Thursday, July 1, 2010

You Probably Miss Your Girlfriend in Canada & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

And there she was again our yellow Ali wandering around Istanbul, pondering her journey while noting that the architecture was like AMAZING! "I don't think anything could go wrong at this point." "Uh, knock knock! It's Chris Harrisoncrest..." Oh lookee here's a phone! Let's call Jessie Who from Mavdork's season of The Bachelor. Remember her? Me neither...

WASSSSSSSUUUUUUP!

OMG WASSSSSSSSUUUUP GIRLFRIEND! HA. HA. HA!

WASSSSSSUUUUUP!

Flash forward a few minutes and they could have been playing the Benny Hill Theme Song as scaredy pants Justin and his walking leg cast speed walk over a wall, through bushes, and up a fountain just to get away from little ole Ali and her stringy hair extensions. Oh my lord the DRAMA on this world tour of dorkdom. Woo hoo!

Up a Wall..Through Some Bushes...

Scales a Fountain...

And There You Have It...

THE YELLOW LIST

1 yellow hair scrunchy
1 yellow polo shirt
2 yellow live strong bracelets

THE ANNOYING LIST:

All the OMG mouth open moments from Ali during the Justin is a liar reveal.

Does anyone really need to announce, "Date Card!" every time a card shows up. I think most of these dorks get it by now! Dur!

Ali shrieking every time one of the guy's gets body slammed by the olive oil wrestlers.

Franky's constant OMG this, OMG that.

WICKED FUN FACTS:

When Chris Harrisoncrest shows up, it's scares the living beejeezus out of people!

It takes Jessie Sulidis like 200 rings to answer a damn phone!

A walking cast makes a delightful accessory when walking through tall bushes!

PISSED is the new AMAZING! Drink up!

Craig R. is a WORD wrestler.

The guys call Craig R. "Craiger"

Craig rethinks his law career and wants to try olive oil wrestling--HA. HA. HA!

Red Flag Alert: Frank could shop with Ali aaaallll day long!

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Ty's rose song sucked big time too.

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:


"There's no more romantic way to fall in love than traveling around the world." -Franky

"I don't think anything could go wrong at this point." - Ali

"I found out that he had another girlfriend..." -Jessica, Rated Really Stupid for Letting Her BF Go On the Show!

"Sorry." -Chris Harrisoncrest, thinking Hot Damn! This is ratings GOLD!

'He said 'I'm here for the right reasons' SO MANY TIMES..." -Ali

"You know Justin I think this is especially difficult for you, you probably miss your girlfriend in Canada!" - Ali

"I'm Ooot!" -Rated LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

"That M-----F----- wasted everyone's time." -Craiger

"Don't Touch Me!" -Rated LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

"The wrestler's like jumping over things. Like WHO does that!?" -Chris L.

"You're gonna regret this!" -Ali

"If you're gonna bust out a wrestling shirt, it should say: Justin - LIAR" -Kirky

"I did not come here to get famous." -Rated LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

"It's unspeakable what you've done. Not only to me but to her." -Ali

"It's a long way from Turkey to Canada. I hope he has to SWIM with that broken leg." -Craiger

"There's not many blond girls in turkey!" -Chris L. the wise sage

"I'm a lawyer. I fight with words..." -Craiger

RED FLAG ALERT: "I think my relationship with you scares me." Ali to Franky

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

NOT: Let's lay off the landscape business clothing, shall we!??

Bandaids are NOT sexy!

LET'S GET STEAMY

Ty and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Ty wants to protect her. Please don't say "and guard her heart" dude!

Ty carries Ali's shopping bag for her. Awe.

All the way to Istanbul to find an "I Heart Istanbul" sign! Classic!

Checkered bath wraps. Seriously?!

Bandaids all over Ali's heels. Sexy!

Being in a Turkish bath house? Magical AND empowering!

Ali lost her faith in men. It was promptly restored by a massage in a stinky bath house. For reals!

"It's getting HOT in here. HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

Ali asks Ty to flatter her. So he tells her what a chauvinist he, um, used to be!

She's not a traditional girl but she'll let him help her put her coat on. HA. HA. HA!

LOVE CONQUERS OL(IVE)

Chris L., Roberto, Kirk, Craig R. and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Oh boy, it's Rapunzali!

Golly gee whiz, Kirky just loves this Rapunzle moment with Ali!

"Is that guy SHIRTLESS?!?" -Kirky

"There were FOOOOUR GUUUUYS oiled up in black leather pants with like game faces on." -Kirky

"You guys are goign to be wrestling THEM today! HA. HA. HA!!!!" -Ali

Chris L. can't wait to tell his buddies that he got naked and wrestled with another man. And olive oil was involved! Oooooh!

Chris L's facial expressions while Ali was pouring olive oil all over him were priceless. Like a baby trying new foods!

"I got my ASS kicked!" -Kirky

Kirky slaps Suave on the ass.

Chris L. vs. Craig R: Craig R.
Kirky vs. Roberto: Suave
Craig R. vs. Suave: Craig R! Seriously!?

Ali laughs HA HA HA HA HA! when Craiger is declared the winner.

I'm not sure which was weirder--the shorty pants trophy or that Ali pulled it out of her shirt/bra/somethin'...

THE ROAD TO LOVE IS BAZAAR

Frank and Ali

Memorable Moments:

A spice bazaar, eh!

Franky needs an aphrodisiac pronto!

"1st of all - WOW! 2nd of all - Why am I wearing this hat!? 3rd of all - WOW!" -Franky

Ali does a belly dance of love. She and Frank were promptly arrested and 3 fingers were cut off. Or something like that...

Frank's pretty sure he's not buying a rug today. Aaand he buys a rug today!

A magical cistern, dim lighting, so much history, dining on a platform surrounded by water. Amazing!

Frank and Ali? One hard, difficult, emotional journey. Okay...

6 DOWN TO 5:

RiskTy Business, Red Flag Franky, Roberto Suave, Chris L. Pimping the Landscape Biz, Kirky.

SOME LOVELY PARTING THOUGHTS:

Craiger: Wow. That was really a heartbreak. I'm shocked. Wanted it to be mutual. Um...It will take me some time to get over it.

THINGS TO PONDER:

Is this the same guy?!? Related maybe? Hmmm.....

Do you think Ali was really into Justin anyways? I mean she picked him over CA-RAZY Kasey but that's kind of a no brainer...

How did Craiger get a booboo? Get too fresh with Ali on that boat ride??? A finger tattoo perhaps...

WICKED BACHELORETTE FUN
#6- Which One Of These Outfits
Does NOT Belong???


Jenn:)

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