Wednesday, June 13, 2012

If You Don't Have Emily's Back, Get The %$#@ Out!


But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun Y'all...

5 RANDOM THOUGHTS:

Kalon thinks a being with Emily and her daughter is like a group date. I think being with Kalon's ego is like being on a group date in hell. Booooo!


Are those Cowboy Boots!?

Why don't they show actual footage of Kalon saying Ricki is baggage!? Hmmmm....

Does Emily give back presents to guys she doesn't keep?



Who is Alejandro!?

THAT'S HOT:


Sparkly dresses!


Nurse Dougie - It really softens his HULKness!

THAT'S SOO NOT HOT:


WTH?!


Skinny Mustard pants. Not so much!
















RED pants! What, was Ames this season's stylist?!

5 AMAZING MOMENTS:


Sean offers to carry Emily's purse and does it in a manly way. Awe!


Troublemakin' Ryan gives Emily her favorite Bling!


This Saying: West Virginia Hood Rat Backwoods On His Ass. I'm not sure what that means, but I have a feeling it's pretty A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!


Dessert at The London Eye

I'm amazed that Emily was able to walk all over London in 5" heels! Ouch!

5 LAME MOMENTS:


Soap Box Love Chat by Sean. 

Kalon tells Emily she can just run along so he can rehearse. For reals!?


Tea Etiquette with Jean - Yo Pass the crumpets!

These dudes doing Shakespeare. He's rollin' in his grave somewhere yonder!

Emily hood rat harassing the guys for not having her back. Cough! Blame Producers! Cough!

 THINGS WE LEARNED FROM 
BACHELORETTE EMILY
EPISODE 5


When London calls, you should answer! -SEAN

Nothing says romance like...London! -BACHELOR TOURISM DEPT.

Good looking guys are usually boring. -EMILY

If he offers to carry her large purse, he's a keeper! -SEAN

A "macho dumbass" wouldn't know Shakespeare! -WOLFNER

Shakespeare is like reading a foreign language. -ARIE


Your braid should never be prettier than hers! -NURSE ARIE


A stage kiss while acting doesn't count! -RYAN

Never insult a woman's child or she might rip your limbs off and beat you with them! -KALON

Being a tattletale can really shut down a party--bummer! -DOUG

If you don't have her back, you're not her dream guy! -ALL THOSE SUCKERS!

You should always keep an eye on the smooth ones! -RYAN


10 DOWN TO 8:

Sean, Jef, Doug, Ryan, Chris, John, Travis, and Arie.

LEAVING WITH THEIR EGOS SHATTERED:

Kalon and Alejandro.

KALON: "Did I say baggage?! I meant that there's only 2 kinds of baggage--lost and carry-on! Or something like that..."

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...

Our girl broods in Croatia over some dorks!

Jenn:)

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Three Cheers to the Trophy Wife!


The Bermuda Triangle should have sucked up a few of these dorks, but alas they're sailing through on to Merry London next week! Pip Pip Cheerio!

5 RANDOM THOUGHTS:

How far do you really think the guys rode those scooters?! And how fast does a scooter go?

How many shirts does Doug go through a day when he turns into the HULK?

Did anyone eat any of those yummy appetizers on the group date or were they too worried Ryan would judge them!?


Who are the heck they!?

NATE: "OMG! Is that quinoa!?" Just what I was thinking!  ;-)

THAT'S HOT:


Turquoise Ring's are sooo Bling!


More Turquoise. I sense a theme...


Layered Necklace Bling

THAT'S SOO NOT HOT:


What's with the popped purple shirt cuffs!?


Dude! You're not supposed to wear the yellow band on your head silly!


You're totally supposed to wear the blue one instead! Or something like that...


Wind is a total buzz kill on this hairdo! 


Picking at your beat up shoe. Ewwwwe!

5 AMAZING MOMENTS:


Doug Angry. Doug Smash. Doug Sad.


Jef rips off his fingertip for love! Awe!


Fireworks!


Check out Wofner's FANCY dive!


Eatin' in a cave is so manly! Or not...

5 LAME MOMENTS:

Get your motor scootin'! Head out on the driveway!

These Ryanisms: Cheers to the Trophy Wife! I'm a great catch! Bachelor Ryan!

Ryan's pretentious chit chat. Blah Blah Blah.


 This "Dont' F*&^ with the Hulk!" look a just rosed Arie gets from Doug the Hulk!

