Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Volcanoes. Glaciers. And Matching Sweaters! & Other Things To Ponder

Fun times! I'm not sure which was fruitier, the Starbursts I was eating or some of these date scenarios! 1 hour to write a love poem to Ali AND slide in an Icelandic word. Doh! Chris Harrisoncrest has to apologize to the Icelandic people for the dudes' butchering of the Icelandic language. Oh, and it' s a plaid fashion tear down! Next week--Cheers to Turkey! HA. HA. HA!

THE YELLOW LIST

Where the hell was all the yellow!??
Oh yeah, 2 yellow wrist bands.

THE ANNOYING LIST:

Location shots of Ali walking around looking pensive, pondering about her situation are getting old...

The guys ask Icelanders about Icelandic words and then spend like 10 minutes trying to pronounce them very badly so they can spell them. How about just having the Icelandic person write it down for you, you big dorks?!?!?

Seriously, what's up with all the let me sneak up on you moments from 1-on-1 dates the past few seasons? Someone's gonna heave a heart attack one of these days when Kasey won't be there to guard and protect it!

All the darn squealing! Champagne corks blow. AAAAA! Giving ducks food. AAAAAA! Enough already! Make it stop!!!

Please! No more HA. HA. HA!

Rated Really Lame constantly refers to himself as Justin and also his alter ego Rated R. Everything happens in twos. Gag!

That Chris L.'s lower lip always looks moist. Hmmm...

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

Furry hats with furry ear flaps -YES in Iceland!

Kirky likes his sweater so much he wears it to the rose ceremony! NOT SURE...

Chris L's perfection of the Dishevleed Rose Ceremony Look - NOT!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Ast is the noun for love in Icelandic.

Traveling from CA to NYC to Iceland gives Ty chills. That it's -50 below zero has nothing to do with it. Totally!

Icelanders don't like squirrely guys on crutches.

Ty thinks Ali could pretty much rock anything she wears...

CA-Razy Kasey is excited for Ali to hear his words and his heart and then group them together. Or something like that...

Kasey's a mumbler. Subtitles should follow his ass around 24-7!

Chris N. is terrible at memorizing! And rhyming!

When he's not hanging around in his parent's basement, Frank wrestles under the name Frank the Tank!

Ty doesn't like to count his chickens toooo soon.

Ty was born on a horse. Or something like that...

Craig R. is an expert at group dates. HA. HA. HA!

Chris N. is sooo intriguing to Ali. Because he's sooo funny! And he loves Mexican food. Okay...

Franky and Kirky are total body language experts!

Chris L. will collect garbage in San Francisco if Ali's the right one for him. Awe.

In his spare time, Chris Harrisoncrest doubles as an arm chair psychologist!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"I've written a number of love poems in my day." -Franky

"I love writing love poems. I'm actually pretty good at it." -Franky

"I've got my heart on my sleeve. I've got my shield ready to go. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm a man." -CA-RAZY KASEY

"HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"If I'm not here for love then I don't know what I'm here for." -CA-RAZY Kasey

"I got this tattoo to be someone and to be a man for Ali. To be a man for that woman!" -CA-RAZY Kasey

"When are you going to show her that tattoo? You don't want to keep it from her." -Franky the Tanky stirring up trouble!

"HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"I'm trying to be the man of her dreams." -CA-RAZY Kasey

"I'm Kasey Kahl. I'm a dreamer. I'm a believer. I love to love. I love to give. I love to share." -CA-RAZY Kasey

"I've never gotten clothes off so quick in my life!" -Roberto Suave

"Cheers to heating it up in Iceland! HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"This sucks!" -Ali

"HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"I'm one step closer to finding my guy." -Ali

"You're too hot for me. HA. HA. HA!" -Ali to Roberto Suave

"I don't think I'm thaaat Hot!" -Roberto Suave

"Iceland is insane!" -Ali

"I'm afraid I'm going to keep someone around that's just going to break my heart in the end." -Ali

"It's been quite a week. Volcanoes. Glaciers. Matching Sweaters." -Chris Harrisoncrest

"It's not the size of the horse. It's how you use it." -Craig R.

"HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

SOME POEM SNIPPETS FROM THE DUDES:

I've been working on my Icelandic
At the end of this journey I want nothing more than to be your man
I made up that Icelandic
You'll have to try to take me seriously in this hat - I'm glad to have it!
I don't think my life will be much fun
Eatin flagin euten flaggin ???
I want to take you to meet the fam
I'll even make you some eggs and ham
Ali I believe we need to go out
Heat up Iceland and head out
This is just pretty much me
I forgot the rest of my lines...
I'm sorry that's the end of this because I can't make a rhyme with that...

