Monday, June 29, 2009

"She's Just An Innocent Girl Trying To Find Love" & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

The return of ED! Woohoo! Who here thinks he's final 1 or the next bachelor?! But alas, that's a mystery for another show down the road. We've got another mystery to solve and that's the darned girlfriend puzzler once a-GAIN! Clearly we've got Nancy Clueless trying to solve this one and even Jake Hardy can't drive a clue home to silly Jilly. She's got Wes fever and that don't come eaaaaaaaaaaassssssssy! Yep. Cheesy!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"She's knocked me off my feet pretty good." --Michael

"Wes is a deceiver." --Jake, Leader of the Nice Guys Brigade

"I don't deserve all this $#!&!" --Jillian

"I straight up love that girl!" --Michael

REID'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

She squeals! A-GAIN!

MaReid Poppins points around at the sights in Philly with his spiffy umbrella and then they pop that baby open and take a ride over to his parents' house! Or something like that...

Reid's dad tells him to fall head over heels and take that darn risk!

Reid really likes to know what everyone else thinks before he makes a decision.

"Who wants cake?!" --Reid changing the subject...

MICHAEL'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

Michael has a twin bro - Double YO!

The sight of Jillian makes Michael do a ho-down jig.

When MIKE YO and DOUBLE YO switch places, Jillian is on to their scheme! And she demands MIKE YO immediately change back into his spiffy untucked blue shirt!

It's a swing dance off and hip buster in the family room!

KIPTYN'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

More squealing! Yay!

Kippy's family put caution tape around the hot tub! Ha. Ha.

Jillian's afraid she's just a hillbilly around Kippy's family.

The big family test to pass?! Taste testing Olive Garden Lasagna vs. Kips's Father's Lasagna. And Grandma's cheap wine vs. some fancy Frenchy wine.

Grandma's cheap Strawberry Hill wine got tossed in the bushes!

Did Kippy's sister just tell Kippy to get Jillian PREGNANT?!

They sing a rousing chorus of the Bachelorette Blues. It usually sets in once the show is done filming. Like a post-partum kind of thingy...

Kippy and Jillian take a dip in the tub after Kippy cuts the caution tape with some handy gardening shears. His intense and intimidating mom watches from the window. AWKWARD...

JESSE'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

If Jillian thinks she's a hillbilly, then that tractor ride was right up her alley!

Jesse's brother is rockin' the Grizzly Adams look. We're talking What Not To Wear Makeover In The Making...

Jacob: "Do you love this chick?! Does she want babies?" Classic!

Jesse has a shell that needs some crackin'!

Jacob actually asks Jillian if she and Jesse have been NAKED together yet!!!!!! WTH. And then she actually just pops off with this GEM: "No, we don't get like that for AWHILE!" Okaaaay...

Another goofy yet so endearing dancing around the family room moment with Jesse on drums, Jacob on guitar and Jillian on the tambourine! Then Jesse nearly impales his brother Jacob with a drumstick...

Jesse compares his and Jillian's relationship to a wine. You know, one that's flat...

WES' HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

Wes has another family--his BAND!

Jillian's stoked!

He's got a new CD coming out!

She's rocking that jean jacket and RED boots!

He's got his initials "WH" on his guitar strap!

She's dancing a jig, drinking some beer!

His music is his church. No drug, no woman is like being on stage Baby!

Jillian lets out a kind of odd combo Woohoo/Yeehaw after hearing Wes sing A-GAIN!

Wes invites Jillian to jump on his love train!

He's not a good liar, he likes her a lot, she's his type, here for the right reasons. Blah Blah. Blah.

JAKE vs. WES AT THE OK-HOLIDAY INN CORRAL

After flying in to confront Jillian about Wes' girlfriend, Jake decides he'd better call Tanner P and double check his facts one last time. "Am I doing the right thing? Did he say he HAS a girlfriend or HAD a girlfriend...That depends on what the definition of IS is?! If I'm wrong --I'm gonna cry on the balcony...Click..."

Jake visits Jillian--and his whole body goes NUMB! He pauses. He laughs nervously. CUT! Take 25, Jake finally spills the beans! Mystery solved! No Jillian, Wes isn't GAY! (SHEESH! Where did that come from?) The guy with the girlfriend is...WES! Her name? Laurel. Hmmm...

Enter Wes. "What's shakin baby?"

She accuses him. Outs Jake as a tattler. Bites her nails. Calls Jake Hardy and gives him his cue.


Enter Jake with the "$#!#" Eatin' Grin!

Jake and Wes keep a distance of 20 feet at all times per the show's rules.

Jake wants Wes to look him in the eye! Something about Laurel and Wes thumping Jake HARD on the back of the head at the rose ceremony after Tanner P blabbed all.

Wes is totally confused. He denies it all. That's crazy man!

He said. He said.

