Monday, January 26, 2009

I'm Not Letting You Let Me Go & Other Thoughts...


Is anyone else sensing a What Not To Wear vibe here?! Or is it just me...

DRAMA! TEARS! SIGHS! SLAPS! KISSES! WHORES! OH MY! But enough about The Bachelor, there were some General Hospital soap opera moments too!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Who would have thought my love of fast food would get me a one-on-one date!?" --Molly

"Oh My Gosh I hate you! The BUT. Really, did you have to say the BUT?!!?!?" --Molly

"It was a good but." --Jason

"Like OMG we're on the set of General Hospital!" --Everyone. So take a drink if you're still with us!

"I was definitely ready to play doctor!" --Jason

"I have a crush on Jason!" --Shannon

"MAN UP!" --Megan

"I can do girl talk!" --Jason

"I'm not trying to get him to pity me so I can get a *&^%$ rose!" --Megan

"It sucks being the guy that makes them cry." --Jason

LET'S NOT SING AND SAY WE DID!

Holy Cow! Another singing contest! Naomi was nervous, Molly wanted to go the funny route, Stephanie's an opera singer, Shannon has seen every episode of the show and therefore she remembers Jason totally rapped his song, Lauren is a professional singer and Nikki has a nervous breakdown like Fred in MeAnna's season and it went something like this (minus Fred's Chicaaaaaaaaaago accent):

I'm terrified. I'm scared. I can't do this. I'm emotional. I can't do the whole feelings thing. I cannot be silly--that is NOT in my nature! I HATE singing! I'M A CONTROL FREAK! TARANTULAS, BIG TARANTULAS, PLEASE LET THEM CRAWL UP MY ARMS, I'LL JUMP OUT OF A PLANE! OMG WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

And just in case you missed it, Naomi thinks Nikki's just a tad uptight...Uh...YEAH!

Song Highlights:

Molly has butterflies and loves fast food--she thinks chicken McNuggets and fries are soulmates--kind of like her and Jason!

Stephanie shrieks opera style, "Just YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

YO YO YO, Sha-NAY-nay IN DA CHRIS'S HOUSE OF RAPS YO:

"Jason you're so hot!
Your body is flaming, your hips are swinging!
I look into your eyes and my heart starts banging!
I see a looooooooove connection!
Baby I wanna show you my one-on-one affection!
Peace out, B!%@#&$!"

LET'S STAY HOME TONIGHT AT MY PLACE

Jason & Molly

Memorable Moments:

They eat fast food. Molly sang about fast food. You think Jason's gonna make a fast move!?

Jason gets lost in Molly's eyes. Awe.

To enter the man cave, Molly must wear man clothes.

Jason and Molly play Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boy looking for clues with their Lowe's flashlights to solve The Mystery of Jason's Tent!

WANT TO PLAY DOCTOR?!

Jason & Jillian, Lauren, Shannon, Megan, Melissa, and Naomi

Memorable Moments:

Shannon volunteers to kiss Jason and walks right up into his face. Then she fans herself and flosses.

Naomi dusts Jason. Sexy!

Naomi and Jason kiss like 100 times causing all the ladies to vomit. Except for Megan. Cause she's a tough &^%$#@$%!

Megan sucks Jason's face off while grabbing him in a manly Lacross grip!

Shannon has a meltdown moment with her napkin and it goes something like this:

This is sooooooooo difficult!...Real feelings!...YOU CAN'T LET ME GO!...I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND YOUR LITTLE DUCK TED TOO!...I have so much to offer...You have to believe in me...Putting my heart on my shoulder...Be my best friend!...I want to meet Ty...I'm soooo real...I'M NOT LETTING YOU LET ME GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shannon then proceeds to PICK HER NOSE in front of Jason. How not cute! Bet Ty would have thought it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

LET'S DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY
1 Stays. 1 Goes. Yo ho ho! This Verse Blows!

Jason & Stephanie and Nikki

Memorable Moments:

They learn the waltz, but Nikki needs about 3 weeks to a month to prepare for things like this!

Stephanie is a stiff dancer. So is Jason.

Nikki steps on Jason's toes like 100 times!

FUN FACTS:

Molly has soft skin.

