Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Cloudy With A Chance of Dangerous & Other Things To Ponder

So we've got drama with a capital Dick/Dork/Douche-Bag, you name it! A little bit for all the ladies and gents this week ;) Between a sadly revealing speedo beach photo shoot to a broken down convertible to Vegas baby, this was another gem, thanks ABC/Fliester! To sum up, this episode was "Whoooooo! OMG!!! HA. HA. HA! Sooooo, LIKE, AMAZING!"

THE YELLOW LIST:


1 yellow tank top
1 yellow headband
1 yellow hat
1 yellow speedo
1 yellow dress
1 yellow tie
Lots of yellow wrist bands
Dozens of yellow lemons

THE ANNOYING LIST:

LIKE. OMG. LIKE. 100. TIMES. MAKE. IT. STOP!!!

"I'm blushing" like 20 times!

Justin's constant hopping on 1 leg. How about a hover-round instead dude?

Ali covering up her butt constantly--sarongs, cargo pants, well placed potted plants. You don't have that much junk in your trunk girl!

White Michael Jackson inspired 80s Jackets. Bro, they've got to go!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Craig R. and Craig M. were neck in neck for most bombed in bachelor history!

Ali says this is a juggling act. So the guys are like..her balls?

Weatherman is a brown belt in martial arts.

Weatherman made his white jacket and his face is his money maker baby...

Craig M. likes to stick out his butt.

Wes...er...Ty can play guitar!

Ali and Chris L. both like to say Wicked!

Roberto likes to travel around with his baseball gloves--one larger, one smaller. Hmmm...

Kasey lives in his own little fairytale. Ahem...

Jonathan hates to gossip, but...

Tyler V. is a real whiz at math!

Peculiar, MO has like 3000 people.

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Dating 17 guys is awesome! HA. HA. HA!" --Ali

"You're a good looking guy, but that's all you got!" --McDangerous on Jesse

"Honestly I don't think Ali's looking for a lot of tattoos..." --McDangerous

"I'm here to the end!" --Frank

"Take no prisoners." --Justin

"All I gotta do is look at cute boys. Perfect! HA. HA. HA!" --Ali

"Headband? Alllllright!" --Kasey

"It won't be too small..." --Ty on Jonathan's Speedo

"HA. HA. HA!" --Ali

"I was pretty pumped for the photo shoot!" --McDangerous

"Craig would have been comfortable being butt naked out there!" --Kirk

"HA. HA. HA!" --Ali

"Ali on a scale of 1-10 is probably like a 63." --Tyler V.

"Ali looks Un--Bee--lee--va--ble. She leaned up against me and touched my leg." --Kirk who apparently doesn't get out a lot...

"What's with the Bachelorette & Guitar players?!??" --Craig R.

"HA. HA. HA!" --Ali

"Weatherman's workin' it!" --McDangerous

"You look imaginary." --Kasey to Ali, mistaking her for his imaginary friend...

"HA. HA. HA!" --Ali

"I've got my glove and stuff if you wanna play catch?" --Roberto Suave

"I gotta call in sick for work again tomorrow." --McDangerous

AMAZING QUOTES:

"Ali and I have AMAZING chemistry." --Frank

"You look AMAZING." --Justin to Ali

"Hanging out with Ali--it's AMAZING!" --Jesse

"I think it's so AMAZING to do something you love!" --Ali

ALL SIGNS POINT TO LOVE

Frank and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Frank leaps into the convertible to show his fun sporty side!

Ok, how many of you ride in a convertible with your arms up in the air like you're on a roller coaster??

The car died on the freeway by a concrete embankment and then miraculously beamed itself to a dirt embankment off the freeway. Hmmm...

Way to blow the budget on the cab Fleister!

The fans on the walk of fame blinded by Ali's yellow tank top...er... fame...

Frank practically drags Ali out of that cab.

Frank spent 6 weeks in France and learned how to say Oui. Good times!

A kiss under the Hollywood sign? AMAZING!

