Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Bachelor Brad Take 2

No, it's not Deja Vu! Nope that's not the other twin. That's really Brad Womack back again for more punishment a la The Bachelor! Is everyone ready to get snarky next week!? Woohoo!

Get your martini's ready. I'm sure they'll be lots of "amazing" this and that. Lots of "journeys". Lots of "soul searching". Maybe some "therapy". That he's "reformed" and "ready to find love again." Blah blah blah. Good times!

Jenn:)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Bachelor Pad Episode #6 - Thank God It's Over!

Dumb Smart Girl
Word of the Day

Bummer - Like it's a bummer that I didn't win!

Here it is, the last episode! What a train wreck this show has been. Drama. Hard to believe none of the outsiders could get out the real stars of the show. Interesting, very interesting...

The "Super Duper Six" remain...

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"Come on twinkle toes, football players are good at ballroom dancing!" -Natalie to David

"I am soooo smitten by Kovacs!" -Elizabeth

"Finally the urban dance moves class I've been taking at the gym is going to pay off!" -Natalie

BALLROOM DANCING CHALLENGE:

Let's hope before learning the steps that Elizabeth takes her Ginkoloba!

Elizabeth, Kovacs, and Edyta Sliwenska

Rumba. Very romantic and sexy dance.

"Edyta is so hot it's almost unbearable." -Kovacs

Natalie, David, and Louis van Amstel

Cha Cha. Spicy!

"I'm not afraid to get in touch with my feminine side." -David

Tenley, Kiptyn, and Chelsie Hightower

Fox Trot. Very cool.

THOSE DORKS DANCE OFF:

Our esteemed Judges:

Mavdork Jake
Trista
Melissa

Kovacs and Elizabeth

Apparently she snuck off with one of Edyta's outfits!

"Watching Elizabeth and Kovacs dance was like watching Bambi on Ice. It was Awfuhahafuhahaful!" -Natalie

Melissa: Great job, hard dance...
Jake: You guys are dating. I can tell! Couple of missteps...
Trista: Don't need help in the chemistry department!

8+8+8=24 (Seriously? 8's!?!?)

Kiptyn and Tenley

Smile! Smile! SMILE DAMMIT!

Melissa: Wonderful teamwork. A blast!
Jake: Wonderful transitions.
Trista: A+ for effort!

8+9+9=26

David and Natalie

Hypersonic dance motion. Wham bam thank you mam!

Melissa: Impressive lifts!
Jake: Hip action. You killed the lifts!
Trista: Helloooo sexiness!

9 + 8 + 8=25


Getting Rosed: Kiptyn and Tenley

And they celebrate with her little birds and animal friends by...skipping to the lou! Okay...

3 DOWN TO 2:

Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, and Abs Kiptyn.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Kovacs: I have an awesome relationship with Elizabeth!

Elizabeth: Bummer! I hope this has genuinely changed Kovacs...

THE FINALE:

Back were: Craig M., Weatherman, Jessie S., Krisily, Peyton, Jesse B., Juan, Gwen, Ashley, Michelle, Nikki, Wes, Gia, Elizabeth, and Kovacs.

14 REVELATIONS FROM THE FINALE:

1. Elizabeth lost the yellow hair!

2. "Anyone wants to date a player, here you go!" -Elizabeth on Kovacs

3. "Bad boys need love too!" -Wes Shakespeare

4. Wes and Gia kiss and head off to the fantasy suite. Or something like that...

5. "Kiptyn's my B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D! Tee Hee." -Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too

6. Krisily got no R-E-S-P-E-C-T from Man Code David!

7. Michelle has no R-E-S-P-E-C-T for bubbly Tenley. What goes around comes around B$#@!!

8. Wes thinks Gia is a Million dollars!

9. Natalie talks too much, or so she says!

10. Gwen's feelings were hurt when David said that anyone in their 30s is a loser for being in this house! Like Juanita who's like 37!

11. Dating older chicks is like gross to David!

12. KA-RAZY Michelle sends out her punching bag Juanita to attack poor little Tenley.

13. Wes still has David's back!

14. Natalie always puts Natalie first. Or so says her friend Nikki...

VOTES FOR KIPTYN & TENLEY:

Craig, Weatherman, Juan, Gwen

VOTES FOR DAVID AND NATALIE:

Jessie S., Krisily, Peyton, Jesse B., Ashley, Michelle, Nikki, Wes, Probably Elizabeth, Kovacs, and Gia.

IN THE END?

David: Share
Natalie: Share

$125,000.00 each baby!

Jenn:)

Monday, September 6, 2010

Bachelor Pad Episode #5 - Railing is NOT cool - But my Ginkoloba IS!

Dumb Smart Girl
Word of the Day

Railing - A structure made of rails.