"She's just an innocent girl trying to find looooovveeeeeee!" --Jake as he sobs all over the hotel balcony like that dork Jason did! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

So what does a humiliated girl do!? Wes is smooth, mentions Jillian's sexy EYES. She takes Wes back, hook, line, and sinker! Is anyone else out there finding this just a bit bizarre/possibly drummed up?!!?

And as for Jake? According to Wes Shady, he's a "Backstabbin' piece of $#!%!" Okaaay...

GETTING ROSED:

Reid, Kip, Ed, and Wes and his brown suit jacket.

LEAVING US:

Jesse and his love juice. But at least he's got a cynical brother to go home to!

Michael and his broken heart! He can't say a bad thing. Classy!

THINGS TO PONDER:

What flavor was Reid's birthday cake?

Is Wes a producer pick!? Call me crazy for thinking that...

Anyone else notice Reid's giant smile when Ed walked into the Rose Ceremony?

Any clue what the hundred thousand things are between Jillian and Michael that he loves?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Girl Friend Gate continues next week! Not A-GAAAAAAIN!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #6:
Jillian & Her Cuz Tori's Negotiable &
Non-Negotiable List Includes...

Negotiable:

Don't have to live in Canada.

Acting as personal assistant can be endearing...

They can't lie about having a girlfriend unless they're really cuuuute!

Hair color in various shades, body art galore, and Buddy Holly's glasses okay...

Younger Dudes IF they're funny!

Non-Negotiable:

No hard drinkers with anger management issues!

No MAN CODE breakers!

If he has a twin, they can't play switcheroo. That's like sooo grade school!

They have to be willing to search for the Ogopogo on summer vacations at the lake!

No Younger Dudes if they're jobless...

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer At Jokers. Thanks!***

Monday, June 22, 2009

I Still Miss Ed & Other Thoughts to Ponder...

"People all over the world, join hands! Start a love train,
LOOOOVE TRAAAAAIN!"


Sing it with me! Of course, Jillian still misses "slave to his work" ED! Aside from the purty scenery, was that the train ride of boredom or what!? And poor Reid had to pass the time talking to train employees about love and even got some advice from them. And that furry haremesque boudoir bed of Jillian's? Priceless!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Tanner P has never been on a train or to Canada before. Lucky duck!

Kippy likes to walk on furniture.

You go girl! Jillian slapped the guys' asses when they boarded the train.

Jillian was totally rocking the mountain man plaid shirt mixed with a girlish trendy belt look tonight!

Was that a mower Robby was pushing through the train's aisle? Oh just suitcases. My bad.

Jillian likes her drinks light, refreshing, and not too sweet.

Tanner P wears briefs. And whatever's going on in the frontal area--totally blurred out by ABC! Okay...

When things get tough these guys bring out the Bob Bummer phrases: "Now there are 7! Dam broke, the flood's a comin'! Tornadoes. It's ugly. The chopping block!"

I think Wes called Jillian "Slim" and he's sooo "Shady!"

Jillian's feet are not ticklish.

Michael is the young crazy guy who makes everyone laugh. Translation: Let's keep him around another week!

Wes has a HIDDEN AGENDA! For reals!

Reid is just a tad neurotic...

Nice guys get screwed! Just ask Jake, leader of the Nice Guys Brigade!

Not sure how it happened, but the hot tub kicks Michael's butt! That's his story and he's sticking to it!

When Jake loves, he loves HARD!

When Chris Harrison greats the crowd in Banff, he keeps a lovely shouting distance of at least 20 feet!

Jillian psychoanalizes Jake which is never a good sign!

Chris Harrison is not allowed to use the H Word around Jillian. H=Husband!

Jake thinks Wes is dangerous, Reid is flimsy, and Michael? He's young!

Michael and Jesse have formed a hip hop group: MIKE YO & MR LOVE JUICE with third wheel Shady Wes the twanger!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I'm kind of like...WHOA!" --Robby on getting a 1-on-1 date

"Fame...I can taste it...eat it...inside me..part of myself..excites...got records to sell..I got a MF'n hidden agenda...always have Jillian wrapped around my finger!" --Wes Shady

"When you're in the snow you can do no wrong..." --Jillian (Is this Canada's answer to what stays in Vegas!?)

"I just don't want to see anybody's package yet. I'm not ready for that!" --Jillian

"Her feet are ridiculous!" --Tanner P

"Woof Woofy. Woooooof Woof Woofers YO!" --Michael's Dog saying if he doesn't marry that girl, they'll kick her out of the family!

"He is an awful human!" --Tanner P on Wes

I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S COOKIN' IN MY CABOOSE. OR NOT...

Jillian & Robby

Memorable Moments:

Jillian gets to learn fun bartending tricks! And she totally sucks at it!

Jillian's not so sweet drink looked like milky water.

She gives us a big squeal when the train goes through a tunnel. Yay!

Robby makes Jillian feel 5 OR 10 years younger!

