Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Those Dudes Ain't Going To Know What Hit 'Em & Other Thoughts...

Well we're a little on the late side today with this latest Blog entry! Remind me never to initiate a Bachelor/ette Drinking Game every time I hear the words, "Amazing," "Perfect," "Connection," or "Bedonkadonk!" Wooooo!!!!!!!! Just kidding. I think...

So last night's show was rather riveting or was it just me who headed for the tissues?! Sentimental gal that I am. Me thinks there was a bit that ended up on the editing room floor per Graham and DeAnna's interactions...hmm...So let's get to some fun highlights. A little snowboarding fun, some easy ridin', and a mysterious fashion faux pas ending for Graham...

DeAnna's 411 on The Bachelors:

Jeremy is PERFECT
Graham is SMOKIN' HOT

Things You Didn't Know About Jesse:

He likes to snowboard! A LOT!

He teaches snowboarding to lots of girls who get crushes on him, so he's hoping to score with DeAnna!

Duuude, Jesse refers to DeAnna's booty as her bedonkadonk. (Google Trace Adkins...)

His home is built entirely of snowboards. I'm sensing a theme here...

In case you aren't sure where to put the frying pan or turkey baster after you use them, his house is full of coordinating Martha Stewart Crafts Labels! Chef Robert is sooooooooooo jealous!

In 20 years, Jesse will be throwing off his shirt and rubbing his belly like his dad.

Jesse's dad is Willie Nelson! Didn't see that one coming...

Jesse got a rose last in the previous rose ceremony because he wouldn't kiss DeAnna while they were filming that Country Time Lemonade commercial...

Jesse wants to ride a chair lift into the sunset with his beautiful DeAnna. Awe.

Jesse has a Don Johnson/Miami Vice costume he'll show off in at the rose ceremony!

Things You Didn't Know About Jeremy:

He rides motorcycles! Wearing tennis shoes...Still sexy...

He's very organized!

He decorates with festive bar exam study notes wallpaper. Great conversation starter. Psst, Jeremy, can I borrow your notes?!...I still need to take that TX Bar...;)

His closet scares DeAnna...

DeAnna says he's perfect like 100 times! Not a good sign...

His brothers are NOT on DeAnna's side!

Jeremy wants a fresh start and DeAnna is the girl he NEEDS!

Things You Didn't Know About DeAnna:

She is clueless when it comes to the Space Needle. Okay...

She plans to have 3 kids by age 30. She's 26 and counting. Whoever she picks is going to be a busy beeeeeeeee!

Things You Didn't Know About Jason:

Jason also would like 3 kids!

Jason's family likes to eat Greek Food and they're a lot like DeAnna's "big fat Greek family!" Eric is soooooooooo jealous right now...

His son Ty likes to name ducks Ted.

He's F1! Sorry duuuude aka Jesse...

Things You Didn't Know About Graham:

He likes to play basketball and kiss his girl under the bleachers!

He is different when he's not around the other guys...

He has a basketball trophy shrine in his old room!

He has a hard time dating a girl past 4 weeks. DOH! Not a good sign...

The Bachelorette: Special Bouncy Balls Edition & The Bachelor: Crazy Japanese Game Show Edition:

What was up with the zany game show previews!? I walked back into the room expecting the MOST DRAMATIC ROSE CEREMONY EVEEEERRRRRR and instead caught DeAnna and the remaining guys--and some other dudes--slipping and sliding on giant red balls! Oops, wrong show. Wait--did I change the channel?! Nope, channel is correct! Maybe these shows should all be combined...hmm...make for more dramatic rose ceremonies. Except Chris Harrison would have to forgo the champagne glass knife banging maneuver while on the bouncy balls or he might lose a limb or poke someone's eye out!

