Tuesday, July 28, 2009

"Ed Better NOT F&^%$#@' Disappoint Me!" & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

And there they are--the Happy Couple! Mr. Invisible is ED! Come on, you didn't really think it was going to be Reid now did you? He's our next Bachelor after all. Or so the rumors say...

My final Blog entry on Jillian's season! It's kinda bittersweet I must say. But there's always next season to get snarky about! Woohoo! Until then, look for more Blogs, Amazing things, and Bachelor/ette news of note.

My prediction? If it's totally for reals, then either they'll last until about October/November or they'll be married in 12 months like Ed says. If it's not real, expect a break up around October/November in plenty of time for everyone to be over it when the next season starts up next year. Just sayin'

WICKED FUN ANALOGY:

Deanna is to blinking eyelashes as Jillian is to licking her lips!

THE MOST DRAMATIC FINALE
EVAAAAAAAAH!!!
BIG ISLAND, HAWAII

MEET THE PARENTS

Jillian's Family & Ed

Memorable Moments:

Lots of squealing!

Cousin Tori!

Ed says he was married to his job and that's why he left Jillian...

Jillian's mom has 66 questions for Ed and he aces every one of them!

Where are Jillian & Ed in 30 or 40 years? In Hawaii. She in her grass skirt. He in his green mankini. Totally!

Ed's mantra for relationships? BE HONEST! Okay...

Ed and Jillian's dad have a heart to heart. Then they laugh big laughs. And something about somersaults...

Ed hula dances with the family in a grass skirt and his coconut bra! He and Glen bump hips. It's a HOOT! "Wooo! Forget Jillian. You're all mine Glen!"

MEET THE PARENTS

Jillian's Family & Kippy

Memorable Moments:

Totally Awkward kissing. Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!

More squealing!

To Jillian, Kippy is the last cherry on top...

Jillian dares Kippy to chat with her mom and her list of 2 trillion questions!

Where are Jillian & Kippy in 30 or 40 years? Drinking lattes on his patio chatting like best friends. Awe.

What does Grandma think? He's not a Ukrainian. But he is VERY VERY VERY nice!

Glen asks Kippy if he's in love. Total deer in the headlights look for a moment...

WHO DOES THE FAMILY LIKE?

It's Mom for Kippy and Dad for Ed!

Jillian wanted a sign from God. A big lightening bolt to strike her!

But before the last chance dates, Jillian and Tori dish on Ed's fantasy suite problem. Jillian wanted rip off your clothes passion. We know she didn't rip that mankini off of ED, because HERE IT IS A-GAIN! :

LAST CHANCE ED!

Memorable Moments:

Chopper tour was fun. Volcano gasses abounded.

The token waterfall/kiss/underwater crotch shots. Always a thrill. Or not...

He'll never leave her A-GAIN. Awe.

The token bed scene with kissing. And then BOOM. A volcano erupts all FIERY like. And a green mankini was seen flying through the air. Or something like that...

LAST CHANCE KIPPY!

Memorable Moments:

Seeing Kippy's abs. All 8 or 9 or 10 of them. Like 20 times! Sheesh.

Paddle surfing and picnicking!

Kippy has AWESOME friends. But are they AMAZING?

Token bed scene. Let's do this! Finger kiss. Booooorriiiing...

GOING DOWN IN FLAMES #1: KIPPY

The dumper finally gets dumped. Need I say more? Oh and we got to see more shots of his abs while he was getting dressed. Did he have an ab clause in his contract?!?!?

GOING DOWN IN FLAMES #2:
REID & HIS WHITE TENNIS SHOES


Reid arrives with his shirt untucked, looking like he's wearing clothes 2 sizes too big and white tennis shoes.

He says he's like 4. I believe it. "Reid, your dad's calling. He wants you to come home and return his outfit ASAP!"

Reid arrives in a RED MINI VAN! Guess Fleiss already blew the budget on Kip and Ed's limos!

Chris Harrisoncrest: Dude! You've got like 2 minutes. Ed's coming. He's gonna flatten your A-- if he sees you here! So make it quick. We'll have the van waiting out back in case you need to make a quick getaway!

No kisses. Just noses and foreheads!

Chris Harrisoncrest has Jillian dig deep down into her gut. It's telling her that ED is the one. Awe. Or not so awe for Red Van Reidster!

Her rejection doesn't make sense to Reid. Why he showed up wearing an untucked shirt, his dad's jacket, and those white tennis shoes doesn't make sense to me either...

EXPLODING LIKE MAUNA LOA: ED

"Ed better not Fffffn disappoint me!" --Jillian

She's 100% madly in love with ED!

She hops when he gets down on 1 knee.

He wants her to give him a hard time when they're like 80. Little blue pills Ed. Little blue pills!

More squealing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A piggy back run over a just hosed bridge could have led to more shenanigans, but alas, that was it. THE END!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did Kippy's response to Jillian's rejection seem that real? Have rejected bachelors ever looked so calm and semi bored and said right away "At least I am leaving knowing I told you these things..." Hmmmm... She thanks him and he says that Ed is a lucky man. Okay....

Since Ed says FUNNEST is now a word, does that really make it so?!

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE:
JILLIAN & ED PLUS THOSE
OTHER
DUDES SHE REJECTED...

TOP TEN THINGS WE GOT OUT OF THE ATFR:

10. Lots of SQUEALING!

9. How many times did they stress it was real and not scripted: at least a dozen!

8. Reid is "Mr. Popularity!"

7. "If anyone thinks it's fake or scripted, it's REAL!" --Jillian as she tears up

6. Reid had a question about the FANTASY SUITE, but that was just WRONG! Okay...

5. A 12 year old girl asks Reid out!

4. Jillian's engagement ring adds a whopping 5 LBS to her hand. Better watch out! She might tip over...

3. She swore before she got engaged. Classy!

2. An audience member wiped tears out of her eyes...

1. They're getting married sometime in... the next 12 MONTHS!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #9:
ORDER YOUR OWN FAKE T-SHIRT

You gotta click on this image--too funny, created by some funny folks at FORT. My favorite? The shirt with the magnifying glass and the slogan "I spent the whole season sleuthing, and all I got was this dumbass finale." Classic!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers, Fort. Thanks!***

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jenn,

Have enjoyed your blog all season. Great snark! Thanks for the laughs!!

All the best, Sue

Who's That Girl? said...

Thanks Sue:) I had fun this season, looking forward to next with hopefully Reid or someone as equally amusing!

Jenn:)

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