Where's That Damn Staffer With the Cue Cards & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Sorry ladies, the staffer that provides us with all of our cue cards has been let go...so we'll just have to WING it from here on out, like On the Wings of Love Style Wingin' it!

LIKE TOTALLY FUN FACTS:

Number of times the word Amazing was choked out: 7!

Corrie's fashion "bible" is In Style! Like totally!

There's nothing like a curtain to bring out the playful side of Mavdork!

Jake has a kissing routine. It goes something like this: kiss, smile, laugh lines, kiss, smile, more laugh lines!

Ali's a J girl! Jim! Jason! Jared! Jordan! Aaaaaand Jake! And that's no Joke...

Tip for the Guys! When Michelle feels ignored, she'll totally pack her bags!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"This is going to be the best first date with my future husband." --Not Christina

"I'm officially freaking ouuuuuut. I'd rather be doing a math test." --Christina

"We have a bikini BUSTA!" --Gia

"Diiiiiamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds. Diamonds! Oh mahahahaha goodness. WOW." --Michelle

"I wish she hadn't had quite as much to drink." --Jake...like...so disappointed in Christina

"I'm starting to feel like a lepper!" --Rozlyn

"I hope you're not afraid of daredevil stuff." --Mavdork

"I promise you're in good hands." --Jake to Ali (Oh boy...)

"Jake is my man, he just doesn't know it yet!" --Ashley

"I have been waiting my entire life to meet a guy like Jake." --Vienna Motel 6

"I think the girl's crazy! She's friggin' Debbie Downer every single day all day!" Vienna Motel 6 on Michelle

"Can I get my rose back?? Whaaaa!" --Jake

DELUSIONS WITH "CA-RAZY" MICHELLE!

"WHAAAT are you doing?! You're supposed to be with ME!"

"I'm the woman he's been looking for!"

"I'm not ordinary like the other women."

"I'm the nice girl everybody hates!"

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

Corrie, Gia, Rozlyn, Christina, Valishia, Ashley and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Oh boy it's an SUV limo!!!

Lots of giggles. TOO MANY GIGGLES. Make them stop!

Jake has a pal named Hal.

Christina has a meltdown. It goes something like this: "I'm freeaaaking ouuuuut! A photo shoooooot...not gonna lie...nervous...Roz is like so HOT! Got hives...aaaaa...my hands are disgustingly dripping with sweat like a 5 YEAR OLD GOING TO RECESS WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lemme finish my drinky poo...jump off a cliff...am I at Prom?! What's going on?!??...whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

Rozlyn hikes her leg and shows off her "cha cha."

Ashleigh practices her bikini pageant walk for Mavdork.

Playing chicken in the pool. Another fine Bachelor/ette moment we couldn't live without. Or not...

He totally must have an ABS clause in his contract! That and playing peekaboo with a curtain ;)

Christina gets sauced! BIG TIME. And a conversation with a tipsy Christina goes something like this..."Like...so excited...like...to be here...like you're such an AMAZING guy...like yeah...like CA-RAZY!!! Like da na na na na...na na na na...na NAAAA! I'm the BABY! Like...hmmmmm, ding, ding, ding...like I'm soooo the NORMAL one! My ta tas aren't...like...out to play...like..."

Mavdork demanded Rozlyn freeze on that roof top while he rode up and down the elevator like 10 times before returning with a rose shoved down his butt--thorns and all!

COME FLY WITH ME

Ali and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Ali's the luckiest girl in the world! Because when you're scared of flying, getting to fly is such good luck! Or so the 7th glass of cheap champagne told her.

Totally didn't see this one coming, now did you?! "On the wings of loooooove. Only the two of us. Together flying hiiiiiigh!" Not counting the staffers in the back of the plane of course...

Ali is totally flying high. On wings. Of Love. No sweetie, that's the stinky cheese that's got you all verklempt...

Surprise! Golly Gee! You get to run a mile barefoot across this polo field with your ta tas bouncing out of your strapless gown so we can dance to...CHICAGO!!!!!!!!! Totally your parent's favorite classic band! Woohoo! Sexy!

LOVE HAS ITS UPS AND DOWNS

Elizabeth NE, Jessie, Kathryn, Ashley, Vienna and Jake

Memorable Moments:

Mavdork is looking for his best friend! Because best friends like to hang out at amusement parks. And write notes to each other!

Loved the jaws style scary elevator music!

Michelle writes Jakey Boy a note! It goes something like this "So sneaky! I am! I've poured my heart and soul into this ratty piece of paper I stole from Rozlyn's staffer friend. I like to write real tiny! Totally not a sign that I've got any issues at all! Nope, not me, so let's play a game! You can't kiss me until you pick me! Ha. Ha. Sucker! PS: Let's have a really cheesy moment later together for laughs!" Like this one:

Being engaged to a Pastor's son while in high school and then running off to marry a man you don't know is either appalling or hilarious according to Vienna. Okay...

Ashley is a few margaritas short of knowing when not to interrupt!

Elizabeth, the TYPE-A NOTE TASK MASTER, lectures Vienna on using her time with Mavdork wisely! Like duh Vienna!

Ashley and Jake bond over their cheesiness. Big laughs!

Mavdork makes out with Elizabeth's forehead! Sexy!

ROSE CEREMONY FUN:

"F--- her!" --Ali on Rozlyn. Classy!

Harrisoncrest freaks! He's got extra lines to memorize for the rose ceremony! Totally without his cue card staffer. Need a champagne glass and a knife STAT!

Rozlyn gets booted for an "inappropriate relationship" with a staffer! See, he thought while he was taking breaks from creating cue cards like "AMAZING" and "JOURNEY" and "HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS" that it was also his job to give the girls a test ride for Jake! Okay...

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did anyone else notice how Jake kept keeping his hands behind him when Ashleigh was wrapped around him like a python in the pool? Looked totally romantic. Totally...

Why didn't Jake want to talk to Rozlyn to get her side of the story?

Who was the scary guy helping Rozlyn pack?

Has Chris Harrison ever had this many lines in one episode ?!??

If Jake had kept Rozlyn, who do you think he would have sent home!?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #2
MAVDORK'S 5 FAV
TOP GUN LINES:

Jake stated in an interview that he's memorized all the lines in Top Gun! Okey Dokey Then!

1. "I feel the need! The need for speed!"

2. "That's a negative Ghost Rider, the pattern is full!"

3. "Hey Goose! You big stuuud!"

4. "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash!"

5. "Take me to bed or lose me forever!"

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

MAVDORK Won't Finish Last...Ever A-GAIN!

Peacock Feathers, Dirt, Picker Spinners and a few Slices of Crazy Pie. Eat a few Jelly Bellys and Let's get to it!

