Thursday, June 17, 2010

Can We Get A Few More Guitar Players In Here & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

If I ever hear the words Guard & Protect & Heart anywhere in the same sentence, I'm going to vomit. In a bag. And send it to Kasey so he can guard and protect it. NOT! Between CA-RAZY Kasey, neurotic Weatherman and Roberto Suave in a loin cloth, as usual it was a yellow submarine sandwich! Can't wait for Iceland and exploding volcanos...

THE YELLOW LIST

1 yellow wool hat
1 yellow cardigan
4 yellow cabs
1 yellow t-shirt
1 yellow tank top
2 yellow wristbands
1 yellow Broadway star with "Ali" on it
1 yellow tattoo sign

THE ANNOYING LIST:

Frank's nose picking gag. Gag!

Seeing Weatherman practically "French" kiss a dirty airport sign. Blechh...

Hearing this is crazy and/or insane over and over again! MAKE IT STOP!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Ali's idea of comfortable? Sneakers, jeans, and a loose tee.

Ali's always dreamt of being in the July issue of In Style magazine. Who knew?

Chris L. isn't into Unicorn Love.

According to Kasey, Ali was cocooned from love and now she's expanded into this beautiful butterfly. Or something like that...

Kasey lives in a fairytale. Maybe Tenley and her little birds and animal friends can visit him!

Ty can count to at least 7!

Kasey's fun side? Tattoos!

Frank's got a little crazy leg going on!

Jesse's the newest member of the New Kids on the Peculiar, MO Block.

Ali's favorite singer? Joshua Radin. Seriously?

Weatherman? He's a singer/song writer. Definitely did NOT see that one coming...

A tattoo means you're genuine and sincere. Totally!

Ali's favorite candy is Sour Patch Kids. Pucker Pucker.

No matter what happens, Kasey will guard and protect Ali's heart FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE! Run Ali. Run!

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

Where's your shirt Weatherman!?

No Kirky, don't do it, don't copy Weatherman!

Pretty Fly for a White Guy - Not! Lose the Crooked Hat DJ Crazy Craig!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Everyone is sooo fashionable here!" -Ali

"Let's get me in style." -Ali

"35th floor? We're living the life!" -Weatherman

"I'm jealous. As usual." -Weatherman

"I think Kasey closes his eyes and thinks of Ali and thinks of like doves flying out behind her, cupid hitting her with an arrow, you know like hearts floating around her head, them in a meadow magically running toward each other with unicorns. I don't see her as that kind of romanticized love. Not like unicorn love." -Chris L.

"I get that he's being a little cheeeesy and he's singing." -Ali on Kasey

"OMG I love dinosaurs! HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"This is insane!" -Kasey

"Wrestler go home! You're not going to get a date--ever!" -Frank

"I'm having trouble believing that anything Kasey says is real because it all just seems like lines to me." -Ali

"I think the forecast looks good today." -Weatherman

"He's Rico Suave man, he's got it down." -Kirky on Roberto Suave

"Roberto and I are Broadway stars. Watch out New York! HA. HA. HA!" -Ali

"Call me crazy but I think it's going to be just you and me in the end!" -CRAZY Craig R. to Ali

"I want a rose, DAMMIT!" -Weatherman

"I'm an idiot." -Weatherman

"We have a lot of great guys here. With the exception of Justin." -Craig R.

"I want a rose. And then I want a 1-on-1 date. And then I want another rose. And then another 1-on-1. An then another rose. And then I want to be with Ali" -Weatherman

"You know what we need? We need ONE more guy to play the guitar in this house. Not enough yet." -Kirk

"Skies are clearing. It looks like sun's back in the forecast." -Weatherman

"He's pulled it off pretty well if that is the case." -Chris N. on Kasey. Holy crap, he speaks!

"I don't want liars in the house. Period." -Takes 1 to Know 1 Rated HypocRitical Justin

LET'S DO WHAT COMES NATURAL

Kasey and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Wooo! NY!! Insane. Crazy.

