jake bond over their cheesiness. Big laughs!

Mavdork makes out with Elizabeth's forehead! Sexy!

ROSE CEREMONY FUN:

"F--- her!" --Ali on Rozlyn. Classy!

Harrisoncrest freaks! He's got extra lines to memorize for the rose ceremony! Totally without his cue card staffer. Need a champagne glass and a knife STAT!

Rozlyn gets booted for an "inappropriate relationship" with a staffer! See, he thought while he was taking breaks from creating cue cards like "AMAZING" and "JOURNEY" and "HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS" that it was also his job to give the girls a test ride for Jake! Okay...

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did anyone else notice how Jake kept keeping his hands behind him when Ashleigh was wrapped around him like a python in the pool? Looked totally romantic. Totally...

Why didn't Jake want to talk to Rozlyn to get her side of the story?

Who was the scary guy helping Rozlyn pack?

Has Chris Harrison ever had this many lines in one episode ?!??

If Jake had kept Rozlyn, who do you think he would have sent home!?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #2
MAVDORK'S 5 FAV
TOP GUN LINES:


Jake stated in an interview that he's memorized all the lines in Top Gun! Okey Dokey Then!

1. "I feel the need! The need for speed!"

2. "That's a negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full!"

3. "Hey Goose! You big stuuud!"

4. "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash!"

5. "Take me to bed or lose me forever!"

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Monday, January 4, 2010

MAVDORK Won't Finish Last...Ever A-GAIN!

Peacock Feathers, Dirt, Picker Spinners and a few Slices of Crazy Pie. Eat a few Jelly Bellys and Let's get to it!

Oh boy, it’s that time again! Monday night cat fights a la The Bachelor! Thanks to ABC for bringing us this gem once again! And what a doozey it's going to be. Apparently there's an alleged cheating scandal...or not...By the way, did you know, Jake's a PILOT! Oh yes! And one of these lucky gals gets to be his CO-PILOT. Or passenger. Or Whatever...

I thought it would be fun to highlight (rather than recap) some tongue-in-cheek memories and "tips" from Bachelor Jake's quest to finish first as a Nice Guy! He's leader of the Nice Guys Brigade after all! Everyone gather around. 1----2----3----JAAAAAAAAAAKE!

For full recaps here are two other blogs that have been around for quite some time: Reality Steve and Lincee:

www.realitysteve.com
www.ihategreenbeans.com

And share your funny and snarky thoughts with the guys and gals at Jokers--screencaps in this Blog are from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!

www.jokersupdates.com

Poor Jake was dumped by Jillian at the end of Bachelorette 5, now it's his turn to choose! On Monday's show we were introduced to these AMAZING or BEAUTIFUL (depending on which drinking game you're playing) women: Rozlyn the model and makeup artist, Side ponytail Emily, Peacock Ali, Get Your Guns Registered Jessie, Sleeping Beauty Tenley, She'll Kick Your A-- Ella, I'll Give You A Breath Of Fresh Air Kathryn, Where's Your Uniform Caitlyn, Quarter Cheater Elizabeth DC, I'm Seriously Wearing Black Gloves Alexa, Abs Vienna Sausage, Kissame You Dork Corrie, Hook 'Em Horns Kimberly, What Kind of Homemaker Is She? Valishia, Maxim Gia, My Fav Place is Not Here With You Jake Elizabeth NE, Landing Strip Channy, Broken Picker Ashley, You're My Future Husband (not!) Tiana, These Jelly Beans Are NOT For You Christina, Agressive Ashleigh, Cut A Bitch Kirsten, Dancing Right Out the Door Stephanie, Aviator Sheila, She Thinks She's a Plane CA-RAZY Michelle.

By the way, did you know Jake has ABS ????!! And he likes to work out in stylish places! AND they jiggle when he jogs? Aaaaand he uses a whole bar of soap when he showers! Woohoo!

And then BAM, suddenly we were watching the movie Top Gun and there was shorty pants Tom Cruise aka Maverick on the screen sitting on his hog watching the sunset and the planes fly by, wondering what he was going to do without Goose. Would he ever be able to fly A-GAIN?!

Oh wait, that's MAVDORK! Silly me, it was Jake sitting on a rented motorcycle posing for cheesy photo ops. So Lame. Um...his "goose" may just be cooked this season!

So Jake is totally over Jillian, his broken heart now perfectly mended, and he's back to being Mr. Perfect and he's totally ready for a wife. Why? He's constantly haunted by the Ghost of Lonely Pilots! And most recently the Ghost of Lonely Pilots instructed him to be the next Bachelor to save himself from being all alone on cold rainy days, crying over balconies. And Praise be to the Ghost of Lonely Pilots for we don't want to see this e-v-e-r again:

No, we totally want to see this:

At least Jakey Boy is moving up to stair railings now! Can't wait for that episode...or not! I'm not sure what the story is with the stair railing but I'll bet you he'll be sticking to it. And that a whambulance was called STAT.

And Lord knows this must be the perfect woman for Jake when she's not busy pasting pictures of him all over her basement alter's walls:

THE HANDY BACHELORETTE
DATING GUIDE:


If you just happen to be competing for an AMAZING man with 24 other AMAZING girls, you might find these things come in handy:

HOW TO IMPRESS MAVDORK:

Tell him you want to see him in his uniform!

Rub dirt in his hands seductively ;)

Tell him you're afraid of flying so he'll want to make all that go away. Woohoo!