As for the Japanese game show, I was reminded of that skit on Saturday Night Live with Chris Farley where he ends up on a Japanese game show, but doesn't SPEAK JAPANESE, and everyone who answers a question wrong is losing fingers right and left! Hilarious. Check it out:


The Quotable (Or Not) Bachelor:

"I'm kickin' it up about 10 notches. And those dudes ain't going to know what hit 'em!" --Jesse

The Mystery of the Missing Suit:

Graham is shown during the final 6 Palm Springs date in a PI wearing a black suit with black shirt and blue tie. With the same background as Jesse's PI with the suit he wears to the 4-3 cut rose ceremony if I'm not mistaken. Hmmm. Graham shows up to the 4-3 cut rose ceremony wearing jeans, a dark blazer, and a red sweater vest and tie. Hmmm. He looks like he knows he's going home. He's already written a note to DeAnna as if he knew he was going home. And something happened previously on his home town date between the giddy school girl moments on the basketball court to Graham's mom revealing he's a loner who doesn't date past 4 weeks...to a most awkward park bench scene of Graham completely shutting DeAnna out. OK EDITORS, WHAT DID WE MISS?!?! HMMM...If I had to guess, it would be one of the following scenarios--vote in the poll top right as to what you think happened...

Scenario 1) Graham Wants to Leave: DeAnna would have taken Graham to the final 3 or 2 to see where their relationship would have led and give him time to open up more. Therefore sending Jesse home, but a wrench was thrown into the mix when Graham wanted to leave the show...so Graham goes at F4.

Scenario 2) DeAnna Wants Graham to Leave: DeAnna decided--based on scenes we didn't see on his hometown date--to let him go at F4. Perhaps she told him this at the Rose Ceremony beforehand so he stormed off, changed clothes, producers talked him into staying for the ceremony per contracts/$$ and he quickly wrote his feelings in a note, which would explain the change of clothes or missing suit image possibly.

Scenario 3) Other--what do you think really happened?! Use the comments section to elaborate on your theories!

Dear DeAnna:

(My additions in bold...)

"Where to start? Well...I've been acting like an A$$! I want to
apologize for my B(ehavior?)...But I just can't be myself around you and Bob the Cameraman...The Passionate (or Present?) circumstances...have got me all wound up. I can't think straight...You made a Smart remark...about my trophy room and it was all down hill from there...Don't know where to...begin, but I'm 46 so it's all good! PS: There's a (spot?) I can...see on your teeth from the peppercorn ranch salad dressing we all had for lunch, just thought I'd point it out in case it bothers Jeremy since he's such a perfectionist...See you at the Men Tell All! PS: Pick Jason, he's a good guy!"

Things to Ponder:

What were DeAnna and Graham eating out of that big bowl in the gym? That's all I got! Oh wait, where the heck was Chris Harrison in the end of the ceremony!? No champagne glass banging Bob Bummer moves, no this is the final rose cheese! It's just not the same show without our favorite host rounding out the evening!

Next Week on The Bachelorette & The Men Tell All:

DeAnna morphs into a pirate! Or an island jailbird! Somethin'!

Jason is dying to get into that fantasy suite!

And check out these highlights from the description of the Men Tell All episode: Explosions! Confrontations! Dishing Dirt! Hot Seats! Tempers Flare! Breaking Silence! Predictions! (They'll all say Jesse!)

Will Graham reveal what he wrote in the note, you know the part that the camera crew didn't reveal shown above...And what is the SHOCKING SECRET DeAnna reveals!? Vote in the poll above right and let me know what you think her secret is!

Bachelorette Activity #6:

Where in the World Is Chris Harrison?!

See if you can spot our favorite host (and the Twillster) in the following caps:


***Caps by Dreamer at Jokers

Monday, June 16, 2008

And Then There's Twilley & Other Thoughts...

With a little too much male bonding going on at the Outhouse for days on end, DeAnna tells all and takes the remaining six guys to Palm Springs to bond with her! So who do you think won the arm wrestling contest above? Vote in the poll located on the top right of the page. In this episode, we've got Sean and his loaded weapon, Jesse and DeAnna in a very unromantic lemonade commercial, and Twilley playing with himself all day, let's recap some highlights...

Interesting Highlights From DeAnna's Tell All:

Annoying Things:

DeAnna's psycho bang, no matter how many times she pushed it aside, it came back to be plastered to the middle of her forehead. Each new scene with Chris Harrison started off beautifully thanks to the award winning skills of hair and make up and then it was all down hill from there. Cut! Can we get a bobby pin in here!?

Amusing Things:

When Ron cut Sean's hair, the party was gone, duuuude...