Kasey thinks he's in a musical!

KASEY FROM THE DORK STREET BACHELORS SINGS...

When I was flyyyyyying
In the helicopter
Over this amaaaazing city
I looked to my left and never saw something
So pretttttty.

Ali's half-hearted response. "Uh...Heh Heh."

At the eeeeend of toniiiiight
I'm not juuust your average Joe
But I hope in my hindsight
I seeeee and find a rooooose

He notes, "Uuhhhh huhh huh. Yeaaaah. That's pretty intense stuff."

Aaaaand cue the seagulls squawking!

Everything is insane. The flashlight's insane. The T-Rex is insane. These coo coo for cocoa puffs are insane. You're insane...

A night at the museum with CA-RAZY Kasey.

The American Museum of Natural History by flashlight and lantern.

Kasey spooks her with the flashlight in his face.

"Dinosaurs" chasing them through the museum.

Kasey has a conversation with a stuffed Gorilla. Totally normal...

And one final ballad to rock Ali's world and not ours:

On the night that I first saaaaw yooouuu
I was staring through the glaaaassss
And I knew at that first moment
That you and I would laaaaast
On the beach in Caliiifornia
You made me staaaart to belieeeve
And now in New York City
And it's juuust you and meeee
And tonight you gotttta roooose
And I don't want to feeeel it's thorrrns
And if you choose me Ali
I'll forever beeee yours...

Aaaand Ali's response:

CA-RAZY KASEY'S RAMBLINGS & CHEESEY ONE-LINERS:

"I used the word imaginary because you can't really fantasize how good that girl looks."

"I'm here to guard and protect your heart."

"I'm not your average guy."

"Her and I? We're pretty much meant to be together."

"Cause you're Ali."

"You're everything I've ever wanted because you make me happy."

"I choose you. And I hope that someday you can choose me."

"It's just my heart. Jump in and stay awhile."

"I want to fall in love with Ali."

"I want someone to protect and guard my heart."

"I'm wearing my emotions and my heart literally on my sleeve."

Dude, put down the shield and the bow and arrow and stop living in the Shire! A little more real dork and a little less fantasy dork. Thanky!

LET'S PLAY

Roberto, Jesse, Craig R., Kirk, Jonathan, Frank, Ty and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Jumbotron Ali

Roberto relates the Lion King to baseball--it's the Big Leagues of theater!

A rainbow of t-shirts in just about every color!

That broadway stage was Jesse's for about 10 seconds. Then move over it's Roberto Suave all the way baby!

Weatherman squealing that this is a REAL Broadway staaaage!

Seeing Weatherman do his proper stretches before they all make fools of themselves.

Hips man! Hips man!

Franky Dances an Old Man Jig

Go Ty! Go Ty!

OK-Don't go Ty. Please Don't go there EVER AGAIN!

Roberto Suave Works It!


Had it and then he lost it!

Weatherman does his best Seinfeldesque Elaine dance impression and caps it off with a Saturday Night Fever finger pointing move.

Weatherman declares himself to be a Schmuck in case we hadn't noticed yet...

Kirky thinks watching Ali and Roberto fly is nausiating!

What's going through Franky's head? "It's going to kill me. Pull yourself together! It's going to kill me! Pull yourself together!"

WOW - I've never seen a Dork Weatherman put it any better than this: "The forecast was for sunny skies and then just out of the blue this storm just crapped in my face and now I smell like $#!% and it's not good. I need a shower. A shower #@$%!"

Kirky announces what's happening on the TV in case the other dudes can't comprehend what they're witnessing...

Our little neurotic Weatherman seriously goes over percentages and over analyzes how to walk up and talk to Ali. Rolling eyes...

Roberto forecasts a high pressure system for the neurotic Weatherman so he's got to step it up!

"Boy do I feel sick! Franky let's go walk around in a rain storm!" -Hacker Ali

Frank wants whatever Ali has and begs her to give it to him.

