Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Don't Violate MAN CODE! & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Jilly is such a sparkly gal! She's just a perky little brown-haired Canadian! And that's so wicked! And AMAZING! Aside from all the cools, wickeds, awesomes, and killers we actually got a couple AMAZINGS to drink to! Woohoo!

There was drama. There were some naked scenes with those lame black out boxes. There were a lot of BLEEPS (thanks to David) and apparent violations of MAN CODE! And believe me, you DO NOT violate MAN CODE around this guy if you know what's good for ya! And, yes, the producers were hard at work doing what they do best--stirring up trouble!


Bunking with 20 guys was like overnight camp to Reid. And those other 19 guys? Total meatheads!

It would not break Juan's heart if Michael let the door hit him on the way out...

Tanner P. has (some kind of) thoughts about Jilly in his head...

Jilly wears Eau de Herring (?) Perfume. It's a Canadian thing! Or something like that...

Jilly likes to refer to herself in the 3rd person!

It's a dream of hers to watch Martina McBride sing.

Lyrics from one of Martina's songs include this "Everyone calls you AMAZING..." That totally counts! Everybody drink!

Um...of all people, Tanner P. thinks Juan lacks testosterone and would only be good at badminton. Okay...

Jillian just wants to make out with Kip. A LOT!

And the award for the Guy Who's Not Here to Make Friends With The Other Dudes goes to...WES!

Bartender Robby's signature drink? The Rosmo! Sprite and Kool-Aid. Way to be original dude!

Reid is a Taurus. Jilly is a Capricorn. That's like a match made in Heaven. Awe.

Juan is not agressive. And the guys are so loud! Whaaaaa!

David thinks Juan is a snake.

Reid likes to carry around a...toothbrush in his pocket.


"Don't screw up!" --David

"What's up you little hottie?!" --Brian

"Snuck in like a little ninja didn't he!" --Brian

"This is &^%$# right now! Are you kidding me?!" --Brad

"Jillian's Smokin' Hot!" (TWICE!) --Brian

"Guys like that should get beat up!" --David

"There's no reason we shouldn't tie him [Juan] to a tree and beat the $#!% out of him!" --David

"That's MAN CODE!" --David

"I'm not here to kiss anybody's A$!" --Wes


Jillian & TEAMS: Michael/Tanner P., Brian/Ed, Sasha/Mathue, and Brad/Wes

Memorable Moments:

Mathue can make his pecks dance!

Michael can't get over how unbelievable Jillian smells!

Proving once again that guys can't stop and ask for directions, they all just got in their little cars and drove off willy nilly! Like 5 hours later they decided to check out the map and get a clue. Doh!

Brian is not a patient guy! He prefers to break stuff and get right to the point...

Tanner P. & Michael are the two shriekiest girly guys ever on this show! If they'd been in drag, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash...but seriously, between shrieks, giggles, Michael literally peeing his shorts, and high fives, I think they stopped mid race to get a mani and a pedi and snarf down a couple of smoothies after shopping a boutique or two. But they were so STOKED about this challege! AMAZING Race, here they come! Gotta love it:)

Brad annoyed Wes. Wes like had no brains according to Brad! Wes wants to like backhand Brad! But Brad is much BETTER at rock/paper/scissors. So take that Wes!

Brian sweats like a hostage...For reals!

Wes is NOT there for the right reasons! Shocker...

Let's make the other guys jealous by letting them watch Wes kiss Jillian on a tiny TV monitor! Awe.


Jillian & Jake

Memorable Moments:

Jilly wears the airplane wings on her dress that Jake gave her. Awe!

Jilly likes to dress--or undress-- a guy. And help him adjust his...belt!

Jillian does her best Coyote Ugly impression while dancing on the bar.

Jillian's amazed he's such a good two-stepper! (He's from TX silly Jilly girl! We learn that before we learn to walk!)

Jake is already talking soulmates AND marriage. Not a good sign...

He kisses her right in mid-sentence. Little awkward. But she liked it!

He wants to fly her to Belgium for...waffles!

Martina McBride serenades them and they dance the night away. Wes is so jealous! He sooo could have been networking...


Jillian & Jesse, Mark, David, Mike, Simon, Kip, and Juan

Memorable Moments:

B-Ball with the Harlem Globetrotters!

Simon is terrible at basketball. And prouncing the letter "R." ;)

Juan lifts Jillian to make a basket. And then he totally DOESN'T drop her! He set her down gently like an Argentine butterfly. That's his story and he's sticking to it...