Oh boy, it’s that time again! Monday night cat fights a la The Bachelor! Thanks to ABC for bringing us this gem once again! And what a doozey it's going to be. Apparently there's an alleged cheating scandal...or not...By the way, did you know, Jake's a PILOT! Oh yes! And one of these lucky gals gets to be his CO-PILOT. Or passenger. Or Whatever...

I thought it would be fun to highlight (rather than recap) some tongue-in-cheek memories and "tips" from Bachelor Jake's quest to finish first as a Nice Guy! He's leader of the Nice Guys Brigade after all! Everyone gather around. 1----2----3----JAAAAAAAAAAKE!

For full recaps here are two other blogs that have been around for quite some time: Reality Steve and Lincee:

www.realitysteve.com
www.ihategreenbeans.com

And share your funny and snarky thoughts with the guys and gals at Jokers--screencaps in this Blog are from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!

www.jokersupdates.com

Poor Jake was dumped by Jillian at the end of Bachelorette 5, now it's his turn to choose! On Monday's show we were introduced to these AMAZING or BEAUTIFUL (depending on which drinking game you're playing) women: Rozlyn the model and makeup artist, Side ponytail Emily, Peacock Ali, Get Your Guns Registered Jessie, Sleeping Beauty Tenley, She'll Kick Your A-- Ella, I'll Give You A Breath Of Fresh Air Kathryn, Where's Your Uniform Caitlyn, Quarter Cheater Elizabeth DC, I'm Seriously Wearing Black Gloves Alexa, Abs Vienna Sausage, Kissame You Dork Corrie, Hook 'Em Horns Kimberly, What Kind of Homemaker Is She? Valishia, Maxim Gia, My Fav Place is Not Here With You Jake Elizabeth NE, Landing Strip Channy, Broken Picker Ashley, You're My Future Husband (not!) Tiana, These Jelly Beans Are NOT For You Christina, Agressive Ashleigh, Cut A Bitch Kirsten, Dancing Right Out the Door Stephanie, Aviator Sheila, She Thinks She's a Plane CA-RAZY Michelle.

By the way, did you know Jake has ABS ????!! And he likes to work out in stylish places! AND they jiggle when he jogs? Aaaaand he uses a whole bar of soap when he showers! Woohoo!

And then BAM, suddenly we were watching the movie Top Gun and there was shorty pants Tom Cruise aka Maverick on the screen sitting on his hog watching the sunset and the planes fly by, wondering what he was going to do without Goose. Would he ever be able to fly A-GAIN?!

Oh wait, that's MAVDORK! Silly me, it was Jake sitting on a rented motorcycle posing for cheesy photo ops. So Lame. Um...his "goose" may just be cooked this season!

So Jake is totally over Jillian, his broken heart now perfectly mended, and he's back to being Mr. Perfect and he's totally ready for a wife. Why? He's constantly haunted by the Ghost of Lonely Pilots! And most recently the Ghost of Lonely Pilots instructed him to be the next Bachelor to save himself from being all alone on cold rainy days, crying over balconies. And Praise be to the Ghost of Lonely Pilots for we don't want to see this e-v-e-r again:

No, we totally want to see this:

At least Jakey Boy is moving up to stair railings now! Can't wait for that episode...or not! I'm not sure what the story is with the stair railing but I'll bet you he'll be sticking to it. And that a whambulance was called STAT.

And Lord knows this must be the perfect woman for Jake when she's not busy pasting pictures of him all over her basement alter's walls:

THE HANDY BACHELORETTE
DATING GUIDE:

If you just happen to be competing for an AMAZING man with 24 other AMAZING girls, you might find these things come in handy:

HOW TO IMPRESS MAVDORK:

Tell him you want to see him in his uniform!

Rub dirt in his hands seductively ;)

Tell him you're afraid of flying so he'll want to make all that go away. Woohoo!

HOW NOT TO IMPRESS MAVDORK
&/OR APPEAR STALKERISH:

As him where his favorite place is and when he says right now with you, tell him yours is snowboarding!

Tell him you host Bachelorette parties and that when he got kicked off the show, you said he was totally like your future husband!

Spend the evening crying and talking intensely to him about how you're there to FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM! LIKE RIGHT NOW!

HOW TO CONFUSE MAVDORK:

Ask him if he has a registry for his guns! Huh!?

Ask him if he wants to "Kissame!" Uh..........

Joke about wanting to see his infamous Abs.

Dangle a basket of jelly beans not intended for him right under his nose!

Ask him what it's like to be talking (as in right now) to his future wife. Hmm...

STUFF THAT GRABS MAVDORK'S ATTENTION:

Present him with a symbol of mating--a peacock feather!

Share that like his momma, your momma says you have a broken picker. Then invite him to spin your picker. Awe.

Falling (yeah right!) into his arms and then aggressively latching on to him for dear life...

Trip and rip your dress.

Sidle up to him with a great big football next to your big ta tas. Two things men love!

Playing airplane with Jakey Boy!

STUNTS THAT JUST PLAIN STINK:

Tell him he has something on his jacket and when he looks sock him in the chin!

Cheating by using a double headed quarter!

Pretending you are an airplane. Who wants to be his co-pilot. Or...maaaaybe just a...passenger!

Telling him in Cambodian that he can land his plane on your landing strip anytime. Oh boy...

Making Mavdork dance the insanely popular 2-step Salsa

Stealing your son's favorite airplane and giving it to your future husband Jakey Boy!

CHEESY FUN FACTS:

Jake is handy with a saw. And he builds furniture while half naked.

Rozlyn means "little rose." Awe.

Jake likes bumpy rides! Okay...

Jake's a skier.

Vienna thought Christine's jelly beans might be infused with laxatives.

Jake's top three priorities are God, family, and friends. And from the looks of this group those come after Bodacious Ta tas, Fame Whores, and Mavdork Groupies. Oh boy...

Channy wants to be a naughty girl. You so naughty Channy! Ha ha ha!

Kathryn wears a fake wedding ring so all those horn dog pilots won't hit on her!

Kimberly would be a puma in the bedroom. Like totally.

Jake is only the 2nd guy Tenley has kissed! And it made her cry!

Tenley thinks the mile-high club is dirrrrty!

THINGS THAT WERE HOT:

Beautiful hair

Gowns with thigh-high slits

Sexy Stewardess Costumes

Playing football while barefoot in an evening gown

THINGS THAT WERE NOT:

Short. Black. Gloves.

Side Pony Tails

Ta Tas busting Loose

Seeing an Okie do "Hook 'em horns"

Talking about landing strips :(

Aviator Shades

Stewardess hats that don't fit

Asking for some alone time while holding a tissue and sniffling. Ewe!