Sean has a HUGE closet! Love this guy. And a sauna/tanning bed in his home! And he uses various face creams :) Can you say Kentucky Bluegrass Metrosexual?! What a cutie!

Jeremy says studying for the bar exam is crazy. Amen brother!

Shocking Things:

DeAnna didn't know Ryan was a virgin! Somehow she missed the big, "I'm a VIRGIN" sign he had tattooed on his forehead. Do you think she knew he was voted friendliest guy in 8th grade?!

DeAnna likes to eat, it's not a secret!

That this show is Real! Big time Real! Ask anyone...

That Chris Harrison hates to bring up Brad Womack again...Are you sure about that Chris?!

Chris Harrison tells DeAnna that America thinks Jeremy is the front runner...um...check the poll at the right...I think everyone thinks Jason is the front runner...Not to mention all the sleuthers who figured out Jesse and Jason were in the final 2 by the first episode!

Live & Learn Moments From This Week's Palm Springs Escapades:

This is the first time Twilley is getting out of the outhouse and he's excited!

Sean is a Kentucky racehorse and he's ready to start making his moves!

DeAnna is afraid of heights and she'll squeeze your hand as flat as a fritter if you let her...

DeAnna is the missing piece in the jigsaw puzzle of Sean's Life.

DeAnna knows her husband is one of the final six! Okay...

Please tell me that's not CIRCUS music playing while Twilley tries to open the helicopter door to get out?!

Sean has a deep philosophical Kentucky Bluegrass-style conversation with DeAnna. Goes something like this..."You're walking around with a loaded gun...go up to the house with a loaded gun...go on a 2-on-1 with a loaded gun...a 1-on-1 with a loaded gun...and I'd much rather walk around with a loaded gun than no gun at all." Translation for you City Folk: Take a risk for love, even if you get hurt in the end. Awe.

The guys thought Twilley was going to break the helicopter door.

A Bachelorette Motion Sickness Moment With Twilley: Twilley got to helicopter to a group date with DeAnna. He got a little sick. It went something like this..."Are you ok?!...Oh God...Oh God...Tell the chopper to hurry!...Woooooooo!...In through the nose out through the mouth...Are you ok?!...My ears...it's a balance...Pleeeeeeaaaaase don't puke on my lap..."

It was a conspiracy, I tell ya! Someone wanted Twilley to throw up on DeAnna! That's Twilley's story and he's sticking to it!

Twilley spends the 4-Wheeler date by himself searching for Jimmy Hoffa's body and buried treasure. But not necessarily in that order...

Jesse manhandles a 4-Wheeler and that's HAWT to DeAnna!

Jesse rambles on and on and on about smiles and respect and roses while DeAnna stares him down and rubs a hole in his hands, waiting for him to KISS HER! Oh Snap, duuuude, no dice!

When Jeremy sings, he just has one fan...

Twilley does an impression of Jeremy as a mutant--be it a good mutant--who is plugged into the matrix and is just perfection when it comes to dating DeAnna and picking up wicked skills! Or something like that...

Jesse cracks his knuckles right as DeAnna comes in for the rose ceremony. Classy!

"And Then There's Twilley..."

Chris Harrison: "Will Twilley Ruin His Chance at Love?"

That champagne glass-banging Bob Bummer always ruins it with his "coming up" premonitions! With Twilley's "So, how do I open a door for a girl in a helicopter?" line not to mention the numerous previews of Twilley trying to open the helicopter door along with DeAnna's combination blinking/eye rolling maneuver, we knew it was all down hill from there for the Twillster.

From stalker hiding in the bushes to funny guy to bumbler, this guy sure got an extraordinary edit! Who is the real Twilley?! Stay tuned...

Twilley Talk: The Quotable (Or Not) Bachelor:

"I've got the best heart. I've definitely got the best intentions. I think I'd make the best husband of any of these guys." --Twilley

"I know I'm an idiot sometimes, but that's just who I am." --Twilley

"I'm not surprised to be surprised." --Twilley

"I'm just me. I'm just Twilley." --Twilley

Things to Ponder:

Did anyone notice that guy pruning the palm trees in the lead into this week's episode?!