Juan redeems himself by rescuing a hanging Jilly from the b-ball rim.

The Harlem Globetrotters pick David as the best guy for Jilly. Juan thinks that was total BS! David totally wants to hit Juan! Down boys!

Silly Jilly jokes about what if one of the guys borrowed a bathing suit and ran into the water, that would so do it for her and then wheeeeeeee there goes Mike in a speedo he bummed off some Venice Beach dude right splat into 3 inches of water with a face full of sand. Jilly: "OMG, That was Frickin' classic. Frickin' AWESOME!" I think she totally meant to say AMAZING...

The guys chased a squealing Jilly around the beach.

...or as I like to call it: SHOT GATE!

David totally freaks. Juan poured his shot out and pretended to drink it. And this was like the 5TH TIME. Like WHO does that!? He has no respect for that 6' 3" CLOWN!

Dave's all about MAN CODE. And Juan's just violating it right and left! People like that drive Dave INSANE. It's like so disrespectful to not drink with others! Just say you don't want a shot, don't pretend dude. And Juan is not just wrong for Jilly. He's wrong for ANYONE! He should &^^%%$# go drown himself! Like NOW!


As you can probably tell from his edit, Dave's not going to make it too far in this loveable little shindig we call the Bachelorette. But never fear! If he hasn't been arrested for being so darn cute and violent, he's going to be starring in his own reality show coming this Fall on ABC. It's called MAN CODE.

It'll be about a bunch of dudes hanging together. Drinking shots. And checking themselves before they wreck themselves! And the first &^%$# who violates MAN CODE each episode will get tied to a tree and have the $#!% beat out of their A$$! Because that's MAN CODE! HOLLA!


He stripped. Got naked. AND did the hump back whale in the pool. It was a bit chilly so he was...HUNG LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH. So not cool!


His primary goal: Jilly wear's peep toes. And she does! So he grabs her feet and manhandles them. "Dude, I love feet! They're awesome!" He proclaims hers to be phenominal and throws in that of the Dudes, Sasha has the worst feet! Why? They're HAIRY! Eeeeewe!


"I saw a guy get buck naked & SHRINKAGE! WHOA! Did that just happen?!" --Tanner P.


Who did the guys most want to leave?

3rd place: Julien Who?
2nd place: David the Bully
1st place: Juan the Teetotaler


Wes, Juan, Jake, Mike, Jesse, David, Ed, Sasha, Mark, Michael, Tanner P., Kip, Reid, Robby, Tanner F., and Brad.


What were the other 2 things that Michael had to say about Jillian?

Is Wes there for the wrong reasons--like I don't know--hmmm...to promote his MUSIC CAREER?! Nah, couldn't possibly be the case... ;)

Gee, do you think David really goes on a "rampage" next week!? I mean he's probably totally a sweetheart in real life, right? Hmmmmm...

Julien voted 3rd? There had to have been something about this dude that the others didn't like that we never saw...

Who do you think voted for Chris Harrison to leave!? Champagne glasses can't vote. So that leaves me to guess: MICHAEL, SIMON, or BRIAN!




Shaken, but not stirred. Just like Robby after Wes got through NOT kissing his A$! Or something like that...


***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Friday, May 22, 2009

Dancing With The Stars: The Melissa Season Week 11/Finals Pt 2

Did you see that coming!? Wow, great win for Shawn & Mark. Mark certainly seemed shocked. I don't recall him holding his hands over his mouth and falling on the floor and then running around on stage and then mosh pitting the audience, making out with the judges, and then dancing the tango and then falling over again before uttering "Gee wilikers, we won!" when he won with Kristi Yamaguchi! ;) Did that seem a bit over the top to anyone? Or just genuine shock? Could be shock, as I think most people thought Gilles would win--he was even the judges clear favorite to win. I don't think we saw the judge's reaction once Shawn & Mark won either. But Cheryl & Gilles instantly applauded, they were well prepared and classy about it.

So this is a dance show. It's called Dancing With The Stars in fact. And people actually dance on it! So what the heck was the point of this dude and the roast:

Some of his schtick was funny, other stuff not so funny--more like A W K W A R D! The worst thing about poking fun at people is that some people just can't take it. Enter Celebutards with VERY high opinions of themselves ;) Ha Ha.

Some highlights of the roast:

Bergeron is an old French word for...SEACREST!