When your name rhymes with Tranny

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Nice guys don't finish last--they just have to wait around a little longer." --Mavdork

"The seat belt sign is on. Ha! I love it!" --Mavdork

"Get ready for the night of your life!" --Chris Harrisoncrest

"Love is more powerful than flying!" --Mavdork

"Isn't he just dreamy!" --Tenley

"I want to hug him and then take his clothes off." --Elizabeth DC

"I'm sorry I was so nervous." --Mavdork

"There are some girls that have their ta tas out to play!" --Christina

"I have a very...like...loud personality..." --Vienna Sausage

"Holy Crap!" --Mavdork (who else!)

"We'll double team him!" --Gia

"I'm...fine!" --Michelle while having a meltdown about her man Jakey Boy!

"Some people are CA-RAAAAZY!" --Alexa on Crazy Pie Michelle

"Michelle's an emotional person. I can relate a little bit." --Mavdork. Ya think!?

"Do you want kids? Like now, with me?!" --Rozlyn to Mavdork

"She's off the pill..." Edster referring to Jillster

THINGS TO PONDER:

Chris Harrison: "America was shocked when Jillian sent Jake home...tons of fan mail....Jake...next bachelor..." Really!?? That's interesting considering the poll here on who should be the next Bachelor had Reid and a New Dude neck and neck for the win...Hmmm...

When Jake said he was not engineered to be alone, did that mean he's like part robot or something? Might explain things...Just sayin'

What if Christina's jelly beans were infused with laxatives ???

What did Kirsten want to share with Jake that had something to do with her best friend???

And wasn't there supposed to be some big announcement from Ed and Jillian. Was "she's off the pill" and looking for a puppy supposed to send us into a tizzy??!? Come on ABC, you can do better than that!

Did Ed like Elizabeth NE because of her big ta tas?

BACHELOR ACTIVITY #1
ELIZABETH NE's FOOTBALL PREDICTIONS

"You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he throws a football!"

If he throws it like Romo, he's got it going on!

If he throws it like a girl, he's Mavdork!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

The Nice Guys Brigade Battles Onward Tonight!

Me thinks it's time to call a whambulance and this season hasn't even started yet!

Rumors of cheating, Jake wearing elevator shoes aka "height gate," and a little "ho ho ho" abound!

Don't forget to tune in tonight for the 2 hour season premiere when Jake, leader of the nice guys brigade, begins his quest for true love with a sweet little girl to take home to mom and dad who's there for the right reasons. You know--like all of these models, actresses, and fame wannabees they appear to have cast. ;)

There will be TEARS:

And DRAMA!

We wouldn't have it any other way. ALL ABOARD! The train wreck begins in just a few hours...

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers, thanks!***

Oh Boy...

Well well, what a shock (NOT!)--Jakey Boy, leader of the NICE GUYS BRIGADE, is our new Bachelor. Forging ahead in love and war so that nice guys might finish first! Awe...

This should be an interesting flight for us all to journey on...or not... Stay tuned come 2010 for this love fest of awe shucky darns and by golly gees from our Perfect Man ;)

Interesting Poll on whether Jake is the right pick or if he's just too darned perfect!

Speaking of polls--the one here at the Blog on who should be the next Bachelor had Jake coming in last--Reid or someone new fighting for first choice...

And speaking of love--our 2 love birds Ed & Jill are either truly in love or about due for that sad but shocking breakup in the next month or so--just in time for us to get over it and yearn for Jake to find love. To somehow in that strange sort of way, make up for the last breakup...or something like that!

Jenn:)

"Ed Better NOT F&^%$#@' Disappoint Me!" & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

And there they are--the Happy Couple! Mr. Invisible is ED! Come on, you didn't really think it was going to be Reid now did you? He's our next Bachelor after all. Or so the rumors say...

My final Blog entry on Jillian's season! It's kinda bittersweet I must say. But there's always next season to get snarky about! Woohoo! Until then, look for more Blogs, Amazing things, and Bachelor/ette news of note.

My prediction? If it's totally for reals, then either they'll last until about October/November or they'll be married in 12 months like Ed says. If it's not real, expect a break up around October/November in plenty of time for everyone to be over it when the next season starts up next year. Just sayin'

WICKED FUN ANALOGY:

Deanna is to blinking eyelashes as Jillian is to licking her lips!

THE MOST DRAMATIC FINALE
EVAAAAAAAAH!!!
BIG ISLAND, HAWAII

MEET THE PARENTS

Jillian's Family & Ed

Memorable Moments:

Lots of squealing!

Cousin Tori!

Ed says he was married to his job and that's why he left Jillian...

Jillian's mom has 66 questions for Ed and he aces every one of them!

Where are Jillian & Ed in 30 or 40 years? In Hawaii. She in her grass skirt. He in his green mankini. Totally!

Ed's mantra for relationships? BE HONEST! Okay...

Ed and Jillian's dad have a heart to heart. Then they laugh big laughs. And something about somersaults...

Ed hula dances with the family in a grass skirt and his coconut bra! He and Glen bump hips. It's a HOOT! "Wooo! Forget Jillian. You're all mine Glen!"

MEET THE PARENTS

Jillian's Family & Kippy

Memorable Moments:

Totally Awkward kissing. Make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!

More squealing!

To Jillian, Kippy is the last cherry on top...

Jillian dares Kippy to chat with her mom and her list of 2 trillion questions!

Where are Jillian & Kippy in 30 or 40 years? Drinking lattes on his patio chatting like best friends. Awe.

What does Grandma think? He's not a Ukrainian. But he is VERY VERY VERY nice!

Glen asks Kippy if he's in love. Total deer in the headlights look for a moment...

WHO DOES THE FAMILY LIKE?

It's Mom for Kippy and Dad for Ed!

Jillian wanted a sign from God. A big lightening bolt to strike her!

But before the last chance dates, Jillian and Tori dish on Ed's fantasy suite problem. Jillian wanted rip off your clothes passion. We know she didn't rip that mankini off of ED, because HERE IT IS A-GAIN! :

LAST CHANCE ED!

Memorable Moments:

Chopper tour was fun. Volcano gasses abounded.

The token waterfall/kiss/underwater crotch shots. Always a thrill. Or not...

He'll never leave her A-GAIN. Awe.

The token bed scene with kissing. And then BOOM. A volcano erupts all FIERY like. And a green mankini was seen flying through the air. Or something like that...

LAST CHANCE KIPPY!

Memorable Moments:

Seeing Kippy's abs. All 8 or 9 or 10 of them. Like 20 times! Sheesh.

Paddle surfing and picnicking!

Kippy has AWESOME friends. But are they AMAZING?

Token bed scene. Let's do this! Finger kiss. Booooorriiiing...

GOING DOWN IN FLAMES #1: KIPPY

The dumper finally gets dumped. Need I say more? Oh and we got to see more shots of his abs while he was getting dressed. Did he have an ab clause in his contract?!?!?

GOING DOWN IN FLAMES #2:
REID & HIS WHITE TENNIS SHOES

Reid arrives with his shirt untucked, looking like he's wearing clothes 2 sizes too big and white tennis shoes.

