Monday, January 19, 2009

I Think I'm Going To Vomit & Other Thoughts...

LIKE SOOOOO AWKWARD!

Stephanie and Sophia crash into each other on the beach in a slightly less perfect producer scripted heartwarming rendition of Jason and Ty's reunion love fest in MeAnna's season.

Jason and Nikki have like awkward conversation after the Keep a Breast craft session. Or so the producers want us to think...

Wow! Nikki and Jason go for it. It's a cheek kiss, no wait, a regular kiss, wait tongue in the air?! No, just a kiss kiss, now a deep kiss. Aaaaand done! Let's not go there again...

Shannon to Jason: "I've had a hard couple of days...No one to confide in...Girls like you...you like them...I cried when I watched you and DeAnna...I'm a poet at heart...I just wanna lay on the couch in my pjs and ask you how your day went...I'm SO READY to be a mom!...YOU'RE SO CUTE!!!!!...I think I want to vomit...." Oh boy...

AND THE FASTEST KISS ON THE LIPS IN BACHELOR HISTORY GOES TO:

Jason and Stephanie!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"All of those girls are so annoying!" --Natalie

"I got to lube Jason up!" --Melissa

"Being pretty and being smart is not enough. You have to be funny!" --Nikki

"I'm a control freak. I'm a perfectionist." --Nikki

"I just had a light bulb moment about marriage." --Jillian

"I don't want to be the flavor of the week." --Jillian

"Did you just check out my boobs!?" --Erica to Jason

"I was just looking at the color of her dress. PINKY SWEAR!" --Jason to excited producer

DELUSIONS BY SHANNON or HE'S JUST NOT THAT IN TO YOU...

"I like to stare at him." --Shannon

"I asked Jason to put the plaster on my body." --Shannon

"He did feel me up a little bit." --Shannon

"He rubbed my boobs..." --Shannon

"I don't want to be that girl that runs up and grabs him!" Shannon then proceeds to run up and hug Jason. Tightly. Giggly. Security has to run in and remove her. At least I think that's how it happened...

DEEP THOUGHTS BY MEGAN HANDY or YOU CAN TAKE THE TRUCKER OUT OF THE TRUCK BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE THE MOTHER TRUCKER OUT OF THE TRUCKER

"I have depth."

"That makes me feel like I need to be a bitch!"

"Shannon is weird! Like get a hold of yourself!"

"Really, are you *&^%$# tattlers like 5?!"

"You ungrateful self-absorbed piece of &^%$#! &^%$#!"

COME PLAY WITH ME

Jason, Stephanie, & Sophia

Memorable Moments:

Stephanie does a cartwheel

Stephanie and Sophia crash boom bang into each other in a heartwarming Disney moment!

Jason gives Stephanie a rose made of legos. And he gets an A for original!

LET'S GET BUSTED FOR A GOOD CAUSE


Jason + Nikki, Melissa, Erica, Megan, Shannon, Kari, Naomi, & Jillian

Memorable Moments:

Jason gets to watch the girls behind nifty colored screens--and he can see every shape, curve, and, well you get the picture...

WTH?! Did Megan really just say she wants to put a fetus on her body cast?!!?!?!?

Jason kept walking around with his shirt off, even after everyone got dressed to work on their crafty busts. So subtle Jason!

Jason and perfectionist Nikki do not have a perfect one-on-one time...

Jillian and Jason jump up and down on a bed! Like little kids.

WEAR YOUR BEST DRESS AND I'LL DO THE REST or WHAT A WASTED DATE!

Jason and Natalie

Memorable Moments:

Jason is kept waiting by Natalie who has to get in a last minute spray on tan!

Jason twirls Natalie. Several times.

If Molly's looks could kill...

Jason likes to say Holy Cow! Natalie says Holy Cow! Awe!

Jason thinks he's James Bond.

Natalie and the Vegas waitress compete to see whose strapless black dress is the shortest!

When asked what more there is to Natalie besides fashion, shopping, shoes and sports, she tells Jason.........BEARS! All kinds. Fuzzy wuzzy ones!

Natalie gets sidetracked and doesn't even remember what they were talking about. WHATEVER!

A-M-A-Z-I-N-G-L-Y DEEP THOUGHTS BY NATALIE:

"I'm sick of getting stereotyped by my appearance!"

"You were sneaky with that rose and then that BUT!"

"I know I'm going to be an awesome mother and I could do it TOMORROW!"

"I know I'm SUPER attractive. You don't feel a connection with me? Who do you think you are--GOD?!"

"WHATEVER!"

"Bleep. Bleep Bleep that! Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"

BACHELOR FUN FACTS & GOOD TIMES:

Kari thinks Natalie and Lauren are her biggest threat.

Melissa used to be like a gazillion triple FFF and to Jason's dismay, she had a breast reduction at 17.

Shannon likes to play in a groovy egg chair when she's in a funk.

Erica and Megan only get along when they're doing the "That B&^%$ Natalie's Gone Happy Dance!"

Jason likes Nikki's rose ceremony dress--you know the one with the window shopping down the front...

Lauren tattles on those two drama queens Megan and Erica to Jason.

To Megan, eavesdropping is a *&^%$#@ art form!

WELCOME TO THE CHRIS SPRINGER ROSE CEREMONY SHOW!

That champagne glass banging Chris Harrison totally outdoes himself! He Jerry Springers the girls with a "she said" tattle-a-thon and Jason has front row seats!

Once again Megan is at the center of D-R-A-M-A. Megan rants about Lauren the 5 year old tattler! Shannon runs off to Vomitville. Megan rants about Erica. Jason looks like he wants to go home to Ty and his pet duck Ted. Megan rants about Shannon! AMAZINGLY...last Rose goes to...Megan, clearly the best little producer pick of the week!

Erica is disappointed she is not rosed--because she's a down and dirty rough girl--you know totally Jason's type!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Is it just me or did Jason and Stephanie have oh I don't know about 20 minutes to get through Legoland before the doors opened to the general public, so they had to run around like madmen dragging Sophia everywhere to get through all the rides!?

Is Jillian going to keep wearing strapless dresses so she can get a workout tugging them up constantly!?

Was Jason really looking at the color of Erica's dress!?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #3
KEEP A BREAST:

http://www.keep-a-breast.org

Get out and support Keep a Breast! This breast cancer awareness organization is selling the busts of the 8 ladies and Jason's at eBay! Auction ends Jan. 29th:

http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/thekeepabreast2005_W0QQ_nkwZQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_mdoZ

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!

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