KIRKY'S QUIRKY POEM:

Ali,
Los Angeles is where our journey had begun
And where I first noticed your adorable freckles in the CA sun
Next off to NY and for the first time
I found myself falling into your rich root beer eyes
this journey now has led us both somewhere cold
but it's here in Iceland I'm hoping
fer flaggin flugen
Or in English, our love will unfold...

FRANKY'S LOVE DITTY:


Some time ago I traveled overseas
with a girl that I love she made me weak in the knees
my heart has since broken
my faith in love torn
but then I looked in your eyes
a new hope was born
Again I'll follow my heart
because I trust it with you
you're honest, you're genuine, you're sweet and you're kinda cute too
As they say here in Iceland
nyetsky barin nyetsky densch
And I wish I knew what that meant
or if it even made sense...

CA-RAZY KASEY'S MASH UP:

Loosely translated from mumble speak to English:

A mind and body are in a box
a mind and box of warm thoughts
a body as cold as ice
but the belief of what's to come
transcends the doubt and a box ???
I'm falling for you Ali
and I just want you to know
I'll guard and protect your heart
and I promise you Ali
You'll always have mine chest.

"My poem's awesome. She smiled. She loved it." Not!

LET'S GO BUY MATCHING SWEATERS!

Kirk and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Kirk sneaks up on Ali and grabs her in the side freaking her out!

1st stop--learn how to dress like a local! And matching sweaters. Gag!

Kirky: " Do you really think this looks good?"

Matching Sweaters? Kirky: "I felt like a little bit of a cheeseball."

Feeding birds scares Ali.

Mold poisoning?! That's the secret!

Kirk inspires Ali. Awe.

COME SEE ME FREEZE IN A BIKINI!

Roberto, Chris L., Chris N., Craig R., Ty, and Frank the Tank

Memorable Moments:

"My saddle's fallin' off dude!" -Chris L.

Chris L. gave Ali his gloves. Now he's got frostbite. Awe.

Welcome to Caves R. Us

Horseback riding. Spelunking. Sunset. A total dream date!

The Blue Lagoon. Cold air. Hot water. Ali in a bikini. And Roberto's mouth hanging open. So cliche!

Craig R. started stripping down right away and almost didn't put his bathing suit on. And we thanked God he did!

Frank turns into an emotional disaster. Shocker!

Ali, Frank, and their white robes have a chit chat.

Oh My Goodness! It's like the beauty and the beast rose!

Holy Crap! Where did Chris N. come from?? Has he been on this date the whole time?!?

LET'S EXPLORE THE LAND OF FIRE AND ICE

Kasey, Justin, and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Justin's Bag of Tricks:

Step 1: Get the cast off.

Step 2: Bye Bye Kasey!

One small step for Justin, 1 giant leap for Rated mR. Whatever!

"If Kasey's going to get a rose today, he's going to have to earn it!" -Rated mR

The wrestler would probably break his other leg for a rose." -Kasey and his Burberry Scarf

That volcano erupting? Crazy! Absurd! WOW!

Ali is Justin's championship belt.

Ice furniture--AMAZING!

Kasey has the BIGGEST heart in the world and now he's wearing it on his sleeve.

Kasey hacks up a lung on some hot cocoa! Outstanding!

The only thing Kasey has to do today is be...normal!

"I got a tattoo!" WHAT?? WHEN?? Your mom's going to kill you!

"Thank you Kasey for being you." - Ali

"Yes I do want to spend my whole life with you Kasey." Or not!

Being left on a glacier. Priceless!

There were actually two roses given. 1 to Jusin. 1 to Rated R. Seriously!?

CRAIG R'S COMEDY CLUB:

I got a little something for you...

HA. HA. HA!

9 DOWN TO 7:

Quirky Kirky, Horsey Ty, Rated Ridiculous Justin, Fancy Franky, Disheveled Chris L., Roberto Suave, DJ Crazy Craig R.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Kasey: That sucked. I want to find someone who's going to be there for me. I just don't know where I kinda went wrong...

Chris N.: He's at a LOSS for words. Seriously?? You bet your silent Ass you are!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Red Flag Alert: Ali wonders if "he" will love her back. This doesn't bode well, does it?

Do you think Frank had her at "you're kinda cute too"?? Nah, didn't think so...

Red Flag Alert: Ali wonders if Roberto Suave would date her in real life--he may just be toooo hot for her!" Hmmm....

Has anyone seen Kasey since the Glacier date? Or did he take up guarding and protecting that glacier's heart?

WICKED BACHELORETTE
FUN #5

Kirk & Ali Model
Icelandic Sweaters!


The Minnie Pearl!

The Short & Sexy!

Screw Yellow! Go Green!

Come to Grandma Kirky!

Jenn:)

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