He says he's like 4. I believe it. "Reid, your dad's calling. He wants you to come home and return his outfit ASAP!"

Reid arrives in a RED MINI VAN! Guess Fleiss already blew the budget on Kip and Ed's limos!

Chris Harrisoncrest: Dude! You've got like 2 minutes. Ed's coming. He's gonna flatten your A-- if he sees you here! So make it quick. We'll have the van waiting out back in case you need to make a quick getaway!

No kisses. Just noses and foreheads!

Chris Harrisoncrest has Jillian dig deep down into her gut. It's telling her that ED is the one. Awe. Or not so awe for Red Van Reidster!

Her rejection doesn't make sense to Reid. Why he showed up wearing an untucked shirt, his dad's jacket, and those white tennis shoes doesn't make sense to me either...

EXPLODING LIKE MAUNA LOA: ED

"Ed better not Fffffn disappoint me!" --Jillian

She's 100% madly in love with ED!

She hops when he gets down on 1 knee.

He wants her to give him a hard time when they're like 80. Little blue pills Ed. Little blue pills!

More squealing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A piggy back run over a just hosed bridge could have led to more shenanigans, but alas, that was it. THE END!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Did Kippy's response to Jillian's rejection seem that real? Have rejected bachelors ever looked so calm and semi bored and said right away "At least I am leaving knowing I told you these things..." Hmmmm... She thanks him and he says that Ed is a lucky man. Okay....

Since Ed says FUNNEST is now a word, does that really make it so?!

AFTER THE FINAL ROSE:
JILLIAN & ED PLUS THOSE
OTHER DUDES SHE REJECTED...

TOP TEN THINGS WE GOT OUT OF THE ATFR:

10. Lots of SQUEALING!

9. How many times did they stress it was real and not scripted: at least a dozen!

8. Reid is "Mr. Popularity!"

7. "If anyone thinks it's fake or scripted, it's REAL!" --Jillian as she tears up

6. Reid had a question about the FANTASY SUITE, but that was just WRONG! Okay...

5. A 12 year old girl asks Reid out!

4. Jillian's engagement ring adds a whopping 5 LBS to her hand. Better watch out! She might tip over...

3. She swore before she got engaged. Classy!

2. An audience member wiped tears out of her eyes...

1. They're getting married sometime in... the next 12 MONTHS!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #9:
ORDER YOUR OWN FAKE T-SHIRT

You gotta click on this image--too funny, created by some funny folks at FORT. My favorite? The shirt with the magnifying glass and the slogan "I spent the whole season sleuthing, and all I got was this dumbass finale." Classic!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers, Fort. Thanks!***

The Men Tell All (Or Nothing At All...)

Oh nooooooooo! They're back next week. Those shorty shorts and those gratuitous underwater crotch shots! Please, make it stop!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, was it the men tell all...or did they tell nothing?! Nothing of consequence anyhow. We still don't have a clue what happens next week except that there's no way Jillian is picking Kiptyn! As for ED with 2 girlfriends, is Jillian his 3rd on his way to starting a harem? Kinda hope not for her sake! Reid's come back as a possible F1? In his own words: Maybe, Possibly, Soy Grande!

So how did they describe our last 3 dudes? Jillian has finally learned to trust Kippy. Reid isn't ready to commit. And ED had trouble in the fantasy suite. But notice, what they didn't dwell on! They didn't go into the whole fantasy suite disaster with ED nor the green mankini. Not a peep was shown on that. Hmmm...

Jillian and Harrisoncrest chatted. Jason and Molly made a gratuitous appearance. She's still going to move to Seattle. Totally. Then the best part was the cavemen who took the stage!

Back to dish the dirt were: Mathue, Sasha, Mike, Tanner P, Michael, Tanner F, Mark, Dave, Brian, Robby, Juan, Jessie, and Jake. What, no BILBRO?!!?

Aside from some Wes bashing, Dave and the Dudes vs. Juan, The Dudes vs. Jake, and Man Code 101, there wasn't a whole lot to dish about. So I'll leave you guys with a TOP 30 list in honor of Jillian's 30 Dudes:

30 WICKED FUN FACTS ABOUT
THE MEN TELL ALL...OR NOTHING:

1. Did you count 'em? All those boos for Wes! Had to have been at least a hundred. I stopped counting at like 99...

2. According to Jilly, if the worst thing a guy does is want to suck on some toes, she doesn't really give a rip! So take that Harrisoncrest!

3. Jillian's 2nd toe is larger than her 1st toe. Okay...

4. Jillian lost her marbles somewhere along this journey. I think it was in Vancouver. The Ogopogo has them now. Must find the Ogopogo!

5. When Jillian laughs really hard, she needs to wear Depends!

6. Ed's a regular Fred Astaire when he's sloshed!

7. Mark's a wicked snowball fighter.

8. Holy Crap! Reid needs some help in the Hula dancing department...

9. Tanner P's take on the guys? They're disgusting! They F-A-R-T and they don't take care of their feet! Nasty!

10. Both Tanners bond over their name. Awe.

11. Michael's impression of Robby? "What up! I'm drunk!"

12. Mark's suggestion for Jake to be more normal and not so perfect? Go see an R-rated movie!

13. Perfect Jake--leader of the Nice Guys Brigade--tells Sasha to go F-Off. Then he ran and cried over a railing...

14. According to Tanner F, on a scale of 1 to Mesnick, Jake's crying in Austin was a Straight Up Mesnick!

15. When Jake dropped an F Bomb, Harrisoncrest felt the need to drop one too!

16. Juan admits he only partly faked a shot--he drank like half of it!

17. Dave violated his own Man Code by dating Jillian who was seeing all those other dudes at the same time! Oops!

18. Dave wonders after a month, what's wrong with complimenting a girl's Ass?

19. Harrisoncrest feels the need to speak for all women. Ha. Ha.

20. David's take on Jake storming in on Wes and Jillian's hometown visit? "You cried like a little GIRL!"

21. Tanner P does his best Wes impression A-GAIN, "Ladda Dee, Ladda Da..."

22. Mike's take on Wes? He's not smart enough to trick Jillian!

23. There were zero Wes supporters in the audience. That's their story and they're sticking to it...

24. Jillian was wearing Mango-Get-Em by L'Oreal. So was I. It's catchy I must say, less harsh than my usual fuschia!

25. Seeing Juan the Teetotaler get beat up on every week by Man Code Dave broke little Jilly's heart!

26. Dave sincerely apologized to Jillian for telling her that she had a nice Ass. Oh the horror!

27. Juan can't let Jillian go without letting her know that he thinks her feet are hot too! And if she ever wants a chum to go get a mani and pedi with, he's there! Awe.