Is watching a guy brush his teeth sexy?

Was Jeremy raised in a barn?! He just totally left the door wide open when DeAnna picked him up for their date!

Did anyone else notice the very unromantic lemonade commercial that DeAnna and Jesse were filming?! As they sat and drank lemonade, I couldn't help noticing the 4 awkwardly stacked lemons on the tiny poolside table. Strangest set decoration yet...

Next Week on the Bachelorette:

Things don't look too good for Graham and Jeremy's hometown dates...DeAnna breaks down at the rose ceremony and does she really second guess her decision?! Stay tuned...

Bachelorette Activity #5:

The guys got to go on a scavenger hunt instead of having a cocktail party! Find the clue to find the girl...See if you can find these items in your "mansion!" :

Rose Ceremony Scavenger Hunt List:

-Champagne glass
-Ellen's boombox with cheesy rose ceremony music
-Red Rose
-Duck caller
-Pair of XS Ellen Boxers (check Brian's thighs...)
-Knife (for banging champagne glass. Chris Harrison only.)
-Red kiddie chair
-Crab cocktail
-T-Shirt that says "Home Wrecker"
-Robert's aftershave aka Pam Cooking Spray
-Paul's "DeAnna" speedo
-Brian's House of My Paaaiiin song
-Producer cue cards with words, "Amazing!, Brad's a Cad!, & I know what you're going through!"


***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers

Friday, June 13, 2008

Screencap Memory Lane...

Next week, DeAnna Tells All and revisits the final 6 guys and her journey. Awe. So who could resist a little walk down screencap lane from our recent shows!

Helooooooooooooooo Hollywooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Twilley holds the Magic Castle Gang hostage with his rousing Greek Myth Play! And proceeds to fake shoot an arrow into never never land...

Ryan's a snuggler, can't you tell?!

DeAnna is forced to grope Brian IN's sweaty "abs of steel!"

Twilley can't wait to use his "shrinkage" line...

You probably won't recognize this guy in the real world without all the bushes around him! HA!

Twilley: "Are you guys going to make it seem like I'm hiding in the bushes?!"

Bach. Producer: "Of course not, we'd never do that!..."



Twilley tells us he's not just this crazy guy and then proceeds to wow us with this facial expression...

Chris Harrison, ever the suave host, bangs his champagne glass so hard with his knife, the champagne starts sloshing up out of the glass...Do you think he's ever broken any glasses during the filming of this show?

Ryan: Like Oh My God, We're wearing the same outfit! One of us is going to have to change!!!

Donato: I'm drunker and better dressed than all you ^%$#@$!

Ryan: But I was voted the friendliest guy in 8th grade!

Twilley tries to stick a rose in Jeremy's mouth before they begin a manly tango dance...

Like, I could Sooo be snowboarding right now, duuuude!

Brian's massive thighs have swallowed Ellen's boxers!

Here in Hazzard County with my Muscle Car Racing Buddies, Bo & Luke Duke, this is how we like to roll...Sing along with me...
"Good 'Ol' Boys" by Sean "Waylon" Jennings...

"Just the good ol' boys
Never meanin' no harm
Beats all you ever saw, been in
trouble with the law since the day they was boooorrrnn
Just a good ol' boy
wouldn't change if I could...
Fightin' the system, annihilating lemons like a true modern day robinhood

Or something like that!


***Couple of caps from Dreamer at Jokers***

Monday, June 9, 2008

I'm Droppin' The Hammer BABY! & Other Thoughts...

(And just which three of you crazy boys voted for Twilley with the short hair?! Ron, Brian, Fred!? Hmm...Remember folks, this Blog is all in good fun, good times!!! Check out Brian TX's website: www.briantexas.com And Graham's: www.grahambunn.com--good charity there!)

OK kids, let's recap. DeAnna was tossed aside by that evil Brad Womack. Now it's her turn to decide! She met 25 AMAZING men, ditched 10 of the loonier/blander ones. Whittled down 15 to 12 with help from relationship GURU Tommy Lasorda. Went from 12 to 9 and sent the Sheriff packing! And now we're at 9 going on 6 in Brian's House of Paaaaiiin. It was quite the episode. A little recipe for love, a double whammy, and Twilley being Twilley...