Shannon stakes out the front porch but remembers Twilly looking like he was hiding in the bushes, so she decides to stake out the couch instead while waiting for Molly to return.

According to Shannon, kisses on the set aren't real, so it's OK if he kisses other girls.

Lauren needs to dominate Jason!

When Megan lets loose, she's a real &^%$%^ classy gal!

Melissa has practiced saying "Melissa Mesnick" in her head like 100 times!

Lauren plans to slap Jason for not following her directions. Wow. Shocker she doesn't get rosed!

Shannon plans to go home and give lots of big french kisses...to her...puppy!

THINGS TO PONDER...

Did anyone else notice Nikki rocking the sideburns tonight!?

Was the whole napkin stuck to the face/nose picking thing just about the most awkward and likely to make you gag big time moment in Bachelor history!? Like totally trumping Jesse's farting in MeAnna's bed statement!?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #4:
CLUES THAT HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU...

You wrote like a whole song for him and he still gives a rose to that crappy singer!

It takes an acting session on a soap opera set to get him to kiss you!

He's more interested in the napkin all over your face than trying to kiss you...

He talks about wanting the best for you whether he's with you in the end OR NOT with you in the end.

You give him your best "kiss me face" and all you get is a couple of hugs and a "You're such a great person."

You're waiting for him to approach you...and he doesn't.

His facial expression says it all when you tell him you were in a relationship for 11 years that ended practically yesterday!

You never get a one-on-one date.

You try to dominate him and he's not having any of it!

You have to practically beg for a first kiss!

You beg him not to let you go...and he let's you go!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer At Jokers. Thanks!***

Monday, January 19, 2009

I Think I'm Going To Vomit & Other Thoughts...

LIKE SOOOOO AWKWARD!

Stephanie and Sophia crash into each other on the beach in a slightly less perfect producer scripted heartwarming rendition of Jason and Ty's reunion love fest in MeAnna's season.

Jason and Nikki have like awkward conversation after the Keep a Breast craft session. Or so the producers want us to think...

Wow! Nikki and Jason go for it. It's a cheek kiss, no wait, a regular kiss, wait tongue in the air?! No, just a kiss kiss, now a deep kiss. Aaaaand done! Let's not go there again...

Shannon to Jason: "I've had a hard couple of days...No one to confide in...Girls like you...you like them...I cried when I watched you and DeAnna...I'm a poet at heart...I just wanna lay on the couch in my pjs and ask you how your day went...I'm SO READY to be a mom!...YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!!!...I think I want to vomit...." Oh boy...

AND THE FASTEST KISS ON THE LIPS IN BACHELOR HISTORY GOES TO:

Jason and Stephanie!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"All of those girls are so annoying!" --Natalie

"I got to lube Jason up!" --Melissa

"Being pretty and being smart is not enough. You have to be funny!" --Nikki

"I'm a control freak. I'm a perfectionist." --Nikki

"I just had a light bulb moment about marriage." --Jillian

"I don't want to be the flavor of the week." --Jillian

"Did you just check out my boobs!?" --Erica to Jason

"I was just looking at the color of her dress. PINKY SWEAR!" --Jason to excited producer

DELUSIONS BY SHANNON or HE'S JUST NOT THAT IN TO YOU...

"I like to stare at him." --Shannon

"I asked Jason to put the plaster on my body." --Shannon

"He did feel me up a little bit." --Shannon

"He rubbed my boobs..." --Shannon

"I don't want to be that girl that runs up and grabs him!" Shannon then proceeds to run up and hug Jason. Tightly. Giggly. Security has to run in and remove her. At least I think that's how it happened...

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEGAN HANDY or YOU CAN TAKE THE TRUCKER OUT OF THE TRUCK BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE MOTHER TRUCKER OUT OF THE TRUCKER

"I have depth."

"That makes me feel like I need to be a bitch!"

"Shannon is weird! Like get a hold of yourself!"

"Really, are you *&^%$# tattlers like 5?!"

"You ungrateful self-absorbed piece of &^%$#! &^%$#!"

COME PLAY WITH ME

Jason, Stephanie, & Sophia

Memorable Moments:

Stephanie does a cartwheel

Stephanie and Sophia crash boom bang into each other in a heartwarming Disney moment!

Jason gives Stephanie a rose made of legos. And he gets an A for original!