28. The dudes were apparently pretty gassy group. Classy!

29. Jillian loves pepperoni! In fact,when ED couldn't please her in the fantasy suite, she ate a whole case of pepperoni! Mmmm. Damn that's stuff's good!

30. Jillian? She's extremely happy. We'll see...

Next week on the MOST DRAMATIC FINAL ROSE CEREMONY EVAAAAAAAAAAAH, Reid returns! Boy is this finale going to be MUCHO GRANDE!

Until then, read about more behind the scenes from the Men Tell All that we didn't see!

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

"I like you THIS much" & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Well guys and gals, was it as good for you as it apparently wasn't for Jillian and Ed?! Was anyone left scratching their head when Reid was sent home? Does anyone think Reid is coming back? Hmmm....

She's had quite a ride this season hasn't she. These 3 dudes have flown halfway around the world to find love, get away from girlfriends back home, and get the chance to keep it real with their Jilly! Just who will Mr. Invisible be? Jillian pondered this while she hearted question mark in the sand. Awe. She's in love with ALL of them after all...Aren't they aways!?

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Let's get this S--- done! Ready Reid?" --Jillian "proposes"

"I'm like 4!" --Reid

"I hope they like you. I'd be nervous!" --Ed on Jillian meeting his folks

MAUI PART 1

Kipton & Jillian

Memorable Moments:

Oh boy! Another run, jump, twirl, and SQUEEEEEAAAL!

Jillian is sooo scared during the ropes course! Kippy gets to be there for her and hear lots of squeals! Do earplugs come in the guys' welcome bags? Just sayin'.

Kippy on a tightrope is like a baby trying to learn to walk and Jillian thinks that's soooo funny! I think it's kind of dorky...

When faced with taking a leap of faith, she'd rather puke!

More squeals!

Kippy promises her a kiss when they get to the bottom. And he feeds her strawberries too!

Nice loud floral tablecloth at dinner!

His one big flaw? He's lousy at Flamenco dancing!

Like the hokey pokey, he likes to keep one foot in and one foot out of a relationship. Oooooh!

Chris Harrisoncrest's Note to Jillian and Kippy: "Kippy. Chris Harrison here. Now's your chance to do a sexy flamenco dance for Jillian in the fantasy suite without the cameras rolling. Go for it Mr. Perfect. Have fun kids."

My Prediction: He's always the dumper, not the dumpee. Guess who's finally getting dumped in two weeks!!!!

MAUI PART 2

Jillian & Reid

Memorable Moments:

She greets him with a huge beach ball!

He likes to make out under palm trees.

He says he's glad to see her and then calls his "lines" cheesy!

A helicopter ride with Jillian? Like being in heaven! Or a small crowded space with a squealing child. Take your pick...

An aerial wedding Reid? I don't think so!

Reid's like 4: "I like you." "How much?" "THIS much!"

Reid's a total Magic 8 Ball. Ask him anything and he'll pony up. But don't pressure him about marriage!

In case you were wondering, Reid's a bit indecisive in life!

"Reid, are you going to marry me or not?!? TELL ME NOW DAMMIT!" Or something like that...

Chris Harrisoncrest's Note to Jillian and Reid: "Reid. It's Chris. No, I'm not spying from the bushes. That'd be Twilley. Kidding. You're not on the deserted island yet my friend, so chuck the Buddy Holly glasses, the fear of meat and committment and just get down on it, da da, get down on it...in the Fantasy Suite on us! Be sure to charge room service to Fleiss. He's the big daddy kahuna! Here's a case of bubble bath! Peace out!"

Reid's never had a bubble bath--he'd have to sit in dirty water! So he thinks they need LOTS of soap and pours like 5 bottles in that tub. Covered in bubbles, he looks like the ABOMINABLE SNOW BUBBLER! Sexy!

My Prediction: Sadly, gone at 3. But funny, how people keep returning this season...

MAUI PART 3

Jillian & Ed

Memorable Moments:

Jillian's looking for a HUGE sign from Ed. But instead she gets something tiny and green! And no, it's not the incredible hulk...

She was tan and hot. And he wanted to attack her! But first, Ed had to finish filming a Nair commercial! Fliess has to pay the bills somehow!

“Who wears short shorts??? WE wear short
shorts!!! Nair for short shorts!”

Ed's nickname? Richie! Jillian thinks that's hawt!

Ed picks up Jillian and jumps into the ocean. And she's sqealing all the way doooooowwn in his ear! They jumped off the rocks and she squealed all the way doooooowwn in his ear! Need ear plugs STAT!

She wants to meet his family and BAM! There they are! It must have happened just like that because Ed's Dad spouted out "What the hell are we doing here??!? I was eatin' some brats and watching da Bears and now I'm in da Maui..."

Chris Harrisoncrest's Note to Ed and Jillian: "Big Ed, it's Harrison! Microsoft called. You're fired! Kidding...Or am I?! Keep that in mind while you two kids relax in the fantasy suite. I'm sure it won't affect your game! Laters!"

"This girl is smokin' hot. Why does she like me?" --Ed (Pssst: It's the shorts Ed! Totally!)

What's with the strange white long sleeved nightie?!

On a scale of 1 to RICHIE, their passion was a total BILBRO! Maybe they hugged it out instead...

My Prediction: Ed is Final 1 but then BAM, it all changes in the blink of a script revision...

JILLIAN'S LAST MINUTE THOUGHTS ON THE DUDES:

Kip: Will he break her heart?

Reid: Will he make sacrifices?

Ed: Will he strike out in the bedroom A-GAIN?!

GETTING ROSED:

Kippy and Ed's Lilac wonder of a jacket!

LEAVING US:

Honey Boo Bear (Reid) and his lightbulb moment: Tell her how you feel dude!

THINGS TO PONDER:

Interesting we've never seen her call Reid her honey boo bear until we glean this tidbit from Reid's video message! Hmmm...

Ed mentioned "external things" going on to Jillian. Like I don't know...girls back in Chicaaaago maybe?!?? Ahh those pesky "rumors!"

When Reid says if he could reverse things, he would, is that a spoiler?!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #8:

5 WAYS TO CHOOSE BETWEEN
3 MEN YOU LOOOOVE!

1. Eeny Meeny Miney Mo
2. Flip a coin!
3. See who snores the least in the fantasy suite!
4. Draw names
5. The one who can find the Ogopogo first, wins!

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer & Valen at Jokers. Thanks!***

"I'm Big?! I'm Big! Awesome!" & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

Wow. Guess Nancy clueless finally got a clue and that clue was that Wes was there for the "wrong reasons." Or for the cheesy bike ride. Or for the whiskey and yeehawin' good times. Or something like that. But, at least in Spain they know his naaaaaaaame :

Well they call me the fireman, that's my name.
Making my rounds all over town, putting out old flames.
Well everybody'd like to have a what I got.
I can cool 'em down when they're smold'ring hot.
I'm the fireman, that's my name.

