Monday, June 9, 2008

I'm Droppin' The Hammer BABY! & Other Thoughts...

(And just which three of you crazy boys voted for Twilley with the short hair?! Ron, Brian, Fred!? Hmm...Remember folks, this Blog is all in good fun, good times!!! Check out Brian TX's website: And Graham's: charity there!)

OK kids, let's recap. DeAnna was tossed aside by that evil Brad Womack. Now it's her turn to decide! She met 25 AMAZING men, ditched 10 of the loonier/blander ones. Whittled down 15 to 12 with help from relationship GURU Tommy Lasorda. Went from 12 to 9 and sent the Sheriff packing! And now we're at 9 going on 6 in Brian's House of Paaaaiiin. It was quite the episode. A little recipe for love, a double whammy, and Twilley being Twilley...

Highlights of The Outhouse Boyz To Men Performing their #1 Tunes:

Vote in the poll at right--who had the best song?

Does it help to have a spiffy accessory? Cowboy hats for Twilley and Robert were a miss. A T-Shirt with a striped tie motif? Like totally a winner duuuude!

What wins a date for you in the end? That personal touch. Literally.

Fred has another anxiety attack. Went something like this, "Look at Graham over there writing a book..Ooh Maay Gaawd...Jason pouring his heaaaarrtt out...only gaaaaat 20 minutes to write this song...FOUR verses!!! we need a REFRAIN?!...OOOH...MAAY...GAAAAWWWD..."

Brian's Outhouse Of My Paaaaiiiinnn:

DeAnna I've gotten lost in your eyes
Baby your heart makes me feel like I could fly

DeAnna your spirit melts away my fears

I beg you baby don't TAKE AWAY MY YEARS

It's midnight in the house of my pain

You've stolen my heart, now I've got something to gain

I walk around just whispering your name

As I wander the halls in the house of my paaaaeeeeaaaaiiiinnn

(***LIKE TOTALLY, A SPOILER ALERT*** By the time you're reading this, in the most shocking Bachelorette moment EVER, Brian has been signed by a major record company and he's cutting an album. And, this is the new Bachelorette theme song! Twilley and Fred will be his back up singers, that is if Fred can get over his anxiety. Twilley just knows the world is about to be rocked by this guy!)

As for the other dudes, here's bits and pieces of their creative artistry: "The Bachelorette season is heeeerrreee agaaaaiinnn...step out the side door...cocktail to the big bikini...Ellen gave me nugs...Oh DeAnnaaaaaaaaaaaaa...choose wiseleeeeeyyyy..."

What Not To Wear with Jesse & Graham:

You know, that fashion show on TLC. Let's tune in...

Graham: "Go with what you know, maann!"

Jesse: "Okay, so I've got Matthew Lesko's jacket that I wowed Dee with at the first night when home slice kicked a lemon off my head. Some old jeans. And my crazy @$$ shoes...And I'm gonna tell that chick she looks RIDICULOUS. And she's OUTTA CONTROL!"

Graham: "What do I know?"

Zany Moments With The Outhouse Boyz To Men:

Duuude, like Jesse wants to punch Chris Harrison in the teeth. They're like totally cousins by the way...

Graham prefers a steady diet of glass to keep himself regular...

Fred, stumped by a recipe for love, would just like a recipe for beef stew, for gaaaawd sakes!

Who would have thought Brian "Adams" was such a song writer! His clever verses even gave Twilley a case of hyperactive neck muscle spasms!

Turns out Fred's song writing anxiety attack may have been caused by the LIVE HAND GRENADE seen in the shot above with Graham. (Thanks to Jokers fans for the heads up!) Which do you think blew up first--the hand grenade or DeAnna?!

DeAnna and Sean have a Bluegrass connection. They're both rednecks or rough necks or something crazy like that...

Brian got over his fear of working a clutch. Brian was so big he had to drive without a steering wheel. Then he had to wear the car home...with that Aflac duck inside. Bet that was that annoying!

Jeremy hit 5700 on the RPMs! That's gotta count for something!

Brian's a "Home Wrecker."

Robert likes to drink alone. Straight from the bottle. Brown bag optional. Turned up collar required.

That Chris Harrison! Always a Bob Bummer and a Poet Laureate, "One rose. One Stays. One Goes. Yo Ho Ho. This Verse Blows."

Robert feels that the passionate side of a relationship can be felt by that first kiss. On the cheek. Or not...