The Judges CA, Len, & Bruno are: Smokin', Croakin', and Flamin'. Ha!

He asked the final 3, "Who are you?!" Dancing With The Vaguely Familiar...

Lil' Kim wearing a "bullet-proof vest" just there doing "community service."

Ty danced a "Broke Back Mambo."

Woz's dance was the "Nestle's Quick Step."

Belinda Carlisle was dressed like "A Hooker from Battlestar Galactica."

When Holly Madison hear's "action" she thinks that means "Take Your Clothes Off..."

Something about Steve-O stapling his tongue to the judge's table.

The Final 3: Underaged, Unwed, Unpronouncable.

Shawn Johnson is so short she can't ride some of the rides at Disney Land.

Wouldn't it be ironic if Melissa came in 2nd on this show too?

Pick a Pro!

The winner of the Pick a Pro contest was...ANNA!

Final Dance Scores:

Shawn & Mark

Len: A performer. Technique/precision
Bruno: From cute to sassy!
CA: We all underestimated you!

She's come a long way!

Score: 30
Prediction: It's anyone's game...

Melissa & Tony

Bruno: More appetizing than 1st time. Want's 3rd/4th/5th helpings!
CA: Tony's Muse
Len: Great presence!

Tony feels he got the IDEAL partner--his best season yet!

Score: 30
Prediction: Still thinking it's a 2nd place finish...

Gilles & Cheryl

CA: He's a very special performer, set apart from the rest
Len: Gilles gave him the most pleasure to watch
Bruno: A star is born!

When he first met Cheryl he was wearing a grandpa sweater! Look at him now...

Score: 30
Prediction: Still think he could win!


3rd place goes to...Melissa & Tony

2nd place goes to...Gilles & Cheryl

WINNERS: Shawn & Mark!

MY REACTION: I'm happy no matter who won! Besides's Shawn's cuteness, and wholesome appeal, I think that Mark's fan base is probably pretty huge and he may have gotten a lot of crossovers once Derek & Julienne left to add to it!

I Blogged about this show this season since Melissa was on it and it carried over from my Bachelor/ette Blogs. But, I think I'll continue to Blog on it. I like the show and enjoy the funny highlights, so, see you next season!


Monday, May 18, 2009

I've Never Had To Juggle 30 Dudes Before & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Oh boy, it’s that time again! Monday night eye candy a la The Bachelorette! Thanks to ABC for bringing us this gem! I thought it would be fun to highlight (rather than recap) some tongue-in-cheek memories and "tips" from Bachelorette "Hot Tub Harris’" whirlwind fairytale as it unfolds each week. For full recaps here are two other blogs that have been around for quite some time: Reality Steve and Lincee.

And share your funny and snarky thoughts with the guys and gals at Jokers--screencaps in this blog are from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks! And Sleuth with the sleuthers at the FORT:

Poor Jillian was jilted by Jason in the last installment of The Bachelor, now it's her turn to choose! On Monday's show we were introduced to these 30 AMAZING gentlemen:

That Guy We Didn't See Much of ADAM, He's Sensitive BRAD, Spiffy Nickname Guy BRIAN, Let me Sweep You Off Your Feet BRYAN, I'm Sure He's a Nice Guy BRYCE, Can I Take Your Picture CALEB, If I Could Only Find The Words To Tell You How NERVOUS I Am DAVID, Mr. ED, Bilbro GREG, Did You Know I'm a Pilot? JAKE, Don't Judge Me By My Really Crappy Bio Pic JESSE, I'm THE Guy For Jillian--Really I Am...JOHN H, Better Luck Next Time JOHN P, That OTHER guy we didn't see much of JOSH, Do You Juanna Pay More Attention To Me JUAN, Our Names Practically Rhyme JULIEN, DON'T Call Me Kippy KIPTYN, The Fonz KYLE, Pizza Toppings MARK, Country Music Celeb Autograph Stalker MATHUE, You Gotta Break To Get With Me MICHAEL, Catch This MIKE, Um, Who? REID, I'm Sure He's Got Potential ROBBY, At Least He's Not a Crazy Ukrainian SASHA, Subtitle SIMON, I'm A Lawyer STEPHEN, Another Hmmm TANNER F, Freakalicious Foot Fetish TANNER P, and I'm A Country Boy WES.