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Kippy makes Jillian's heart AND jaw drop to the floor.

Jillian likes that Kippy has like a 8 pack or a 9 pack or a 12 pack or whatever those strange bulges are!

Jillian thinks caution tape is fab. It's just the kind of stuff she loves!

There was a 3-1 sale on TANK TOPS apparently...

When Jillian was 8 she babysat the whole neighborhood AND made them all help her search for the Ogopogo!

Jillian likes to get in bed like most Canadian's climb mountains. She just gets right up and climbs that sucker straight down the middle!

Jillian and Reid suck at Spanish.

Wes only packed about 5 shirts and his one pair of jeans for the entire 6+ weeks of taping!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"Flamenco and me should never hang out again!" --Kippy

"You were a little tight in the crotch Kiptyn. Ha. Ha." --Jillian

"I'm big? I'M BIG! Awesome! Soy Grande!" --Reid

"Let's roll!" --Ed

"I'm sooo gullible." --Jillian

"It's 1 Bed Ed!" --Jillian

"You say that to all the boys!" --Wes Shady

"It ain't me dude. It ain't me." --Wes Shady

"I can't waste any more time on Wes!" --Jillian

MADRID, SPAIN

Jillian and Kip

Memorable Moments:

The race to do the lift and twirl was enough to make you hurl!

Kippy throws down an AMAZING!

Jillian thinks a proposal would be FUN. Ridiculously COOL. Like totally!

Kippy takes a liking to the TIGHT flamenco dancer's pants he has to wear right down to the zipper that he broke...

Tight pants picks up Jillian and carries her off somewhere!

They butt scooter helmets while attempting kissy face.

Grandpa (Kippy) drives about 5 miles per hour!

Grandpa slams into a pole with his scooter. Then he couldn't get his helmet off. Spanish Wine Boozer!

When you're tight in the crotch it's only natural to chat up having kids!

A good sign of fine escargot is gulping down half a glass of wine afterward ;)

Jillian suggests Kippy is like her father. And since her mother wears the pants in the family sometimes, she's worried Kippy might get wussy on her Canadian bad Ass self! Because she needs a strong man to help her search for the Ogopogo!

When they get the fantasy suite card from Chris Harrisoncrest Out, Kippy is worried Chris didn't discuss this with Jillian first...

SEVILLE, SPAIN

Jillian & Reid

Memorable Moments:

"Hola Mi Amore!" produces a big SQUEEEEAAAAAL!

Reid puts a pretty flower in her hair. Awe.

Reid doesn't know a whole lot of Spanish but he does know that he's muy "SOY GRANDE" as in "BIG" And that's AWESOME!

Reid mistakes a picnic basket for a "man bag" - sort of like a SOY GRANDE version of a Seinfeldesque "European Carryall"

When she's with Reid, she practically has to pee herself laughing!

They're so giggly!

Jillian lights a fire under Reid's butt. Her words...

Even the shrimp couldn't save Reid from Jillian's tough questions.

She turned down the fantasy suite but he has his own room key in his back pocket! Sly, that one!

Reid gives Jillian a piggyback ride and tells gullible Jillian that guys do that in Philly! You can just hop on their back and they'll show you around the city. HAHAHA. That visual was like the funniest thing ever!

SEVILLE, SPAIN

Jillian & Ed

Memorable Moments:

Jillian's shorts look half wet--apparently from peeing herself on her dates with Reid...

Ed paints a picture for Jillian on what a Chicago hometown date would have included--KARAOKE! Woohoo.

They make out for like 2 hours in a fountain with tourists gawking nearby. Classy!

He tells her some place is like 5000 years old. She buys it. So gullible!

"Hot dogs! OMG they're everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!"

While discussing the fantasy suite card, Jillian snacks on her nails. Ewe!

Ed realizes that if she leaves the fantasy suite, he can have that baby all to himself! Do they get ESPN in Spain?!

She informs him they're sleeping IN their clothes! He asks that she keep her stiletto heels ON. Or something like that...

BARCELONA, SPAIN

Jillian & Wes

Memorable Moments:

Wes is FIRED up!

BAD Ass goes on a BIKE ride and twangs some BELLS!

Jillian used her foot as a brake to stop her bike...Tanner P is cringing!

He keeps a respectable 10 feet from her at all times. She chews with her mouth open. He picks food from his mouth with his fingernail. She demands he move somewhere to live with her. He notices a bird has no foot. He spills his beer and wets himself. She tells him to move his butt and cleans up after him. Okaaaay...

He creepily sits at the dinner table with his fingers glued to his temple!

He's numero uno baby!

He talks about his girlfriend...er...EX girlfriend. Ooops!

GETTING ROSED:

Ed, Reid, and Tight Pants Kiptyn

LEAVING US:

Wes and another spiffy brown jacket! He's got his dog and his band to go home to! And he's going to french kiss one and brush the other's teeth. Just sayin'

THINGS TO PONDER:

Is the caution tape we keep seeing in the foreground of Jillian and Kippy in the recaps like a theme here?

Is Kippy too perfect? Is Reid taking things too slow? Is Ed too in love with his career!? What's a girl to do?

Did Jillian and Reid have incredibly short waiters or was their table up on some kind of pedestal?

So did Wes really have a girlfriend or what's the story morning glory?

OK, so we're supposed to believe that Jillian wasn't ready for some of these overnight dates in the fantasy suite but in about a week in Hawaii she will be?! Okaaaay...

Is there some reason Ed can't look Jillian in the eye about 99% of the time he's spouting off?!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #7:
HOW TO RUN, LIFT, AND TWIRL YOUR
WOMAN LIKE A PRO

Run fast. But don't run into your woman!

Swing wide with your left leg!

Grab her solidly around the chest area...

Start to twirl--but avoid tripping on
any pesky cement curbings!

Swing her out wide but avoid passersby!

Try to disentangle yourself from her due to
incessant LOUD SQUEALING!

But wait, watch out for the spread eagle leg maneuver!
Drop her before they wrap around your hips! Aaaaaaaaand done!

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks***

"She's Just An Innocent Girl Trying To Find Love" & Other Thoughts To Ponder...

The return of ED! Woohoo! Who here thinks he's final 1 or the next bachelor?! But alas, that's a mystery for another show down the road. We've got another mystery to solve and that's the darned girlfriend puzzler once a-GAIN! Clearly we've got Nancy Clueless trying to solve this one and even Jake Hardy can't drive a clue home to silly Jilly. She's got Wes fever and that don't come eaaaaaaaaaaassssssssy! Yep. Cheesy!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"She's knocked me off my feet pretty good." --Michael

"Wes is a deceiver." --Jake, Leader of the Nice Guys Brigade

"I don't deserve all this $#!&!" --Jillian

"I straight up love that girl!" --Michael

REID'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

She squeals! A-GAIN!