LET'S GET BUSTED FOR A GOOD CAUSE


Jason + Nikki, Melissa, Erica, Megan, Shannon, Kari, Naomi, & Jillian

Memorable Moments:

Jason gets to watch the girls behind nifty colored screens--and he can see every shape, curve, and, well you get the picture...

WTH?! Did Megan really just say she wants to put a fetus on her body cast?!!?!?!?

Jason kept walking around with his shirt off, even after everyone got dressed to work on their crafty busts. So subtle Jason!

Jason and perfectionist Nikki do not have a perfect one-on-one time...

Jillian and Jason jump up and down on a bed! Like little kids.

WEAR YOUR BEST DRESS AND I'LL DO THE REST or WHAT A WASTED DATE!

Jason and Natalie

Memorable Moments:

Jason is kept waiting by Natalie who has to get in a last minute spray on tan!

Jason twirls Natalie. Several times.

If Molly's looks could kill...

Jason likes to say Holy Cow! Natalie says Holy Cow! Awe!

Jason thinks he's James Bond.

Natalie and the Vegas waitress compete to see whose strapless black dress is the shortest!

When asked what more there is to Natalie besides fashion, shopping, shoes and sports, she tells Jason.........BEARS! All kinds. Fuzzy wuzzy ones!

Natalie gets sidetracked and doesn't even remember what they were talking about. WHATEVER!

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G-L-Y DEEP THOUGHTS BY NATALIE:

"I'm sick of getting stereotyped by my appearance!"

"You were sneaky with that rose and then that BUT!"

"I know I'm going to be an awesome mother and I could do it TOMORROW!"

"I know I'm SUPER attractive. You don't feel a connection with me? Who do you think you are--GOD?!"

"WHATEVER!"

"Bleep. Bleep Bleep that! Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"

BACHELOR FUN FACTS & GOOD TIMES:

Kari thinks Natalie and Lauren are her biggest threat.

Melissa used to be like a gazillion triple FFF and to Jason's dismay, she had a breast reduction at 17.

Shannon likes to play in a groovy egg chair when she's in a funk.

Erica and Megan only get along when they're doing the "That B&^%$ Natalie's Gone Happy Dance!"

Jason likes Nikki's rose ceremony dress--you know the one with the window shopping down the front...

Lauren tattles on those two drama queens Megan and Erica to Jason.

To Megan, eavesdropping is a *&^%$#@ art form!

WELCOME TO THE CHRIS SPRINGER ROSE CEREMONY SHOW!

That champagne glass banging Chris Harrison totally outdoes himself! He Jerry Springers the girls with a "she said" tattle-a-thon and Jason has front row seats!

Once again Megan is at the center of D-R-A-M-A. Megan rants about Lauren the 5 year old tattler! Shannon runs off to Vomitville. Megan rants about Erica. Jason looks like he wants to go home to Ty and his pet duck Ted. Megan rants about Shannon! AMAZINGLY...last Rose goes to...Megan, clearly the best little producer pick of the week!

Erica is disappointed she is not rosed--because she's a down and dirty rough girl--you know totally Jason's type!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Is it just me or did Jason and Stephanie have oh I don't know about 20 minutes to get through Legoland before the doors opened to the general public, so they had to run around like madmen dragging Sophia everywhere to get through all the rides!?

Is Jillian going to keep wearing strapless dresses so she can get a workout tugging them up constantly!?

Was Jason really looking at the color of Erica's dress!?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #3
KEEP A BREAST:

http://www.keep-a-breast.org

Get out and support Keep a Breast! This breast cancer awareness organization is selling the busts of the 8 ladies and Jason's at eBay! Auction ends Jan. 29th:

http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/thekeepabreast2005_W0QQ_nkwZQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_mdoZ

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!

Monday, January 12, 2009

"One Hot Daddy" & Other Thoughts...

There was Drama! Glares! Eye Rolling! And we wouldn't have it any other way. Oh yes!

DEEP THOUGHTS BY JASON HANDY:

Jason's Thoughts on Shannon:

"I wouldn't have given her a rose if I thought she was a stalker. That goofy gal! I'm totally flattered she knows my favorite color and that I like to take a bath with a rubber duckie and she knows all my neighbors and my social security number! I'm totally fine with it! It's all good!"