A picnic on the hood of a car.

Ali likes 4 things about Frank: 1-He's funny. 2-He's smart. 3-Um..he's quirky. 4--there's nothing normal about him. Okay...

Frank practically inhales his rose into his soul. Kyle would be proud!

PICTURE US TOGETHER

Jonathan, Ty, Chris H., Kirk, Hunter, Tyler V., Steve, Craig R., Chris N., Craig M., Justin, Kasey and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Revealing Tiny speedos aka "banana hammocks"=too much information!

Justin's always bringing up the rear.

After strutting around in his speedo, Tyler V. suddenly realizes he's going to be on someone's wall! Bwahahahaha!

Weatherman has a meltdown. It went something like this:

"I'm anxious...I'm nervous...Stressed!!...Please GOD, no freakin' way!!!...No way!...Come on!...Noooooooooooo way!...Something else, this is absolutely terrible...I'm NOT diggin' this!!...Junk in my trunk...WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Steve tells Weatherman he's got nice legs and a GREAT ASS. Okay...

Weatherman forecasts that there's a 100% chance his crotch will show.

Weatherman puts on a little fish swim ring and then proceeds to whack the fish like 10 times. Hmmm....

Tug of war! Fun times.

How Ali got big bug eyes when Ty told her he was divorced. Aaaand your fate is sealed dude!

Yo Ali, check it, the ghost of Michael Jackson called and he want's his white jacket back to match his one white glove!

Justin tells a joke and doesn't even realize it, when he says he wouldn't be surprised if Weatherman got the rose. Craig R. & McDangerous giggled anyhow...

Justin hops down a darkened flight of stairs. Better than taking a folding chair to the gut I suppose...

THE WEATHERMAN FASHION TEAR DOWN:

"Have you guys seen my little brother the Weatherman??!?" --McDangerous

"My clothes are ruined. He probably just spread skin eating diseases all over my white jacket. I mean who knows what diseases he has!"

"Take your hand off me!"

USE THESE WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT...

Jesse and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Cufflinks from Neil Lane!

Frank, Roberto, Chris, John C. and Jesse B. sit around pondering whose intials could possibly be J.B. Hmmm...

Ali totally hates flying. For reals!

She drives the Ferrari!
Ali hides behind this potted fern so we won't see the junk in her trunk. Then Jesse slams her into that pool!

Oysters taste like $#!% without lemon juice!

Twirls on the dance floor and a kiss. Awe!

WEATHERMAN VS. McDANGEROUS
...OR JONATHAN'S 2ND MELTDOWN:


"A WOOOO GA!" --Weatherman forecasting some freaky weirdness

Hook 'em Horns!

OMG! He's...DANGEROUS!!!

MARK MY BROWN BELT...
I WILL GET YOU McDANGEROUS!

McDangerous Craig M. gets drunk. A LOT. And he and his big hair like to totally pick on people. Like his little brother the Weatherman. After suggesting Ali lied to him, wondering if he needed a pillow to sit on, and if Ali saw the shoes he was wearing, Weatherman was all ready to go brown belt on his McDangerous Ass. Thankfully we didn't get to see that. But we mentally pictured it. And even you probably thought the hair could easily take him. Am I right!?!? ;)

TOP 5 THINGS IN WEATHERMAN'S CIRCLE:

1. Big loose bathing suits

2. Good people

3. No bacteria! Ewe, like gross y'all!

4. No dudes touching other dudes!

5: The forecast=Clear Skies & Shirley Temples!

31 REASONS WHY CRAIG M. IS N.O.T.
IN JONATHAN'S PARANOID CIRCLE OF LIFE
...OR 31 reasons Jonathan is a total DRAMA QUEEN:

"He's not a good person period!"

"He's just no good."

"The amount I want a rose is equal to how much of a *&^% Craig M. is. Which is like exponential to the 2oth power."

"Craig M. is really dangerous."

"He's gotta get out of here. He's poison. If you got poison around, what do you do--you flush it out!"