MaReid Poppins points around at the sights in Philly with his spiffy umbrella and then they pop that baby open and take a ride over to his parents' house! Or something like that...

Reid's dad tells him to fall head over heels and take that darn risk!

Reid really likes to know what everyone else thinks before he makes a decision.

"Who wants cake?!" --Reid changing the subject...

MICHAEL'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

Michael has a twin bro - Double YO!

The sight of Jillian makes Michael do a ho-down jig.

When MIKE YO and DOUBLE YO switch places, Jillian is on to their scheme! And she demands MIKE YO immediately change back into his spiffy untucked blue shirt!

It's a swing dance off and hip buster in the family room!

KIPTYN'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

More squealing! Yay!

Kippy's family put caution tape around the hot tub! Ha. Ha.

Jillian's afraid she's just a hillbilly around Kippy's family.

The big family test to pass?! Taste testing Olive Garden Lasagna vs. Kips's Father's Lasagna. And Grandma's cheap wine vs. some fancy Frenchy wine.

Grandma's cheap Strawberry Hill wine got tossed in the bushes!

Did Kippy's sister just tell Kippy to get Jillian PREGNANT?!

They sing a rousing chorus of the Bachelorette Blues. It usually sets in once the show is done filming. Like a post-partum kind of thingy...

Kippy and Jillian take a dip in the tub after Kippy cuts the caution tape with some handy gardening shears. His intense and intimidating mom watches from the window. AWKWARD...

JESSE'S HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

If Jillian thinks she's a hillbilly, then that tractor ride was right up her alley!

Jesse's brother is rockin' the Grizzly Adams look. We're talking What Not To Wear Makeover In The Making...

Jacob: "Do you love this chick?! Does she want babies?" Classic!

Jesse has a shell that needs some crackin'!

Jacob actually asks Jillian if she and Jesse have been NAKED together yet!!!!!! WTH. And then she actually just pops off with this GEM: "No, we don't get like that for AWHILE!" Okaaaay...

Another goofy yet so endearing dancing around the family room moment with Jesse on drums, Jacob on guitar and Jillian on the tambourine! Then Jesse nearly impales his brother Jacob with a drumstick...

Jesse compares his and Jillian's relationship to a wine. You know, one that's flat...

WES' HOMETOWN

Memorable Moments:

Wes has another family--his BAND!

Jillian's stoked!

He's got a new CD coming out!

She's rocking that jean jacket and RED boots!

He's got his initials "WH" on his guitar strap!

She's dancing a jig, drinking some beer!

His music is his church. No drug, no woman is like being on stage Baby!

Jillian lets out a kind of odd combo Woohoo/Yeehaw after hearing Wes sing A-GAIN!

Wes invites Jillian to jump on his love train!

He's not a good liar, he likes her a lot, she's his type, here for the right reasons. Blah Blah. Blah.

JAKE vs. WES AT THE OK-HOLIDAY INN CORRAL

After flying in to confront Jillian about Wes' girlfriend, Jake decides he'd better call Tanner P and double check his facts one last time. "Am I doing the right thing? Did he say he HAS a girlfriend or HAD a girlfriend...That depends on what the definition of IS is?! If I'm wrong --I'm gonna cry on the balcony...Click..."

Jake visits Jillian--and his whole body goes NUMB! He pauses. He laughs nervously. CUT! Take 25, Jake finally spills the beans! Mystery solved! No Jillian, Wes isn't GAY! (SHEESH! Where did that come from?) The guy with the girlfriend is...WES! Her name? Laurel. Hmmm...

Enter Wes. "What's shakin baby?"

She accuses him. Outs Jake as a tattler. Bites her nails. Calls Jake Hardy and gives him his cue.

Enter Jake with the "$#!#" Eatin' Grin!

Jake and Wes keep a distance of 20 feet at all times per the show's rules.

Jake wants Wes to look him in the eye! Something about Laurel and Wes thumping Jake HARD on the back of the head at the rose ceremony after Tanner P blabbed all.

Wes is totally confused. He denies it all. That's crazy man!

He said. He said.

"She's just an innocent girl trying to find looooovveeeeeee!" --Jake as he sobs all over the hotel balcony like that dork Jason did! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

So what does a humiliated girl do!? Wes is smooth, mentions Jillian's sexy EYES. She takes Wes back, hook, line, and sinker! Is anyone else out there finding this just a bit bizarre/possibly drummed up?!!?

And as for Jake? According to Wes Shady, he's a "Backstabbin' piece of $#!%!" Okaaay...

GETTING ROSED:

Reid, Kip, Ed, and Wes and his brown suit jacket.

LEAVING US:

Jesse and his love juice. But at least he's got a cynical brother to go home to!

Michael and his broken heart! He can't say a bad thing. Classy!

THINGS TO PONDER:

What flavor was Reid's birthday cake?

Is Wes a producer pick!? Call me crazy for thinking that...

Anyone else notice Reid's giant smile when Ed walked into the Rose Ceremony?

Any clue what the hundred thousand things are between Jillian and Michael that he loves?!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Girl Friend Gate continues next week! Not A-GAAAAAAIN!

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #6:

Jillian & Her Cuz Tori's Negotiable &
Non-Negotiable List Includes...

Negotiable:

Don't have to live in Canada.

Acting as personal assistant can be endearing...

They can't lie about having a girlfriend unless they're really cuuuute!

Hair color in various shades, body art galore, and Buddy Holly's glasses okay...

Younger Dudes IF they're funny!

Non-Negotiable:

No hard drinkers with anger management issues!

No MAN CODE breakers!

If he has a twin, they can't play switcheroo. That's like sooo grade school!

They have to be willing to search for the Ogopogo on summer vacations at the lake!

No Younger Dudes if they're jobless...

Jenn:)

***Caps From Dreamer At Jokers. Thanks!***

I Still Miss Ed & Other Thoughts to Ponder...

"People all over the world, join hands! Start a love train,
LOOOOVE TRAAAAAIN!"

Sing it with me! Of course, Jillian still misses "slave to his work" ED! Aside from the purty scenery, was that the train ride of boredom or what!? And poor Reid had to pass the time talking to train employees about love and even got some advice from them. And that furry haremesque boudoir bed of Jillian's? Priceless!

WICKED FUN FACTS:

Tanner P has never been on a train or to Canada before. Lucky duck!

Kippy likes to walk on furniture.

You go girl! Jillian slapped the guys' asses when they boarded the train.

Jillian was totally rocking the mountain man plaid shirt mixed with a girlish trendy belt look tonight!

Was that a mower Robby was pushing through the train's aisle? Oh just suitcases. My bad.

Jillian likes her drinks light, refreshing, and not too sweet.

Tanner P wears briefs. And whatever's going on in the frontal area--totally blurred out by ABC! Okay...