In case you were worried, Jillian has a LOT of love to give and she's totally 100% ready to find love A-GAIN! In fact, she doesn't GIVE A *&^%$ What he puts on his hot dog as long as he loves her! Awe...Besides, she washes her own car while wearing HEELS. He'll totally love her for that. Especially Tanner P if she's wearing peep toes! She's leaving behind the hot dog condiments for her new code of life: DRAGONSLAYER. (This isn't SURVIVOR is it?) And her new Mr. Right has mysteriously been dubbed MR. INVISBLE. Please tell me she doesn't have a VISION BOARD too...And she totally thought each guy kept getting more and more good looking--Jilly it's the wine silly!


America is totally sober tonight! Where is all the AMAZING this and AMAZING that? Drinking games just won't be the same unless we get our AMAZING back!

Some Interesting Factoids About The Dudes:

Julien has jumped out of a plane like 500 times!

It's Hello and Goodbye to all the girls in Stephen's life...

Mark's the Pizza Dude!

Sasha is an OIL MAN...

Did you catch that Wes is a country singer?! With a #1 song in Chihuahua Mexico? And they call him...The Rooster! Well COCK-A Doodle that other Dudes!

Bilbro thinks A LOT of himself!

Jake would DIE to make Jillian's dreams come true...Awe. Has anyone spotted him recently?!

Mathue's cowboy hat is his lucky charm! And if he doesn't get too far on the show, he can always sell it for big buckeroos on eBay...

Jesse calls his wine "Love Juice!" (Firestone totally told him to say that cornball line...)

Michael's good at break dancing but he totally needs a GPS tracker to find Jillian!

Kiptyn is a ketchup guy.

Brian's a dude from Alabama. Lives in a Double Wide. Drives a Pick-up. That's just how he rolls...

Tanner P is a bit of a FOOT guy. He NEEDS to get him some foot ACTION. And if you have any corns, calluses, or toe jam then you're a total FREAK. Cause he's not the FREAK. No siree... ;)

The Handy Bachelor Dating Guide

If you just happen to be competing for an AMAZING woman with 30 other AMAZING guys, you might find these things come in handy, eh!:

Choice Words for the Lovely Lady:

Hot Tub Harris! Not Hot Dog Harris...

How to Impress a Woman:

Give her a spiffy nickname!

Give her a cute little set of airline wings.

Being a total loss for words for like an hour is apparently appealing to Canuks!

Tell her you want her to feel like the most beautiful girl in the world!

Tell her you're going to make her a special VIP cocktail!...

Show her your best CORNY side.

Play Show & Tell: Show off your spiffy Country Music Star Autographed Cowboy Hat!

Tell her you've heard good things about her.

Two Words: Yes M'am

Share your pizza toppings theory with her!

Bring her a glass of wine (LOVE JUICE!)

Dry her little feeties off. Awe.

How Not to Impress a Woman:

Picking Her Up and "sweeping her off her feet" (unless you're Mathue...)

Ask her to prove her hickness!

Barely greet her and then run off to get your drink on!

Compare a reality TV dating meet and greet party to...PROM!

Wipe off each shoulder of your suit as if you have dandruff...EWE!

Speak English so well you need subtitles following your A around!

Show off your bungling sleuthing skills while seeking the super secret door in plain sight to get inside her home!

Demand her first 5 minutes of party time!

Thank her for going to all that trouble for little old you!


Stunts That Grab Her Attention:

Wear an "Aspiring Canadian" T-Shirt...

Perform a country song for her!

Breakin' 3: The Bachelorette & Those Dorks Mike-Yo & Bilbro Get Down On It!

Stunts That Just Plain Stink:

Stalking her feet!

Drawing a mustache tattoo on her finger...with a SHARPIE. Chris Harrison like totally spent hours scrubbing that thing off...that is after they all took a round of dorky photos with Jillian and her fake mustache hangin' with the crew after filming ended!

Kicking a water bottle off a tall dude's head. Better luck next time with a lemon...

Dress For Success:

Springy Tan suit
Black and Navy are always slimming...
Homemade T-Shirts

Dress Mess:

The Fonz's Jacket
Acid Wash Jeans

And The It Happens Every Season Award
for Thanking the last Dumbass Bach/ette
for dumping the current Jilted Bach/ette Goes To


Some Lovely Parting Words:

John P: He thought she was the GIRL VERSION of him...Oh boy...

Stephen: Totally didn't see it coming. He doesn't know what THEY do in the country. Maybe she doesn't like AWESOME guys?! Barf...