Robert didn't unbutton his shirt halfway to look sexy, he just busted off the buttons while trashing the Outhouse Boyz' kiddie party. That's his story and he's sticking to it.

Spouting wisdom (Jeremy) about DeAnna will get you nugs from Jesse!

Sean's You Might Be A Redneck If...

You race muscle cars with your buddies Bo and Luke Duke!

You sport a mullet.

That dude in the white suit, Boss Hogg, is always on your a$$.

You like to drop your hammers.

Your mechanic's name is Cooter.

You call a girl you're trying to impress a REDNECK, ROUGH NECK or any other kind of neck!

Some Things You Didn't Know About Chef Robert:

He's really strong! He can sling a kiddie chair a good 50 feet. 30 on a windy day.

He spritzes himself with Pam for that "after glow" look. Organic Olive Oil Pam cooking spray is the best.

He's got a recipe for love. It's smooth. Rich. Succulent. Like a juicy filet in need of a little tenderizing. Meow!!!

When he gets passionate with a lady, lightening strikes! Does it ever strike twice?!

Twills Being Twills:

Twilley has some nicknames for the guys. They involve a lot of baggage. D-Bag, Dirt-Bag. Doh!

Twilley is terrified of going over the speed limit.

Racing stock cars gives Twilley motion sickness. Doing the Twilley Dance doesn't.

Twilley busts a move on Brian's song while sporting a T-Shirt that says, "The Devil's Music."

Lots of scowling for the camera. Our brooding mysterious Twillster...

The Quotable (Or Not) Bachelor/ette:

"Shows what I know...I don't know!" --Twilley

"Bury me now. Dig my grave. Because I'm a happy man!" --Sean

"It could get naughty. I'm not going to lie." --Bobbie

"I had to give Robert the Dodge." --DeAnna

"Shot himself in the foot duuuude." --Jesse

"We need to be in a fight...figure out our personalities...Be real...Bring down the house!" --Twilley

More Things To Ponder:

Why didn't DeAnna give Twilley a high 5 after the stock car racing?

What made DeAnna change her shirt at the Outhouse BBQ?

Who told Robert to go hide inside the bunkhouse for a rousing game of hide-and-seek?!

Did Jeremy purposely misspell Bobby?

Did anyone get in the outhouse hot tub?

Who followed DeAnna when she stormed off? And then what happened?!

After the stock car driving, Brian is seen drinking a yellow substance out of a glass with a plastic fork inside it and he appears to be chewing something afterwards. Um..Ok..WTH was in that glass?!

How much did Robert's romantic date to Vegas cost that it took him 6 1/2 months to pay it off?! Or was this back in the days when Robert only got a weekly $5.00 allowance from Mom and Dad?

Did Graham's eyes roll back into his head when DeAnna gave Twilley a rose?

Next Week on The Bachelorette...

Is this one of those "Jen Schefft SOS Cameraman" Moments?! :

Twilley breaks the handle to the helicopter door trapping DeAnna inside to finally hear the ending to Twilley's Greek Myth/Play, Jeremy gets some cozy 1-0n-1 time with DeAnna, and Sean gets busy with his Bluegrass Baby! Later this week, we'll take a visual trip down goofy screencap lane...

Bachelorette Activity #4.
Fred's Da Bear Hug Beef Stew*:

  • 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
  • 2 pounds stewing beef, cut into 1-inch cubes
  • 1/4 cup vegetable shortening
  • 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • 1 large onion, sliced
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
  • 12 small carrots, peeled and trimmed
  • 12 small pearl onions, peeled
  • 8 to 10 small new potatoes, peeled
  1. On a piece of wax paper, mix together flour, salt, and pepper. Roll beef cubes in the mixture to coat. Shake off excess. In a medium Dutch oven, melt shortening over high heat. When very hot, working in batches so as not to crowd the pan, add beef and cook until brown. As each batch is finished set aside.
  2. Return beef to the Dutch oven, and add 4 cups boiling water. Stand back, as it will splatter. Stir, and add lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, sugar, onion, bay leaves, and allspice. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until meat is tender, 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Add carrots, onions, and potatoes, and cook until vegetables are tender when pierced with the tip of a knife, 30 to 45 minutes more.
*A Martha Stewart recipe

All silliness aside, wow is Fred just the most adorable guy--he'll definitely make some girl happy some day. You just wanna give him a bear hug and pinch his cheeks! Awe.

***Most Images from Dreamer at Jokers.***

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

OMG...This is hilarious, thanks for the laughs:)