Oh wait, that's not it. From Urban Dictionary: "Nailing a broad." Well, that about sums it up...

Harrisoncrest drops a bomb--the ladies will be leaving NOW! The ladies respond with a chorus of "OMG, Whaa, Holy Crap, and I'm freaking out!" It's a couple's game from now on. Wha Wha Whaaaaa! Gee, all those singles must be feeling pretty DUMB about now for not breaking up those pesky couples!

Big thought to ponder...if you catch a BAD CASE OF KOVACS, is there a vaccine for that???! Just sayin'!

There it is ladies, a shirtless man IRONING! Can't. Get. Better. Than. THAT!

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

Grandma's outfit? NOT so much...

LOVE FEST:

"I LOVE Kissing! Kissing is FUN! And Kiptyn is FUN! We're KIP-TEN!" -Tenley and her little birds and animal friends (GAG!)

SERIOUSLY, HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

Ladies, if you're having to have this kind of insecure conversation, then either you like to play games or you're totally blinded by "fantasy love" because HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!

Kovacs and Elizabeth sneak into the Fantasy Suite. It was unlocked so she didn't have to show off her handy lock picking skills ;)

KOVACS: "What do you want to do?"

ELIZABETH: "I dunno..."

KOVACS: "Want to get naked? If you do, that's cool. Whatever... Is that awesome or is that...?"

ELIZABETH: "Well it's awesome if we're in love and we're making love, but if it's just railing, then no it's not cool..."

KOVACS: "It's not going to be railing its...are we going to waste our time and keep talking?"

ELIZABETH: "I want romance. Where is it."

20 Seconds Later...

ELIZABETH: "I kind of feel like a stupid girl.

KOVACS: "What am I doing?"

ELIZABETH: "I don't see you going out of your way to do romantic things with me or take advantage of them when we get the opportunities..."

KOVACS: "What did we just do tonight?"

ELIZABETH: "You got laid."

KOVACS: "I don't get it, what do you want me to do. I don't get what you're saying. Why do you do this?"

ELIZABETH: 'Because I don't feel like you ever put forth any kind of effort. I feel like it's all me and it sucks."

KOVACS: "I don't know what you want me to do, especially in this setting where we're trying to compete. We're trying to outsmart people. We're trying to figure out a way to get asked to the end. We gotta win."

ELIZABETH: "I should be worth putting up as big a fight as you put up for the $250,000.00 if not more. $250,000.00 is a lot of money. But I feel like I'm worth way more than that.

KOVACS: "Oh my &^%$ I care about you a lot. You're the one who's ^%$#@!@# pushing me away. You're trying to. You want to test me. Why are you ruining this opportunity.

ELIZABETH: "I'm sorry. DRAMATIC PAUSE. SIGH. I love you."

KOVACS: ------- (Crickets chirping...)

The morning after:

ELIZABETH: "Are you mad at me?"

SO CLASSY...
OR, 2 WAYS TO LOSE A GIRL:


1. Beg her to eat a banana!

2. Dig an ingrown hair out of your leg with a drywall screw!!! Ewe!!!!!!

HE SAID/SHE SAID:


"Don't hate the player man, hate the game!" -Jesse B.

"Spin the bottle!??! Are you kidding me?!!?" -Natalie

"She's got a screw loose. She's definitely unstable!" -Kovacs on Elizabeth

"Every girl wants to be swept off her feet!" -Ashley

"I have a steel trap for a memory." -Kovacs

"Every day I take a pill to help me remember things. It's called Ginkaloba or something lame like that!" -Elizabeth the Dumb Smart Girl!

"Dave is a MAN!" -Natalie points out the obvious...

"I never thought in a million years that catching a freakin' water balloon would make me so happy!" -Natalie

"I like it when a man's in control." -Natalie

"If a girl catches a bad case of Kovacs, so be it!" -Kovacs

SPIN THE BOTTLE ELIMINATION

Kiptyn picks Tenley
Kovacs picks Elizabeth
Jesse B. picks Peyton
David picks Natalie

Shafted By Their Own Stupidity: Nikki, Gwen, and Ashley. Hindsight's a beyotch!

WATER BALLOON TOSS CHALLENGE

Um, what kind of water balloon challenge is this?!

First couple out: Peyton and Jesse B.
2nd couple out: Tenley and Kiptyn
3rd couple out: Kovacs and Elizabeth

Rosed: David and Natalie

SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER UNDER THE STARS

David and Natalie

Memorable Moments:

Tenley thinks they may be taking a rocket ship. And then rainbows shot out of her A$$ because normal people don't just come up with this crap! Ha. Ha!

Kovacs and Elizabeth break in the Lamborghini. Gross!

David drove it "like he stole it." Okay!

Natalie actually thinks that Lamborghini's are in the cards for her and David. ;)

If David doesn't win the money, he can always fall back on his hot girl/hot car photography skills!