John H: What did I do wrong? I'm in shock. I'm hiding behind my smile. Little tear... AND CUT!

Things To Ponder:

Did Robby ever make her his special VIP drink?! Must have been good cause he got a rose!

What the heck ever happened to the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band?! Haven't heard anything from them in ages...

Since Jillian told Chris Harrison EASY on the HUSBAND word there and let's just look for PRINCE CHARMING, is this a foreshadowing of what's to come...Hmmmm...

If you screw up a first impression, does it really take 17 more tries to fix that hot mess?!

Did any champagne glasses break in the filming of this season?


Dancing With The Stars: The Melissa Season Week 11/Finals Pt 1

I want to be the champion! May the best man win! Melissa & Gilles, you're goin' down! Well the race is on for America's most famous Mirror Ball (well, at least according to Samantha Harris...) In case you were dying to know, Bruno likes to sunbathe in...a spiffy speedo.

Low to High Score Highlights:

Melissa & Tony (& CA)

Len: More convincing
Bruno: Beautiful Drama Queen!
CA: Nailed her marks and made CA proud!

She charged CA and then left her hanging with a high 5...

Score: 29
Prediction: Still seeing a final 2, especially with the fan votes!


CA: Choreography a bit disjointed
Len: Don't get it! Hip hop is not his cup of tea. She's an elegant dancer for GOD'S SAKE!
Bruno: The Running Man

Well even if they don't win and go out with a bang, she sure banged up Tony's eye!

Score: 27
Prediction: Still looking good for final 2? We'll see...

Shawn & Mark (& Bruno)

Paso Face Off:

Len: Excitement, energy!
Bruno: Serial Killer Dexter...
CA: Incredible but less emotion than others...

Bruno was working it!

Score: 28
Prediction: Could make final 2!


Bruno: Explosive Performance!
CA: Cute little jabberwockyette!
Len: I loved it. Mark passes out...

BAM! They looked like Vegas bank robbers according to Tom Bergeron...

Score: 30
Prediction: Will depend on how many fans are voting...

Gilles & Cheryl (& Len)

Paso Face Off:

Len: Full on!
Bruno: Leading Man, Fabulous!
CA: Perfection

He made Len sweat...which is better than Len showing off his bum in a supermarket!

Score: 30
Prediction: Winner! Unless Melissa's fans put her over the top!


Len: You are a real dancer!
Bruno: Want to see more dancing from you...
CA: Odd choice

Um, did we really need to call in a doctor for a BEN GAY patch?! Hell, you can pay me $50.00 to suggest that brilliant bit of common sense ;) haha

Score: 28
Prediction: Still looking good for #1


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Bachelorette Jillian: The Search For The Ogopogo Is On!

Starting tomorrow, it's that super fun time again, snarky commentary on our favorite reality dating show and reflection on our favorite host Chris Harrison's subtle wit and wisdom ;) And bummer, no rose ceremony game, A-Gain!

Based on closed polls at the Blog here, 97 of you said you'd be watching Jillian's season. 33 said no. 31 were on the fence. As to those loveable lovebirds Jason & Molly, 177 of you thought there was no way he'd propose while 39 of you hopeless romantics felt it was a sure thing. I'm sure they'll still be together AT LEAST through the conclusion of Jillian's show...

Just for fun, I thought we'd check through a few of the screen caps for this season. Late tomorrow night/early Tues. am find my recap of our first episode! Plus the finale of DWTS: The Melissa Season!

Dating on this Bach Show Sure is
Risky Business in the Editing Dept!!

BEWARE: Getting in Bed with Fleiss & Co Jillian...


Please tell me that's a blue BOTTLE...

Gee...Do you think he has "Jillian"
bedazzled on his Speedo butt!?

"Dude, this is like the perfect Spring in Canada, eh!"


Gee, is it just me, or does it seem a bit hot in herre?!

Naive Dude To Producers: "You're not going to make it
seem like I'm hiding in the bushes are you?!"

You think this is steamy, you should see me in a hot tub!


Leaving are: Greg, Bryan, Adam, Bryce, Caleb, John H., John P., Josh, Kyle, and Stephen.

Staying are: Mark, Mike Kiptyn, Sasha, Tanner P., Brad, Jesse, Juan, Brian, Jake, Robby, David, Julien, Mathue, Reid, Simon, Wes, Ed, Michael, and Tanner F.