Highlights of The Outhouse Boyz To Men Performing their #1 Tunes:

Vote in the poll at right--who had the best song?

Does it help to have a spiffy accessory? Cowboy hats for Twilley and Robert were a miss. A T-Shirt with a striped tie motif? Like totally a winner duuuude!

What wins a date for you in the end? That personal touch. Literally.

Fred has another anxiety attack. Went something like this, "Look at Graham over there writing a book..Ooh Maay Gaawd...Jason pouring his heaaaarrtt out...only gaaaaat 20 minutes to write this song...FOUR verses!!!...do we need a REFRAIN?!...OOOH...MAAY...GAAAAWWWD..."

Brian's Outhouse Of My Paaaaiiiinnn:

DeAnna I've gotten lost in your eyes
Baby your heart makes me feel like I could fly

DeAnna your spirit melts away my fears

I beg you baby don't TAKE AWAY MY YEARS

It's midnight in the house of my pain

You've stolen my heart, now I've got something to gain

I walk around just whispering your name

As I wander the halls in the house of my paaaaeeeeaaaaiiiinnn

(***LIKE TOTALLY, A SPOILER ALERT*** By the time you're reading this, in the most shocking Bachelorette moment EVER, Brian has been signed by a major record company and he's cutting an album. And, this is the new Bachelorette theme song! Twilley and Fred will be his back up singers, that is if Fred can get over his anxiety. Twilley just knows the world is about to be rocked by this guy!)

As for the other dudes, here's bits and pieces of their creative artistry: "The Bachelorette season is heeeerrreee agaaaaiinnn...step out the side door...cocktail parties...wine...outhouse to the big house...limo rides...hot bikini...Ellen gave me nugs...Oh DeAnnaaaaaaaaaaaaa...choose wiseleeeeeyyyy..."

What Not To Wear with Jesse & Graham:

You know, that fashion show on TLC. Let's tune in...

Graham: "Go with what you know, maann!"

Jesse: "Okay, so I've got Matthew Lesko's jacket that I wowed Dee with at the first night when home slice kicked a lemon off my head. Some old jeans. And my crazy @$$ shoes...And I'm gonna tell that chick she looks RIDICULOUS. And she's OUTTA CONTROL!"

Graham: "What do I know?"

Zany Moments With The Outhouse Boyz To Men:

Duuude, like Jesse wants to punch Chris Harrison in the teeth. They're like totally cousins by the way...

Graham prefers a steady diet of glass to keep himself regular...

Fred, stumped by a recipe for love, would just like a recipe for beef stew, for gaaaawd sakes!

Who would have thought Brian "Adams" was such a song writer! His clever verses even gave Twilley a case of hyperactive neck muscle spasms!

Turns out Fred's song writing anxiety attack may have been caused by the LIVE HAND GRENADE seen in the shot above with Graham. (Thanks to Jokers fans for the heads up!) Which do you think blew up first--the hand grenade or DeAnna?!

DeAnna and Sean have a Bluegrass connection. They're both rednecks or rough necks or something crazy like that...

Brian got over his fear of working a clutch. Brian was so big he had to drive without a steering wheel. Then he had to wear the car home...with that Aflac duck inside. Bet that was that annoying!

Jeremy hit 5700 on the RPMs! That's gotta count for something!

Brian's a "Home Wrecker."

Robert likes to drink alone. Straight from the bottle. Brown bag optional. Turned up collar required.

That Chris Harrison! Always a Bob Bummer and a Poet Laureate, "One rose. One Stays. One Goes. Yo Ho Ho. This Verse Blows."

Robert feels that the passionate side of a relationship can be felt by that first kiss. On the cheek. Or not...

Robert didn't unbutton his shirt halfway to look sexy, he just busted off the buttons while trashing the Outhouse Boyz' kiddie party. That's his story and he's sticking to it.

Spouting wisdom (Jeremy) about DeAnna will get you nugs from Jesse!

Sean's You Might Be A Redneck If...

You race muscle cars with your buddies Bo and Luke Duke!

You sport a mullet.

That dude in the white suit, Boss Hogg, is always on your a$$.