Jason's Thoughts on Vision Boards:

"I just don't get it?! ..."

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Touching Jason's bare shoulders and chest was a GIFT! He He He!" --Shannon

"It's warm, it's reeeallly warm!" --Sharon

"Once you're kraut, you're out!" --Jillian

"I've done pageants. I like to win things!" --Lauren

"I love that blimp!" --Jason

"Amazing!" --Everyone, So take another drink if you're still with us!

"Molly's a sleeper..." --Lauren

"These 15 Women are Amazing!" --Jason (reading from producer cue card...)

"There's definitely something in the air..." --Jason

"You were just so...like...chill." --Jason to Molly

"Can you feel this!?" --Erica as she forces Jason to grope...er...feel her chest...er heartbeat...

POSSIBLY PROPHETIC QUOTES:

"One of you guys is going to be my wife." --Jason

"Third Times A Charm." --Jason

LIKE SERIOUSLY CHEESY MOMENTS:

The oh-so-slow-mo shot of Jason removing his spiffy gray t-shirt while flexing his muscles--complete with super cheesy elevator music.

The token let's play chicken in the pool game!

Jillian and Jason feeding each other and missing Jason's mouth by a long shot!

Jason's break dancing.

Molly, Kari and Sharon's synchronized swimming. Totally mesmerizing!

Shannon resurrects another Gregster moment and goes for the howl!

Jason tells Nikki she has AMAZING qualities and the camera man pans over her rack! (Totally subtle Cameraman Bob!)

FREAKISH MOMENT OF THE EVENING:

Raquel Stakes Out Jason's SUV! Jason climbs in to leave the ladies' villa and HOLY COW! There's a crazy Brazilian girl in his car. I don't know about you, but it seemed like it took Jason a minute or two to climb into the car with a wide-eyed look on his face. Even weirder was the first thing out of her mouth after she removed the slice of crazy pie, "Hello, did you have ENOUGH of me already?!" HUH!? Jason looks totally confused and whips his head around super fast towards the back window of the car like he's sending SOS signals for help from Chris Harrison, but that guy is nowhere to be found! Well gosh darn it, Chris Harrisonbot is the kitchen practicing his champagne glass knife banging skills!

This kooky event foreshadows Raquel's going home without a rose puzzlement, "Maybe I'm too aggressive?! I don't know?!" --Raquel (Ya Think!?)

CATTY MOMENTS OF THE EVENING:

Nikki v. Natalie. WALK OFF! Oh wait, that was another show...Nikki doesn't want to know what Jason's doing with the other girls but Natalie is such a tattler and a finger pointer! They bitch back and forth and finally Natalie just wants to like drop it! After two rounds she probably forgot what they were talking about anyhow! WHATEVER!

Megan v. Erica. SERIOUSLY, WALK OFF! Ok, can't we get a good "walk off" anymore!? No! These two get into a "she said" snit complete with glares and eye rolls over Molly stealing Jason from Megan. WHAA!
AMAZINGLY FUN FACTS:

Natalie brought a whole suitcase of shoes to the ladies' villa! But don't panic! If that's not enough to go around, Stephanie brought the whole ladies department of Macys with her! Woohoo!

Bummer Y'all! These ladies didn't get a date with Jason: Raquel, Megan, Lisa, Shannon, & Stephanie.

Jillian is totally obsessed with kraut and hot dogs!

Shannon is totally ready to be Jason's wife!

Jillian thought Jason would be a ketchup guy--which Jason categorizes as a "Momma's Boy!"

Stephanie misses out on alone time with Jason and starts drinking double fisted!

Jason plays hide and seek with a rose!

Lauren is seen eating Ramen Noodles. Way to blow the food budget on this one Fleiss!

Jason likes a little beat box when he's keeping it real on the dance floor!

Nikki takes kissing very seriously!

FURTHER WAYS TO NOT IMPRESS JASON:

Chucking ice cubes at him while he's having one-on-one time with other girls!

Not being aggressive enough when trying to steal him!

Making him a drink and then drinking it for him!