***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers, Thanks!***

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Dancing With The Stars: The Melissa Season Week 10: Results

TY: Is that bad in ballroom if I almost drop you? Melissa thinks the competition is stiff. But enough about TY! Shawn wants you give her that trophy! NOW! And Gilles, such a dreamer, he dreamed of giving Cheryl...all 10's! Hmm....

Pick a Pro!

Mayo & Kim


Len: Loves it
Bruno: Beautiful frame
CA: Dynamic choreography


CA: Wonderful dancer but versatile enough?
Len: Lacked some wow...
Bruno: Better at ballroom...

Anna & Max


Bruno: Magnificent!
CA: Fantastic!
Len: Elegant!


Len: Should be the one back next season! OR, he'll show his bum in the supermarket!
Bruno: Stunner at ballroom and latin!
CA: Want to see more of you!

Gee, who do you think will be back!?!?

Bottom Two Are: (or are they...)

Ty & Chelsea
Melissa & Tony

ELIMINATED: Ty & Chelsea
MY REACTION: About time!
FINALS PREDICTION: Originally I foresaw a Melissa/Gilles final 2 with Gilles winning. But, it's possible Shawn could edge in there! Mark is popular as her partner! Same time, Melissa has been a big ratings boom for them, so for her to be in the final 2 would work better for ratings! I think Melissa is a better dancer than Shawn--more elegant and smooth. Gilles is very good and is probably the winner as far as best dancer. But Melissa's fans could put her in that top spot--what a triumph for ABC: Loser becomes winner!


Dancing With The Stars: The Melissa Season Week 10

Will it be the Melissa Season through and through? Or will Ty keep ropin' his way into the finals?! What's up with Mark's eyeliner?! Tom Bergeron thinks that Samantha Harris shouldn't bounce too much in her dress...

A Reflection on Breakthrough Dances

Melissa & Tony: Easy things like walking are difficult... They have these little looks to communicate with each other. Awe. Best: Fox Trot & Samba.

Gilles & Cheryl: He faints inside and Len likes to pick on the Frenchie! Plus, Cheryl is a tad on the cranky side as a teacher... Best: Fox Trot & Paso.

Shawn & Mark: Bright & bubbly but serious. Left a handprint on Mark's neck! Best: Quick Step & Paso.

Ty & Chelsea: Wooden robot who can't afford to make any mistakes this week... Best: Quick Step & Lindy Hop.

Low to High Score Highlights:

Ty & Chelsea


Len: Worked hard, struggled, tried
Bruno: Chasing flies and he nearly DROPPED her!
CA: Wobbled, not best...

Something about a pain in the A$$...

Score: 25
Prediction: Should go home


Bruno: Dancing on a tightrope!
CA: Most valuable player of season 8!
Len: Arthur Murray in the ballroom, Murray in a Hurray in the Latin!

He can run with the big dogs! And he never played with toys...

Score: 23
TOTAL: 48/60
Prediction: Still going home!

Melissa & Tony


Len: Feet improved
Bruno: Good but not enough energy!
CA: Not connected to her soul...

My feet are a HOT MESS!

Score: 28
Prediction: Still seeing a final 2 here...


Bruno: Sensational. SHUT UP!
CA: Discombobulated...
Len: Liked it but not as much as he wanted to...

Don't mess with Texas!

Score: 27
TOTAL: 55/60
Prediction: Still sensing final 2...after all, it would be good for ratings...

Shawn & Mark


CA: You delivered!
Len: Most fantastic semi final!
Bruno: Catharine Zeta Shawn!

Mark says, "Why'd you wuss out?!"

Score: 30
Prediction: Could ease into that final 2...


Len: Too much messing about and slapstick...
Bruno: Like it when you go wild!
CA: Lost little steam...

She's a daredevil!

Score: 26
TOTAL: 56/60
Prediction: Probably go 3rd, Melissa works better for ratings...

Gilles & Cheryl


Bruno: That is how to start a race for the finals!
CA: Breathtaking
Len: Sitting down standing O!

He'll think of Lil' Kim when he's practicing...

Score: 30
Prediction: Final 2, will win!


CA: Gilles Marini at his best!
Len: Almost speechless--wishes he has an 11 paddle!
Bruno: Lil' Kim is alive and well and she's hiding in your pants!

His Cannes upbringing has made him the occasional shirtless guy he is today!

Score: 30
TOTAL: 60/60
Prediction: Winner!