You like to drop your hammers.

Your mechanic's name is Cooter.

You call a girl you're trying to impress a REDNECK, ROUGH NECK or any other kind of neck!

Some Things You Didn't Know About Chef Robert:

He's really strong! He can sling a kiddie chair a good 50 feet. 30 on a windy day.

He spritzes himself with Pam for that "after glow" look. Organic Olive Oil Pam cooking spray is the best.

He's got a recipe for love. It's smooth. Rich. Succulent. Like a juicy filet in need of a little tenderizing. Meow!!!

When he gets passionate with a lady, lightening strikes! Does it ever strike twice?!

Twills Being Twills:

Twilley has some nicknames for the guys. They involve a lot of baggage. D-Bag, Dirt-Bag. Doh!

Twilley is terrified of going over the speed limit.

Racing stock cars gives Twilley motion sickness. Doing the Twilley Dance doesn't.

Twilley busts a move on Brian's song while sporting a T-Shirt that says, "The Devil's Music."

Lots of scowling for the camera. Our brooding mysterious Twillster...

The Quotable (Or Not) Bachelor/ette:

"Shows what I know...I don't know!" --Twilley

"Bury me now. Dig my grave. Because I'm a happy man!" --Sean

"It could get naughty. I'm not going to lie." --Bobbie

"I had to give Robert the Dodge." --DeAnna

"Shot himself in the foot duuuude." --Jesse

"We need to be in a fight...figure out our personalities...Be real...Bring down the house!" --Twilley

More Things To Ponder:

Why didn't DeAnna give Twilley a high 5 after the stock car racing?

What made DeAnna change her shirt at the Outhouse BBQ?

Who told Robert to go hide inside the bunkhouse for a rousing game of hide-and-seek?!

Did Jeremy purposely misspell Bobby?

Did anyone get in the outhouse hot tub?

Who followed DeAnna when she stormed off? And then what happened?!

After the stock car driving, Brian is seen drinking a yellow substance out of a glass with a plastic fork inside it and he appears to be chewing something afterwards. Um..Ok..WTH was in that glass?!

How much did Robert's romantic date to Vegas cost that it took him 6 1/2 months to pay it off?! Or was this back in the days when Robert only got a weekly $5.00 allowance from Mom and Dad?

Did Graham's eyes roll back into his head when DeAnna gave Twilley a rose?

Next Week on The Bachelorette...

Is this one of those "Jen Schefft SOS Cameraman" Moments?! :

Twilley breaks the handle to the helicopter door trapping DeAnna inside to finally hear the ending to Twilley's Greek Myth/Play, Jeremy gets some cozy 1-0n-1 time with DeAnna, and Sean gets busy with his Bluegrass Baby! Later this week, we'll take a visual trip down goofy screencap lane...

Bachelorette Activity #4.
Fred's Da Bear Hug Beef Stew*:

  • 1/3 cup all-purpose flour
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon freshly ground pepper
  • 2 pounds stewing beef, cut into 1-inch cubes
  • 1/4 cup vegetable shortening
  • 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
  • 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce
  • 1 teaspoon sugar
  • 1 large onion, sliced
  • 2 bay leaves
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
  • 12 small carrots, peeled and trimmed
  • 12 small pearl onions, peeled
  • 8 to 10 small new potatoes, peeled
  1. On a piece of wax paper, mix together flour, salt, and pepper. Roll beef cubes in the mixture to coat. Shake off excess. In a medium Dutch oven, melt shortening over high heat. When very hot, working in batches so as not to crowd the pan, add beef and cook until brown. As each batch is finished set aside.
  2. Return beef to the Dutch oven, and add 4 cups boiling water. Stand back, as it will splatter. Stir, and add lemon juice, Worcestershire sauce, sugar, onion, bay leaves, and allspice. Reduce heat, cover, and simmer until meat is tender, 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Add carrots, onions, and potatoes, and cook until vegetables are tender when pierced with the tip of a knife, 30 to 45 minutes more.
*A Martha Stewart recipe

All silliness aside, wow is Fred just the most adorable guy--he'll definitely make some girl happy some day. You just wanna give him a bear hug and pinch his cheeks! Awe.