HOW NOT TO IMPRESS MAVDORK
&/OR APPEAR STALKERISH:


As him where his favorite place is and when he says right now with you, tell him yours is snowboarding!

Tell him you host Bachelorette parties and that when he got kicked off the show, you said he was totally like your future husband!

Spend the evening crying and talking intensely to him about how you're there to FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM! LIKE RIGHT NOW!

HOW TO CONFUSE MAVDORK:

Ask him if he has a registry for his guns! Huh!?

Ask him if he wants to "Kissame!" Uh..........

Joke about wanting to see his infamous Abs.

Dangle a basket of jelly beans not intended for him right under his nose!

Ask him what it's like to be talking (as in right now) to his future wife. Hmm...

STUFF THAT GRABS MAVDORK'S ATTENTION:

Present him with a symbol of mating--a peacock feather!

Share that like his momma, your momma says you have a broken picker. Then invite him to spin your picker. Awe.

Falling (yeah right!) into his arms and then aggressively latching on to him for dear life...

Trip and rip your dress.

Sidle up to him with a great big football next to your big ta tas. Two things men love!

Playing airplane with Jakey Boy!

STUNTS THAT JUST PLAIN STINK:

Tell him he has something on his jacket and when he looks sock him in the chin!

Cheating by using a double headed quarter!

Pretending you are an airplane. Who wants to be his co-pilot. Or...maaaaybe just a...passenger!

Telling him in Cambodian that he can land his plane on your landing strip anytime. Oh boy...

Making Mavdork dance the insanely popular 2-step Salsa

Stealing your son's favorite airplane and giving it to your future husband Jakey Boy!

CHEESY FUN FACTS:

Jake is handy with a saw. And he builds furniture while half naked.

Rozlyn means "little rose." Awe.

Jake likes bumpy rides! Okay...

Jake's a skier.

Vienna thought Christine's jelly beans might be infused with laxatives.

Jake's top three priorities are God, family, and friends. And from the looks of this group those come after Bodacious Ta tas, Fame Whores, and Mavdork Groupies. Oh boy...

Channy wants to be a naughty girl. You so naughty Channy! Ha ha ha!

Kathryn wears a fake wedding ring so all those horn dog pilots won't hit on her!

Kimberly would be a puma in the bedroom. Like totally.

Jake is only the 2nd guy Tenley has kissed! And it made her cry!

Tenley thinks the mile-high club is dirrrrty!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT:

Beautiful hair

Gowns with thigh-high slits

Sexy Stewardess Costumes

Playing football while barefoot in an evening gown

THINGS THAT WERE NOT:

Short. Black. Gloves.

Side Pony Tails

Ta Tas busting Loose

Seeing an Okie do "Hook 'em horns"

Talking about landing strips :(

Aviator Shades

Stewardess hats that don't fit

Asking for some alone time while holding a tissue and sniffling. Ewe!

When your name rhymes with Tranny

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Nice guys don't finish last--they just have to wait around a little longer." --Mavdork

"The seat belt sign is on. Ha! I love it!" --Mavdork

"Get ready for the night of your life!" --Chris Harrisoncrest

"Love is more powerful than flying!" --Mavdork

"Isn't he just dreamy!" --Tenley

"I want to hug him and then take his clothes off." --Elizabeth DC

"I'm sorry I was so nervous." --Mavdork

"There are some girls that have their ta tas out to play!" --Christina

"I have a very...like...loud personality..." --Vienna Sausage

"Holy Crap!" --Mavdork (who else!)

"We'll double team him!" --Gia

"I'm...fine!" --Michelle while having a meltdown about her man Jakey Boy!

"Some people are CA-RAAAAZY!" --Alexa on Crazy Pie Michelle

"Michelle's an emotional person. I can relate a little bit." --Mavdork. Ya think!?

"Do you want kids? Like now, with me?!" --Rozlyn to Mavdork

"She's off the pill..." Edster referring to Jillster

THINGS TO PONDER:

Chris Harrison: "America was shocked when Jillian sent Jake home...tons of fan mail....Jake...next bachelor..." Really!?? That's interesting considering the poll here on who should be the next Bachelor had Reid and a New Dude neck and neck for the win...Hmmm...

When Jake said he was not engineered to be alone, did that mean he's like part robot or something? Might explain things...Just sayin'

What if Christina's jelly beans were infused with laxatives ???

What did Kirsten want to share with Jake that had something to do with her best friend???

And wasn't there supposed to be some big announcement from Ed and Jillian. Was "she's off the pill" and looking for a puppy supposed to send us into a tizzy??!? Come on ABC, you can do better than that!

Did Ed like Elizabeth NE because of her big ta tas?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #1
ELIZABETH NE's FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS

"You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he throws a football!"

If he throws it like Romo, he's got it going on!

If he throws it like a girl, he's Mavdork!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

The Nice Guys Brigade Battles Onward Tonight!

Me thinks it's time to call a whambulance and this season hasn't even started yet!

Rumors of cheating, Jake wearing elevator shoes aka "height gate," and a little "ho ho ho" abound!

Don't forget to tune in tonight for the 2 hour season premiere when Jake, leader of the nice guys brigade, begins his quest for true love with a sweet little girl to take home to mom and dad who's there for the right reasons. You know--like all of these models, actresses, and fame wannabees they appear to have cast. ;)

There will be TEARS:

And DRAMA!

We wouldn't have it any other way. ALL ABOARD! The train wreck begins in just a few hours...
Jenn:)
***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!***