Robby's family is cursed! Beware of the Descant Curse. BWAAHAHAHAHA

When you're looking for husband material, the last thing a guy should tell a girl is that he's between jobs and he doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life...

Robby wishes he had a bigger...vocabulary!

And he has soooo many ideas in his head it's stupid!

But love doesn't have a job. Love doesn't have age. Surely it doesn't!

Total Bummer! He was kicked off the train on the damn train tracks!

Michael cried more when Robby left than Jillian. Awe.

Wes crawls into Jillian's furry harem bed. She likes him. She says something about jerks. His eyes get big. She's glad he's there. He tells her there may be a few jerks...Then he breaks into song. Or something like that...

LET'S GO SNOW SHOEING AND FALL DOWN A LOT!

Jillian & Tanner P, Jake, Wes, Jesse, Michael, Kip, and Marty the Moose!

Memorable Moments:

We're dedicating this section to Tanner P's PACKAGE!

Tanner P helps her put her snowshoes on her feet...er boots...and is disappointed he can't get any foot action!

Kip has to learn to walk all over a-GAIN.

They play hide and seek! Weee! Jake finds Jillian and trips on top of her. Oh, that is, Mr. Perfect was cuddling with her. That's his story and he's sticking to it!

Jake is a back jumper!

Kinda on the fence with this one, but is it a good idea to tell someone they remind you of their mom Jake? Jake thought their conversation was electric. Jillian, not so much!

Jillian just wants to cuddle with Kippy or maybe talk, or maybe take a nap. He's soooo cute!

Jillian wears her underwear and a tank top to bed. BUT, if she's had a couple of drinks, JUST underwear.

SO...Tanner P decides to freak us out with his package:


It's like a thong with some briefs over it. If that ain't wrong, I don't know what's right...

Jillian DIDN'T feel the need to see the package though she notes it was huge though! And Wes totally called her out for peeking!

After freaking Jillian out with his package, Tanner offers her a foot massage with some freebie cabin sample lotion.

Jillian's feet? A 9 to 9 1/2. What would make them a 10? MANGO polish! Okaaaay...

Jillian and Michael decide to get romantic. So they hug it out and roast marshmallows!

Tanner reveals he's the TATTLER! Wes goes off ranting about how he can't stand a tattler! Mark my words Mr. Nice Guy Jake gets suspicious!

LET'S SUCK AT SNOWBOARDING!

Jillian & Reid

Memorable Moments:

Reid asks for advice on whether he should wear his glasses. The train employee tells him no and NO FUNNY HATS EITHER!

Reid fell A LOT while snowboarding. To Jillian, this means he's falling head over heels for her! Totally!

Fun Fact: Having red ears either means you're horny or have high blood pressure. So what do those old fogeys Jillian and Reid think is their problem?! High blood pressure! For reals!

Fondue freaks Reid out!

Ried is a bit of a hypochondriac to say the least...

Jillian does not wash her fruit and veggies! Reid is disgusted because people scratch their butts before touching it in the supermarket! You know come to think of it, I'm always seeing a lot of that going on in the produce section...

Reid normally dates blondes that are not like Jillian. And he totally means this in a nice way. Or something like that...

Reid is scared of roses.

Awe. Jillian touched Reid's red high blood pressure ear when she kissed him!

GETTING ROSED:

Kip, Reid, Jesse, Wes and his lame brown jacket, and Michael the young buck!

LEAVING US:

Tanner P and his foot fettish and a lovely parting quote: "She knows I 've got a foot fetish. She knows I was born with a big 'WOOHOO.' That's F'd up but what can I do?!"

Jake, leader of the NICE GUY BRIGADE, gives us the old cliche, "Nice guys finish last." Story of his life. Or at least that's what the cue card said!

THINGS TO PONDER:

What was in the drink Robby made for Jilly?

Could somebody please explain just WTH that black band thingy Tanner P was wearing was that may or may not have been keeping his underwear up?

Is fooling around on a bear skin rug a bit cliche?

Crashing another guy's hometown date does not bode well for MR. NICE GUY it would appear...

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #5:
MATCH THE CLOTHES/ACCESSORIES/
TATTOO TO THE PERSON:


1. Funky brownish hat
2. Tiny blue polo shirt
3. Plaid shirt and brown belt
4. Major arm tats
5. Dark eye glasses

a. Missing Ed Jillian
b. Unemployed Robby
c. Mr. Nice Guy Jake
d. HYPO Reid
e. Shady Wes

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Answers:

1. b
2. c
3. a
4. e
5. d

Friday, June 19, 2009

Twitter Is So AMAZING!

Twitter has finally claimed me! You can follow my goofy commentary there at:

https://twitter.com/BachGirlFan


Jenn:)

Monday, June 15, 2009

Who The Heck Has A Girl Friend? & Other Things To Ponder...

It was Nancy Drew & The Mystery of the Hidden Girl Friends, eh! And not a Hardy Boy amongst them could sort through those daffy clues and red herrings either...

