Tuesday, May 27, 2008

You Can't Fit A Square In A Circle. Can't! & Other Thoughts...

Another episode, more roses, three shattered egos. And one pissed off Chris. Not Harrison. That other guy who can’t bat. Some highlights of our second gem of a show:

Shocking Revelations:

Did any of you know that Eric was Greek?! I was shocked, I had no idea! I just thought he really liked that movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. And I was further perplexed when I found out his brother was ALSO Greek! What are the chances of that? Two Greek people in the same family?! What are they going to throw at us next people?! This is just too, too much!

Baseball is not Chef Robert’s forte. What is his forte? The kitchen, the dance floor, and the bedroom. But not necessarily in that order...

Tommy Lasorda is a relationship guru!

Ron wants to have a herd of kids! That’s like 3 kids. Or a couple. Depends on what kind of herd you’re talking about.

A Conversation with Sean vs. The Psycho Piano

Piano: 20
Sean: 0

Martial arts...strain on relationships...start up business...that’s psycho music...it’s making fun of me...uh...ok...so I’m almost...The End.

Da Bears Fred’s Walk of Shame

So Fred has dubbed the walk from DeAnna’s mansion to the guys’ bunkhouse the “walk of shame.” There are at least 20 other “shamefully” fun things we saw and learned from this episode:

1. The men are sleeping on little boy western theme sheets from Pottery Barn Kids.
2. Robert has sworn off showers.
3. Ron’s jealousy.
4. Ryan’s breaking his sacred vow of no cussing when calling Jeremy a D#@K.
5. DeAnna admitting she would drink salsa right out of the bowl.
6. Sean being harassed by a psycho piano.
7. Twilley holds the Magic Castle gang hostage with his Greek tragedy play for like 10 Hours!
8. Ryan’s one-on-one time with the white dove.
9. Graham’s kite flying skills–entertaining!
10. Jason encouraging Twilley to go show DeAnna his “other side.”
11. Chris butchering the National Anthem. Ron fracturing it.
12. Graham’s kiss and tell.
13. Drinking wine with hot dogs. At Dodger Stadium. As Fred would say, “Where’s Da Beers?!”
14. When Jesse threw his bat after seeing DeAnna and Jeremy’s 1-on-1 time.
15. Jesse rebounds with 98 pushups to win 1-on-1 time with DeAnna.
16. That DeAnna doesn’t have a case of the “Twilleys” coming on. Oh boy...
17. Oh yes. Jason uttered the words, “Holy Cow!”
18. There’s no cussing...er...crying in baseball Chris and Robert!
19. You’re the 7th guy to bat. You need 7 home runs to win. And DeAnna’s lucky number is 7. Translation in a Fleissian World: You’re gonna choke! Chris goes down in flames, cussing all the way home.
20. Baseball is obviously not Eric’s sport. But soccer is–you know–since he’s from Greece!

Tommy Lasorda’s Relationship Advice to DeAnna

Use your intuition. Be a visionary. Become one with your crystal ball!

Most Distracting Accessories/Features:

--DeAnna’s fake? eyelashes–could this be the cause of the incessant blinking?
--Ryan’s virginal lily white headband is practically blinding
--Graham’s 2 sizes too big shorts
--Sean’s hairdo
--Jesse’s “Hello, My Name is Jesse” T-Shirt
--Twilley’s facial expressions

Roll out the Red Carpet & Break Out the Awards:

--The most times caught on camera with their mouth hanging open: Ryan
--Most antagonistic: Ryan
--Most arrogant and self-serving: Ryan
--The smuggest guy who thought he was getting a rose: Ryan
--But He's The Nicest guy DeAnna will ever meet: Ryan
--And Happens to be the Friendliest Guy in 8th Grade: You guessed it, Ryan!

Woohoo, go Ryan! Right on out the door. Without a rose. Oops.

The Quotable (Or Not) Bachelor:

--He’s about to be rosed, gentlemen. –Robert
--You can’t fit a square in a circle. Can’t! –Ryan
--You’re up a creek without a paddle, man. –Robert

One of the most Embarrassing moments in Bachelor/ette History:

Chris singing the National Anthem off key?! Wait, are you sure about that Chris Harrison?! Surely the most embarrassing moment was that time Trish crashed Jesse Palmer’s date with what’s her name and tried to get him back. Or maybe the time Stacy put her panties in Matt’s pocket. Or maybe the personal interview with Jen Schefft being thrown under the bus talking about Ryan’s family and his mother’s incessant discussion of THAILAND this or THAILAND that. Or maybe seeing Fabrice eat Jen Schefft’s face while she starts to frantically SOS the cameraman. Or the whole season of Jen Schefft as Bachelorette. Surely there are plenty more doozies than being a bad and forgetful singer! Folks, send me some comments .What do you think was the most embarrassing moment in Bachelor/ette history!?

The Scariest Moment in Bachelor/ette History:

Stand back everyone, Chris Harrison has a knife! Oh wait, he’s just delicately clinking his champagne glass to signal that it’s time for the rose ceremony. Everyone back to your places. No worries.

DeAnna’s Crystal Ball Preview Cliffhangers:

--Ron calls out Jeremy. Again!
--DeAnna gets hurt. Or is she faking it?!
--Jason spills about his son Ty.
--And the most shocking rose ceremony ever! OK, so that wasn’t in the previews, but it’s bound to come up sooner or later!

Final Thoughts: Things to Ponder:

What are the “Twilleys”?

Has anyone else ever drank wine with hot dogs?

Did DeAnna seem a bit nervous around Jeremy after getting a hard time from the guys about giving him another rose?

Did Graham seem a bit aloof on his and DeAnna’s date, perhaps foreshadowing his exit at final 4?!

We never got to see the treat that Jesse and Jeremy had for DeAnna after her date at the Magic Castle...

How many times do you think we’re going to get a shot of the guys busting through the gate leading to/from the Mansion to the Bunkhouse on the walk of shame!? Expertly played in slow motion along with Greg’s favorite coyote howl/slap that whip Western music?!

Do you think we'll get to see a toga party with the guys wrapped up in their little boy western motif sheets?!

Bachelorette Activity #2: Separated at Birth?:

Random chat on the boards/blogs has led me to this little visual montage. Perhaps they were separated at birth or are sixth cousins twice removed:

Until next week...


***Cap of Ryan from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The separated at birth was the best! Brian really looks like that guy from the Cowboys:) Too funny! Thanks for the funny highlights!