A ROMANTIC EVENING or..."GET OUT, THIS IS AWESOME!":

Jillian & Jason at Disney Concert Hall with Robin Thicke

--5 Things we remember about this date:

Jillian can't have a conversation without making a hot dog condiment reference! Way to milk that hot dog condiment's 15 minutes of shame!

Jillian has good reflexes--she expertly caught a piece of chocolate that fell off her strawberry!

Jillian kept tugging up her strapless dress.

Robin Thicke sure has a herky jerky stage presence!

Jason goes for his first kiss!

LET'S TAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP TO NEW HEIGHTS!

Melissa & Jason at the beach, Good Year Blimp Flight

--5 Things we remember about this date:

Jason serves Melissa an oyster so hot it makes her cry--and he laughs about it!

Jason is hot for teacher!

Melissa is FUN!

The Good Year Blimp doubles as a magic 8 ball!

There's nothing more romantic than blimps and sunsets!

LET'S PUT THE GLAM IN HOLLYWOOD GLAMOUR!

Jason + Natalie, Erica, Naomi, Nikki, Lauren, Kari, Sharon, & Molly

--5 Things we remember about this date:

A shopping spree is like the mothership calling Natalie home! Or something like that...

Sharon's got a case of the giddies!

Kari wants Jason to undress her...

Jason's...um...hilarious...um...break dancing? I think he was doing the robot--he learned it from his buddy Chris Harrison!

Molly's got a talent...and it's not golf. It's kissing! Wanna see?!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Does Jillian secretly work for Oscar Mayer?!

What kind of drink did Stephanie make Jason?

Do you think Megan just happened to be in the kitchen putting on makeup when Erica and Molly were chatting?!

Was Raquel's odd question in the SUV really just her blundering her knowledge of English phrases and not really so odd after all? Hmmmm...

Is Lisa's grandmother ok? Seriously, I hope she's ok!

ODDBALL SCREENCAP PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK:

Oh boy...
BACHELOR ACTIVITY #2:
"BOUTIQUEY HOTEL" POOL PARTY MARTINIS


It Could Have Been...A Raspberry Lemontini!

Ingredients:

Ice
16 ounces lemon flavored vodka
8 ounces raspberry liqueur (recommended: Chambord)
1 lemon, very thinly sliced
8 raspberries

Directions:

In a shaker combine ice, vodka and liqueur. Strain into 4 martini glasses. Top with slice of lemon and 2 raspberries. Serve.

Jenn:)

***Screencaps from Dreamer at Jokers Updates. Thanks!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Amazing!!!!!!!! & Other Thoughts...

Oh boy, it’s that time again! Monday night cat fights a la The Bachelor! Thanks to ABC for bringing us this gem once again--it's like the 13th time! Could that be a charm or a jinx!?

I thought it would be fun to highlight (rather than recap) some tongue-in-cheek memories and "tips" from Bachelor Jason’s whirlwind fairytale as it unfolds each week. For full recaps here are two other blogs that have been around for quite some time: Reality Steve and Lincee:

http://www.realitysteve.com
http://www.ihategreenbeans.com

And Chris Harrison's Blog!:


And share your funny and snarky thoughts with the guys and gals at Jokers--screencaps in this blog are from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!

http://www.jokersupdates.com

Poor Jason was dumped by DeAnna at the end of Bachelorette 4, now it's his turn to choose! On Monday's show we were introduced to these AMAZING or LOVELY (depending on which drinking game you're playing) women: That Hurts My Feelings Erica, Weiner Theorist Jillian, Dorothy from Kansas Kari, I'm Attractive & It's My Birthday Lauren, Idaho Potato Lisa, *&^%$ Megan, Perky Melissa, I Can't Dance Molly, I Want To Feel Him On My Body Naomi, He's Cute Natalie, First Impression Rose Nikki, Raquel from Brazil, Hillbilly Stalker Teeth Shannon, I Quit My Job For Love Sharon, Widow Stephanie, Ann Who?, Tired of Dating Duds With Hammertoes Dom, Still Sleepless in Seattle Emily, Go Home Jackie, Julie Who?, I Forgot To Give Him My Gift So I'm Going Home Nicole, Vision Board Renee, Shelby Who?, Stunned Stacia, and No This Really Isn't My Stage Name Treasure.