When things get tough these guys bring out the Bob Bummer phrases: "Now there are 7! Dam broke, the flood's a comin'! Tornadoes. It's ugly. The chopping block!"

I think Wes called Jillian "Slim" and he's sooo "Shady!"

Jillian's feet are not ticklish.

Michael is the young crazy guy who makes everyone laugh. Translation: Let's keep him around another week!

Wes has a HIDDEN AGENDA! For reals!

Reid is just a tad neurotic...

Nice guys get screwed! Just ask Jake, leader of the Nice Guys Brigade!

Not sure how it happened, but the hot tub kicks Michael's butt! That's his story and he's sticking to it!

When Jake loves, he loves HARD!

When Chris Harrison greats the crowd in Banff, he keeps a lovely shouting distance of at least 20 feet!

Jillian psychoanalizes Jake which is never a good sign!

Chris Harrison is not allowed to use the H Word around Jillian. H=Husband!

Jake thinks Wes is dangerous, Reid is flimsy, and Michael? He's young!

Michael and Jesse have formed a hip hop group: MIKE YO & MR LOVE JUICE with third wheel Shady Wes the twanger!

THE QUOTABLE BACHELOR/ETTE:

"I'm kind of like...WHOA!" --Robby on getting a 1-on-1 date

"Fame...I can taste it...eat it...inside me..part of myself..excites...got records to sell..I got a MF'n hidden agenda...always have Jillian wrapped around my finger!" --Wes Shady

"When you're in the snow you can do no wrong..." --Jillian (Is this Canada's answer to what stays in Vegas!?)

"I just don't want to see anybody's package yet. I'm not ready for that!" --Jillian

"Her feet are ridiculous!" --Tanner P

"Woof Woofy. Woooooof Woof Woofers YO!" --Michael's Dog saying if he doesn't marry that girl, they'll kick her out of the family!

"He is an awful human!" --Tanner P on Wes

I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S COOKIN' IN MY CABOOSE. OR NOT...

Jillian & Robby

Memorable Moments:

Jillian gets to learn fun bartending tricks! And she totally sucks at it!

Jillian's not so sweet drink looked like milky water.

She gives us a big squeal when the train goes through a tunnel. Yay!

Robby makes Jillian feel 5 OR 10 years younger!

Robby's family is cursed! Beware of the Descant Curse. BWAAHAHAHAHA

When you're looking for husband material, the last thing a guy should tell a girl is that he's between jobs and he doesn't really know what he wants to do with his life...

Robby wishes he had a bigger...vocabulary!

And he has soooo many ideas in his head it's stupid!

But love doesn't have a job. Love doesn't have age. Surely it doesn't!

Total Bummer! He was kicked off the train on the damn train tracks!

Michael cried more when Robby left than Jillian. Awe.

Wes crawls into Jillian's furry harem bed. She likes him. She says something about jerks. His eyes get big. She's glad he's there. He tells her there may be a few jerks...Then he breaks into song. Or something like that...

LET'S GO SNOW SHOEING AND FALL DOWN A LOT!

Jillian & Tanner P, Jake, Wes, Jesse, Michael, Kip, and Marty the Moose!

Memorable Moments:

We're dedicating this section to Tanner P's PACKAGE!

Tanner P helps her put her snowshoes on her feet...er boots...and is disappointed he can't get any foot action!

Kip has to learn to walk all over a-GAIN.

They play hide and seek! Weee! Jake finds Jillian and trips on top of her. Oh, that is, Mr. Perfect was cuddling with her. That's his story and he's sticking to it!

Jake is a back jumper!

Kinda on the fence with this one, but is it a good idea to tell someone they remind you of their mom Jake? Jake thought their conversation was electric. Jillian, not so much!

Jillian just wants to cuddle with Kippy or maybe talk, or maybe take a nap. He's soooo cute!

Jillian wears her underwear and a tank top to bed. BUT, if she's had a couple of drinks, JUST underwear.

SO...Tanner P decides to freak us out with his package:

It's like a thong with some briefs over it. If that ain't wrong, I don't know what's right...

Jillian DIDN'T feel the need to see the package though she notes it was huge though! And Wes totally called her out for peeking!

After freaking Jillian out with his package, Tanner offers her a foot massage with some freebie cabin sample lotion.

Jillian's feet? A 9 to 9 1/2. What would make them a 10? MANGO polish! Okaaaay...

Jillian and Michael decide to get romantic. So they hug it out and roast marshmallows!

Tanner reveals he's the TATTLER! Wes goes off ranting about how he can't stand a tattler! Mark my words Mr. Nice Guy Jake gets suspicious!

LET'S SUCK AT SNOWBOARDING!

Jillian & Reid

Memorable Moments:

Reid asks for advice on whether he should wear his glasses. The train employee tells him no and NO FUNNY HATS EITHER!

Reid fell A LOT while snowboarding. To Jillian, this means he's falling head over heels for her! Totally!

Fun Fact: Having red ears either means you're horny or have high blood pressure. So what do those old fogeys Jillian and Reid think is their problem?! High blood pressure! For reals!

Fondue freaks Reid out!

Ried is a bit of a hypochondriac to say the least...

Jillian does not wash her fruit and veggies! Reid is disgusted because people scratch their butts before touching it in the supermarket! You know come to think of it, I'm always seeing a lot of that going on in the produce section...

Reid normally dates blondes that are not like Jillian. And he totally means this in a nice way. Or something like that...

Reid is scared of roses.

Awe. Jillian touched Reid's red high blood pressure ear when she kissed him!

GETTING ROSED:

Kip, Reid, Jesse, Wes and his lame brown jacket, and Michael the young buck!

LEAVING US:

Tanner P and his foot fettish and a lovely parting quote: "She knows I 've got a foot fetish. She knows I was born with a big 'WOOHOO.' That's F'd up but what can I do?!"

Jake, leader of the NICE GUY BRIGADE, gives us the old cliche, "Nice guys finish last." Story of his life. Or at least that's what the cue card said!

THINGS TO PONDER:

What was in the drink Robby made for Jilly?

Could somebody please explain just WTH that black band thingy Tanner P was wearing was that may or may not have been keeping his underwear up?

Is fooling around on a bear skin rug a bit cliche?

Crashing another guy's hometown date does not bode well for MR. NICE GUY it would appear...

BACHELORETTE ACTIVITY #5:
MATCH THE CLOTHES/ACCESSORIES/
TATTOO TO THE PERSON:

1. Funky brownish hat
2. Tiny blue polo shirt
3. Plaid shirt and brown belt
4. Major arm tats
5. Dark eye glasses

a. Missing Ed Jillian
b. Unemployed Robby
c. Mr. Nice Guy Jake
d. HYPO Reid
e. Shady Wes

Jenn:)

***Caps from Dreamer at Jokers. Thanks!***

Answers:

1. b
2. c
3. a
4. e
5. d