***Most Images from Dreamer at Jokers.***

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Bobby Boy is Movin' Up To The Big House & Other Thoughts

My my...these crazy boys! If I was a guy, I'd soooo be a guy's guy! Or something like that...Gotta love 'em. A little cowboy, a little low budget taxi ride home, and a little awkward conversation with the Ronster. And so without further ado...

Anyone Got A Case of the Twilleys!?

Vote in the poll at right: Short hair or Long hair? Ladies show the Twillster some love. Shame on that ABC photographer for those goofy bio pics of the guys! Like being back in grade school. Do you think the photog handed the guys that handy little black comb we used to get, while they were standing in line to take their picture?! One, two, three, say Cheese!


Ron: You lack something brother. There's a level of tact that's missing. I'm a guys' guy. You're not.

J-DAWG: You had me at hello...until that last comment.

Ron: It's not a judgment on you personally, man...

J-DAWG: I've got my witnesses! Ron Ron Pants on Fire just tried to BS us all! Anyone?!

Ron: WOW fellas, them's fightin' words! We all heard that! Can I get a couple of nods!?

And then they commenced a marshmallow shoot out. And Twilley threw two pennies in the ring and won a thumb war while pronouncing Ron harsh but full of wisdom. And they all gathered and broke out into song. Sing a long with us, "HOOOOME, HOOOOOME On the Set of the Bacheloreeeette. Where the J-"DAAAAWG" and the jealous brothers plaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy."

Twilley's Campfire Clap Down:

Clap your hands and repeat after the Twillster:

Going on a lion hunt...

Going on a lion hunt...

I'm not afraaaaid...

I'm not afraaaaid...

I got my gun!...

I got my gun!...


Pause...Boom...they quietly respond...probably didn't end that way... :\

In honor of "Lookin' Good Without His Shirt" Graham, let's have a little What's Hot, What's Not List:

What's Hot:

--Graham without his shirt, poolside a plus.
--Having a closet full of perfection.
--Richard sporting some five o'clock shadow while wearing shades.
--Big fat cheeseburgers!
--Not being able to feel your fingertips.
--Ellen Boxers.
--A gentleman. Jason asks DeAnna if he can kiss her. Awe.
--Sean's new haircut.

What's Not:

--White on Rice Routine.
--Clown Face Paint aka Paul's Sun Screen.
--Packing your bags.
--Wearing light wash jeans on a hot rooftop date.
--Telling a girl who loves shooting stars, that they're really just space junk.
--Saying you want to be that guy who farts in DeAnna's bed. OH. MY. GOD.
--A boutonniere that won't stand up straight...
--Sean's White "Preacher/Vegas Lounge Act" Suit.

Amusing moments from Episdode Three or Oh No They Didn't:

When asked about his Romantic side, Science Whiz Richard became shell-shocked with a deer in the headlights look of fright. And he's never brought a girl home to mom.

Richard talks about the 80-20 rule, which he probably saw in the movie Hitch... See, you move in 80 percent for that kiss and let her come the other 20. Shell shocked with passion, he apparently forgot the rule and instead leaned backwards about 20. (Could the 80-20 rule have other meanings? Hmm...)

Whoa Fleiss! Don't blow the budget all at once on that taxi for Richard!

Brian wants to rope a chicken and trade it in for a rose. He'll even pluck the feathers! And fry it up! AND share his alone time by talking about the other guys! Awe!

DeAnna fakes an injury to see who isn't a gentleman (Ron).

Jesse shows his serious side by talking about poop and gas. DeAnna said she has a lot in common with Jesse and I'm really hoping this isn't it...is this really what we've reduced ourselves to with this show people?!

All the awkward smiles, arched eyebrows, blinking, stunted conversation, and silent eerie pauses between Ron and DeAnna. I'm not sure what was going on between those two, but I could swear I saw a reflection in Ron's eyes of a big old slice of crazy pie...

Graham and Fred's "Sneak Attack" on DeAnna and Jeremy with the over-the-top slinking around. I think neighbors for miles around heard their thunderous twig and underbrush stomping. Good acting on DeAnna's part when she got "ambushed" from behind!