THINGS WE LEARNED FROM  
BACHELORETTE EMILY
EPISODE 4
The more F-bombs he's dropping, the closer his biceps are to exploding! -DOUG THE HULK

Parents just GET each other! -EMILY & DOUG


Does revealing your wishes undo them?! Why chance it! -EMILY

When you get compared to Brad Womack, you're probably not the one! -DOUG

If she wants a kiss from you she'll let you know. Or not... -EMILY/DOUG


It sucks when you lose a sailboat race! -CHARLIE

Discussing her weight doesn't scream "flirtation and building up excitement!" No siree! -RYAN

When she feels judged, jury's not coming back with a good verdict on you dude! -RYAN

The tongue is a double-edged sword. -RYAN

Confidence is attractive in a man. -WOLFNER


Nothing says Bermuda like knee-high blue socks! -JEF

It's torture when you don't get a date. It's even more torture when you lose your favorite headband! -MICHAEL

If you're only 25, you're probably just not that mature... -CHRIS

When you're over the top humble, paranoid people will suspect you're up to something! -DOUG

Not having a rose can destroy a grown-ass man! -CHRIS


13 DOWN TO 10:

Doug, Jef, John, Sean, Arie, Travis, Chris, Kalon, Ryan, and Alejandro.

LEAVING WITH THEIR EGOS SHATTERED:

Nate, Charlie, and Michael.

MICHAEL: "Do you think it was my headband collection!?"

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...


Is this before or after Juliet killed herself for not going to the gym enough!?

Jenn:)

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

True Love Finds A Waaaaaay!

 
Let's write a love song! It goes something like this...

I confess I dated your producer
but I hope you give me a shooooot.

Cause I'm Race Car Driver Arie
and the chicks think I'm soooo hotttt!

NOT!

5 RANDOM THOUGHTS:


The wall climbing dates are getting a bit cliche, no?!



Are these ladies really Emily's BFFs?


Wendy pictures Sean in a cape and spandex and then rides his pushups. Desperate Housewives much!? ;-)


Is a roller coaster a metaphor for this romance?! Hmm...

THAT'S HOT:


A Football!


Holla!


Did Someone Say Martinis!?!


Apparently the Daisy Dukes are the rage! Emily got a 5-1 deal down at the Daisy Duke Barn!

THAT'S SOO NOT HOT:


Asking her if you can give her a kiss! Are you a man or a muppet?! Be a man and just plant one on her buddy!


The disturbingly large black glasses look. Not so much!

Condescension! 


That Shelly Person! She's all cracked up!

5 AMAZING MOMENTS:


"There ain't no elevators honey!" Psyche!


Can you make her speakers go Boom Boom? I bet Luke Bryan can!


Dolly Parton. Writing You a Love Song. Yeehaw!


Carousel Kisses


Smashing the crap out of that lame @ss Shelly! Woohoo!!!!

5 LAME MOMENTS:


Chris giving Emily a high five instead of a kiss!


Doing the worm to prove you're husband material. WTH?!


The Desperate Housewives Brigade eggs on Stupid Human Tricks!


Attack of the screaming kids!!!! Run for your lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dude was totally lost in translation. Bummer! Hasta La Vista!

THINGS WE LEARNED FROM 
BACHELORETTE EMILY
EPISODE 3

Love is a steady climb...Whatever it is... -CHRIS

When you want to kiss the girl and you give her a high five instead, you're sooo going to be in the friend zone buddy! -CHRIS

Age can be a red flag if you have a young daughter! -EMILY

Nothing says father material like handling a barrage of screaming kids! Aaaack! -THE DUDES

Never tell a girl that if she gets fat you'd still love her but NOT ON HER as much. Boooo!!!!! -RYAN


Having a meltdown will get you sent home... -TONY

Nothing says romance like Dollywood! -EMILY & ARIE


"Don't let love blind you, just let love find you!" -DOLLY PARTON

Pretending not to give him the rose can reveal whether he really likes your or not... -ARIE

Don't take it personally when you don't get a date! Unless your Kalon... -KALON

Never tell a girl that you love it when she talks but she should let you finish! -KALON

A girl never likes tall, skinny, and condescending! -KALON

If you're more of a physical guy, could she really love a dainty man? -RYAN


16 DOWN TO 13:

Chris, Sean, Arie, Jef, Charlie, Doug, Michael, Travis, Alejandro, Ryan, John, Kalon, and Nate.

LEAVING WITH THEIR EGOS SHATTERED:

Tony, Alessandro, Stevie.

Alessandro: "COMPROMISE! Right? Is that what I mean? Si, COMPROMISE!"

COMING UP NEXT WEEK...


Someone literally gives Emily the finger!

Jenn:)