Sheesh, aside from Girl Friend Gate, we had Ed vs. His Crabby Boss who apparently won out!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

When it's really cold in Whistler, Jillian likes to wear gloves with the finger tips cut off!

There are 101 things that make Michael more and more attracted to Jillian...

It was a two-for-one sale on red and green hoodies!

Wes likes to spy on the other guys when they're having a gab fest!

Jesse thinks Jillian is smart!

Riding on a snowmobile with Jillian is super scary to Robby.

Kip has a force field about him so that when he talks Jillian doesn't even know what he's saying - she just thinks he's so darn cute!

Jillian smells like snow, flowers, and...gasoline! According to Reid...

Jillian owns a glacier!

When Jillian was little she wanted to have like 60 children!

Jillian thinks her voice is either nails on a chalkboard or like she's a whiskey drunkard! Jesse thinks it's soothing and arousing. To each his own!

Jillian thinks a sweater, collared shirt and jeans are real FANCY!

Even if you are wearing the pants, you can still get your heart broken. Thanks Ed! And your crabby Boss too!

Jillian is TOTALLY positive she wouldn't fall for a guy who has a girl friend! For sure!

Michael owns a bright pink sweater. And he's secure enough to wear it around those other dudes!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Oh My Awesome!" --Michael

"Am I nuts or is zippin' freakin' awesome!?" --Michael

"I am a cheesey ass like helpless romantic fall in love if a girl kisses me on the mouth kind of guy!" --Michael

"I like you! Do you like meeee?!" --Jillian to Kip

"You're so cool and you smell good!" --Reid to Jillian

"I just ate it! Ate it on my face!" --Wes

COME FLY WITH ME

Jillian & Michael

Memorable Moments:

Michael has a HUGE crush on his Jilly. What would make it even better? A room full of...spaghetti!

They show their adventuresome side and go Zip Lining. And what does Michael inform us? He's probably going to scream! Gee, great--because if it's one thing we haven't gotten a lot of from this guy--it's screaming! ;)

Jilly feels like a kid with Michael--like she's 19 A-GAIN!

Michael is a big lovable puppy!

He finally gets his hot chocolate, his Jilly, and no curling!

Jillian needed a one-on-one date with MIKE-YO to see if she could have a normal conversation with that other dude Michael.

Jillian ate her "spaghetti" with chopsticks!

Not any real kisses! But lots of shouting! Woohoo!

It's been awhile since Michael has been on a date with a...girl...or a man...

She's holding the rose, talking about him. He's chewing. She's saying how funny he is and she'd like to get to know him better. He chews some more. She decides to give him the rose. He digs around in his mouth with his tongue. Awe Romance!

LET'S CALL IT A SNOW DAY!
(Tell That To Ed's Boss!)

Jillian & Wes, Robby, Kip, Tanner P, Ed, Jake, Reid, and Mark

Memorable Moments:

Tanner P still isn't spilling a thing! Spoilsport!

What is every Canadian Girl's dream? 8 hot guys snowmobiling together in Whistler!

Let's Beat Up on Robby! The guys point out that he is 25, has no job, drinks like a fish, he's young, he has no responsibilities, and Jillian likes taking care of kids--so he's perfect! Okay...

Are you here just to promote your CD? Duh! Wes tells Jilly it's no secret what he does. So therefore he MUST be there for the right reasons! Jilly kisses him. He seals the deal for a rose. Okay...

Jillian dances like Elaine in Seinfeld on an ice bar for the guys. Then she mosh pits them. It wasn't pretty...

Jilly's butt is soooo wet. She makes Kippy feel it. Ewe!

Reid has like 4 girlfriends and 2 wives! For reals!

Ed's boss is like a total Bob Bummer and pressures Ed to get his A$$! back home like yesterday!

IT'S TIME TO BREAK THE ICE

Jillian & Jesse

Memorable Moments:

Jillian's plane ride to a glacier leaves Jesse speechless!

We learn that a glacier is a big, giant, beautiful piece of...ice!

Jesse and Jilly play like kids in the snow and make snow angels. Awe!

Jesse reveals that being on a glacier totally beats getting a Tonka truck at Christmas...

J + J=a moment Jesse will remember forever!

The hot tub was pretty steamy. Jillian and Jesse? Not so much...

GETTING ROSES:

Michael, Jesse, Reid, Kip, Robby, Jake, Tanner P, and Wes and his strange gray jacket.

LEAVING US:

Mark and his saggy sad untucked blue dress shirt and all those darn barriers! But the upside? Anytime Jillian wanders into Denver, he'll hook her up with some damn tasty pizza toppings!

IS ED REALLY GONE?!

Just when you think Ed is gone for good, Jillian's emotional crying aside, we are left with the following little sneak peek at a future episode and just who is that dude kissing Jilly?! Why it's Ed! Hmmm...

THINGS TO PONDER:

What's up with the jeans at the Rose Ceremonies?! Tres casual this year, eh!?