Weatherman and his Shirley Temple get shot down by Ali and DJ Crazy Craig.

Kirky has to blow out like 100 candles after tucking Ali in!

LET'S TAKE A BITE OUT OF THE BIG APPLE

OR MAYBE NOT...

I WAS REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO OUR DAY IN THE CITY BUT I'M FEELING UNDER THE WEATHER. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. I WOULD STILL LOVE TO SPEND YOUR BIRTHDAY WITH YOU. PLEASE COME JOIN ME IN MY SUITE

Chris L. and Ali

Memorable Moments:

Ty pinches Chris L's butt on the way out to the date.

Chris L. brings her flowers and chicken soup. Awe.

It takes them like 20 minutes to hail a cab!

Ali pilfers a cell phone for Chris to call his dad for birthday wishes.

Twirls on the dance floor. Joshua Radin. And a Choir. On the roof. Swapping Sick Germs. AMAZING! ;)

WEATHERMAN AND THE HARDLY BOYS SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF CA-RAZY KASEY'S WHEREABOUTS

Weatherman: "Kasey's missing. We put out an APB on him. Amber Alert. And it's a mystery."

Weatherman and the Bachelor Brother's Clues:

Since his date, Kasey's been down.

He's missing.

He stated he was potentially going to do something BIG today.

His pride's been hurt.

RATED REALLY LAME VS. CA-RAZY KASEY:

And if it couldn't have gotten anymore tiresome we got these gems:

Rated Really Lamer: "I'm calling him a fibber!" Does anyone say the word fibber anymore?

Kasey's stare ray of doom.

Kasey convenes all of King Bachelor's Knights for a meeting of the round table to show off his noble tattoo. What represents the guys on his wrist? 11 stones. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never heart me in the Shire. Blah. Blah. Blah.

To sum up, "I called it. Rated R. got his man." -Rated Really Lamer

How did the Bachelors of the Round Table Sum It Up?

Sir Franky: "Getting a tattoo doesn't prove anything. Except for the fact that you're nuts."

Lord Ty: "Kasey is gettin' crazier by the minute. If he gets a rose tonight, who knows what will be tattooed next.

Earl Chris L.: "You're going to be the Tattoo Bachelorette Guy for the rest of your life."

Rated Rakish Justin: "Hopefully he's going home with a bad tattoo."

Deluuuusional Knight Kasey: "They loved it. They thought it was a great addition to my life. They thought it was very inspiring. They thought it was very courageous. And they thought you know Kasey, we respect you for doing something like that." Okay...

11 DOWN TO 9:

Chicken Soup Chris L., Sarcastic Kirky, Jealous Franky, Why? Craig R., He Speaks! Chris N., Roberto Suave, Rated Really Lame Justin, Lose The Sideburns Ty, CA-RAZY Kasey.

SOME LOVELY PARTING THOUGHTS:

Jesse: She's a city girl. I want some acreage and some cows. I cannot wait to see my dogs!

Weatherman: She didn't get a chance to know me. All of neurotic me! Dumbfounded. Doesn't make sense. What did I do wrong? Whaaaa! At least he has his disturbingly rosey pillow as a lovely parting gift!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did Kasey design his tattoo or was it the ABC Staffer?

Anyone think Justin was tipped off about the tattoo?

Do you think the C on Kasey's jacket stands for Crazy?! Just sayin'.

WICKED BACHELORETTE FUN
#4 - TOP 10 REASONS
I LOVE THIS SHOW:


10. Lots of crazy people to get snarky about!

9. Over-the-top dates

8. Guitar players.

7. Dorks blinded by love.

6. Chris Harrisoncrest's champagne glass knife-banging skills.

5. It's so predictable!

4. Guitar players.

3. Every episode is THE MOST DRAMATIC EVER!

2. Those boys and their shenanigans!

1. Because they're all there for the right reasons. Totally!

Jenn:)

***Some Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

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