A date at the mansion where Jason and Molly fell in love. Awe.

A deep conversation about David and a little more understanding about the origins of the Juanita vs. Dave MAN CODE rage.

8 DOWN TO 6:

Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, Dumb Smart Girl Elizabeth, "Kovacs" Jesse K., and Abs Kiptyn.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Jesse B.: There are a couple of people who are fairly fake. Bull%$#@ and zero respect.

Peyton: Can't believe it's over. A huge letdown. I was an outsider. It's tough.

NEXT WEEK...

In the end Women Code just can't beat Man Code. Next week, could be a different story...

Jenn:)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Bachelor Pad Episode #4 - Like What Does Shallow Mean?!

Dumb Smart Girl
Word of the Day

Shallow - Lacking depth; superficial.

Let the bitch fest begin with a delicious survey! I would have voted them all shallow ;) As for Wes, gotta love a Texas boy--whoo, haven't heard the word britches in like ages!

WHAT NOT/TO WEAR:

NOT - The Rambo/Landscaper look isn't doing anything for us!

PROBABLY NOT - If you have to cuss and use your teeth to get your cufflinks on, maybe go without...

YES - Bold Necklaces!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Krisily has always been the one's who's picked on in life. C'est la vie!

Even Natalie thinks she's the dumbest person in the house!

Natalie's ultimate goal in life? To get married! It's just been one hell of a long bachelorette party!

Wes knows how sensitive women can be.

When Natalie is upset she likes to squat in the corner of the shower and cry. Fun times!

Until Bachelor Pad, Kiptyn's never been in a helicopter.

Elizabeth gives Kovacs butterflies. Awe.

The rules according to Kovacs? 2nd dates=make out city!

Jesse B.'s favorite food is steak and potatoes. Peyton's is corn dogs and funnel cakes.

Champagne and vodka don't mix. Neither do Jesse B. and Peyton...

CRY FEST COUNT:

Elizabeth
Natalie
Tenley

HE SAID/SHE SAID:

"Can we quit bending over and blowing smoke up each other's asses?" -Wes

"We're all going to send someone home Jackass." -David

"Or what?" -David

"Or what?" -Wed

"Or what?" -David

"Or what?" -Wes

"I've never met more people in my life full of more @#!%!" -Wes

"Dave ripped his britches tonight with me." -Wes

"Krisily is everybody's enemy because she's straight up just a bitch." -Natalie

"I don't really even know what shallow means??." -Elizabeth

"You're not supposed to CHUUUUG a martini!!!" -Peyton

"When a guy's burping in your face that doesn't really make you feel special." -Peyton

TELL THE TRUTH CHALLENGE

Who do most of you believe is going to win?

A: Kiptyn

Who is your biggest enemy?

A: Krisily

Who is the most shallow?

A: Elizabeth

Who is the dumbest?

A: Gwen

Who do you secretly have a crush on?

A: Dave

Who will be a bridesmaid but never a bride?

A: Natalie

Who is considered to be the biggest jerk by the group?

A: Wes

Who has the worst boob job?

A: Elizabeth

Getting Rosed: Tenley and Jesse B.

GET READY FOR AN ISLAND ESCAPE FOR TWO

Kiptyn and Tenley

Memorable Moments:

Ziplining makes Tenley's hands "slippering."

LOTS of SCREAMING!!! Make it stop!!!

Ziplining is AMAZING!

Tenley wins the champange cork pop toss for the night!

They're both self-styled dorks!

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT

Peyton and Jesse B.

Memorable Moments:

There's a spark beginning there!

Petyon thought they were in Pearl Harbor. Okay!

Yeehaw they're both country folk!

Vodka makes Jesse B. KA-RAZY!

Buuuuuurrrrrrp!" -Jesse B.

Her eyes are awesome and that's the only reason she's on this date. HA. HA. HA!

He tried to put his finger up her nose. Cause he's like 4. Nasty!

He's like an immature teenager and she's like his babysitter. And not in a hot way either!

Aaaaand that spark is waaaaay gone!

13 DOWN TO 11:

Tenley and her little birds and animal friends too, Tattoo Jesse B., I Love Bears Natalie, Man Code Angry Dude David, Who? Gwen, Benedict Nikki, Dumb Smart Girl Elizabeth, "Kovacs" Jesse K., Abs Kiptyn, Perky Ashley, and Air Craft Carrier Peyton.

SOME LOVELY PARTING SHOTS:

Wes: People came to party. I stand up for what I believe in. Mark my words!

Krisily: I wish very good luck to anyone who is not Kovacs, Elizabeth, Tenley and Kiptyn because they're going to be the final four. I do hold a grudge...

NEXT WEEK...

3 of those witches go home!

Jenn:)