Why does Ed Come Back? Vote in the poll at right! My guess? He's either final 1 and they both realized she was meant to be with him so he arranged with his work to come back or actually quit! OR! He's final 2 and he possibly quits his job (becaused he's going to be the next Bachelor and be paid well to do that) and they play it out like he's coming back and taking this HUGE risk, the viewers are soooo disappointed that cute loveable Ed comes in 2nd setting him up to be our next Bachelor as a fan fav. Time will tell...

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #4:
TOP 10 THINGS WE MISS
ABOUT DAVID & JUAN


10. No more references to trees, beatings, and Juan in the same sentence!

9. No one is stealing Jillian away from the other dudes right and left!

8. No more angry rants...

7. No more violations of MAN CODE being outed by the MAN CODE POLICE!

6. In fact, no one else seems to be breaking MAN CODE!

5. No one is talking about Jillian's outfits as eloquently as Juan did!

4. No one's stepping up to talk to the other dudes MAN to MAN!

3. Without Juan to pick on, the guys had to pick on Robby!

2. Jillian keeps leaving stuff behind now that her personal assistant Juan is gone!

1. No more awkward kiss and dodge/shirt adjusting/talking about spandex A$$! scenes!

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer & Valen at Jokers, Thanks!***

Thursday, June 11, 2009

"I'm Clean!" & Other Thoughts to Ponder...

It's a Bachette moment! All right. Let it sink in. This is the stunning moment that our loveable violent goofball Dave realizes that a girl has ACTUALLY TURNED HIM DOWN FOR A KISS! For reals!

What a week in Vancouver! More helicopter rides, exciting curling competitions, massages we didn't get to see, and the pizza dude Mark finally gets some air time so he has to shave before fully completing his Grizzly Adams look.

As for David vs. Juan, this bromance comes to an end! Darn, we'll miss those two:) Or not...

WICKED FUN FACTS:


Chris Harrison likes to keep it real with the dudes. Shirt unbuttoned about 3 too many buttons. Dramatic date announcements a plenty. That's just how he rolls!

Kippy is ready to get the party started! Ed is ready to step up his game!

The guys are like little kids in a candy store--there's a bathroom in their suite! And it's NOT outside! Wheeeee!

Kip is a math whiz as he realizes on his 1-1 date, he has a 50% chance of leaving!

Jake is the LEADER of the NICE GUYS!

Wes likes to tickle David's feet--it distracts him from his angry rants!

Wes and Michael entertain us with a date card ho-down dance off.

Mike is not a betting man. Good thing!

According to Jake, Leader of the Nice Guy Brigade, Wes is like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. With a guitar!

Jillian is famous for her sighs! Better than being famous for rapidly blinking eye lashes...

You have to ask something random to get a kiss from Jillian.

Wes can fall in love with 3 or 4 girls at once! Uh oh...

Jake is NOT a boy. He's a real man! AND he's Leader of the Nice Guys! Take that bad boys!

Hearing that some guys may have girlfriends just makes a girl want to chow down on her nails. Eeek!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I don't know why girls go after the edgier bad boys. I don't get it?" -Jake

"I put the stone in the circle." --Jesse

"Girls like a little bit of a challenge." --David

"Setting me up like that and then turning the cheek on me is challenging me. I love it. Game On." --Delusional David

"It's good to be me." --Jesse

LET'S COOK UP SOME LOVE VANCOUVER STYLE

Jillian & Kip

Memorable Moments:

Canadians like to kayak to the market!

Jillian nearly tips over in her kayak when they attempt a staged kiss.

In her best Chicago accent, Jillian informs Kippy they're going to make PAAAS-TA sauce.

Kippy goes grocery shopping for their dinner--apparently the intern at ABC was fired or didn't get his passport in order...

Suddenly we were transformed into a scene from The Birds!

According to Jillian, a kiss on the nape of a woman's neck while she's cooking her man dinner is every girls's DREAM!

Kippy is not a pursuer. He likes for the ladies to swoon at his feet!

YO! MIKE-YO IN DA HOUSE YO! WHAT UP?
I just wanna get with Jilly and drink some HOT CHOCOLATE!
No more curling, it's making me CRAZ-EEE!

CURL UP WITH ME BABY! OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT...

Jillian & Jesse, Tanner P, Jake, Robby, Wes, Ed, Michael, Reid, Juan, and David.

Memorable Moments:

Michael does his best Rockette on ice with a curling broom...

Did you know? Juan has flexibility, balance, and touch making him THE curling expert!

Robby will get a double kick in the face if his team loses. Or something like that...

Mike-YO--what's with all the SHOUTING, yo?!

Wes thought he had to travel with the "stone" as it slid across the ice.

Jillian was in a sweatshirt AND spandex. That was a "WHOA!" moment to Mike-YO!

As a consolation for losing, David gave Mike-YO a kiss.