In case you're worried that Jason hasn't gotten over MeAnna yet, rest assured, though he wanted to wake up next to her everyday, he's now moved on! She totally made the right choice. Ty is his best friend! And he's ready for love again! And I don't know about y'all but he's definitely not sleepless in seattle, based on all the shots from this episode, more like shirtless in seattle! And he knows these girls are all there for the right reasons! And if you're worried about whether Jason--or Ty have vision boards, rest assured, I managed to wheedle some scans of these handy vision boards (see below...) left behind at the mansion where the Bachelor was filmed thanks to the ABC prop guy...er, that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

THE HANDY BACHELORETTE DATING GUIDE:

If you just happen to be competing for an AMAZING man with 24 other AMAZING girls, you might find these things come in handy:

Choice Words for the Dude:

Handsome! Gorgeous! Cute! Adorable! Beautiful TEETH!

How to Impress a Man:

Lots of cleavage!

Initiate an alone time stealing war back and forth!

Take his breath away...

Ask to see his golf swing!

How NOT to Impress a Man &/or Appear Stalkerish:

Tell him you quit your job for him!

Tell him (while crazy giggling) that you sound like such a stalker! Translation...You're a Stalker!

Talk about bunions and hammer toes! Eeew!

Stuff That Grabs His Attention:

Check out his hot dog condiments!

Show Initiative by cutting in on his dance partner, even though you can't dance well!

An awkward but cute samba...

Stuff That Just Plain Stinks:

Stealing other people's (Sharon's) samba routines! (Raquel!)

Sporting Hillbilly teeth! Twice! (Tsk Tsk...Shades of teeth made out of orange peel...)

Howling at the sight of him! (Shannon briefly pulls a Gregster minus the ripping off her outfit part!)

Forcing him to go back to 7th grade and name the three branches of government! In the land of Bachelorville, that would be Fleiss, Fleiss and Fleiss! And no checks and balances, no siree!

Oh No She Didn't Really Say That!

"I don't give a $#!% About the Competition!" --Megan

"Enjoying a good hot dog means that you can just enjoy life." --Jillian

"You A$#@&%$!" --Megan

What Gets You Voted Out of the Party (Ooh Snap WITH a rose!):

Drinking too much!

Spilling about your hoochie engagement habits!

Lecturing Others About Single-Mom-Hood. (Ding Ding We Have A Winner!)

Looking Too Hot!

Being Catty About Who You're Voting for!

Dress for Success:

Short and sweet

Sleek Fitting Leopard Prints

Dress Mess:

Orange. Period.

Ill-Fitting Leopard Print Just Ripped Down Draperie Dress

A Dress that shows off your oversize shoulder tattoo! Woohoo!

And The Award for Way too Much Boobage Goes To: Nikki, Lauren, Stephanie & Shannon

SUGGESTIONS FOR CHRIS HARRISON IN LIEU OF HIS OLD TIRED GAG: THE ALL-PURPOSE ATTENTION GRABBING CHAMPAGNE GLASS KNIFE BANGING MANEUVER:

Throw a Pie at the most hated in the room!
Hose Them Down With Champagne
Bust a Move on the Dancefloor! You Know He's Got To Have Some Other Moves!
Blow a...Police Whistle
Clang a Triange
Toot a Horn
Bring Back Chandler's Handy Duck Caller

JASON & TY'S VISION BOARDS:


BACHELOR ACTIVITY #1

JILLIAN'S HAWT HOT DOG ACTIVITY:


Next time you're interested in a guy, pull out your handy portable hot dog cooker and a batch of weiners--as you know there's nothing more thrilling to a guy than whipping out your weiners! And offer him a choice of special condiments! Here's what these condiments tell you about your guy:

Ketchup: Good, loyal, loves his mom

Sauerkraut: The bad boy

Onion: One who never gets married or wants to settle down

Mustard: Guy you want to settle down with, a combination of ketchup and sauerkraut

THINGS TO PONDER...

Did Nicole ever give him her gift and if so, what do you think it was?!

Did Jason ever have any alone time with Melissa? Hmmm...

Who is Ann?! Did I miss something?!

Who is the genius who thought of the bitchy voting ruse to create D-R-A-M-A in the house?!

Was Chris Harrison replaced by a robot 3 season ago!?

What do you think Renee's vision board looks like now!?

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!