Thursday, June 11, 2009

"I'm Clean!" & Other Thoughts to Ponder...

It's a Bachette moment! All right. Let it sink in. This is the stunning moment that our loveable violent goofball Dave realizes that a girl has ACTUALLY TURNED HIM DOWN FOR A KISS! For reals!

What a week in Vancouver! More helicopter rides, exciting curling competitions, massages we didn't get to see, and the pizza dude Mark finally gets some air time so he has to shave before fully completing his Grizzly Adams look.

As for David vs. Juan, this bromance comes to an end! Darn, we'll miss those two:) Or not...

WICKED FUN FACTS:


Chris Harrison likes to keep it real with the dudes. Shirt unbuttoned about 3 too many buttons. Dramatic date announcements a plenty. That's just how he rolls!

Kippy is ready to get the party started! Ed is ready to step up his game!

The guys are like little kids in a candy store--there's a bathroom in their suite! And it's NOT outside! Wheeeee!

Kip is a math whiz as he realizes on his 1-1 date, he has a 50% chance of leaving!

Jake is the LEADER of the NICE GUYS!

Wes likes to tickle David's feet--it distracts him from his angry rants!

Wes and Michael entertain us with a date card ho-down dance off.

Mike is not a betting man. Good thing!

According to Jake, Leader of the Nice Guy Brigade, Wes is like Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde. With a guitar!

Jillian is famous for her sighs! Better than being famous for rapidly blinking eye lashes...

You have to ask something random to get a kiss from Jillian.

Wes can fall in love with 3 or 4 girls at once! Uh oh...

Jake is NOT a boy. He's a real man! AND he's Leader of the Nice Guys! Take that bad boys!

Hearing that some guys may have girlfriends just makes a girl want to chow down on her nails. Eeek!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I don't know why girls go after the edgier bad boys. I don't get it?" -Jake

"I put the stone in the circle." --Jesse

"Girls like a little bit of a challenge." --David

"Setting me up like that and then turning the cheek on me is challenging me. I love it. Game On." --Delusional David

"It's good to be me." --Jesse

LET'S COOK UP SOME LOVE VANCOUVER STYLE

Jillian & Kip

Memorable Moments:

Canadians like to kayak to the market!

Jillian nearly tips over in her kayak when they attempt a staged kiss.

In her best Chicago accent, Jillian informs Kippy they're going to make PAAAS-TA sauce.

Kippy goes grocery shopping for their dinner--apparently the intern at ABC was fired or didn't get his passport in order...

Suddenly we were transformed into a scene from The Birds!

According to Jillian, a kiss on the nape of a woman's neck while she's cooking her man dinner is every girls's DREAM!

Kippy is not a pursuer. He likes for the ladies to swoon at his feet!

YO! MIKE-YO IN DA HOUSE YO! WHAT UP?
I just wanna get with Jilly and drink some HOT CHOCOLATE!
No more curling, it's making me CRAZ-EEE!

CURL UP WITH ME BABY! OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT...

Jillian & Jesse, Tanner P, Jake, Robby, Wes, Ed, Michael, Reid, Juan, and David.

Memorable Moments:

Michael does his best Rockette on ice with a curling broom...

Did you know? Juan has flexibility, balance, and touch making him THE curling expert!

Robby will get a double kick in the face if his team loses. Or something like that...

Mike-YO--what's with all the SHOUTING, yo?!

Wes thought he had to travel with the "stone" as it slid across the ice.

Jillian was in a sweatshirt AND spandex. That was a "WHOA!" moment to Mike-YO!

As a consolation for losing, David gave Mike-YO a kiss.

The winning team got a spiffy trophy that David and Juan could have fought over if the producers had gotten their act together!

Jesse is going to try out for the US Curling team.

Jillian tells Jake it's ok to not be so perfect. Uh oh! Kiss of death Jakey, Leader of the Nice Guys!

Jake has been labeled "perfect" his entire life. And he's mad as hell and isn't going to take it any more! So he does what any angry perfect man does--he goes and asks an angry bad boy like David for advice!

David wants to kiss Jillian but makes such a CHEESE ASS of himself that he ends up getting the dodge like that Pam Spritzing Chef Robert from MeAnna's season! (See Bachelorette Activity #3 below for more of this goofy scene...)

COME WITH ME TO THE TOP OF THE WORLD

Jillian & Mike and Mark

Memorable Moments

Mark ironing! Did anyone capture this unusual male feat for posterity?!?!

Mike runs to romantically greet Jillian.

Mark busies himself watching cars drive by.

Mike makes Mark feel like a third wheel.

Mark's gonna buy a dog and move to Alaska!

Mike makes the perfect case for why he'd be perfect for Jillian.

Mark stares at Mike open mouthed...

Aaaaaaaaand...MARK got the rose!

LET'S SNITCH WITH TANNER P!

Tanner P tells Jillian there are guys with girlfriends. But he's not going to say who at this time. No, not going to spill, because there's a good storyline here so says the producers!

So they send in the keystone cops...er...Chris Harrison to sleuth out the truth! And the truth is? Wes is clean! Dave wants to send the snitch home! Jake wants the dastardly villain to MAN UP and quit taking time away from him and his Jilly! Tanner P nearly vomits! Worst bunch of detectives I've ever seen ;)

BEST QUOTES OF THE EVENING:

Paranoid Tanner P to Juan: "WHAT are you looking at ME for?! Stop looking at ME right now!"

A NOW Suspicious Juan to Tanner P: "Dude, I'm looking around back and forth. SIMMER down!"

GETTING ROSES:

Jesse, Mark, Kippy, Reid, Robby, Ed, Michael, Wes and his gold chain, Jake, and Tanner P.

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did the dudes get goofy hats in their spiffy bachelor show bags?! The range of sporty to oddly old school/old man hats is just astounding!

What was the four letter word that David referred to when he said to Jillian, "Why the hell wouldn't you kiss me after the word "----"?

IF this is Chris Harrison mad, I'd hate to see him when he really gets angry! ;)

Was there not one foot comment from Tanner P? And did David not want to kill Juan this episode?!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #3
FOR THE LADIES MAN:
HOW TO LOSE A GIRL IN 5 MINUTES!

1. Tell her if she musses up her hair there will be a LOT more attraction!

2. Point out that her sporty spandex number is your favorite outfit because it shows off her ASS!

3. Accuse her of admiring her own ass in a mirror.

4. Accuse her of lying when she says she doesn't look at her ass in a mirror.

5. Slurr your words and spill your drink on her.

6. Drop them F-Bombs!

7. Tell her she's got her TaTas hanging out! As if it's just for you and an invitation!

8. Interrogate her about who she has kissed!

9. Whine about NOT being kisssed.

10. Reveal you've never NOT been kissed.

11. Ask her why the hell wouldn't she kiss you after the word "...."!

12. Reach over and grab her shirt while cupping a feel to "innocently" adjust it for her...

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious, Jenn.
Thanks for your astute observations!
Sue

Who's That Girl? said...

Thank you:) Next week should be interesting! But I think maybe Tanner P leaves so no more foot stuff to tease about!

Jenn:)