The winning team got a spiffy trophy that David and Juan could have fought over if the producers had gotten their act together!

Jesse is going to try out for the US Curling team.

Jillian tells Jake it's ok to not be so perfect. Uh oh! Kiss of death Jakey, Leader of the Nice Guys!

Jake has been labeled "perfect" his entire life. And he's mad as hell and isn't going to take it any more! So he does what any angry perfect man does--he goes and asks an angry bad boy like David for advice!

David wants to kiss Jillian but makes such a CHEESE ASS of himself that he ends up getting the dodge like that Pam Spritzing Chef Robert from MeAnna's season! (See Bachelorette Activity #3 below for more of this goofy scene...)

COME WITH ME TO THE TOP OF THE WORLD

Jillian & Mike and Mark

Memorable Moments

Mark ironing! Did anyone capture this unusual male feat for posterity?!?!

Mike runs to romantically greet Jillian.

Mark busies himself watching cars drive by.

Mike makes Mark feel like a third wheel.

Mark's gonna buy a dog and move to Alaska!

Mike makes the perfect case for why he'd be perfect for Jillian.

Mark stares at Mike open mouthed...

Aaaaaaaaand...MARK got the rose!

LET'S SNITCH WITH TANNER P!

Tanner P tells Jillian there are guys with girlfriends. But he's not going to say who at this time. No, not going to spill, because there's a good storyline here so says the producers!

So they send in the keystone cops...er...Chris Harrison to sleuth out the truth! And the truth is? Wes is clean! Dave wants to send the snitch home! Jake wants the dastardly villain to MAN UP and quit taking time away from him and his Jilly! Tanner P nearly vomits! Worst bunch of detectives I've ever seen ;)

BEST QUOTES OF THE EVENING:

Paranoid Tanner P to Juan: "WHAT are you looking at ME for?! Stop looking at ME right now!"

A NOW Suspicious Juan to Tanner P: "Dude, I'm looking around back and forth. SIMMER down!"

GETTING ROSES:

Jesse, Mark, Kippy, Reid, Robby, Ed, Michael, Wes and his gold chain, Jake, and Tanner P.

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did the dudes get goofy hats in their spiffy bachelor show bags?! The range of sporty to oddly old school/old man hats is just astounding!

What was the four letter word that David referred to when he said to Jillian, "Why the hell wouldn't you kiss me after the word "----"?

IF this is Chris Harrison mad, I'd hate to see him when he really gets angry! ;)

Was there not one foot comment from Tanner P? And did David not want to kill Juan this episode?!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #3
FOR THE LADIES MAN:
HOW TO LOSE A GIRL IN 5 MINUTES!

1. Tell her if she musses up her hair there will be a LOT more attraction!

2. Point out that her sporty spandex number is your favorite outfit because it shows off her ASS!

3. Accuse her of admiring her own ass in a mirror.

4. Accuse her of lying when she says she doesn't look at her ass in a mirror.

5. Slurr your words and spill your drink on her.

6. Drop them F-Bombs!

7. Tell her she's got her TaTas hanging out! As if it's just for you and an invitation!

8. Interrogate her about who she has kissed!

9. Whine about NOT being kisssed.

10. Reveal you've never NOT been kissed.

11. Ask her why the hell wouldn't she kiss you after the word "...."!

12. Reach over and grab her shirt while cupping a feel to "innocently" adjust it for her...

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

David's Shot Down...

Gee, I have to wonder just how our little loveable angry guy handled this?!?!?

I've been away in TEXAS! Back and will work on getting my usual snark up to the Blog sometime tomorrow once I've seen the show!

Jenn:)

***Cap from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!***

Monday, June 1, 2009

Daddy Was This Close & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

It's the Dave & Juan Show! Tune in next week when they decide to really get angry! And maybe if we're super lucky they'll dredge up Shot Gate A-GAIN! Woohoo! From limos to Ferraris to city bus rides, this show sure is humbling to a dude! And dudes beware, Jillian expects you to show some R-E-S-P-E-C-T and stand up when her Canukness enters the darn room! For reals!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

According to Chris Harrison, the bunkhouse is totally smelly! Ewe...

Jillian has a major crush on Ed! Awe.

Ed has a hard time balancing work with personal time. Uh oh...

According to Wes, 11 people is...A LOT of people!

Jillian loves Westerns.

Brad kissing Jillian is the most awkward thing Michael has ever seen between 2 people.

Wes is a 3-kiss on the cheek dude!

Michael thinks Mike is a cool dude and attractive!

Reid has been in love like 1 AND A HALF times...

Juan is affectionately known around the place as "Good Old Juan."

Reid doesn't kiss and tell!

Jake was so relieved to have Dave's rant interrupted with a...spiffy date card!

Juan thinks Jillian needs to bone up on her Spanish por favor!

Jillian loves anything with a motor! You know, cars, can openers, lawn mowers, chain saws. Stuff like that. They're HAWT!