"The dude is totally out of his mind."

"You come at me I'm just gonna put my hand in your face or something like that."

"This dude needs to be called out."

"He's a dangerous person for her to be around."

"Craig M. is literally like a dangerous person."

"This guy is crazy. He's asking to be laid out."

"Craig M. is one of the worst people I've met in my life."

"He's a category 6 A-hole."

"He has no concern for other people's feelings."

"He's an egomaniacal jerk off."

"If she keeps Craig M. around...that's like welcoming danger!"

"The dude is a jerk. I've dealt with jerkoffs like him before but I gotta live with him!!!"

"She doesn't deserve someone who's a complete Dickface!"

"I hope Craig M. is on the chopping block."

"I think that dude is off the charts of insanity."

"His intentions are never good."

"He's been really passive aggressive. Sometimes just like blatantly jabbing at my ego."

"His character is a zero out of 10."

"I try to keep people who are bad for me out of my circle."

"I'm at the point where it's like I don't put up with that."

"I want Craig M. out of here."

"I don't want to get into a fight."

"This dude is no good."

"I don't want to talk to him, don't want to touch him, don't want to shake his hand. Don't like him."

"Go home."

"If Craig M. gets a rose tonight, will know for sure there is NO GOD!" No, it just means you've been Fleissed!

Ali: "So Craig M., do you like me?"
McDangerous: "Er...um...I mean uh...er..uhhhhhhh..."

"It was the Weatherman!"

Shirley Temples rock!

17 DOWN TO 14:

Frank, Ty, Jesse, Kasey, Hunter, Roberto, Chris L., Justin, Steve, Kirk, John C., Craig R., Chris N., and Jonathan.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Tyler V. was about as shocked at not getting a rose as he was at being in a "sexy man" calendar.

McDangerous is back in the saddle. Whoooo! Oh, and "You can't be serious about a guy that's just shorter than you." Seriously...

THINGS TO PONDER:

Does anyone ever dream in AMAZING?

Does anyone ever want to see speedos on this show again? I thought so!

So anyone wondering how Tyler V.'s face became someone's punching bag? CSI: Bachelorette evidence: messed up eye, big red mark on forehead...

What was up with the shoes being off?!

Anyone else notice the dramatic "jaws" style music they played with McDangerous?

Did the editor of this show just get fired? (2 car dead locations, rose at ceremony there and not there, etc.)

WICKED BACHELORETTE
FUN #2
...
THE "SEXY" "GUY" CALENDAR

Here they are people, 12 months of Awesomeness...Or not!

JANUARY: HEADBANDS & SPEEDOS ARE HAWT!

FEBRUARY: DO THESE YELLOW SPEEDOS MAKE ME LOOK FAT?

MARCH: GIRLIE PUSHUPS ROCK!

APRIL: IS THAT A DOLPHIN OR ARE YOU EXCITED TO SEE ME!?

MAY: LIVING IN THE MOMENT...LOVE IT DON'T COME EEEEAAAASSSY!

JUNE: LADIES, THIS FRUIT OF THE LOOM SPEEDO FEELS REALLY NICE!

JULY: NOTHING SAYS SEXY LIKE A HULA HOOP!

AUGUST: "LADIES, YOU KNOW I DON'T HAVE A HUGE...PFFFFFFT!"

SEPTEMBER: "MY MOM IS GOING TO LOVE THIS!"

OCTOBER: BEER BEFORE LIQUOR NEVER SICKER!

NOVEMBER: IN A PINCH, YOUR FINGERNAIL MAKES A GREAT TOOTHPICK!

DECEMBER: F-OFF DUDES, THEY ARE TOO SMALL!!! SURE THEY ARE!

Jenn:)

***Some Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

2 comments:

Auntie Lyn said...

Great job Jenn... I hadn't realized you were over here blogging on our favorite subject.

The Girl In The Red Heels said...

Thanks :) It's fun to do the Blog and I hope the participants if they hear of it don't take offense ;) ha! All in good fun.

Jenn:)