Friday, July 9, 2010

BE QUIET & STOP UNDERMINING ME BABE! Jake vs. Vienna

This Bachelor/ette break-up brought to you by
Chris Harrisoncrest and by
WD-40, the breakfast of Mavdork Robots!


MAVDORK vs. VIENNA MOTEL 6

Showdown at the flagpole after school at 2pm. Be There!

Countless rumors. Hateful Tabloid Stories. Vicious Accusations. And we needed Chris Harrisoncrest to break it down for us...Best quote of the night, "Okay we don't really care about the dog..." Don't forget to see the emotions of Jake Pavelka down below--classic!

From love in St. Lucia to Haters on a
Wicker Loveseat. Oh the drama!


MAVDORK JAKE'S SIDE:

My internal robotron computer is still processing. One moment please...

I go away for a couple of days and now I'm on the cover of 5 magazines. What the hell happened!?

I'm in a really confused emotional state. My programmer didn't program me for this.

I can't fathom her doing this to me. They told me she would be perfect. This is not perfect!!!

I don't have anything to fear, I didn't do anything wrong...I'm not programmed to fear. What is this emotion you speak of?!?

I'm so mad at you. I'm so disgusted with you. You sold me out!!!

You were hooking up at a charity event where no witnesses saw a thing. And there was a GAY SINGLE guy at our apartment. Cheater cheater pumpkin eater!

Why are you raising your voice? I cannot control this with my sensors.

She's like a tabloid. You're getting about 40% of the truth. I have an internal firewall program that weeds out the half-truths.

She breaks me down. She undermines me. She's mean. She's always right. I never do anything right. I must be in CONTROL at all times. Mavdork WILL NOT be undermined!

VIENNA'S SIDE:

Things changed a month after we started dating. At home it was lonely. There was emotional abuse involving GPS devices and furniture placement.

He's got a little bit of a temper.

He was emotionally and physically not there with me.

I have to ask to be kissed!!!

You are a fame whore!

My impression was that you were a pilot.

You're a liar!

You're the biggest FAKE LIAR I've ever met in my ENTIRE life! Does the fake cancel out the liar part? Just sayin'.

Can we get a Polly-a-graph test?! Tee hee!

The only woman for Jake? One with no self-respect that wants a man to control her.

He chucked the GPS like THIS!

8 THINGS MAVDORK WILL NOT TOLERATE - OR THE ANTI-VIAGRA:

Emmasculation.

Interrupting!

Undermining.

GPS Devices!

Interrupting!

Disrespect.

Measuring Tapes!

Interrupting!

He needs a perfect person who sits there
and doesn't say anything.


3 WAYS THAT VIENNA UNDERMINED HIM:

1. She looked up directions on a GPS.

2. She questioned his bedroom furniture coordinates.

3. She interrupts him. Like 200 times during the interview!

"PLEASE STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!!!!!!!!!!"

Again, I got interrupted...

Ladies your MAVDORK-C3PO is on the market! Start forming a line right down the block--just don't ask to use Jake's GPS!

3 FUN THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT MADVORK:

1. He likes Eau de WD40 for all his nuts, bolts, and screws.

2. His inspector gadget shoes can ratchet himself up a few inches on a moment's notice.

3. He's been programed with 3 girlie cliches, "Babe," "Chick," and "Dollface." Take your pick ladies!

THE EMOTIONS OF JAKE PAVELKA

Jakey Boy once played a young Chuck Norris in that classic slapstick show Walker Texas Robotic Ranger and as an ode to the Emotions of Chuck Norris (see below), let's have a little fun with the emotions of Jake Pavelka:

Can't beat the original...

Jenn:)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

that is the best commentary yet on the interview!
Congrats and thanks for the laughs!!!