After round 2 of Juan vs. David, Chris Harrison shows us his true poker face while chatting so calmly about those crazy dudes! Yet his eyes are screaming Get a clue Jillian!

In case you missed it, Tanner P has a foot fetish!

Jillian is not a unicorn!

Dave will NOT be interrupted! That's violation #76890 of MAN CODE!

As Kip kisses Jilly, he caresses her foot as Tanner P looks on drooling from the bushes. Or something like that...

Juan thinks David has a bully mentality.

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"That's the scariest $#!% I've ever done in my life!" --Ed

"I don't know if Jillian has the heart to break up with anyone." --Brad a.k.a. anyone

"I gave Jillian one of the best kisses of her life. I mean you got bad ass and you got like super bad ass, but I'm an ULTRA bad ass." --Mintless Brad

"No tongue you guys!" --Jillian

"I wanna start weeding these guys out fast!" --Wes

"Can I just say out loud that I LIKE women?!" --Michael

"I wish I could quit you!" --Mike

"It took Tanner P probably less than 10 seconds to grab my feet and start kissing them!" --Jillian

"Here's to the real guys that'll actually take their shots like a man!" --David

"I'm a basic guy from Dallas and I have no skills. I'm not here for an agenda. I'm not here to ^%$#. I'm here to suck on some toes!" --Tanner P

"Sorry to break up what has been a rather interesting party tonight." --Chris Harrison

"Riiiiggght..." --Chris Harrison's response to Jillian talking about how great David and Juan are...

LOVE CAN BE DANGEROUS...

Jillian & Ed

Memorable Moments:

Jillian loved poppin' Ed's "Helicopter Cherry." Okaaay...

There's only 1 way down Ed!

Ed Has a momentary breakdown at zip lining off a gazillion story high building. It went something like this: "WHAT!...NO way! OH MY GOD!...I'm a...more spontaneous guy than Mr. Adventure! IS THIS LEGAL?!? If I don't do this, I'll totally be a WUSS!...HOLY $#!%..."

Jillian totally loses her train of thought--it's the wine silly Jilly!

SHOW ME THE GOOD, THE BAD, & THE UGLY!

Jillian & Reid, Wes, Mike, Michael, Tanner F, Mark, Brad, Robby, Tanner P, Kip, and Juan

Memorable Moments:


Robby has it all figured out. The good is that he gets to date Jillian. The bad is there are 10 other dudes. And with so many dudes around, it's bound to get ugly! Yeehaw!

Bad ass just doesn't suffice. Brad totally thinks he's an ULTRA bad ass. At kissing!

Tanner P was rocking that Cheetah Girl Cowpoke look!

Juan shook a bag of mints at Brad but BAD ASS was having none of that!

Michael got to be a gay dude in a scene with another gay dude!

BAD ASS reveals he has a case of arm and lip paralysis when Jillian tries to kiss him. Awkward...

Juan, the mint wrangler, was totally keeping tabs on who was getting all the smooches!

Tanner P and Brad have a spittin' contest!

I Like Totally Don't Know Who You Are, But Let's Make Out!

It's been like 2 years since Robby laid one on a girl! Yikes!

And on a scale of 1 to 10, that kiss was like total BILBRO...er...50!

"I love feet. Her feet looked so good I wanted to put 'em up in my mouth. Daddy was this close. It was like ee ee ee ee ee!" --Tanner P as he rubs Jillian's feet all over his face!

CAN YOU HANDLE MY CURVES?

Jillian & Sasha

Memorable Moments:


Those other dudes are sheep. Sasha is a WOLF. And he's on a journey to find that MYTHICAL UNICORN. Vision Board here we come! Okaaay...

Jillian spread out a car hood is one of the sexiest things Sasha has ever photographed...

Sasha drives a Ferrari like a maniac and Jillian totally loves that! And we thank her for all the screams and squeals!

When Sasha finds the right unicorn...er girl...for him, he'll get married the next day! AND have kids. And a dog too! Because when you're talking about mythical creatures--births are that instantaneous!

Once again Fleiss totally blew the budget! Sasha heads for the airport on a CITY TRANSIT BUS! Classy!

Let's recap! Wes is a country singer. He's got a #1 hit in Chihuahua Mexico. And he's known as the Rooster! When he pulls out his guitar all the other dudes are soooo jealous. Tanner F. is soooo sick of the same damn songs on the guitar. And as for Mike, I'm not sure they even play much country music where this guy's from so he's having none of that. BIG YAWNS. And Tanner P has other skills! Thank goodness because his idea of a good song? Lada de! Lada da! Lada de! Lada DA...

Wes likes to take the bull by the horns and serenade his ladies. Jillian cried. They hugged it out. What little opportunist he is ;)

PREDICTION: WATCH THESE TWO -
The Kisses We Didn't See...



JUAN vs. DAVID
...or as I like to call it: SHOT GATE MY @$$!