Fred finally gets 1-on-1 time with DeAnna on Ellen's show.

Fastest Guy to drop his pants: Paul. Shocker.

When that preacher showed up at the Rose Ceremony! Oh wait, that was just Sean...never mind...

When J-DAAAWG steals DeAnna from Ron, she sighs in relief, "Thank you verrrrry much!"

In a momentary bout of paranoia, Twilley thinks someone's following him at the rose ceremony. Anyone else hear a coyote howl!? Gregster, is that you?????

Highlights Of The Visit With Ellen:

Fred, while pacing back and forth, has an anxiety attack in the green room, Chicaaago-accent style. It went something like this, "WOW...This is CRAZY!...Talk show...New to me...This is NUTS!...I'm NERVOUS...I've never been in a GREEN ROOM...This &#!$ NEVER happens to ME...WOW...This is CRAZY!"

Ellen appears to point to either Ron or Sean on her handy cheat sheet of the guy's pics and says, while she and DeAnna share a HUGE girlie cackle, that that guy isn't going to last much longer!

We learn Graham has been running from the law. Ellen's so funny!

Twilley dances with Fred and appears to gyrate on his leg.

Robert and Brian show everyone how to dance without moving a single arm!

How apropos that arch rivals Jeremy and Ron do a dance off together. Hmmm. And just WTH was that old man dance Ron was doing and Jeremy's odd backwards booty shuffle?! I wasn't feeling it...

Ellen's rose ceremony complete with cheesy rose ceremony music. If they'd only given her permission to do Chris Harrison's classic and totally underused champagne glass/knife utensil banging maneuver...

The Quotable (Or Not) Bachelor/ette:

--Bags are gone, duuuude! --Jesse
--Have her home by 12. --Robert
--Yippee Kayay, Baby! --Twilley
--I think I've got got a case of the DeAnna's. --Ron
--Give it to 'em hard! --DeAnna
--DeAnna didn't reject me. She just chose other guys! --Ron

Things to Ponder:

Is it just me, or do the other guys not like Jeremy too much...

Who's the jokester who told Fred he had to line-dance in slow motion?!

Did Ron cut Sean's hair?

On the Dude Ranch Date, everyone was in cowboy hats except for Graham. Why the trucker hat?! Make sure your costume wrangler can count Fleiss!

Do you think Richard is kicking himself, that he the science teacher, didn't get the observatory date!?

What was on Twilley's T-Shirt that the editors blurred out?

Was Ellen really happy that "she" was in their pants? :)

Did Jesse's partially hidden T-Shirt say, "Get Ill" or "Get TwILLey?" Hmm...

Are any of the guys still wearing their Ellen boxers or did they have to return them to the gift shop?!

Did Jesse borrow his striped suit/tie from Sean?!

Should someone have called a doctor?! Robert lost all feeling in his fingertips for goodness sakes! And then later on had no feeling in his arms because he couldn't move them when he danced...Is this what happens when you get a case of the DeAnnas?!

Some Lovely Parting Motivational Thoughts from Ron "Stuart" Smalley:

You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it you're not getting a rose...Oops. But he gave those young whipper snappers some darned good and totally sane advice:

Iron sharpens iron. (?!)

You need someone as strong as you are to make you stronger.

The only way you'll change is if Jesus comes down and smacks you in the head!

Cream rises to the top.

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

Sometimes a tree gets chopped down before it even gets to bear its fruit.

Bachelorette Activity #3:

Pop Quiz. WTH did Paul yell out during the Dude Ranch Date? :

a) Chip Ca Yee Haw!
b) Chip Chinese Ha!
c) Chip Hide Ye Haw!
d) Chip Chide Me Y'all!

(If you want to share your opinion, scroll down to the very bottom of this blog page and vote your answer in the poll!)

Up Next Week...DeAnna wanders in Brian's house of pain. Sean digs his own grave. Paul becomes a nudist. Ron goes on the motivational speaker circuit so he can help Jesus smack those who lack tact in the head...Greg is found living with a pack of wild coyotes, does DeAnna get a case of the Twilleys?...And surely, finally, our most SHOCKING rose ceremony EVER!


***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Longer-haired Twilley from Forters.