Thursday, May 7, 2009

Dancing With The Stars: The Melissa Season Week 9: Results

There were visions of blue and spray tans, Ty thinks Mommy Likey, Melissa thinks everyone is AMAZING!, Len's not getting any lovin' at home, and I think for the first time someone asked Samantha Harris for her opinion on their performance! WOW!

Dance Center Funnies with Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice, and Len:

Ty's secretly a robot sent to destroy mankind, Lil' Kim is so...Lil' but she has some gear in the rear, Shawn's a little chipmunk...awe!, Tony's a bully and a pig to Melissa, and Gilles is prostituting himself with his good looks! And we were graced with Len's (hopefully fake) chest tat and huge gold chains!

Pick a Pro!

Genya was voted out! Booooo!

Afton & Celeb Cody

She taped his face but she brings a nice bright youthfulness to the show!

Mayo & Celeb Lisa

He sure worked with her assets! He can teach an old dog new tricks...

Anna & Celeb Maurice

Brought out the most in her celeb--a miracle worker!

Bottom Two Are: (or are they...)

Ty & Chelsea
Lil' Kim & Derek

ELIMINATED: Lil' Kim & Derek
MY REACTION: Surprised yet not surprised. I figured she'd go by third.


Monday, May 4, 2009

Dancing With The Stars: The Melissa Season Week 9

Contenders, pretenders, and 3 Nitpickers! Will it be the Queen Bee, the Young Gun or will the King of the Cowboys save the day? Sunshine's (Bruno) comments are the reason Len is on medication! Was Len just the wet blanket of the west!? And Bruno's got quite a charm school for TRAMPS going on...

Low to High Score Highlights:

Ty & Chelsea


Bruno: Like a Power Ranger!
CA: Come so far!
Len: Best Dance so far...

His Leopard Robe was so shishi for a cowboy!

Score: 25
Prediction: Will go home!


Len: At first a peacock, now a feather duster!
Bruno: He's Kenny Mayne, not Mario Lopez!
CA: Still wooden...

He hopes his solo pays dividends later if you get his drift...;)

Score: 21
TOTAL: 46/60
Prediction: Still going home!

Lil' Kim & Derek


CA: Feels great, sticky floor...
Len: Shocked at quality of the dance!
Bruno: More comfortable with being a TRAMP! (And he meant it nicely!)

What's Latoya Jackson doing there! Oh, that's just Lil' Kim...

Score: 25
Prediction: Could go home, but will likely make semi-finals!


Bruno: Down & Dirty
CA: Never seen someone shake a booty like that!
Len: Spotted Dick & Custard (Ha ha! That funny chap!)

Shake a little salt! Or peppa! That's hot right!? Oh boy...

Score: 27
TOTAL: 52/60
Prediction: Ought to make finals over Ty!

Shawn & Mark


Len: Finally saw some personality!
Bruno: Like sporty spice!
CA: Best dance ever!

Come on...baby? Hmmmm....Mark like totally broke the rules!

Score: 27
Prediction: Should make finals or go 4th, but not 5th.


CA: Girlfriend, you delivered! And that glare!
Len: Beautiful twists and turns...
Bruno: Got killer instinct!

He made her mad but watch out, Samantha Harris is now on his A$$!

Score: 29
TOTAL: 56/60
Prediction: She's definitely good enough for the finals!

Gilles & Cheryl


Len: Straighten your leg, it's the truth ya buggers!
Bruno: A class of his own!
CA: Something about a man and his hat...

You look like a monster! Okay...so she's kinda bitchy in training and he's not much of a glider!

Score: 29
Prediction: Final 2, likely winner!


CA: A bit self-indulgent!
Len: Silly walking bit and floor roll...
Bruno: From Showgirls to Ravaged by the Savage!

There's a Latin lover deep inside him! And he's a moonwalker...

Score: 27
TOTAL: 56/60
Prediction: Still a finalist, possible winner!

Melissa & Tony


Bruno: Lighter than air...
CA: Need more torque!
Len: Not so great from the ankles down...

Dang it!

Score: 27
Prediction: Still final 2 possibly!


Len: 100% be in finals!
Bruno: He's so HAPPY!!!!!!
CA: Flawless! Take the week off girlfriend!

She's not technically a celeb so no solo? Something about a boob popping out?

Score: 30
TOTAL: 57/60
Prediction: Still looking good for final 2! But, will the voters carry her all the way home?