Producer has Jilly take David out for a talk. 5 minute timer goes off. Producer cue to send Juan in. David grunts his teeth through his stiff drink and then WHAMO it's back to SHOT GATE!

Our loveable little violent guy David wishes people like Juan didn't bother him but he just CAN'T let it go!

David spends the rest of the party drinking shots like a man, rallying the dudes against Juan, tallying votes of those who think Juan will not get a rose, and calling out the cowards who won't stand up for Dave. LIKE MARK!

DAVID vs. MARK THE PIZZA DUDE!

DAVE: "Do you really think Juan is the person for Jillian?! DO YOU THINK JUAN IS THE PERSON FOR JILLIAN!? I'M ASKING YOU RIGHT NOW! MAN TO MAN! DON'T LOOK AT HIM, LOOK AT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

MARK: Jillian will figure it out, she doesn't need me telling her what to do. I'm not her keeper. I make pizzas! Let's all just talk about our favorite pizza toppings...

DAVID: "You DON'T say what you think! YOU'RE A COWARD! I'M MAN ENOUGH TO TELL YOU WHAT I'M THINKING!"

JUAN vs. DAVID A-GAIN!

JUAN: "I don't have a beef with anybody here. I'm cool with everybody. Everyone is a little bit different and that's fine. Everybody doesn't have to like everybody."

DAVID: "I don't like you. You know that. Everybody else knows that. You FAKED a shot with us to the point where you FAKED CHOKING on it! I SAW YOU DO IT! I'm looking at you as a MAN right now and I'm telling you that is disrespectful!"

JUAN: "So you're saying this has to do with drinking?"

DAVID: "It was cheesy BRO. You're 35 years old. STOP being a CHEESE A$$! and be yourself!"

Can't they just take a page from BILBRO-ster and just HUG IT OUT?!?!

TANNER P'S FOOT PATROL PART DEUX:
DADDY WAS THIS CLOSE!

Tanner has totally made a connection with Jillian's Feet!

"Those are beautiful feet. I wanna kiss 'em, suck 'em, touch 'em, rub 'em, feel 'em, tweeze 'em. I'm THAT in love with 'em!"

He's totally here to get to know Jillian BEFORE he gets to know her FEET!

As he and Jilly are chatting he interrupts with this gem, "Put your feet up here by the way..." And she of course happens to be shoeless. ABC Intern had just daintily washed her feet according to Tanner P's hygenic instructions in the downstairs bathroom.

"I totally want to make a connection with the...FEET!"

Tanner P's biggest deal breaker? UGLY feet. Didn't see that one coming...

"I wanna suck on those toes!"

With a straight face, Tanner P confesses to us that he has a bit of a foot fetish.

GETTING ROSES:

Ed, Robby, Jake, Reid, Mark, Jesse, Tanner P, Wes, Juan, Michael, Kip, Mike

SOME LOVELY PARTING WORDS FROM THE BAD ASS DRIFTER:

Brad: "When you love somebody more than they love you and you don't get it back. OH GOD. It hurts! It hurts...My character I played was a drifter and I PLAN ON BEING A DRIFTER..."

THINGS TO PONDER:

Gee, call me crazy, but do you think there was a reason that David was voted #2 to go in last week's episode?!

What was Tanner P doing in 1988 when he witnessed the worst kiss ever!?

Do you think when these dudes apply to the show, there's a box to check on the application that you'll totally be there for the WRONG reasons?

Did Juan fake another shot at the wrap party?!

Reid has been in love 1 1/2 times? So how does that work?!

Is it just me, or does it seem like some of the other dudes have issues with Juan too?

Do you think while Dave's sitting around with his buds, doing some shots, and walking that MAN CODE line each week watching these episodes, that he's claiming that his edit was a TAD off?

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #2:
DAVE'S RANT TIPS
...OR 16 REASONS YOU MIGHT JUST HAVE
ANGER MANAGEMENT ISSUES!


"It would give me a lot of pleasure just to beat him."

"I'd kill him."

"I hate him."

"Jillian would've been %$#@#$ pissed at me. Would have been furious at me if I would call that &^%$#@ out!"

"If she wasn't here I would already beat the guy's ass!"

"Maybe 1 of you guys who's good people who deserve to be with her get kicked out because that &^%$## ^%$#@! is still around!"

"He's a &^%$#!"

"I have zero respect for Juan. He seems really shady. He's lied and he's here for the wrong reasons."

"I want Juan gone like I want to win the lottery."

"Do me a *&^%$#' FAVOR and stop interrupting and play along right now!"

"What the &^%$! Get the &^%$ away from me! Why is everybody around me!?"

"It's 15 guys left! Do I want to make myself look like a JERK in front of Jillian because Juan comes up and interrupts us after 5 minutes of conversation!?"

"I'm &^%$## DONE! I'm out!"

"I hate the (*&^%$!"

"I'll *&^%$# kill him!"

"I would love to just beat the *&^% out of him!"

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***